She didn’t even like fairy-tales. Not really.

Pam sighed as she turned over to stare at the alarm clock again. Three-eighteen. It didn’t look like she was going to get any sleep tonight either, and that was just awesome. She’d hoped the wine from earlier in the night would slow the thoughts tumbling around in her head, but if anything, it had just made it worse. Her brain wouldn’t turn off.

Why had she made that stupid wish in the first place? What did she mean by it?

Why had they all just willingly given Michael handwritten ammunition to use against them? What exactly was he going to do with all of that knowledge?

This last thought was the one she was currently focused on. No one had even argued with Michael about how stupid his stunt was; they’d just written down their wishes and tossed them into a basked and gone about the rest of their day like nothing had happened. No one had bothered to ask him what happened to those slips of paper and for all she knew, he was going to use them against them.

Not that Michael was malicious, but was he going to read her silly little moment of weakness and use it to try and hit on her? Oh god. He probably was.

She groaned as she reached down for one of the decorative pillows she’d thrown to the floor before bed. She had the fleeting thought of smothering herself so that maybe she could get some sleep, but she opted for screaming into the embroidered fabric instead.

Honestly, Pam had always thought fairy-tales were kind of dumb and she’d never really understood the whole princess thing. Sure, now that she was an adult, she could see the practicality of Sleeping Beauty owning a dress that turned from pink the blue and she absolutely appreciated Belle’s desire to escape a small town. But even as a child she’d thought Ariel was an idiot and Cinderella never interested her because she couldn’t get over her own fear that talking mice might be living in the attic.

It was likely her grandma’s fault. As far back as she could remember, Grandma Cecelia had never read to her about Goldilocks or Little Red Riding Hood. No, sleepovers at Celia’s house meant watching Gone with the Wind and dancing around the living room in old bridesmaid dresses. Pam could recite lines of dialogue from Sabrina and Breakfast at Tiffany’s before she was ten, which was something her parents didn’t exactly love; but they both worked and relied on Celia to babysit for them, which she did happily. Her only rule was that she wasn’t going to change her lifestyle for that of a kid’s. That’s not to say she wasn’t a fantastic grandmother to have; she baked the best peanut butter cookies Pam had ever had and was especially generous with both her hugs and just-because presents.

It was under her grandma’s casually watchful but perfectly made-up eye that Pam drifted away the pages of the Baby-Sitters Club and Sweet Valley and started devouring the likes of Danielle Steel and VC Andrews instead. Stories that definitely didn’t have a fairy-tale ending but as Celia would point out, “You tell me, Darling, what’s more likely to happen; your husband cheating on your or that you’ll find some magic beans in the middle of the woods?”

Grandma Celia had been widowed once and divorced twice, so Pam never questioned her knowledge of love and relationships. The rest she learned from summer afternoons on Celia’s couch; drinking lemonade and watching General Hospital and Oprah.

So yeah, fairy-tales? They’d never been her thing, like ever, so as she lay there in bed and questioned the choices she’d made earlier that day, she had no idea why she was wishing for one now.

Not that it mattered, she reminded herself. The entire thing was just one of Michael’s stupid time-wasters; but really, she should have wished for straighter hair or for neighbors that didn’t have sex on the roof twice a week. Practical things that would actually make her life easier. But no, she’d let herself get swept up in the moment and now she couldn’t sleep because she couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid it was.

Romance was messy and complicated and ridiculous. It didn’t matter what she’d thought for like, five minutes at one point in one day in her life; she definitely didn’t want or need romance in her life right now.

And especially not with Jim.

Pam’s eyes flew open and she stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. Where in the hell had that come from?

Nope. She definitely didn’t want that.

She looked at the alarm clock again. Three thirty-eight.

It was all so stupid.

--

“Oh my God, you look terrible.”

Pam didn’t bother looking up from her computer. “Thanks Kelly. Good morning to you too.”

“Obviously I’m here to say good morning, but this—“ Kelly stopped talking and waved her hand in front of Pam’s face. “Distracted me. You’re so pretty, Pam. Imagine if you tried even just a little bit. Like, a little eyeshadow would make your eyes pop, you know?”

She did know. She was just too tired to care. “I haven’t been sleeping well.” A yawn escaped her lips, proving her point. “By the time I finally got out of bed this morning, I was already late and this—“ She waved her own hand in front of her face. “Was the best I could do.” Truthfully, she wasn’t even sure what she looked like that morning. She barely remembered brushing her hair before clipping it back, so she highly doubted she’d taken any time at all with a mascara wand. At least her Chapstick was tinted.

Kelly was shaking her head. “That’s not good enough, come with me.” She was around the desk and tugging on Pam’s arm before Pam could argue. She followed Kelly into the ladies room and watched as she spilled an entire bag of make up onto the counter and started sorting through it.

“This is sweet, Kelly, but I don’t—“

“I saw what you wished for yesterday.” Kelly’s hand was coming toward her, armed with an eyeliner pencil. “And it wasn’t world peace, thank god. What a waste that would have been, right?”

“The whole thing was a waste of time,” Pam pointed out. She shook her head at the lime green eyeshadow Kelly held up and pointed at a pretty shell pink instead.

“Pink will just make you look even more tired.” They compromised on a shimmery sand color. “What do you think about Toby?”

“Toby?” Pam shrugged. “He’s a nice guy.”

“Stop, I see what you’re doing. I don’t mean like, do you think he’s nice. I mean, do you think you’d want to go out with him? On a date.”

“What?” She pulled back so quickly that Kelly almost ripped out half of her eyelashes with the curler. “No, I don’t think… why?”

“Come on, Pam. How are you going to find romance if you don’t put yourself out there? I know it’s been awhile since you dated, and that thing with Alan was a total bust, so maybe you start out with someone harmless?” She uncapped a tube of lipstick before looking up at Pam. “And Toby’s as harmless as they come. He’d be a great practice date.”

“I don’t think I need a practice date.” Pam tried to lean away from the lipstick, but Kelly had a surprisingly strong grip on her chin.

“Are you sure about that?” Kelly raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t wait for an answer. “Anyways, Toby’s kind of cute, don’t you think? In that Giles from Buffy kind of way?” Kelly waited for her to blot her lips and then reached up to pull the barrette out of her hair. “You really should wear your hair down more. Anyways, what do you say?”

“I’ll wear my hair down more?”

“Not about that!” Kelly blinked. “I mean, yes, great, you should definitely do that, but I’m talking about Toby. Do you want to go out with him?”

She really didn’t. “I’ll think about it.” What? Why did she say that?

“Great!” Kelly clasped her hands together. “And I’m all done here. You look so much better now.”

Pam turned to look at the mirror to her left and she had to admit, Kelly had practically pulled off a miracle, given what she’d had to work with. Gone were the circles under her eyes, there was a slight blush to her cheeks, and fine, maybe her eyes did pop with a little color. She gave the other woman a genuine smile. “Thanks, Kelly.”

“Don’t mention it! But do me a favor and tomorrow, maybe wear something a little less old maid and a little more—“ Kelly raised her eyebrows suggestively. “You know?”

Again, Pam did know. But that didn’t mean she was going to listen. “Maybe,” she offered.

Kelly smiled and placed a hand on her arm before she could open the bathroom door. “I just want you to be happy, Pam.”

Pam tilted her head and watched curiously as Kelly went back to the annex. It was true that they had become closer over the last few months but it still caught her off guard any time Kelly was genuinely nice without an ulterior motive.

Whatever. She didn’t have time to think about it. She’d already been behind on her work before the impromptu makeover, it was going to be almost impossible to catch up before lunch time.

She was in the middle of listening to her ninth voicemail when she looked over and caught Jim staring at her. She snapped her head back down and finished writing out a message for Michael from David.

Jim was still facing her as she deleted the eleventh voicemail from her inbox and she lifted an eyebrow expectantly at him. “What?” she asked finally. It was her turn to watch as he pushed himself out of his chair and walked toward her desk. He leaned against the counter and she felt a hint of annoyance when he still didn’t say anything. “What?” she asked again.

His eyes darted back and forth and she realized he was making sure no one else was paying attention to them. Her own eyes cut to the right and she saw that Karen’s desk was empty. “You look nice today,” he said quietly.

Oh. She truly hadn’t expected that. “Thanks.” There was an awkward pause and she half-rolled her eyes and laughed softly. “Kelly did this; she…” she shook her head. “It’s Kelly.”

“Yeah. Well. Like I said.” The way his eyes lingered over her had her deciding right then and there that she was going to put more of an effort into her make up every single day going forward. He blushed a little and drummed his fingers on the top of the counter. “Right. I better get back to work.”

She couldn’t help but smile. “I should probably start work,” she agreed. He didn’t move and her grin widened. “Might be easier to work from your desk,” she teased lightly.

Jim propped his chin on one fist while his other hand snaked jellybeans out of the candy dish. “Maybe not though. What if I’m more productive up here? You seem to get a lot done from this part of the office.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, I just make it look like I’m busy. But at your desk you can either work or you can talk to Dwight. No wonder you’re this month’s top salesman.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get rid—“ They were interrupted as Karen breezed through the front door.

“Oh my god, what a morning.” She wasn’t talking to anyone in particular but Pam didn’t miss the way Jim shoved himself away from her desk and moved to grab Karen’s Starbucks cup as she struggled to get her coat off while going on about how she’d locked her keys in her car and had to wait for roadside assistance.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Jim asked, handing her back her coffee.

Karen’s eyes slid back and forth between him and Pam. “You were so set on staying at your place last night that I didn’t want to bother you.” Her eyes landed on Pam again. “You look different.”

Different. Pam just smiled back. “Morning Karen. Sorry about your car.” She watched as Jim followed the other woman to her desk as they talked in hushed tones and all she really wanted to know was why Jim hadn’t spent last night with Karen.

She’d played this game before; the one where she allowed herself to fantasize about the kinds of fights Jim and Karen would have and what it would take for them to break up. How could she not? Between Jim not wanting Karen to move out of her hotel and Karen keeping Jim up at night so they could have deep soul-searching conversations; there were plenty of opportunities to wonder if and why they were fighting.

She was in the middle of her favorite fight fantasy; the one where Jim would tell Karen it had been a mistake for her to come to Scranton and that he was in love with someone else (What? She was a simple girl with simple fantasies) when out of the corner of her eye she saw Jim poking Karen in the side, clearly trying to get her to laugh.

Pam’s smile faded as she watched him make faces at her, and tease her in low tones until finally Karen broke. She shook her head as she laughed with him but then she was on the tips of her toes and kissing Jim. Right there in the middle of the office, in front of everyone.

Right. He hadn’t been flirting with her. He was just being friendly. She’d forgotten what that looked like.

She busied herself with work while remembering that they were still together and there probably wasn’t any great big reason he had slept at his own place last night. Yesterday had been Tuesday. He played basketball on Tuesdays and he probably had a rough game and just wanted to crash in his own bed instead of Karen’s sketchy hotel one. He probably had a really comfortable bed.

Not that she ever thought about Jim’s bed. Shit, now she was the one blushing.

“Hey Pam, how’s it going?”

She startled, nearly dropping her phone. “Oh, hey Toby.” She could see Kelly peeking around the corner of the doorway and tried not to roll her eyes. “What’s up?” She frowned as she finally actually looked up at him. “Are you okay? Why are you hunched over like that?” Toby’s lanky frame was practically folded in half.

“Rollerblading accident last night.” He gingerly rubbed the base of his spine. “I’m fine, but it hurts to straighten out.”

She frowned. “You should see a doctor for that, it looks painful.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated, brushing her concern off. “Listen, I was wondering if you’d maybe… I don’t know… do you want to have dinner tonight? With me,” he added after a pause.

Other things Pam could have wished for yesterday: she could have wished she was a better liar, or that she was a quick think on her feet type of person. Hell, she could have wished she wasn’t such a sucker for puppy dog eyes. Any one of those things would have helped her to say no to this dinner date she didn’t want to go on.

But Karen and Jim were still acting well, like a couple; and Kelly hadn’t been entirely wrong in her assumption that Pam needed to get back into dating and Toby was harmless so there wasn’t any real reason for her to say no.

So she said yes. Because really, it couldn’t be that bad, could it?

--

Yes, as it turned out, it could be that bad.

She wondered if she wasn’t being fair as she recounted her dinner with Toby to Kelly in the break room the next morning. Not only had the poor guy still be in a pain and unable to stand or sit straight, he had clearly been a lot more nervous about the whole thing than she had been. She felt slightly guilty as she told Kelly how he had stuttered his way through an hour of painful conversation and turned red every time she tried to say something nice to him, or how he’d nearly jumped out of his skin when she tried to hug him goodnight before getting into her car at the end of the night. Toby was a nice guy and she was all but giving the biggest gossip in the office all the ammunition she needed to make his life a living hell.

Kelly, however, seemed nonplussed by the whole thing as she waved it off and told Pam she was proud of her for trying and that her next date would be better.

“Because there’s going to be a next date,” she said excitedly before Pam could argue that she wasn’t sure she’d call dinner with Toby a date. “I’ve already got it all planned, are you free tonight? Tell me you’re free tonight.”

She was free that night but she didn’t know if she wanted Kelly to know that. “Why?” she asked warily.

“One of Ryan’s friends from business school just broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago and he said he’s ready to start dating again and isn’t that just perfect timing? We can all go out tonight; won’t that be so much fun?”

Pam wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know, Kelly. Remember Alan?”

Kelly shook her head. “Forget about Alan. Let’s focus on Brad.”

“Brad?” She couldn’t picture herself dating a Brad.

“Brad,” Kelly repeated. “He’s super cute, and smart, and he can’t wait to meet you so you see, you have to come out with us tonight. You just have to.”

She sighed. “I guess I can, but—“

“Great! I’ll tell Ryan to call Brad and set it up and they’ll take care of all the details and all you and I will have to do is show our cute asses up.”

Being friends with Kelly was exhausting. Still, Pam knew she should be grateful that Kelly was so concerned with her being happy. And she was, she really was, but it was still exhausting to keep up with her.

“Hey Karen!” Kelly’s voice changed as the other woman came into the breakroom in search of coffee. “That’s such a cute scarf, where did you get it?” She let Karen speak for about ten seconds before she interrupted her. “Cool, cool, I’m totally going to go get one this weekend. Karen, doesn’t Pam look amazing today?”

Pam cringed and jabbed Kelly in the side with her elbow but Kelly wasn’t paying any attention to her.

“You look great,” Karen offered as she stirred sugar into her coffee. “Did you do something different with your hair?”

She had done something different with her hair. Instead of spending the early morning tossing and turning in her bed, she had gotten up and used the time to properly do her make-up and style her hair. She’d even taken Kelly’s advice and ditched her usual pastel colored cardigan and button-down in favor of an emerald green sweater that Penny had talked her into buying a month ago.

Kelly was still gushing about how great she looked. “I told her all she needed was a little more color in her life and I was right. She looks like a brand new woman. Everyone thinks so. Everyone,” she added meaningfully before squeezing Pam’s arm. “I knew you could be sexy if you just tried.”

Karen looked as uncomfortable as Pam felt and she left the room as quickly as she could. Kelly exhaled dramatically and grinned at Pam. “That was awesome. She’s totally jealous.”

“That’s not why I—“ Pam tried to protest but Kelly was already off on another tangent, saying that she’d get back to her with the details for their date later that morning. And then she was gone and Pam was alone in the break room.

She took a few minutes to shake the weirdness of another weird morning in the office before heading back to her own desk. She had an hour of peace before she was interrupted again.

“I’m hearing all sorts of things about you this morning, Beesly.”

She finished filling in her report before looking up at Jim. It wasn’t fair how good he looked without even trying. “Like what?”

“Are you dating Toby?”

She couldn’t resist teasing him. “What if I was?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “That would be weird. He’s a nice guy but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a basement full of bodies, you know?”

“Stop it.” She tried to scold him but she couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “He’s harmless.”

“Sure, until he’s using your skin for a lampshade. Watch your back, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Yeah well, I think I’ll be okay.” She shook her head. “I’m not dating Toby. I had dinner with him last night, but that was it.”

“Because you’re dating Kelly?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He smirked. “Karen said she walked in on you two in the middle of something in the breakroom. That Kelly was going on and on about how hot you were.”

Interesting. “You know how Kelly is,” she offered. “She’s all about female empowerment.”

“Is she?” Jim crooked his head to the side.

“What, are you saying that she’s wrong?” She bit the inside of her cheek as Jim’s cheeks turned red and he stuttered through a denial. “I’m teasing,” she said, putting him out of his misery. “God, you’re so easy.”

“That’s what she said,” he quipped. “So I guess what you’re telling me is that everything I heard this morning is wrong?”

“Seems like it.” She shrugged. “Might want to check your sources.”

“So you’re not going out with one of Ryan’s friends tonight?”

“Oh.” She nodded. “Actually, that one’s true.”

“Oh.” Jim looked away and then back at her. “Really?” He wasn’t smiling anymore. In fact, he was almost frowning.  Huh.

The phone rang before she could say anything and Jim just nodded and turned away from her.

She watched him slink back to his desk as she raised the phone to her ear. “Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.”

The double date was a disaster.

Brad was probably a nice enough guy, even if he did have what could only be described as really interesting facial hair and if he was so short that Pam felt like a giant standing next to him in her ballet flats. The problem was that he seemed completely uninterested in her.

“I’m sorry, am I boring you?” she’d asked after he yawned for the fifth time in as many minutes. They hadn’t even ordered dinner yet. Kelly and Ryan were already off fighting in a corner and Pam was trying to talk to Brad but he was barely paying attention to her.

“I’m so sorry.” He offered her a genuinely apologetic smile. “I’ve been so slammed with school and work and I’ve pulled all-nighters the last three nights in a row and I don’t think I’ve gotten more than four hours of sleep this week.”

Pam could relate. She even felt bad for him. At least, she did until he actually dozed off during dessert. One minute he was telling her about his dog and the next, his eyes were closed and his head lolled to the side.

She left without saying goodnight to Kelly or Ryan. They had moved on to making out instead of fighting and she knew she could be safely in her car before anyone noticed she was gone.

The next day was even weirder.

It all started when Andy cornered her in the break room during lunch. “Pamela Beesly, I’m hurt. I thought we were better friends than this. How could you treat me this way?”

She looked up from her salad. “Andy?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. She had no idea what he was going on about.

“Did you think it’s fair? Did you think you could you start looking like that and going on dates and not even consider that I could show you the best night of your life?”

She choked a little on her vinaigrette dressing and tried to cover it with a cough. “No,” she said honestly, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin. “No, I didn’t think you’d be interested—“ she tilted her head to the side. “I’ve been on one date. How do you know about it?”

“Kelly’s got a voice that carries.” He wasn’t wrong. “Besides, what about the Tobster?”

“That was dinner, not a date!” She frowned as Andy sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her. “What—what are you doing?”

“I am going to sit here and bask in your hotness until you agree to go out with me. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but you know how I went to Cornell?”

Not a day had gone by since he started working there that Andy hadn’t mentioned his college days. “Uh-huh.”

“I was a total ladies’ man.”

“I believe it. Andy, there are like, nine chairs in here. You don’t have to sit on the floor.”

“It’s better if I sit here,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s like you’re on a pedestal and I can gaze adoringly at your killer bod.”

“Great.” She crossed one leg over the other and turned away from him.

“You like smart guys, right? Of course you do. Tell me if this tickles your fancy. Just last night I answered more questions on Jeopardy than my maid did. She said I’m the smartest boss she’s ever had. Did you know that I have two degrees from Cornell?”

It was the longest lunch hour of her life. So long that she was positively thrilled when Roy interrupted them.

He’d barely looked at Andy who was still sitting on the floor while he told her she looked beautiful. He said that his sister Anna was in town for the weekend and when she said to tell her she said hi, he invited her out to dinner with them that night.

She didn’t know why she said yes. She’d always liked Anna but she had no interest in having dinner with Roy.

It did get Andy off the floor though, so at least there was that.

Kelly was aghast when she found out. “Roy, Pam? Roy?”

Pam didn’t know what to say with her because honestly she was just as surprised as Kelly was. Thankfully she didn’t have to defend herself because Kelly’s eyes lit up and she nodded slowly.

“Actually, this is good. This is very good, Pam. You can show him exactly what he’s missing out on. Really drive it home that he lost the best thing he ever had.”

“Kelly, no.” She shook her head. She didn’t want to cause any trouble; she’d already broken the guy’s heart once. “I just want to see his sister, that’s all.”

“Of course.” Kelly winked at her. “You know what you should do though? Wear the sexiest pair of heels you own. That’ll teach him.”

“Teach him what, exactly?”

“I don’t know; do I have to explain everything to you? It’s a power move, Pam. You need to strut in there with your favorite shoes tonight. You’ve got a pair, right?”

Pam thought about the red heels buried in the back of her closet. “Yes,” she sighed.

“Just wear them. Trust me. Not even for him; wear them for you. You’ll see once you’ve got them on.”

Pam only agreed because she wanted Kelly to leave her alone. And because they were really cute shoes.

“Mike Tibbets.”

Pam looked up from the Sudoku game she was playing to kill the last ten minutes of the day. Jim was standing over her desk. “Who?”

“Mike Tibbets,” he repeated. “He’s a friend of mine and um.” He sighed. “Look, remember how Karen told you she wanted to set you up with one of my friends?”

That wasn’t exactly how she remembered the conversation going but Pam just nodded. “Oh. Right. Jim, really. You don’t have to—“

“She already did,” he said and she swore she could hear a touch of frustration in his voice. “She talked to him this afternoon and—“ Instead of sounding frustrated, now he just sounded apologetic. “Do you have plans tomorrow night? Karen thought the four of us could go to dinner and maybe a movie.”

She’d rather go out with Andy. “Jim.” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t think…” she sighed and lifted her eyes to his. “I mean, do you think that this—“

“No,” he said quickly and she didn’t know if she was relieved or offended. “I don’t, but Karen does and it just…” he sighed and now he looked embarrassed more than anything else. “You would be doing me a huge favor right now if you said yes.”

“I see.” She had so many questions but was too afraid to ask any of them. Jim looked positively sick at the idea of going on a double date with her and she was pretty sure that her face mirrored his. “Yeah, okay,” she said finally because apparently this week, she didn’t know how to say no to anyone. “Let’s do it.”

“Really?” Now she couldn’t read his expression.

“Really.” She smiled tiredly. “Maybe it’ll be fun, right?”

“Maybe.” He didn’t sound like he believed that. “Mike’s a really nice guy.”

“I didn’t think you’d be friends with assholes.”

“Right.” He tried to laugh but it got caught in his throat. “Well, okay. I’ll get things set up  and let you know tomorrow morning?” She nodded. “Great.

“Great,” she echoed. So to recap, tonight she was having dinner with Roy and tomorrow night she was going out with Jim. And Karen. And Mike Tibbets, whoever he was.

Just great.

--

She almost died the next day.

Okay, that was dramatic. She didn’t almost die. Not really. And it wasn’t intentional. At least, she didn’t think it was. Though, with the way the morning had started out, she couldn’t be completely positive that Karen hadn’t done it on purpose.

She hadn’t missed the look Karen had given her when she walked in that morning. Casual Fridays had been reinstated the month before so Pam had ditched her skirt for her favorite jeans and yeah, okay, she knew she looked good in them.

The thing was, Kelly’s whole encouraging her to dress up and wear the red heels and flirt for fun? She’d probably never admit it out loud, but it was starting to work. For the first time in months, Pam felt good about herself. Confident, even.

It had been a long time since she’d felt that way. So it hardly bothered her when in the middle of the morning, she’d overheard Phyllis and Karen whispering to each other at the copy machine.

“…don’t get it,” Karen had whispered. “She’s got boobs, so what? The way they stare at her, you’d think the guys here had never worked with a woman before. She’s not that great.”

"I think they’re fake.” Phyllis’ voice was barely a whisper. “Do you know she’s been out with a different guy every night this week?”

Pam dropped a ream of paper and smiled sweetly as they both jumped and scurried back to their desks. Just because it barely bothered her didn’t mean she had to sit there and listen to them talk about her.

Jim had grinned at her when he came in. Told her she looked great in a voice loud enough for Karen to hear, and then added quickly that he was sure they were all going to have a great time that night, taking the time to reassure her again that Mike was a nice, normal guy.

Karen cornered her in the break room at lunch. “Mike’s really excited about tonight.”

“Yeah?” Pam tapped her fingers against the vending machine as she waited for her soda to drop. “Well, that’s good I guess. Jim says he’s nice.”

“He is. He’s super nice. I think the two of you are really going to hit it off.” Karen’s smile was a little forced. “I just want you to find a good guy,” she added with a nod. “You deserve to be happy.” Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. “I think everyone would be happy if you found someone again.”

“Yeah?” She bent down to get her soda and straightened back up before looking directly at Karen. “I guess I didn’t know realize that personal life was so important to everyone else.”

“Everyone just really cares about you.” Karen smiled at her. “Anyways, I baked these last night.” She held out a plate of fruit tarts. “I was just about to take them out to everyone; do you want one before Kevin gets ahold of them?”

“Sure, thanks.” Pam’s fingers hovered over the plate until she decided on an apple one. “It looks great.”

It wasn’t an apple tart at all. It was a pear tart. And she was allergic to pears.

Twenty minutes later she had broken out in hives so severe that Michael had freaked out and tried to call an ambulance before Dwight tackled him, telling him that she didn’t need an ambulance when he had an epi pen.

She wasn’t letting Dwight and his epi pen anywhere near her. She convinced Michael that she’d be fine… she was pretty sure she’d be fine. She felt fine, at least, apart from the itching and the slight swelling in her throat but she knew it would all pass quickly. Really, she just wanted to use the whole incident as an excuse to go home for the rest of the day and Michael immediately agreed, but not before decreeing that the office would be pear-free from that day forward. He’d glared especially hard at Karen while he said it.

As Pam slipped out the door, she couldn’t miss the small, satisfied smile that twitched across Karen’s face. She stood in the elevator and watched her reflection as the hives spread over her throat and toward her cheeks.

Like she said, she was pretty sure it was an accident.

--

“Pam? Open up. Come on Pam, I know you’re in there. I can see your car out front.” It was quiet for five seconds and then Kelly knocked again. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to sit out here and knock and knock and yell and your neighbors are probably going to get mad and call the police on me. I’m not leaving though Pam, so it’s your choice. Either let me in or risk being responsible for me getting arrested. Because I’ll do it Pam. I’ll go to jail for you if I have to.”

For half a second, Pam considered letting the neighbors call the cops on Kelly but then she dragged herself off of the couch and pulled open the door.

“Oh my god, your face.” Kelly recoiled at the sight of Pam’s hives, which to be fair, had tripled since she left the office. “I can’t believe she did this to you.”

“She didn’t mean to. I’m sure it was an accident.” Her eyes drifted to the bags Kelly lugged in from the porch. “What’s all that?”

“This is everything we need to make you presentable for your date tonight.” Kelly beamed at her. “Just consider me your fairy godmother.”

“No. Kelly, come on. I can’t go out like this.” Pam gestured to her hive-covered arms, then her neck, and then her face. “I’m going to cancel. It was a terrible idea anyway.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Here.” Kelly rummaged around in one of her bags and tossed a pill bottle at Pam. “Take two of those.” She rolled her eyes at the look on Pam’s face. “It’s just Benadryl, Pam.  I promise. The non-drowsy stuff.”

If it had been any other day, Pam would have laughed in Kelly’s face and thrown the pills in the garbage but today she found herself shaking two of the pink pills into her hand. She didn’t think Kelly would try to poison her.

“No, Karen did though.” Oops. She must have spoken that last part out loud.

“Karen didn’t try to poison me,” she insisted.

“Uh-huh. I’m just saying, there’s a list in the break room of all of our co-workers’ food allergies. She knew you couldn’t eat pears.” Kelly waited patiently for her to take the medicine before she grabbed her hand and pulled her back over to the couch. “Now you just need to lay here with some ice packs and this eye mask, okay? Anything left after this we’ll just cover with make-up.” She busied herself getting Pam situated and then settled herself on the opposite end of the couch where she began painting her nails.

“So.” Kelly’s casually spoken word sliced through absolute silence about three minutes later. “How are you enjoying your fairy-tale romance so far?”

Pam scoffed. “Where’ve you been this week, Kel? There’s nothing fairy-tale about any of this.”

“Ugh, you’re so wrong. I’m surprised at you; I thought that as an artist, maybe you’d have some sort of imagination.”

She tried to ignore the subtle insult. “What are you talking about?”

“Pam, look at everything that’s happened this week.” Kelly paused dramatically. “You’re obviously Snow White and you’re working your way through the Seven Dwarfs.”

Her tone was so matter-of-fact that it took a full minute for Pam to process what she’d just said. She sat up slowly and peeled the eye mask from her face.

“Did you stop and have a few drinks before coming over here?” she asked finally. “Because you sound crazy right now.”

Kelly shrugged. “Do I though? Look at the facts. Let’s start with Toby.” She reached over and put the mask back to Pam’s eyes and gently pushed her back against the couch.

“What about him?”

“You said he was so nervous at dinner that he could barely handle a conversation. Some might call that Bashful. And then Chad, well, he’s an open and shut case of Sleepy. And Andy—“

“I did not go on a date with Andy,” she interrupted but Kelly was too far gone to pay any attention to her.

“You had lunch with him in the break room. That’s basically a date. And all he did was talk about how smart he is and doesn’t that sound a lot like Doc?”

“That’s a stretch,” Pam argued weakly. Maybe Kelly had drugged her because the more she talked, the more sense it was starting to make in Pam’s head.

“And then you had dinner with Roy, and my god, no offense because I know you almost married him and all, but do you know a bigger idiot than him? I mean, he let you get away, didn’t he? And did he even try to hit on you last night?” Pam shook her head. Roy had been on his best behavior the entire night.  “Pretty Dopey move if you ask me.” Kelly bounced up and down in her seat. “Oh! Oh! And you were taller than all of them at some point during the dates.” She clapped her hands gleefully. “See? Dwarfs.”

Pam didn’t want to admit that Kelly was right; but she wasn’t wrong either. Toby hadn’t been able to stand up straight because of his rollerblading injury. Chad was just short. Andy had insisted on sitting on the floor. Roy…

“Ha!” She pulled the eye mask off of her face again. “Roy is way taller than me,” she pointed out triumphantly.

Kelly wasn’t impressed. “Did you wear the heels I told you to?” Pam nodded. “And what did he say when he saw you in them?”

Roy had grinned at her when he stood in front of him in heels that brought her height to his chin instead of his chest. He had joked around with her, asking ‘am I shrinking?’  Pam opened and shut her mouth a few times as Kelly just looked smugly at her.

“How can you not get this yet?” Kelly shook her head as she capped her nail polish. “Okay, how about this? Karen is the Evil Queen. Obviously.”

“Kelly!”

“She is! She just tried to poison you, Pam. Maybe not with an apple, but this is basically the same thing. And do you know why she did it? Because you’re prettier than her. You’re the prettiest woman in the office now and everyone knows it. Everyone.”

Pam laughed incredulously. “Now I know you’re crazy because there’s no way you’d ever admit that someone was prettier than you.”

Kelly shrugged again. “This is your fairy-tale Pam, not mine. Anyways, you probably hadn’t noticed this part either because apparently you didn’t catch onto any of it at all, but I’m clearly the Magic Mirror.”

Pam’s head was spinning. “How?”

“Oh my God, you really don’t have any imagination at all, do you?” Kelly shook her head sadly. “The Magic Mirror was basically just a gossip, if you think about it. It knew everything going on in the kingdom and it told the Queen who the fairest in the land was.”

Son of a bitch.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Okay. Let’s say that maybe, maybe you’re right about all of this.”

“I am right about all of this.”

“Maybe you are. What does that even mean? What would happen next?”

“Next you go on that double date tonight. You’ve still got three dwarfs to get through.”

“And which ones are left?” That’s how little she knew of the fairy-tale in question; she couldn’t even keep track of all seven.

“Grumpy, Happy, and Sneezy.”

“Great.”

This really was Grandma Celia’s fault, she decided as Kelly prattled on about her predictions for the night and how Karen was going to be so mad when she saw how great Pam looked in the dress Kelly had brought her.

What if Celia had just read her Rapunzel instead of letting her read Flowers in the Attic? What if she’d watched a little more of The Little Mermaid and little less Beverly Hills, 90210? Would she still be in the middle of the most dramatic fairy-tale ever?

Except, she still didn’t even believe in fairy-tales.

Did she?