After what seems like an eternity, the Jim we all know and love has found his way past emotionally debilitating fears and barriers. He may have come back to Scranton and to Pam in The Job, but it wasn’t until Money that Jim finally found himself. Although most of his defensive walls fell victim to Pam’s yogurt lid memo, his primal fear of getting hurt prevented complete emotional honesty of his deepest feelings for Pam. So far this season, Jim has been able to release his lighter “crush” feelings for Pam and happily embark on a relationship with her. However, his deeper emotions remained locked tight as his fears of getting hurt superseded his ability to love openly and freely. His feelings were there, but he was afraid to actually feel them.

The call of the past continues as Jim is constantly confronted with his own fears, which impedes his ability to see what he has right in front of him. The jumpstart Jim needed to break through his barriers comes from the unlikely source of Dwight. Dwight’s broken-hearted agony gave Jim a priceless insight into himself. The gift of hindsight played out in front of Jim as he watched Dwight moan, cry, and wallow in his pain. Dwight’s agony gave Jim a literal visual reminder of what his life was like without Pam. It essentially boils down to a choice (much like it did in The Job). Jim can either let the fear of past pain rule him or he can take a chance at finding happiness. A much needed epiphany to jump headfirst into the present is perhaps Dwight’s greatest gift to Jim, aside from always being the perfect target for a prank.

Jim’s epiphany actually has roots in the original notion of the fear paradox, which has influenced his behavior since the very beginning. Dwight’s pain awakened a fear that digs far deeper than the risk of getting hurt again. Dwight made Jim remember his life without Pam and that scares him more than he ever thought possible. As a result, Jim realizes he fears losing Pam more than he fears getting hurt. This realization helps Jim recognize that if he doesn’t snap out of fearing his emotions, he will lose her. If he wants her in his life he has to find the courage to let her know how he feels. For the first time, Jim realizes the extent of his fears and how they are holding him back from truly being happy. His fears are keeping him from seeing what he has with Pam. He has all he’s ever wanted, yet his fear keeps him from going “all in.”

The fear paradox, in turn, triggers a new and much needed brush with emotional honesty. He has a new internal awareness of just how much he loves Pam and he’s not afraid to let himself feel that love. Jim has only begun to take this awareness to an external level. He is able to show Pam how he feels, but he is not yet able to verbalize his feelings. Despite being unable to tell Pam, Jim’s progress in this department in monumental. By allowing himself to love Pam, he is one step closer to completely surrendering his heart to her. 

Pam Reserves a Room:

While Jim is on hold with a client, he can’t help but overhear Dwight answer the phones with a greeting for Schrute Farms. Just when he thought he’d heard it all, Dwight throws him yet another curve ball. He is instantly amused and can’t resist the urge to tease Dwight. Dwight continues to give information about bed sizes and room availability as Jim marvels at the lunacy before him. He’s intrigued enough to hang up on his call and turn his attention totally on Dwight. This is much more fun than a sales call. He nonchalantly says, “Hey Dwight” to get Dwight’s attention, knowing full well Dwight will detest his interest. Dwight doesn’t disappoint as he responds, “None of your business, Jim.” Jim can’t resist pushing his buttons further by asking, “You running a bed and breakfast?” He succeeds in annoying Dwight further by asking, “Does the health department know about this?” Dwight, of course, responds with further irritation, much to Jim’s delight. The very thought of Dwight’s beet farm as a B&B seems ludicrous to Jim, but it’s still amusing. It’s not the beet farm itself, but rather Dwight as a host. Dwight doesn’t exactly give off the warm and fuzzy vibe.

Just when Jim thinks it can’t get any better, Dwight’s phone rings with Pam on the other end, “Hello, I’m looking for a room.” Jim smiles widely and chuckles at Pam’s comedic timing. It was all her idea and once again, she is so great, (my favorite talking head from S1!). As if he needed another reason to love her, she can always make him laugh. Between Pam’s adorable humor and an even more infuriated Dwight, Jim is in heaven. Win-win-win.

Jim sits happily entertained as Pam keeps Dwight on the line with the bait of Trip Advisor and seemingly fake interest in booking a room. Dwight asks, “How many in your party,” just as he did for the previous call. As soon as Pam answers, “Two?,” Jim’s brow immediately knots in confusion and semi-panic, What is she doing? His head snaps around to look at her desperate for answers. The first night away together is a big step and he didn’t see it coming. To add to his confusion is the fact that their first “romantic” evening away will be at Dwight’s beet farm. However, as soon as he sees Pam’s smiling face, there is no arguing with her. He can’t resist her undeniable happiness as she listens to Dwight’s lunacy. Her sense of adventure is infectious. Her smile dissipates his panic mode, which prevents an objection to her decision to stick with booking the room. His status of simply going along for the ride continues as he as placed a certain amount of trust in Pam to take the lead in the relationship. She’s handled everything so far, and it’s going really great (couldn’t resist!). He’s taking this step on a leap of faith, which shows his trust in her is growing. She hasn’t lead them astray yet, so it stands to reason he should follow her now. Aside from that, a night away with Pam has wafted through his dreams for as long as he can remember. He’s not about to protest that fantasy coming to life.

Michael’s Dinner:

See the PD S4! I’m not touching this scene again. I said my peace over on the PD and nothing really changes from Jim’s POV!

Arriving at Schrute Farms:

The adventure to Dwight’s farm seemingly begins right after work, as Jim drives into the driveway of Schrute Farms. In a nice bit of symbolism, Jim is the one driving as opposed to Pam, (thanks to Office Obsessed for this fine observation). This is great foreshadowing that Jim is getting ready to share in “driving duties” when it comes to his relationship with Pam. Jim can’t help but marvel at his surroundings, “I can't believe this place is real. I mean, I've heard about his beet farm for years, but wow.” Thus, the metaphor of Dwight’s farm begins. Dwight’s farm is one big representation of JAM’s relationship and all the impediments that stand in their way, particularly hurdles that block Jim’s path to Pam.

Jim’s opening lines in this scene offer up plenty of insight into Jim’s head. He first says, “I can’t believe this place is real,“ which relates to the “place” of being with Pam. He’s literally in a “place” in his life he never thought he’d be. The hope of a relationship with Pam was always elusive and barely seemed real at times, although Jim had always hoped nonetheless. With his next comment the symbolism continues, as the beet farm is again a reference to the relationship. He had heard about a relationship in his head “for years” via fantasy and dreams. However, something always got in the way, namely fear.

Dwight’s farm is filled with the fear, humor, awkwardness, and simplicity that has characterized JAM for as long as they have known one another. They are essentially revisiting every quirk in their relationship. Spending the night in Dwight’s home is scary, but so is jumping into a relationship with Pam. At the end of Jim’s statement, he whispers a barely audible, “I never thought . . . .” It’s likely he meant to finish this with something like, “I’d be here.” Jim is still trying to grasp onto the reality that he is really with Pam. It was out of his grasp for so long, it’s hard to train his brain to accept his new reality without question. The relationship is real enough, but he has yet to give it all he has out of fear of getting hurt.

Pam is clearly amused as she begins to poke fun at their surroundings by calling out, “Beets Inn.” Jim looks to her and smiles admiringly. Her joke is perfect and just too cute. He is quick to praise her, “The Beets Motel? That is, wow.” It’s something he wishes he came up with himself. Jim tries to join in the game himself by adding, “The Borscht Hotel,” but Pam isn’t overly impressed. Jim isn’t phased, figuring the joke is over anyway. However, Pam keeps rattling them off and they keep getting funnier, “Embassy Beets . . . . Radish Inn.” He is beyond impressed with her creativity and spirit, “How are you doing this?” She giggles as she says, "I don't know." She is making him laugh and smile like no on else can. He’s always loved her humor. Without even realizing it, she is reminding him of why he loves her so much. Soon after both are spooked by a running Mose. The weird of Schrute Farms has already shown it's face. It's going to be an interesting evening to say the least.

(Take special note, that Mose is chasing the car as they arrive. He’s obviously meant to be humorous, but there’s more meaning to his presence. It will all make sense in the Bedtime Story scene.)

Check In & Room:

Jim sits on the couch in Dwight’s living room, looking just a little nervous and bewildered by his surroundings. Dwight is just weird and it’s disconcerting having everything that is Dwight surrounding him. Plus, this remains a big step with Pam. There are understandably a few butterflies floating around in his stomach. Dwight offers three different theme rooms to choose from, and Pam is quick to pick “Irrigation.” He turns to humor to alleviate his nerves and praises Pam’s room choice. The fact the Dwight is overseeing their first night away together proves to be quite unnerving.

Jim again relies on humor to alleviate the heebie-jeebies as Dwight asks if they require any special needs. He answers, “Yes, we will be requiring a bedtime story.” This serves to ease his nerves, but he also knows it will annoy Dwight. Dwight immediately refuses, but Jim persists in a playful manner, “Not even Harry Potter.” Jim loves to make fun of Dwight’s fixation with Harry Potter (most recently in Beach Games). Dwight is sufficiently exasperated as he refuses again, “No, Jim, c’mon.” Jim does this for his own entertainment as well as Pam’s. He can see her smiling without even looking at her and that’s enough for him to keep teasing. However, humor can’t save him completely from the odd surroundings. Especially as Mose comes out from hiding to grab Jim and Pam’s bags. Jim’s bewildered expression returns as he wonders just what they’ve gotten themselves into. This notion is only furthered as Dwight shows them to their room. A room full of water equipment and pipes don’t exactly scream romance.

Jim can’t help but fidget with the room decoration as Dwight explains, “As of this morning, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms. As soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we’ll get that power back on,” (Make another mental note for Mose!). Jim stands stunned with Pam as they contemplate their weird surroundings once again. This is definitely not what he had in mind for an evening alone with Pam.

First Night Away:

Jim plops down on one of the beds and it complains under his weight with a bang. As if two beds aren’t romantic enough, it doesn’t look like Jim will even fit on his tiny bed. He looks around at the sparse room still marveling at how un-romantic it all is. In addition, he’s still a little nervous as he realizes he’s living out a fantasy he’s had for along time. However, everything is beyond his control. He didn’t plan this and an Irrigation themed room isn’t ideal. There is an awkward silence between them as neither is willing to talk about why they are nervous. He can see that she is nervous as well, so he goes into his familiar mode of humor to relax the mood. He mutters, “Mmmmm . . .I’d say one in six.” Pam responds with a confused “What?” with a little bit of a worried expression on her face. Jim is quick to extend his joke, “Oh I thought you asked me what our chances were of getting murdered here tonight.” He’s relieved to hear her laugh, but some of the tension remains as a result of the big step they are taking.

In an overlapping talking head Jim shares a few moments of honesty with the camera, “You know, I just realized that this is Pam’s and my first night away together.” He’s trying to sound casual, but it’s been on his mind ever since Pam booked the room. In fact, it’s been on his mind a lot longer than that, “I used to play it over in my head and it was just a little bit different.” Jim is slowly coming to the realization that most things in life are seldom what we imagine them to be. His fantasy of spending a night away with Pam is happening and it’s no longer a dream. It’s very real, even if it isn’t what he imagined. He goes on to explain, “Maybe a . . . uh . . . nice hotel or a romantic dinner. Wine . . . Uhm . . . but wine that wasn’t made out of beets. Didn’t think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure . . . Just less.” As he speaks, Jim and Pam are seen going on a barn tour, watching Mose and Dwight pound beets, and hanging out in the beet fields with manure. Not exactly the perfect picture of love and romance. Old fantasies that never came true must make way for reality.

The metaphor of visiting Dwight’s farm plays out again as the reality of their first night away overshadows fantasy. The relationship itself has never gone according to his “plans” or his imagination. It’s almost fitting that their romantic evening would be filled with beets, Dwight, manure, imperfection, and fits of awkwardness. Jim’s tone is slightly playful, as he can easily find the humor in the situation. His fantasy has fallen apart, but the reality before him means so much more. Part of him has figured out that he can’t stay in the bubble of his imagination. Being with Pam is no long just an elusive dream. He doesn’t need the fantasy anymore. Imperfection has essentially become perfection. Nothing is quite as he expected but he‘s willing to accept and embrace his reality. Special moments with Pam are what he missed while in Stamford and while he was with Karen. Things have never been perfect with Pam and honestly he wouldn’t have it any other way.

On a subconscious level, he’s beginning to see how the past is different from the present in that Pam is by his side in a new and amazing twist of fate. The oddities around them create a strong bubble of memories just between them, while building an even stronger connection. After all, they spent years connecting over the humor and weirdness that is Dwight. Schrute Farms is an ideal place to regain everything they lost in the past. As it turns out, it is the most romantic location possible for their first night away together. There are impediments at every turn, but he is still with Pam. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Bedtime Story:

Jim’s joke of a bedtime story actually comes true, as Dwight reads an excerpt from a Harry Potter novel while sitting on one of the beds in Jim and Pam’s room. Jim is situated on the other bed, leaning against the headboard with Pam laying back on him. His arms are wrapped around her as they listen to Dwight’s dramatic reading. He could spend the whole night just as they are. There is a close intimacy and a sense of comfort with her resting peacefully in his arms. Holding Pam is a fantasy in and of itself, regardless of the unorthodox nature of the evening. Furthermore, Pam is happily joining him in the insanity they will undoubtedly laugh about later. She is the only one who could understand the humor of their experiences. This is another memory they are creating together and is something special (and bizarre) just between them.

As if Dwight’s reading isn’t strange enough, the camera pans over to reveal a frightened Mose at the foot of Jim and Pam’s bed. Both look over to him with slightly amused expressions. It’s another element of the weird taking over their evening. A slight smile forms on Jim’s face, as he knows the humor of this night will not be forgotten. Again, not what he imagined, but nonetheless perfect.

Moses presence in this scene, at first glance, appears odd and funny, (which it is), but his symbolic role is of paramount importance. The frightened Mose at the foot of the bed is a strong representation of Jim’s fears. As Jim sits with all he’s ever wanted in his arms, he is still scared to death. As he looks over at Mose he is literally staring his fears right in the face. Since the beginning of the episode, Mose has made several appearances and it all boils down to the same thing; he is the personification of Jim’s fears. Upon arriving at Schrute Farm, Mose was running outside the car, chasing Jim and Pam all the way down the driveway.

Jim’s fears follow him wherever he goes, even on his way towards a relationship with Pam, (as Schrute Farms invariably represents). Although, he wants (and needs) to be with Pam, he can’t escape the fear of getting hurt. Mose makes another appearance in Dwight’s explanation of the newly wireless Schrute Farms. Mose has hidden all the wires much like fear hides Jim’s emotions. The power can’t come back on until the “wires” in both instances are repaired. Jim is happily involved in a relationship with Pam, but let’s face it, the lights are still off. He hasn’t release any of his deeper emotions, due to his entrenched fears. At the very most, a small candle is lit, waiting for the lights to return.

A Bump in the Night:

As Jim and Pam try to sleep, a loud thumping noise rattles through the house. The light flips on in their room as Pam apparently is getting ready to go out and investigate. Oddly enough this plays nicely into the idea of the lights needing to go on in Jim. In order for the wires to be reconnected he needs to break free of the confines of his fears. He can’t do that if he’s unable to leave the safety of the bubble and face his fears. He asks Pam, “Wait. Your going out there?” Pam has no hesitance at all as she answers, “Yeah.” She is willing to venture outside the room and to explore the origin of noise in the house. The metaphor of Schrute Farm continues as Jim and Pam’s room represents their bubble while the house represents the rest of their relationship. 

It’s a big house, but hurdles are lurking. Pam is willing to venture outside the bubble, whereas Jim is unable at this point. Hiding in the “house” is fear, pain, hidden emotions, and all things that go bump in the night. Pam has no fear to face these impediments head on as she heads out with a flashlight. On her way out, she calls Jim a “coward.” She couldn’t have pegged him any better. He’s a coward in his own relationship as he’s too fearful to allow his deeper emotions to surface. He’s too afraid too feel due to his overwhelming fear of pain. As a result, emotional honesty remains locked and out of reach. As Pam is out exploring Jim is alone in the bubble. If he doesn’t snap out of it, Pam will eventually explore without him.

As brave as Pam has become, she can’t overcome Jim’s fears for him. All she can do is provide assurance that he is safe with her. However, Jim is eventually going to have to face his fears on his own. Later in the evening, a eerie moaning echoes relentlessly through the house. Once again, the light flips on in Jim and Pam’s room. Only this time, Pam is done exploring. She tells Jim, “Your turn.” She is again speaking the literal truth as she can’t be the only one dealing with the impediments that block their path. She has been carrying the weight of JAM since he came back in The Job and it is his turn to share the load. Jim can’t just continue to be a passive participant in the relationship. He has to take care of Pam with the same assurance she offers. However, Jim can’t do that until he finds his way past the pain. The relationship can’t work if he doesn’t figure out how to break the chains of his fears. Pam’s insistence that he go out and explore is forcing Jim outside the bubble to check out the moaning sound. She is essentially forcing him out to face his fears.

Jim slowly follows the moaning sound to Dwight’s room. As he opens the door, his own fears and pain are glaring at him as Dwight sits slumped over on his bed holding a memento of Angela, (her cherub angel). Jim instantly sympathizes with Dwight. It wasn’t that long ago that he felt exactly the same way. In a sense, he sees himself in Dwight. Dwight is surprised to find Jim standing in his doorway, believing it would be Mose with another nightmare. Jim asks, “Does Mose have nightmares?” Dwight answers, “Oh yes, ever since the storm.” Mose once again takes on the role of personifying Jim’s fears. Jim has his own nightmares in terms of feeling the pain of broken heart. CN was his personal “storm” where the pain of that evening continues to haunt him. The possibility of it happening again looms over him, debilitating his ability to feel all of his emotions. 

Dwight’s sorry state leaves Jim at a loss on how to help him. Jim barely knew how to help himself past such pain. He stands dumbfounded with the situation and almost thankful for the release of Dwight’s question, “Is everything satisfactory with your stay?” Jim quickly answers “Yeah . . .yeah,” but he still feels the need to at least try and comfort Dwight. He attempts to get him to talk, “Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here.” Dwight doesn’t bite, instead replying that he’ll look into it in the morning. Dwight further states, “Thank you for bringing it to the attention of the staff.” Jim realizes Dwight isn’t ready to talk about it and he can relate. He leaves Dwight to himself and exits the room. The moaning begins again soon after. Jim and Dwight’s conversation is dripping in symbolism much like the entirety of Schrute Farms. Dwight question concerning Jim’s satisfaction with his stay is another way of evaluating JAM. Jim is happy with Pam and the relationship but the “moaning” of his fears plays in the back of his mind. Jim’s observation of hearing moaning and crying is an amazing insight into his state of mind.

The past has been calling for quite some time as Jim holds back his emotions for Pam. He prefers to build a relationship with her by recalling all the best of their past, but he can’t ignore the imprint of the pain of the past. It holds him back and it’s time to bring it “to the attention of the staff,” namely Jim’s conscious awareness of how his fear keeps him from releasing his emotions. In this instance Jim has come face to face with his fears, but he is unsure of how to deal with them, so he walks away. However, Dwight is giving him the hindsight he needs to see his own weaknesses.

Dwight’s Recorder:

Dwight is obviously upset as Angela looks over at Andy in regards to a gift on her desk. Jim sees everything and genuinely identifies with Dwight. He and Pam go downstairs to check on Dwight, and soon find the situation is quite dire. Dwight is slumped against the garbage can in the parking lot playing a Bon Jovi song on his recorder. Jim looks at Dwight with a mix of sympathy and disbelief. His disbelief is geared not so much at Dwight, but himself. He can’t help but wonder if he was this pathetic with his own broken heart last year. Once again he sees pieces of himself staring back at him. It wasn’t this bad on the outside, but he was a disaster on the inside.

It’s here that Jim’s subconscious begins twinging with realization of the choice that lies before him. He can either continue fearing the pain or let it go. Even though he is with Pam and he should be at his happiest, his fear holds him back. Part of him still wallows in the possibility that he could get hurt again. Pam makes the observation, “Man, Angela really had a hold on him.” Jim knows all too well, Pam has a similar hold on him. He knows how badly he can hurt, which prevents him from letting his emotions wrap completely around her. However, Jim is beginning to see and remember just how much it worse his life could be without Pam. She‘s in his life now, but his fear could eventually drive her away. It’s not a clear realization quite yet, but it is knocking on the door of his conscious awareness.

Trip Advisor:

Neither Jim nor Pam can stand to see Dwight so upset. It’s a little unnerving to see the normally stiff and composed Dwight so utterly lost. It’s just weird. As a way to lift Dwight’s spirits they write a glowing review of their stay Schrute Farms on Trip Advisor. Jim is the first to lure Dwight into their little “feel better” trap by asking, “Dwight, how’s the hotel business?” Still utterly miserable, Dwight answers, “Stupid.” Jim manages to convince him to check trip advisor where a positive review awaits his eyes. The scene cuts to Jim and Pam in the break room with a printout of their review. Pam begins by describing the aroma of beets, while Jim shares heartwarming activity of a dawn goose walk.

As they speak scenes of Jim and Pam play showing them in kitchen with Mose pounding on beets and watching Dwight make a table. As they describe each activity the warmth they feel for Dwight is apparent, but so is their trademark sarcasm. The review is meant to cheer up Dwight, but it’s also one big inside joke. Their night at Schrute Farms was one for the record books. It’s a warm and funny memory that is something just between them, just like countless jokes. As always, humor connects them on multiple levels. For all the quirks and oddness of the place it is undeniably, “them.” The metaphor of Dwight’s farm representing their relationship has never been so clear. All the weirdness and impediments housed in Schrute Farms are present in their relationship, but those impediments doesn’t change the fact that they are together. Jim is with Pam and that’s all that really matters.

Hurdles will need to be overcome, but step one is realizing they exist. Jim’s fears are a problem, but the positive nature of their review shows there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Reality is better than any dream he’s ever had about Pam, even if it’s weird, scary and unexpected. It’s worth the trip. Their stay at Schrute Farms gave Jim some insight into his relationship with Pam, but a catalyst is still needed to break through his emotional barriers and put this information to use.

The Stairwell:

Jim overhears Angela accept a date with Andy and can see Dwight’s hurt reaction. Dwight darts out of his seat and walks hurriedly towards the door to take his leave. Pam tries to call after him, but Dwight ignores her. Pam shoots Jim a worried face, which combines with his own sense of compassion for Dwight. He has no choice but to go after him and try to help. He knows what it’s like to watch “his” girl be with someone else. It’s a blinding pain that he endured for years. Jim knows he is over that pain, but the fear of it is what haunts him.

Jim heads down the stairs and finds a crumpled and moaning Dwight huddled in a corner of the stairwell. He stops and stands next to Dwight, unsure of what to say or do. Seeing Dwight’s pain again reminds him of himself. He brings himself to Dwight’s level by taking a seat on the floor next to him. The only Jim knows to do is use his own experience to relate to Dwight and let him know he’s not alone. Dwight’s misery and Jim’s own compassion allowed him to open up about a very private and painful part of his life. There’s finally a purpose that makes dredging up all his pain beneficial. He sits quietly for a moment trying to decide where to begin. The only thing that comes to mind is, “Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?” Dwight responds with incoherent mumbling, but Jim pretends he understands completely, “Yeah, I didn’t think I had.” His tone is still very casual, as this is something he discussed with Michael once before in The Convention. He’s talked about this part of his journey before so it comes out a little easier. 

Jim pauses for a moment deciding if he’s really going to talk about Pam. Dwight’s agony is so reminiscent of what he felt after CN and it threatens to overwhelm him again. He fidgets with his arm and hands before deciding to take the plunge, “Well, it was all about Pam.” His tone still remains matter of fact as he has admitted this to Michael before. However, there is a sense of empathy and honesty in his voice to let Dwight know he knows how he feels. However, things are about to go into uncharted territory as Jim is getting ready to talk about aspects of his past with(out) Pam he has never really talked about to anyone, including Pam herself. Dwight responds with more mumbling and Jim once again continues the conversation, “ Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it.” His tone changes a little as he begins to relive his heartache. Watching Pam be with Roy was painful for years. He remembers how hard it was not to be with her. His “I just couldn’t take it” is strained as he is being very honest to both Dwight and himself.

The memory of his pain is much more pronounced, causing Jim to fall back on some slight humor, “I mean, I lost it Dwight.” He’s almost laughing at himself at this point as a slight smile appears on his face paired with a very slight chuckle. He knows just how bad it was and the only thing he can do is laugh about it. The relief of his humor is short lived as Jim can’t help but remember the effects of “losing it.” He begins to list some of his experiences, “I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything.” As he remembers, he begins to “feel” the pain awaken inside him. His voice shifts to wounded tone, “Even weird stuff, like food had no taste.” Jim almost falls into trance as he remembers the misery of his life without Pam. He never really let it in. He simply lived it without thinking about it, by attempting to bypass dealing with the ramifications of his broken heart. Jim spent all of last year avoiding and even denying his broken heart. He never allowed himself to reflect on his pain as his solution was to run away from his broken heart rather than face it.

Luckily, Jim is fully aware of his attempts to run, “So my solution was to move away.” He realized in The Job he couldn’t run any longer and now he is able to fully acknowledge his mistake in even trying in the first place. His eyes grow even more distant as his mind flashes back to Stamford, Karen, and every moment he spent without Pam. All he can say is, “It was awful.” It’s no lie, as every Season 3 viewer can attest. He shakes his head in spite of himself. It’s not so much the pain itself, but the memory of that pain that is effecting him. The memory hurts just as much as the original heartbreak. At this point there are no blocks on his memory as the pain floods through him. He never really looked at himself with 20/20 vision as hindsight often offers. What’s more, Dwight is a visual aid of Jim’s past behavior and emotions. The past is coming alive in him and he’s facing the pain he fears the most. He’s finally able to fully admit to himself that it hurt badly and he is afraid it will happen again. Jim’s emotions are noticeably on the surface as he tells Dwight, “It is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.” Emotional memories surge through him inundating every corner of his mind and heart. It was the worst time of his life.

Being without Pam and hurting so much literally paralyzed him for a year, much like the memory of it does as he sits in the stairwell. The basket case behavior of Dwight personifies everything Jim went through as an almost animated version of Jim’s past feelings and pain. As Jim remains engrossed in his memories, he doesn’t forget the troubled man sitting next to him. Jim meant what he said about not wishing his experiences on his worst enemy. It’s a kind of pain no one should have to feel. He quietly lets Dwight know, “And that includes you.” Not even Dwight should have to endure the emotional torture that lived in Jim for years.

Silence ensues as Jim contemplates everything he just said and felt coursing through his veins. The memories, the pain and the heartache settle into his thoughts and pull at his emotional blocks. These few moments of reflection with Dwight trigger a major epiphany as Jim suddenly asks himself, What am I doing? He’s made the golden connection that there is a big different between then and now. He’s always known he doesn’t want to go back to a life of pain, but now he realizes doesn‘t have to if he gets his act together. Jim has everything he’s ever wanted or dreamed of with Pam. He finally realizes the origins of his fears and how they are holding him back. There is at long last a crystal clear image in his mind of how he is emotionally closed off when it comes to Pam. It finally dawns on him that he is hesitating on something he can’t live without. His little trip down memory lane reminded him of how truly incapable he is at living without Pam. He has the life he’s always wanted, and he can’t help but wonder why he isn’t living it for all its worth. He should be grabbing onto her and holding on with everything he has. In a beautiful twist of the fear paradox, the fear of getting hurt has shifted to a fear of returning to a life without Pam. 

The barriers surrounding his emotions begin to crumble into dust as he allows himself to feel just how much he loves Pam. Even more amazing, is the fact that he’s not afraid to feel that love. Internal emotional honesty is now reality. He has officially made the choice to let go of the fear. Jim’s epiphany revolves around the realization that he can’t keep his emotions buried. If he does, he will inevitably return to being miserable and without Pam. Jim spent so much time worrying about what could happen that he lost sight of what is actually happening. His relationship with Pam is happening and he’s missing out by holding back. She’s giving him the chance he wanted on CN, yet he’s sitting on his thumbs. She is with him, and there isn’t an “I can’t” anywhere near them. It’s time to step out of the bubble and take that chance.

Dwight’s broken heart is hard to watch, but it gives Jim the nudge he needed to snap him out of simply being a passive observer in his relationship with Pam. Between empathy and seeing himself in Dwight, Jim is able to see himself with amazing clarity, faults and all. This kind of insight gives Jim the impetus he needs to get off his butt and make a move. She needs to know how he feels.

The Kiss:

Jim emerges from the stairwell still deep in thought. His mind is still pondering the epiphany that struck him so profoundly. His life has changed yet again and he is now just catching up. He knows he needs to do something, but he’s drawing a blank on his next course of action. Suddenly it hits him. He is filled with a sense of urgency similar to what he felt on CN, with one distinct difference. There isn’t a desperation to win her like there was before. Rather, his motives are geared at showing her and himself that he knows where he belongs and he’s no longer afraid. He doesn’t want to lose her again and he needs to show her how he feels. There’s only one way he knows to send the message. He walks through the Dunder Mifflin doors with the stance of a man on a mission. 

As he enters the office, his everything is standing behind the reception desk. She greets him warmly with “Hey, I was thinking about dinner . . .” He hears her, but his mind is elsewhere as he steps closer realizing just how lucky he is to have her in his life. With both hands he frames her face, holding on for dear life. From this point on he’s decided he will never let her go again. Before the moment leaves, he dives in for a sweet and tender kiss. Nothing ever felt so real and so right. For the first time since CN, he kissed her with everything he has to offer on an emotional level. He knows she’s been waiting for him and he can truly feel her moving in his heart. As he pulls away, he looks her deeply in the eyes expressing everything he can’t say. He may have found the courage to feel his emotions, but telling her is still attached to fear. However, he has made the landmark development of being able to show her how he feels. For a couple that thrives on non-verbal communication his expression is as good as gold. With one flicker in his eyes he told Pam, “I love you and I’m all in.” Seeing Pam’s expression is all he needs. He knows she understood and it puts him completely at ease. Her smile is all he ever needed and now he has it.

Without even thinking twice, he returns the subject to dinner, knowing full well his actions need no explanation. There is enough understanding to shift topics to the mundane yet equally amazing task of making dinner plans. Taking her out to dinner sounds like the best thing on earth, considering the past he revisited in the stairwell. All he wants to do is be with her. He suggests trying a new Italian restaurant in town, to which Pam happily agrees. In a bit of a symbolic shift that relates to the earlier reference of Jim driving, he is taking a small lead in the relationship by making plans. Making a date with her is suddenly a more heavenly experience than he ever thought imaginable. It’s a tangible reality instead of a fleeting dream. Tying in with the earlier notion that JAM’s reality is pitted with imperfection, Jim has finally realized that the reality of his relationship is even better than he could’ve ever imagined. It’s “real” and he’s in it with all his heart. He walks away from her desk with a relieved and euphoric grin on his face. This really is his life.

Talking Head:

Still a tad euphoric from his bold move, Jim sits in front of the cameras for a talking head. His eyes are sparkling and his face is alive with his newly released emotions. He can’t help but speak in code as the camera crew has obviously referenced Pam’s earlier talking head statement, “Jim’s just really passionate about Italian food.” He smiles a lovesick smile as he says, “Yep, I’m very passionate about Italian food.” Of course, it’s easy to see he means Pam. Without emotional blocks his passions are allowed to run wild. In a shocking extension of his earlier realization of internal honesty he tells the camera, “In fact, um, I’m in love with Italian food.” It’s the first time he’s admitted verbally how he feels about Pam since CN. The word “love” has always lurked behind the barriers but never came out until now.

Jim has reached a new level of emotional honesty, but its important to note that he failed to tell Pam beyond non-verbal communication. However, he is rapidly approaching that step. Achieving internal emotional honesty and even partial external honesty in the space of a few minutes is monumental. The bulk of his fears have been laid to rest. A few fears remain, but Jim has crossed the most difficult hurdle in admitting to himself just how strong his feelings are for Pam . Bear in mind, it may take him a little while to figure out just how and when to put those feelings into words.

Back to Normal:

Dwight returns from the stairwell with his usual scowl back on his face. Apparently, Jim’s little talk snapped Dwight out his misery enough to at least allow him to function. Jim watches over Dwight with a protective expression. He’s wondering if Dwight is okay and shows genuine concern. When it seems everything is all clear, Jim returns to his work. Dwight picks up the phone to make a sales call and is seemingly back to his old self. His face takes on an annoyed demeanor as he notices Jim’s overflowing paper stack is invading his desk area. He pulls a ruler from his supplies and runs it along the line of “demarcation,” effectively sending Jim’s paper stack to the floor. Jim says nothing as he eyes the disaster of the paper avalanche. A smile grows on his face as he looks up at Dwight. Everything Dwight does annoys him, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He cares about him, no matter how many times he tells himself to ignore him. He looks over to Pam and grins even wider with gleaming eyes. Dwight is back to normal and the beautiful receptionist he loves is smiling at him. Life doesn’t get any better than this.

The Bottom Line:

The lights are back on.

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Questions to Ponder:

1) Is it possible for Jim to relapse into his fears?

2) Does Jim still harbor some insecurities? If so, are they more with himself, Pam, or the relationship?

3) Is Jim ready for emotional honesty or has he jumped the gun?

4) Who will say “I love you” first?

5) Is there any meaning behind Dwight’s line “I’m better than you have ever been or ever will be?” in the context of Jim’s development in this episode? The line struck me as I watched the episode, but I was never able to make it fit in the analysis. So, I thought I’d let everyone here take a crack at it! Have fun!