Real. It’s real. Michael really hit him with his car. “Michael,” he mutters, shaking his head violently from side and side and feeling the throb increase to a persistent pound. The pain was a pretty good confirmation actually.

Pam was staring at him in what could only be described as abject horror. “A prank?” she whispered, confusion clouding her tone.

Jim felt the blood drain from his face as this new reality – actual reality – set in.

He was genuinely missing a good ten, eleven months of the year. What the hell had happened? It took just about all his willpower, but he swung his gaze away from Pam for a solid second to gape at Karen. “You’re my girlfriend?” he choked out, hollowly. He received an enthusiastic nod and a cautious smile in return.

He couldn’t help himself and his gaze shifted back to Pam. “What about, uh,” he cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable, “Katy?” The name came out as a hoarse whisper. Pam winced ever so slightly.

“I’m not completely sure,” she supplied. “I think you broke up with her just after the booze cruise.”

“The booze cruise?”

Pam mentally slapped herself. Of course he had no idea. “It’s umm. Oh, you know the leadership, teambuilder-y event Michael,” his name was a curse falling from her lips, “gave us the list for.”

Jim clicked his fingers. “Yes! Wait, so we’re not robbing a bank?”

“And escaping through the sewer?” Pam grinned. “No,” she added with the sad shake of her head. “We went on a booze cruise.”

“In January?” Jim laughed.

“Michael – ” they intoned in unison and shared a smile. Pam felt it stretch from ear to ear. She’d missed this the most, the easy comradery she shared with Jim before it all, this whole year had crumbled around them.

“Katy?” Karen interjected, her voice humourless and restrained.

“It wasn’t serious,” Jim confirmed. “I – ” he broke off. There was no good way to say that he was hopelessly and completely in love with Pam and all his relationships were therefore doomed. His current girlfriend, who he had to assume was also super casual, didn’t need to know that… How soon was too soon after meeting the girl you were supposedly dating to dump her?

To be honest, he wasn’t all that concerned about the Katy issue. All he truly wanted to know was where the hell Pam’s engagement ring had gone? He wanted to know where they stood. She was here at his hospital bed, that had to bode well, right?

He glanced at her ringless hand, noticed that the faint indent had almost completely faded and opened his mouth, still struggling to find the words that would come out and ask the question that was burning on his tongue… He was interrupted, by the arrival of a team of nurses intent on pushing his bed to a MRI machine.

He shot Pam one last meaningful look as he untethered his hand from hers. He felt the loss instantly as her fingers slipped from his. He shot Karen what he hoped was a sort of an apologetic, sorry-I-have-no-idea-who-you-are farewell as his bed slid from the room.

* * * 

Then there were two, Pam thought as Jim drifted away. It was kind of symbolic that him, and his bed had been between them. All that remained was empty space.

Karen crossed the threshold and handed Pam the tea that she had sourced for her. She tugged the other chair over to her side of the room and settled into it, releasing a pointed sigh. As she straightened back up, her eyes locked purposefully with Pam’s.

Pam try to bite back the gulp that tended to lodge in her throat every time she interacted with Karen. Karen hadn’t actually done anything to her – she likely didn’t know that she was dating the love of Pam’s life. That was Pam’s problem, not Karen’s.

“I don’t get it,” Karen stated quietly. “You and Jim are colleagues, you exchange pleasantries at the office. That’s about it. But January Jim seems pretty cosy with you?” 

Pam outwardly cringed. Jim had clearly downplayed their history – was that the right word? – with Karen. It stung to have what they were, or at least had been, reduced to Karen's cold assessment, accurate as it may be. “Umm,” she started, digging deep for fancy new Beesly to bring her some confidence.

“It’s kind of complicated,” she added weakly. “Jim was my best friend before he left for Stamford,” she finally released on a breath.

“Best friend?” Karen snorted, a little derisively. “What does that even mean? January Jim is clearly into you?”

Pam flinched as if she’d been openly slapped. She felt the tears creeping their way into falling. She swallowed roughly. “Have you met Roy, from the warehouse?”

Karen nodded. “Sure. The solid guy with a bit of a beard?”

“Yeah,” Pam paused, sucking in a steady breath. She didn’t owe Karen her story… or maybe she did? “Up until May we were engaged.”

Karen leaned in. “For nine years actually,” Pam added softly.  “And we were, I was, I don’t know… content?”

“But you weren’t happy?” Karen supplied.

“For the most part, I was,” Pam shrugged. “Or, at least I thought I was…” She paused, Roy was her story, but Jim, Jim was Jim’s story and he clearly hadn’t told Karen.

She really wasn’t sure if this was her place, or how much she should reveal. The devils advocate sitting over her shoulder continued to niggle. What if Jim was happy? What if she was interfering? What if Jim’s memory returned and he hated her all the more for telling his girlfriend every detail of their convoluted history? She wasn’t sure how it could get worse from here; he barely acknowledged her as it stood…

“What changed?” Karen was oblivious to the internal debate raging through Pam’s mind.

Pam felt the color rising in her cheeks as she searched for the best way to phrase her response. “There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding,” she started carefully, “but, I didn’t think about any of them until I met – ” Pam hesitated, willing the word to slip from her tongue. Honesty was not one of her strengths she reflected dryly.

“Jim,” Karen finished with a heavy sigh.

“Yes. Jim,” his name – finally acknowledging it aloud to someone – was everything. She somehow felt both lighter than she had in months at the sheer truth of it all as well as incredibly guilty that Karen was the person she was having this conversation with. The warring emotions were too much for her to handle – she felt the tears that she had been fighting back all morning tracking noiselessly down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she choked, dropping her head to her hands.

“I,” Karen started. “I didn’t know.”

Pam shook her head, attempting to convey, that she didn’t think Karen had so much as a clue.

“Why did Jim leave Scranton?”

The follow up question increased the shaking of Pam’s shoulders tenfold. The events of casino night played in her mind, reminding her once again of all her failings over the past year. She heard the lies spill from her lips and watched the agony play out in Jim’s eyes. She felt his lips on hers and his hands gently tethering her to him.

Somehow, in spite of it all, as the memories replayed as they did all too often since Jim disappeared to Stamford, this time there was a sheen to them – they were a little less dull around the edges, as if the contrast had been increased. Underneath everything, this conversation with Karen included, there was something new, a tiny flicker of possibility. Jim, with a head injury had forgotten his whole damn girlfriend, he’d forgotten a huge chapter of his life. But, he hadn’t forgotten her.

No matter how surly he acted these days, somewhere deep down, the thread that tied them together remained. That was the silver lining she was hell bent on taking away from this.

That thought steeled something in her spine and she straightened to look Karen in the eye as she formulated her response. She wiped her cheeks on the corner of her sleeve and cleared her throat. “Because of June 10th.”

Of course, Karen had no idea what she was talking about and continued to meet her gaze, waiting for a more coherent reply. “Roy finally set a date,” Pam sighed. “After years and years of being engaged, it was actually going to happen.”

“Did you and Jim have an affair?” Karen asked pointedly.

Pam shook her head furiously and was struck with the sudden realisation that maybe Karen didn’t know Jim very well at all. Jim would never. He was one of the good guys, the very best guy. How did Karen not know that?

“There were feelings,” she hedged weakly. “And I told Jim I couldn’t, that I was going to marry Roy… and then Jim left,” and Pam’s world turned from day to night which she conveniently edited from the explanation.

“You didn’t marry Roy.” Karen stated.

“There were a lot of reasons,” Pam tacked on firmly.

“You don’t regret it.”Pam knew she was referring to Roy. Inside though, she screamed yes. That she regretted how casino night had gone down. She regretted taking too long to unjumble her feelings. She regretted not reaching out to Jim in the weeks that followed.

“Not at all.”

Karen swallowed the last of her coffee before placing her cup on the floor beside her feet. She rubbed her temples, closing her eyes momentarily. “What the hell, Halpert,” she murmured.

“I’ve been asking myself that question for the past six months,” Pam intoned wryly. Karen snorted.

“He’s going to remember,” Karen’s tone shifted to serious.

“I know.” The reality did nothing to ease the ache in every beat of Pam’s heart.

“And then what?”

“Things return to normal… I’m the receptionist who passes him a message every now and then,” and whose eyes he steadfastly refuses to meet she thought. I go back to sobbing in my car after every strained interaction. I wear a hole into the back of his neck because I can’t keep my eyes off him. Normal casual colleague stuff.

Karen considered this. “Yeah,” she affirmed softly. “Back to normal.”

They slipped into silence. Pam could feel another round of tears lingering just below the surface at the thought of things getting back to the way they had been recently. She was exhausted, in that soul weary way that made each and every day just a little more difficult to face.

She didn’t want to return to a world where Jim pretended not to know her the way he did. A version of the office where he treated her as a casual acquaintance – or less. No different from Angela or Meredith (except he didn’t drop his head ever so slightly to avoid eye contact with them she reminded herself angrily).

No, she didn’t dislike Karen. But there was no universe where they both got what they wished for. Pam felt pathetic. Here she was enthusing over Jim’s head injury because he acted happy to see her for the first time in months. She didn’t deserve Jim. That said, she wasn’t leaving his side until he came to his senses and asked her to.

Karen evidently didn’t feel the same way. She rose. “I’m going to get out of here for a bit. Call me if anything changes.” She pulled a crisp business card from her purse and pressed it to Pam’s palm. She paused in the doorway. “Thanks… I think. For filling the blanks.”

Pam nodded mutely in response, unable to find words in time.

Karen’s departure gave her the opportunity she needed to lay her head in her hands and continue crying. This was how Jim found her not a minute later.

He was joking with the orderly as they slotted his bed back into place. The second his eyes landed on her, his tone lost all humor. “Pam,” he demanded. “What’s wrong?” he became increasingly frantic with each word. “Are you okay?” he pleaded.

Her dampened sleeves once again bore the brunt of the moisture. She pulled her head high, and murmured, “I’m supposed to be asking you that, you dork.”

The grin she received in response warmed her from the inside out.

“Where’d not-Isabel go?” he asked, after a few moments.

“I think she prefers you better with your memory intact,” Pam shrugged. “Something about you actually knowing her name…”

Another sunshine on a rainy day grin met her as she rolled her eyes teasingly.

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Jim replied solemnly. “Samantha.”

She crossed her arms in mock outrage. He huffed a breath and stage whispered her actual name. She smiled that soft half-smile, where her eyes sparkled, but her lips only gently twisted upwards. Pam reached forward, taking tangling her fingers with his once again. He shifted slightly so he could tighten his grip.

“Pam?” her name was a question on his lips.

“Yes?”

He stared at her piercingly for a moment, before dropping his gaze to their hands. “Where’s your engagement ring?”