.
By Your Side
Chapter 2
The air seeped through his nose like a slow leak, as if his lungs were tires that someone had inserted a pin into, taking with it his will to fight from opening his heart again. He balled his fist, pressing it into the armrest of his couch and shook his head. The small part of his body that had healed over the five months he had been in Stamford begged him to realize that missing him wasn’t enough from her. The part that still thought about her once every two hours – that part wanted to drive back to Scranton and hug her. He opened his mouth, his lips curling in a circle beneath his front teeth.
Her voice sounded again, each word coming through the phone at a snail’s pace. “How was your summer? D-did you go to Australia?”
“Oh, um. No,” he said, releasing his hand, stretching his fingers. “I didn’t have a chance to go, with the move and everything; it would’ve been too much at once.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he nodded to no one, shrugging his shoulders. “H-how was, um. How was your summer?”
A sardonic laugh came from her end. “It was… um, interesting.”
“Care to elaborate,” he let out, a small light scoff behind the words.
If someone else had been in the room, he would have had the decency to cringe at his own words. He had imagined that if he ever spoke to Pam again, he would wait for her to tell him about how things had gone since the last time they saw one another. He pictured it being around the holidays during his visit to his parent’s house. He’d run an errand, catch her in the store, make pleasantries as if she hadn’t ripped his heart out and stomped on it. And the longer she hesitated to describe her summer, the more he wondered about what he had done to their ease with one another by leaving so abruptly.
They used to be able to talk freely, always able to joke. He was always the one to lighten the mood when things headed into awkwardness. He was always the good friend. Deep inside his gut, he knew he had been the one to dismantle their friendship.
He took a sip of beer. It didn’t wash away the simmering build of guilt in his stomach.
“Okay,” she cleared her throat. “So. Remember that day I talked to Jan about the art internship?”
He nodded. “Yep, I definitely remember that.”
“Well, I had found out that there were similar classes that were offered nearby. So I figured that Roy would be okay with that since they’re in Scranton.”
“Okay.”
“I mentioned the classes to him, told him that it would be a few night classes during the week. No big deal.”
“Sounds good to me, so far. Doesn’t sound like a big deal,” he said with a small hint of pride.
“That’s what I thought. He… was more concerned with how I was going to take care of cooking and cleaning and classes at the same time. I mean, he didn’t’ say it in a mean way, just in a … you know. It was all about what I would do for him as his wife.”
“Wow,” he muttered, wiping his hand over his mouth. He wanted to add more – include what he would have done in that situation, how she was better off not being married to someone who took her for granted like that, but he stopped himself and waited for her to continue.
“Yeah. It was kind of the last straw. So, I called the wedding off. It wasn’t easy. We still had to pay for most of it. The caterer gave us all the food – which really, how do you make all of that food a few days before. I mean… okay chicken and fish don’t go bad but, still. I ended up eating chicken for lunch and dinner through the whole summer.”
“Oh man.”
“I know. I swear… if… if I ever, you know, do that again, I’m not having chicken on the menu.”
“Yeah, get pork medallions, or something like that,” he quipped.
“Exactly. After that, I moved in with my parents for a few weeks. I registered for the art classes and returned all the gifts. I have a car of my own now,” she said, her pride showing through her tone.
“Which kind?”
“A Yaris. The two door one. It’s blue.”
“Nice choice.”
“Thank you. I kind of picked the apartment because of the price. It’s cheap, close to work and close to the college. It’s a cute place, minus the fact that I can’t hang anything on the walls.”
“Wh-why won’t they let you hang things up?”
“I heard that twice, someone hammered through the wall instead of into a beam and the wall cracked.”
“What kind of walls are in that place?”
“That’s a good question. I don’t know, but yeah. It’s good for what it is.”
“You could still hang things up, if you wanted. They make that tape now that you put up on the wall and it releases itself without any residue.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea. I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks, Jim.”
“I’m the brains of this operation, how could you forget?”
Her laughter sounded in his ear, pushing a smile onto his lips. “Yeah, you’re the brains and I’m the builder.”
He nodded, taking another sip of his beer. The day he came up with that phrase, years ago, he meant to say beauty instead of builder. It was one of the many times where he would catch himself before he said too much.
“Builder?”
“Yeah, cause you’re the artist.”
“If you say so.”
He could still see her smile, radiating throughout the break room as they went through their plans for their very first prank.
“We had some good times,” she said, her voice snapping him out of his trance.
“We did,” he agreed.
“So, what’s Connecticut like?”
“Um. It’s different, you know? It’s more pretentious. Lots of big name cars, big houses. Same chain stores and restaurants as anywhere else, though.”
“Oh,” her voice softened to a whisper. “That doesn’t sound like your kind of place. I mean, not that it doesn’t sound nice.”
“It’s nice. It’s um, a good change of pace. There’s no Michael here, but there is one guy who comes close to him.”
“Michael is an original, that’s for sure.”
“That he is. Which reminds me, what exactly did he do this time? We had another one of those diversity training sessions.”
“Oh. He kissed Oscar,” she gave, flippantly.
“W-he did what? Why?”
She let out a laugh. “Long story?”
“Go for it.”
“Well, Michael made an insensitive comment about gay people to Oscar. Oscar complained to Toby. Toby told Michael that Oscar was gay. Dwight looked up gay porn, and then to prove he didn’t have a problem with Oscar, Michael kissed him.”
“Whoa. You know, I probably shouldn’t be as shocked as I am.”
“Yeah, Michael is something special. Oscar got some time off work and a company car. He said he was going to get a Lexus,” she continued. “Oh, hey, he’d fit right in in Connecticut.”
“So true. Wow. I can’t believe it. I mean, I know Michael. I shouldn’t be surprised. He gave a waiter a one hundred dollar tip at that convention a few months ago just to show us up.”
“Oh yeah, he doesn’t care about what lengths he goes through to make a point.”
He took another long sip of his beer, trying to swallow his curiosity about that date she went on, the memory of hearing about it coming back with a gut punching force. With a shake of his head, he let a few seconds of silence linger.
“So, yeah,” she said after a moment. “Not much has changed. Except, um. You know. Except you’re not here to share it all with.”
“Well, now you can keep me posted on the goings on,” he suggested. “You can email me and stuff. Tell me all about those delicious frozen dinners you eat, all the drawings you’re doing and all of the craziness that happens in that office.”
“I could,” her voice brightened.
“Yep. It’d be nice to hear things first hand.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me to,” she said evenly.
“I do.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
“So… what else did you do this summer?”
“I don’t want to sound philosophical or whatever. But … I figured out who I am without someone else. It’s … weird when you’re so used to doing things with someone else all the time. But then, I mean, I had to learn it.”
“Yeah,” he gave. “You guys were together for a long time.”
“Oh… yeah, separating myself from who I was when I was with Roy is part of it. I had to learn how to be an adult, take care of myself. But I … meant that… I had to learn how to do things without my best friend. It was like … a double whammy.”
“Do they still say double whammy,” he chided, pretending he didn’t hear what she implied.
“Shut up,” she mumbled.
“Sorry. Continue.”
“I found this really nice spot in the park, on Saturday mornings I go there and sketch. I’ve gone through two sketch books. I have a one year lease here, so I’m hoping by next year I’ll be somewhere different. Somewhere that I can put a few my sketches up on the walls and maybe get a puppy. This place is just sort of a place holder.”
A grin spread across his face. In all the time he’d known her, he hadn’t heard her speak so proudly of her art, so positively about her goals for a future.
“I’m really happy you’re giving your talent a chance.”
“Thanks. I… I wish you could see them.”
He licked his bottom lip and inhaled slowly. “Do you have a computer with a webcam?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s old, but it still works. W-would you want to maybe see them on that some time?”
“Definitely. How about tomorrow night?”
“Okay. Yeah,” she agreed happily.
“Great. So, tomorrow then?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Good night, Pam.”
“Good night.”
He stared at his closed cell phone for a second, and as hope seeped in, he brushed it away, grabbing a broom and cleaning up the living room floor. Thoughts stayed at bay through the night, he slept well without the sounds of her voice between his ears for the first night in months. As he readied himself for work the next morning, he convinced himself that the conversation was nothing more than friends catching up. He didn’t question what it meant that he slept better that night than he ever had. He didn’t question what it meant when she said that she was trying to get on with her life without her best friend.
He didn’t question what it meant that he stood at the check out counter at Target with a Quick and Easy recipe book and Command hooks that guaranteed damage free hanging.
.
Chapter End Notes:
More on the way soon!
--I can't thank you all enough for the lovely reviews, I'm so happy to see so many of you like this! I promise to reply to each review as soon as I can. I just want to finish up my next one shot. Would it be too much to post that today too? :-) Thanks for reading, I hope you still like this!
--I can't thank you all enough for the lovely reviews, I'm so happy to see so many of you like this! I promise to reply to each review as soon as I can. I just want to finish up my next one shot. Would it be too much to post that today too? :-) Thanks for reading, I hope you still like this!
