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“. . . When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

– When Harry Met Sally (1989)

“So, long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

Jim suddenly imagined himself in a kitchen. The surroundings were unfamiliar, a place he had never been before. It looked homey, comfortable. And there Pam was in front of him, her back towards him, looking out the window. She was dressed comfortably, wearing a thin white t-shirt and pajamas pants. At the sound of his footsteps, she turned around and beamed. “Morning,” she said softly, golden-auburn tendrils falling over her face, her beatific expression framed by the bright ray of sunlight pouring in from the window behind her.

Jim glanced down at the gold yogurt lid in his hands. The answer was so obvious, always there at the back of his mind.

“Not here,” he said simply.

* * *

He spotted her sitting by the fountain, pouring over her Blackberry. She looked so calm – relaxed, even – lounging in the city, a slight smile on her face. Jim shoved his hands in his pockets and walked towards her, dreading what was coming next.

Karen looked up and waved when he approached. “Hey!” she chirped, her expression sunny. “How was the interview? You think you’re ready to be my assistant, Halpert?” She grinned and reached up to kiss him but he took a step back to avoid her touch, widening the gap between them. Her smile vanished.

“Hey,” he ventured.

“What happened?” When they first started dating, he found her straightforward approach relieving, a breath of fresh air. Now it was oddly unsettling.

Might as well cut to the chase. “I withdrew my name from consideration,” he admitted. “I’m not taking the job.”

Karen froze. She simply stared at him for a few seconds before speaking slowly, her voice oddly measured: “I don’t understand, you said you wanted this job, that you wanted this – ”

He shook his head, looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way, but I – I can’t do this anymore. I need to go back to Scranton.”

“What?” she breathed. “Why are you doing this?”

Jim paused and looked up, finally meeting her eyes. Her eyes were wide; she looked fearful, as if she knew he was going to say something she didn’t want to hear. He thought about answering in a way that would soften the blow but reconsidered. He hadn’t been honest in the past six months – to her or himself – so what better time than now to come out with the truth?

“I still love Pam,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible above the blaring horns of the cars nearby.

“Oh my God.” Her face crumpled. Karen’s eyes, usually steely and resolute, were swimming with tears. It seemed wrong to see her break down in the middle of New York, the city he knew she loved.

He looked at her helplessly. “You probably hate me, I know that, and you have every right to, but I just – this is probably for the best,” he said weakly.

“Spare me the bullshit,” she choked out, angrily wiping tears from her face. She looked around, suddenly aware of the bustling crowds around them. A few glanced at the two of them curiously before hurrying forward, going on with their daily routines. “God, I can’t believe this is happening.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet. They were like that for a while, Jim fidgeting nervously and Karen sniffling, both absorbed in his own thoughts. Jim was mentally going through their past, silently rebuking himself for not ending this sooner.

After a couple of minutes, Jim shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Well, I’m going back to Scranton now, so, um, I can drop you off.”

Karen made a derisive sound. “The last thing I want is to be stuck in a car with you for two hours.” She wiped her cheeks angrily and glared at him, her expression markedly cold.

“Come on, I can’t just leave you here,” he replied pleadingly.

“I’ll find a ride home. I can – why do you care, anyway?” She shook her head stubbornly. “Go back. Go back to her. Just – just go.” Her voice broke at the end, and she looked away, her lips trembling again.

“Karen, look, I really am sorry for . . . everything.”

“Fuck you.”

Jim sighed, accepting the blow, and headed in the other direction until the chaos of the city drowned out the noise of Karen’s sobs.

* * *

The past week Jim had been living in a daze, going through the motions, struggling to ignore what had happened on the beach. He had instead tried to remind himself that he was supposed to be moving forward, away from the person he used to be.

I wish you would.

But the truth was he didn’t want to pretend to be someone else anymore. Instead he was speeding back towards Scranton 20 miles over the speed limit, going back to where he had been running away from for the past year.

Jim still wasn’t completely sure what he would do when he saw Pam or what she would do. But at that moment it didn’t matter anymore. There was nothing left – no upcoming wedding, no girlfriend – that stood in the way now.

Jim thought back to Karen crying by the fountain and felt a pang of regret. He should’ve ended it the moment he admitted to her he still had feelings for Pam. He probably shouldn’t have dated her in the first place.

He had so many regrets, but pulling sharply into the Scranton business park and rushing out of his car towards the building not one of them. This was right. “Don’t forget us when you’re famous!” she had written on that note. He didn’t want to forget, he simply couldn’t forget.

And then before he knew it he was in the conference room with Pam.

“Um, are you free for dinner tonight?” He gripped the doorframe in effort to control the nerves threatening to break free. Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes . . .

She looked stunned to see him but immediately answered, “Yes.”

“All right,” he said softly. “Then . . . it's a date.”

He gently shut the door and looked around the office, marveling at the change of events. This morning, he had woken up in a different city with another woman, prepared to move there, only to come back to the place he had been ready to abandon (again). What is it that they say? Home is where the heart is.

He smiled to himself.

Yes, it was.

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