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By Your Side
Chapter 3
She woke up with a start, shooting straight up in her bed, her heart pounding outside of her chest, her eyes trying to adjust in the dim morning light. Clutching her chest, she slowly reclined back onto her pillow, rubbing her hands over her forehead. It felt so real, the dream – or more accurately named – nightmare. She had been seated on a plane, and as it took off sharply in the air, descending as quickly as it had gone up, her body lifted in the air and she flipped over in her seat. She tried with all of her energy to call out to someone, but her voice couldn’t be found, and her eyes forced themselves closed. The last thing she heard before startling herself awake was someone calling her name.
Her pulse slowed and her ragged breathing eased as she looked around her room. Her alarm was due to signal another work day in less than ten minutes. She rubbed her hand over her arms, trying to push back the goose bumps that covered her skin. If the dream were symbolic, she thought, in that moment as she lay there watching time click away, she couldn’t find the meaning of it other than her brain trying to scare the living daylights out of her.
For the first time in months, her next thought was that she had to tell Jim all about it as soon as they spoke. And for another second, she feared that last night was all a dream as well. She scrambled out of bed, picking up her glasses and shuffling her feet into her slippers, walking quickly toward the living room for her cell phone. She let out a long slow breath as she checked her call list and saw that yes, that conversation she had with Jim last night was very much real and not a manifestation of her subconscious.
It wouldn’t have been a second thought had it not happened before. But it had. More times than she cared to admit, she and Jim would be sharing stories and joking at her desk, only for her to awaken, shivering and alone, her sheets kicked to the bottom of her bed.
She bit her bottom lip and grinned, quickly showered and dressed, taking a cereal bar with her and made her way to work, all in record time. The second her computer booted up and she finished checking the main line’s voice messages, she logged onto instant messenger, pouting when she didn’t see him signed on. It had been the first time she had signed in over the last five months, and she half expected him to be there, the other half of her brain trying to send her a reality check – telling her that it was just a two friends chatting last night. It didn’t mean he would be available to chat online just from one good talk.
She left herself signed in, went to make some coffee in the kitchen and that’s when a thought came to her. She walked nonchalantly back to her desk and discreetly took her cell phone from her bag. The wait for Ryan to walk into the office wasn’t very long and she patiently waited for him to get settled at his desk before she snapped a picture of him with her phone, captioning it with ‘Here’s Proof. I’ll expect a check in the mail, kind sir,’ sending it to Jim without a hindering thought. Once the check mark came up that the message had been sent, she left her phone on her desk and went about making herself a cup of coffee, attempting to hide the grin that knocked on the corners of her mouth.
The moment she returned to her desk, she checked her phone, allowing the smile to form as she read his reply.
How do I know this isn’t an old picture? I need further proof.
She shook her head and held in a laugh as she took her desk calendar and set it on top of the reception desk counter, taking another picture with the date displayed in the corner, pressing send.
A few moments later, his reply buzzed on her phone, startling her slightly as she almost obsessively stared at her buddy list.
That’s probably the smallest picture I’ve ever seen, but it will have to do, I suppose.
She wanted to reply that he could call Ryan himself if he had any doubts, but she stopped herself from doing so, afraid he would misconstrue her sarcasm in some way. The eggshells she felt like she was walking on were both annoying and necessary. Instead, she replied with a question, asking him if he still used instant message.
Before she had a chance to settle back in at the computer, his screen name appeared on her list. Without a second thought, she clicked on his name and started typing.
Receptionitis15: Hey, good morning. How are you?
JIM9334: Good morning to you. Do you take money orders?
Receptionitis15: LOL No, cash or personal check only. Or dinner.
She stared at the screen, unable to comprehend what she’d written, or how quickly she had written it, but the more the seconds ticked by without a reply, the more the knot in her stomach twisted itself into a tight bulge. She closed the instant message box and stared at the toolbar at the bottom. When it blinked with his reply, she hesitated, cringing as his words appeared.
JIM9334: $30 for dinner is a lot for one person. How much are you planning on eating?
Her heart sunk just a bit, though she tried to feel relieved that he went the joke route instead. Relief didn’t come. But she kept the joke going.
It’s what they did, she knew. She grappled for the right combination of words to play along. As usual. She sighed and typed.
Receptionitis15: You know how expensive those frozen dinners can be.
JIM9334: Right, exactly. I hope you get the ones with vegetables at least. Keep yourself healthy, Beesly.
Receptionitis15: Eh, they’re overrated.
It wasn’t a big deal, she told herself as she read his last reply over again. He was just making a comment, she reasoned. But that small comment from him about keeping healthy somehow meant a few volumes more to her for reasons she refused to allow herself to think about.
He’s in Stamford, she reminded herself. Still, it didn’t stop her from quickly answering and transferring a call and going right back to her instant message.
Receptionitis15: It was really great talking to you last night.
JIM9334: Same here. Is tonight still good for me to take a look at your art work?
She could feel her cheeks fluster, the way they had last night when he suggested they chat via webcam. She nodded, then laughed at herself, reminding herself that he couldn’t see her.
He couldn’t see her yet, anyway.
Receptionitis15: Yes, tonight sounds like a plan.
JIM9334: Awesome. Text me when you’re all set up and we’ll figure out how to connect. I have to run now, some sales calls to make on the road. I’m going home early, sort of make up for the upcoming overtime I have to do.
Receptionitis15: Overtime? That’s so unlike you, Jim.
JIM9334: Oh I know, can you imagine? I’m assistant manager now though. I have to make sure those order forms get consolidated.
Receptionitis15: Yeah, I’m pretty sure we’ve never done that here. I do work for Michael though, so, there is that.
JIM9334: Michael’s not so bad.
Receptionitis15: Yeah, I’m sure once the whole run-away bride thing wears off, he’ll be easier to tolerate. Five months later, I’m still waiting for that to happen.
JIM9334: Don’t let him get to you.
Receptionitis15: Oh, I know. My eyes are going to permanently roll into my skull soon, but I’ll try.
JIM9334: Okay, talk to you later. Have a good afternoon.
Receptionitis15: You too, see you later!
The smile she wore when he signed off stayed with her through two conference room meetings, Kelly standing at her desk three times, reminding her about the Diwali celebration that was days away – as if Pam had not been involved in designing the invitations. She kept the grin in place during lunch as she munched on her salad, finished a Sudoku puzzle and sent her end of day faxes.
There had not been a single thing she could think of through her drive home other than she had to get home, fix her hair and put on a nicer shirt before she logged into their webcam chat. There was nothing her pessimistic side could do to calm her nerves or make her remember that these little things didn’t mean anything other than he lived two hours away now and had not said a word to her about the transfer.
Her phone startled her out of her thoughts as she was in the midst of fixing herself up, just in time to stop her thoughts from roaming downhill after she had done so well with building everything up throughout the afternoon.
“Hey,” his voice sounded in her ear. “Just wanted to let you know, I’m on my way home. I had to stop at Fed Ex, and it took forever. Apparently people start shipping Christmas gifts way before Thanksgiving is even here.”
She looked toward her door and nodded silently. “Oh, okay, yeah. I um, I’m going to get dinner then and I’ll see you in what, like, an hour?”
“An hour sounds good. See you then.”
She closed her phone and sat on her sofa, her eyes still trained on her front door. “How much do I have to wish so that you’ll walk through that door?” she mumbled to herself.
*
If there were such a thing as Cloud Nine, he would have bet anything that he was somewhere near the seventh of that series. He knew he should be angry with her for all of the things that happened last June. He knew he could blow her off and not bother with any of it, continue his life in Stamford and maybe, just maybe give a little more attention to the brunette that sat behind him. Especially since she had asked if he wanted to go for drinks after work. She was forward, and part of him probably needed someone like her.
But old habits die hard, especially when his habit was named Pam Beesly. Throughout the afternoon, during the quiet moments in his new Saab between sales calls, his thoughts were evenly split. That it all meant nothing. She was in Scranton, he moved to Stamford to escape her and last night and today, they were just friends catching up. The other half of him couldn’t wait to get to his apartment and see her paintings and sketches. That part was ignited when she asked if he was on instant message. He forced himself not to over think it as he sped toward Fed Ex, adding in a quick note and shipping the small package to Pam’s attention at the Dunder Mifflin Scranton office.
It didn’t faze him in the least to call her and let her know he had been running late. What he felt like afterward, though, was that he should be showing up at her apartment instead of logging into a webcam chat. For the second night in a row, he would give up on the drinking in excess and video gaming he’d been doing nearly every night since he settled in his apartment. He had to make a promise to himself tonight though.
Tonight, if things led toward something awkward, something that could have a dual meaning, that he would press her. He wouldn’t joke about it or joke out of it like he did earlier that day when she mentioned dinner.
He wondered if she had been offering to have dinner with him. But his defense mechanism in his brain told him not to get ahead of himself. So he let it go with a joke. Tonight, though, it would be different. He spent far too much time trying to heal his heart for her to trample all over it again. For all he knew, she could still be dating that guy and he would be back to square one emotionally.
He wouldn’t call it remarkably well, but he had made it through the last five months somehow. He knows that once he sets foot in his parent’s house for Thanksgiving that his mother is going to notice the weight loss, the tired eyes and the slight slump in his gait.
Without a reservation or second thought, he opened his computer and sent Pam a text message asking her if she knew how to set it up on her end. A quick chat on the phone, a few clicks of their fingers and they were both staring at one another on their computer screens.
It was the first time he had seen her with her hair down, save for that one time she showed Kelly how she would wear her hair for the wedding – the one that didn’t happen, he reminded himself as he took her in. Loose curls, she wore makeup and her lip gloss shimmered. The contrast of her red blouse and her dark blonde hair made him swallow hard.
“C-can you see me,” she asked, her eyes roaming over her screen.
He could see her finger reaching out to her screen. He nodded. “Yeah. Hi. How-how are you?”
“I’m good. Just ate,” she grinned, her teeth shining. “Um, so. I have two sketch books. I’ll just pick out my favorites. I don’t want to… you know.”
“I have nowhere to be except here,” he affirmed. “So, let’s seem ‘em.”
She went page by page, slowly showing him sketches of an old couple sitting on a park bench, of birds sitting in trees, colorful leaves in the grass, a sunset over water, a group of children playing, a vase, a bowl of fruit, and their office building.
“You drew our office building?”
She nodded. “I guess it’s just mine now, but yeah, I did.”
“I still sort of think of it as mine – or ours. You know? Kinda hard to break out of that.”
“Yeah, I know. I guess you’ll get used to it eventually?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. We’ll see.”
“Oh, this,” she turned the page. “This is Kelly’s Diwali invitation. I’m probably not going but, it was fun drawing it up.”
“What’s a Diwali?”
“Um, it’s an Indian celebration. I’m not going though.”
“Why wouldn’t you go? It might be fun,” he offered.
“I… sort of don’t have anyone to go with.”
He puckered his lips and paused, forcing the words that were in his mind out of his mouth. “What about that guy you were seeing?”
“Roy?”
“No, not Roy,” he rolled his eyes at her. “That guy, I was at that convention and I remember Michael told you to have fun on your date?”
She looked confused for a moment and he watched the confusion melt into understanding. “Oh, um, yeah that didn’t really work out.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I um,” she took a sip of water and her eyes fell down toward the keyboard. “I really don’t think there’s anyone in Scranton that I’d want to date.”
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Chapter End Notes:
More soon! Hope you're still enjoying this! I'll be working on the next chapter tomorrow!
