August 2007

Pam had had her fair share of interviews; graduating with an art degree in a declining economy will make one very use to the interview process, and one style she always hated was the panel interview. She supposed she understood the purpose: stress out the candidate and evaluate how they perform under pressure.

The panel she was in front of today was the marketing director, art director, and project director of Osprey Marketing, and they were determining if she was good enough after a three month internship to come on as a junior designer. The art director was an art school friend named Alex, who actually helped Pam get this internship as he was one of the first people she called after leaving Roy and highly encouraged her to come to New York City. She was slightly concerned about their history back in art school, until she found out Alex was married with a baby now and figured they could put the past behind them.

The project director, Sarah, was in her late forties with a very stylish Manhattan haircut. Pam had not yet decided if Sarah disliked everyone or just disliked her but their conversations were always a bit terse, ending with Sarah saying, “Just get it done” no matter how ridiculous the clients needs were or how little time the interns had.

And then there was Danny Cordray. He was incredibly handsome, charismatic and came off to Pam as incredibly full of it, making marketing director a perfect fit for him. He thumbed through Pam’s portfolio and looked at her with an overly-confident and blindingly white grin. “Well, Pam, I think you’ve shown good potential so far.”

“Thank you, Danny, I really have learned a lot these three months,” Pam said with a smile, Danny didn’t seem satisfied unless people were smiling constantly, it reminded her a little of being a receptionist again, clients with nothing better to do complaining to her boss that the atmosphere was ‘cold’ if she didn’t greet them in the most cheerful of tones.

“Have any of your designs made it production?” Sarah asked, peering over at Pam’s portfolio with that borderline-scowling look on her face that she often had.

Osprey had four interns who sat in a small room and mostly got projects for small clients: local restaurants and boutique shops. “Yes, I’ve done several ad designs for various shops, and presented a couple logo redesigns.”

“What about for our larger clients?” Sarah asked.

“I’ve made it to the final cut on two larger clients,” Pam answered. The interns were also encouraged submit designs for bigger projects, like logos for hospitals and other large organizations, though Pam had yet to see an intern’s design get selected.

“But not selected,” Sarah said, her tone a bit dismissive.

“Sarah, you know the client never chooses the best design,” Alex added. “You remember the King & Queen’s Supermarket fiasco?”

Sarah gave a laugh that startled Pam, maybe because she had never heard the older woman laugh before. “I suppose you’re right.” Danny also chuckled and Pam make a mental note to ask Alex about this inside joke at some other time.

Danny closed Pam’s portfolio and leaned forward at the table, “I have one final, question, Pam.” He narrowed his eyes slightly and dropped the phony grin, Pam suspected he knew this expression somehow made him more good-looking in an almost intimidating way, and she hated that it was kind of working on her. “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

Her mind raced back to April, when she found that letter from her 18 year old self and decided to break off her engagement. Roy took it like she thought he would, he first was angry, driving over to Penny’s and making wild accusation about her cheating on him and trying to swindle him by collecting on canceled deposits. It ended with Penny’s boyfriend Matt, who thankfully was about as large as Roy was, escorting him away and telling him to stop making a damn fool of himself before a neighbor called the police. Then a week later came a series of late calls with Roy crying and sounding drunk, begging her to tell him what he did wrong, promising they could work it out. He sounded so miserable that she nearly gave in to his request to meet up and talk, only several long talks with Penny about how this would only lead to Pam going back to him and that she may never get the courage to leave if something went wrong again stopped Pam.

She heard nothing for three weeks and then Roy called again, sounding normal if a bit sad, asking to meet at a coffee shop so they could talk. Pam agreed, and decided she wouldn’t tell Penny until after the fact. Roy was surprisingly reflective about his part of it, said he realized how little he was doing for the wedding and that he wasn’t being considerate of her in general. He also apologized for the outburst at her sister’s and the drunken, tearful phone calls. “I just didn’t want to give up without a fight, but I went about it the complete wrong way.” Pam wondered if his sister, who Pam did get along with pretty well and was very aware of Roy’s domineering nature, had talked some sense into him.

They parted with a hug, and Pam knew she held on just a bit too long. She closed her eyes and remembered back when his blue eyes and dimples made her melt, how secure she once felt in his large arms and how good it often felt when he moved above her and inside her. He nestled his nose in the crook of her neck, his breath on her skin and she knew he was thinking the same thing, that maybe they can be together just one last time with no expectations.

Somewhere she found the strength (or maybe guilt installed by her sister’s many lectures) to drop her arms and step back, signaling the hug was over. It seemed to break the trance and he quickly dropped his arms as well, mumbled some well-wishes and walked off with slumped shoulders.

It was good closure, despite her nearly giving in at the end. She thought back to his line about not giving up without a fight, which in the moment she dismissed as macho nonsense, but as she thought about it, she was a little bit grateful he did try to “fight”, if only because it showed her that she made the right decision. And maybe, in some cases, it was good to “not give up without a fight.” There was one case in particular where she wondered if it would have made a difference.

And with that and the cancelling of the wedding, it was time to change everything, including every vision of where Pam saw herself in 10 years. She at the very least needed to try to make it as an artist, move to the city, intern somewhere and see where it takes. In 10 years she wanted look back at her 28-year-old self and say, “I tried my hardest and did my best.”

“Pam?”

She blinked and came back to the Osprey conference room, three pairs of eyes looking intently at her. “Right, in 10 years,” she said, putting on a smile. “Well should I be offered this junior designer position, I want to take the next few years to grow my skills and strengthen my experience. And I know in this field I need to always be prepared for changes in technology and in the needs and wants of the client, but I’m adaptable. I really hope whether I’m here or anywhere else that I have advanced in my career and grown as a professional designer.”

The smarmy smile returned to Danny’s face and he nodded. “Thank you, Pam.” He motioned Sarah and Alex to lean in a huddle, and Pam resisted the temptation to crane her neck and try to listen in. When the huddle broke, Danny stood and reached out his hand, “Well, Pam, congrats, you are Osprey’s newest junior designer.”

Pam’s eyes widened, “What?” She looked to Alex, who pushed his glasses up on his nose and gave her a big grin, then over to Sarah who actually had a smile on her face. “Oh my God, thank you!” She jumped to her feet to shake Danny’s hand. “I didn’t think…”

“We’d be crazy to let you slip away,” Danny said. “And we actually have your first project as a junior designer ready.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I’ll let Alex and Sarah here take the lead, on that, I have a pitch to go make downtown,” Danny said. He walked around the table and stopped to give Pam’s shoulder a squeeze. “Well done Pam.”

“Thanks,” Pam replied, beaming.

“So this project is a completely branding of a subsidiary website of a paper company, they need logos, style guides, promotional materials, the works,” Sarah stared.

Pam, still on the high of learning she got the job, looked at Sarah a bit stunned. “Oh, I’m starting this project right now?”

Sarah smirked, “Yes, Alex was going to go meet with the CFO at 3pm but since you’re taking the lead we think it’s best for you to go.”

Pam looked over to Alex with wide eyes, “Like, by myself?”

“Well, I can certainly go with you if you’d like…” Alex stammered.

“Pam, I think you will handle things just fine, just read through the company profile and try impress Mr David Wallace as much as you impressed Mr. Cordrey today.” Pam had absolutely no idea how to interpret Sarah’s words, tone, or expression but somehow it felt like some kind of backhanded compliment.

Pam nodded and took the client folder, while Alex explained they would contract website coders to actually build the website, Pam would be more in charge of the layout and look. Her eyes scanned the company profile: mid-range paper company looking to modernize and compete with larger outlets like Staples and Office Depot. She read through the location of the branches, Stamford, Connecticut, Nashua New Hampshire, a bunch in Upstate New York, and narrowed her eyes when she read the last one: Scranton, Pennsylvania.

“Alright, Pam, well, you know where to find us with any other questions, and if you want to take lunch and then head to midtown, that’s fine,” Sarah said as she gathered her documents.

Alex watched Sarah leave the conference room, then his eyes met Pam’s. “Pam, I am fine going with you if you’d like, just because Sarah likes to ‘throw them in the deep end’...”

“It’s okay, Alex, I think she’s right, since I’m taking the lead, I should go alone. I can always ask you for help later.” She smiled, “Besides, I think I have a good lead in there.”

The subway to midtown was sweltering to the point that Pam took off her jacket so as not to sweat through it. She wiped her brow and tried to remember where on earth she heard the name of this company before. If they were a small paper company in Scranton, they were surely around when she was growing up. Maybe they came to her school’s career fair or sponsored some sporting events, it was just so familiar.

She arrived at the Midtown skyscraper well ahead of schedule and was able to freshen up her sweated-off makeup in the lobby restroom before boarding the elevators. Her hair sadly now had a slight frizz but it would just have to do.

Pam didn’t have to wait long before being called back to David Wallace’s office by a tall, beautiful, bluetooth-wearing assistant. Pam walked behind her, looking closely at the carpet and not paying attention to the name plaques on the doors.

To Pam’s great relief, David Wallace was far more approachable than other executive types she had encountered in New York. He had a kind face and softer tone to his voice that put Pam instantly at ease. He actually reminded her of an older version of Alex with his dark hair and glasses.

“So how long have you been working at Osprey, Pam?” David asked, organizing some documents on his desk.

“Three months,” Pam said somewhat reluctantly.

“Okay, and how long have you been doing graphic design?”

Pam took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves. “Design was my concentration in school, and I’ve done a good amount of freelance, but Osprey is actually my first full-time design job.” David pressed his lips together, clearly not impressed with her lack of experience, and Pam quickly rummaged through her bag. “Here’s some of my work,” she said, handing him her portfolio.

David’s face went from skeptical to impressed as he flipped through the pages, “Well I worked with Osprey at my previous company so I know if Danny and Sarah have confidence in you, then I do also.”

“Thank you, sir,” Pam said, restraining her smile. “I, um, I saw that Dunder Mifflin had a branch in Scranton, which is funny, because I grew up there.”

David smiled, “That’s great, actually, you’ll be working closely with our VP of sales who came out of the Scranton branch.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes,” he glanced through the glass panes by his office door. “Looks like he’d back from a meeting. I’ll grab him,” he said, stand and walked around his desk.

Pam straightened the hem of her skirt, snapping her head towards David when he called for a “Jim.” Her heart rate increased and she felt a dryness in her mouth before telling herself to snap out of it, there were probably thousand "Jims from Scranton" in New York City.

David walked back to his chair, “Jim’s been in New York about three months as well, just came from the Stamford branch but was in Scranton for a time. But it’ll be good  that you’re both from there, I think you two will really have a feel for the market and what kind of site to make.” His eyes returned to the door and and Pam started to slowly turn in her seat. “There he is, our VP of sales.”

She at this point had rotated enough recognize the figure, lanky as she remembered. Her eyes fell on his hands everything felt like slow motion as they travel up the sleeve to the lapel, then a white collar, then a familiar pair of lips, then a nose and finally on a set of hazel-green eyes that she foolishly thought she had forgotten, which looked every bit as stunned as she felt.

“Jim.” she somehow choked out.