Jim’s internal hysteria is peaking. He doesn’t even remember who this damn Karen woman is. He felt nothing when she walked into his room earlier, nothing. But Pam? He feels everything when Pam is in the room. He gravitates towards her. If he had to add the number of hours he’d spent by the reception desk in his days at Dunder Mifflin, he’s sure it would eclipse the time spent at his desk.

He can’t imagine a universe wherein he had been able to switch it off. He can’t even imagine a universe where he would want to switch it off.

Sure, there was a dull pain every time he remembered Roy’s existence, but that aside, Pam was a part of everything that brought him joy in life.

So, he’d said it – Pam, I’m in love with you – and this time he was going to remember it. Michael could hit him with ten cars and this would stick, he was certain.

The rumblings of Pam’s shoulders ground to a halt at his declaration. She drew an unsteady breath. “Jim, you have no idea how badly I’ve been hoping to hear you say that again.” She straightened brushing fiercely at her damp cheeks. She wiped her palms against her skirt before reaching one hand out and running her fingertips along the length of his jaw, leaving a trail of warmth in its wake.    

This moment right here, her eyes bright and shining with the answers to all his questions. There was no way he was forgetting this.

* * * 

Pam was torn between saying everything that she wanted to say and the elephant named Karen lingering somewhere in the back of the room. Mostly, she wanted to make things right. She wanted to undo everything that had been done on casino night. She wanted to tell Jim that he hadn’t misinterpreted things and she wanted to be more than that too.

She wanted to kiss him. Again.

She bit that one back, settling for reaching out and running her hand over his jaw. She didn’t want a repeat of casino night in that regard – except it would be Jim remembering that he had someone else and struggling with a strange guilt and grief intertwined with the joy. She was all too familiar with that feeling to wish it on Jim. 

He was gazing at her with a look reminiscent of their night on Lake Wallenpaupack, a look loaded with emotion and throwing caution to the wind. This time though, instead of a rushed I’m cold, as she ran away from everything in his eyes, she leant into it. “I love you too, Jim,” she stated.

His answering grin took her breath away. He clutched at the hand caressing his face and pressed his lips to her palm. “But,” she entreated gently. “You need to figure things out with Karen and,” she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, “you need to get your memory back and figure out what this all means for you.”

“It means everything,” his reassurances counted for something, but did little to quash the unease still tumbling through her.

“To me too,” she murmured.

It was one of those, speak of the devil and he – or she in this instance – shall appear moments as a familiar (to some) voice cut into their conversation.

“Pam,” a curt nod from Karen greeted her, narrowing her eyes once again as she examined Pam’s close proximity to Jim. Pam brushed her thumb gently over Jim’s cheek one last time before her hand began its retreat. Karen’s gaze softened as she turned her gaze to Jim.

Pam pushed her chair back slightly, rising to her feet. “I’ll let you guys talk. I won’t be far,” she promised Jim.  

“You don’t have to go,” he moped ever so slightly.

She grinned. “I do. I’ll get you a soda?” she paused, before adding softly, “grape?”

“Is that rhetorical? Please.” She wished that just like that, the past year was erased for her too, but the inherent her Jim of it all started to heal the ache that had been settled under her ribs for months.

* * * 

Jim didn’t miss the flicker of confusion that flashed through Karen’s expression at his interaction with Pam.

“Weird,” she murmured as she took her earlier seat.

Jim shifted slightly so that he was facing her. “What’s weird?”

She shrugged, before adding, “I got you grape soda from the vending machine at the office one day and you told me that you didn’t really like it.”

“Oh.” Jim replied. “Grape is my favorite,” he added and the air of awkwardness in the room increased tenfold. He shifted uncomfortably as the look of confusion seemed to permanently etch itself onto Karen’s face. “This is kind of stupid, but can you please tell me about the Jim you’ve been dating?”

Her gaze softened somewhat and he thought he perceived some fondness behind all the seriousness. “You’re a hard worker, most of the time,” a slight sigh. Jim got the impression that Karen wasn’t one for spending many a workday pranking Dwight… But what would he know, maybe he was being a little harsh. Surely there had been something that had drawn him to her? Even if it were just another in a not so long line of doomed relationships that paled in comparison to his friendship with Pam.

“Since the merger, you’re the assistant regional manager,” there was an air of smugness. She was clearly proud of him having this position. “We’ve been talking a little about putting in for a role at corporate the next time they’re advertising,” she shrugged. “I think you’d be great.”

Jim was back to thinking this entire thing was the greatest prank of all time orchestrated by the genius that was Pam. Assistant. Regional. Manager? Over Dwight’s dead body. Corporate? Over his dead body.  

“Outside of work?” he deadpanned, a little confused about this version of Jim that appeared to view Dunder Mifflin as a career?

She eyed him shrewdly. “You’re predictable, I guess. You eat the same lunch every day.”

“Ham and cheese,” he chuckled and was met with the shake of her head.

“Tuna fish,” she corrected, the confusion back in full force. “You… We’ve been on a health kick. You’ve been cycling to work.”

“And look where that got me,” Jim laughed darkly, gesturing to the hospital bed and his cracked pelvis.   

Karen gave him a half smile. “Yeah.”

“Michael,” Jim sighed with the steady shake of his head.

Karen’s eyes flashed with anger in response. “He’s insane,” she exhaled. “I’ve never met a bigger idiot.” There was no humour to her tone, none of that usual sort of bordering of fond, but frustrated understanding that tended to exist when it came to Michael. Jim found her lack of endearment for Michael and his antics a little odd. Above all else, Michael was well intentioned.

He was finding that the more he spoke with Karen, the less he understood. She was clearly work oriented, which essentially made her the female version of Dwight – with more social graces, but that was a low bar. She seemed to think he was also work focussed, which was baffling at best. She didn’t get Michael… He supposed that perhaps, Michael hitting her boyfriend with his car had diminished her opinion of him, but he didn’t get that impression. If he had to guess, she hadn’t had liked him much before this morning either.  

He had more questions than answers. “When did we start dating?” he asked, figuring he had to start somewhere and the beginning seemed somewhat logical.

“November,” she smiled, seemingly glad that Jim was taking an interest in their relationship.

He winced slightly, “how, uh, soon was that before the merger with Scranton?”

“You asked me out on the Saturday and we started in Scranton on the Monday,” she replied with furrowed brow.

“Oh.”

He was trash. Actual garbage. He could piece together his thought processes without the memory. He had clearly been too scared to face Pam. He’d used Karen. It didn’t take much more than the date for him to figure that out. If he’d really, genuinely liked Karen he would’ve had the gumption to ask her out in Stamford. Surely…

Although, it had taken him years to have an honest conversation with Pam, so maybe he was just a coward. He quickly shook that thought from his head.

He’d asked out plenty of girls without issue and huge chunks of hesitation. This was clear cut. He’d been treating Karen badly. He was certain. She didn’t know him, not really. That much was obvious.

“I’m sorry,” he started gently.

She eyed him sharply. “For what?”

“I don’t think I’ve been very fair with you, or very honest.”

“Stop Jim,” she huffed a frustrated breath. “You’ll remember soon and this mess will be over.”

She was right. The mess would be over. It was over. There was a soft, but steady version of Pam before him, gently declaring that she loved him. That was it for him. The memories may return, but this would stay and this would win. He was sure of it.

He tried to think of careful phrasing, he tried to put it delicately, but his mouth opened and, “I think we should break up,” spilled clumsily out.

“No,” Karen decreed. “Don’t be ridiculous.” She reached out a hand to plump his pillows. “You’ll remember,” she nodded. He wondered if it sounded as hollow to her as it did to him.

“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured. “It won’t change things for me,” there was an unspoken now that followed.

Karen frowned at him. “This is bullshit. You don’t even talk to Pam. Hell, I’ve seen you talk to Phyllis more,” she scoffed. “The first hint I got that Pam was anything special to you was when she hightailed it out of the office after Michael declared that you’d been hit by a car.”

Jim wondered how Karen would feel if she knew that her words only served to intensify his gratefulness that Pam was here. He’d been hurting and taking it out on her, he could piece that together from everything that Karen said and Pam had left unsaid. He’d been treating Pam poorly and yet she was the first one to rush to his bedside. She was the one to stay. He didn’t deserve her, that much was clear. But, somehow, against all the damn odds it seemed that he had her.

“I should’ve known something was up,” Karen was pacing now, muttering as she crossed the foot of his bed over and over again. “God, it makes sense now.” She froze, arms crossed, eyes on Jim, “everyone knows don’t they?”

He hung his head ever so slightly. She snorted and resumed her pacing. “Everyone,” she murmured. “When Pam ran from the office, Kevin winked and said niiiice PB & J before putting out a hand to Oscar for a fist bump…”

It took everything in Jim’s power not to crack a smile. He’d be returning that fist bump to Kev at the first available moment.

“She called off her damn wedding for you, you know that right?” Karen was back at her seat. 

“I do now,” Jim felt the heat warming his cheeks.

Karen didn’t miss it. “That’s why this is over, isn’t it?” He nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“Save it,” she frowned. “You owe me an explanation when you get your head on straight. You know where to find me,” she paused. “Well, you will know I guess.”

Jim nodded mutely in response. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. Karen stalked from the room, without so much as a backwards glance.

Mere moments later Pam flitted back in. “I was hiding around the corner waiting for her to leave,” she whispered conspiratorially.

“Eavesdropping will get you everywhere Beesly,” he grinned.

“I only heard the end,” she shrugged.

“The end it definitely was.” He was met with a watery beam, which seemed to be her go to today. He didn’t miss the way it slipped slightly at the edges.

Karen’s earlier monologue rang in his ears. “Pam,” he jerked his chin, signally that she should move closer. “This is what I remember. You’re the best person I know. You treat Michael with far more kindness than he deserves – ”

The comparison was now stark. It wasn’t fair that he was comparing the small snippet of Karen that he knew to Pam, but it was inevitable. He compared everyone to Pam, and everyone fell short. No one had the same steady kindness as Pam, especially when it came to their bumbling boss.

“Not this time when I line him up in the parking lot and exact my revenge,” she interrupted.

“You’re the only person I know who can somehow charm Dwight into believing just about anything,” he continued, undeterred.

“Just wait to you see what I’ve got planned for Christmas,” she grinned. His eyes lit up in response.

“Put a pin in that,” he chuckled. “I think Angela may even not despise you.”

“That was before I called off a wedding. That ship has definitely sailed. I’m a hussy now,” she shrugged.

“Hush, let me continue with my praise.”

He was interrupted again. However, he decided instantly that her lips gently pressing against his was a very welcome interruption. In fact, she could interrupt him anytime. He was kind of annoyed he wasn’t hooked up to one of those heart rate monitor machines so he could have the movie cliché where his heart visibly sped up at her touch.

Speaking of clichés, if he was the type to believe in fairy-tale-esque memory restoring kisses, this would be the one to do it. Instead, he committed to memorising every sensation of this moment.

It was amazing how the simple, tame press of her lips to his was enough to set his heart racing and drive his pulse wild. She pulled back to gaze at him and he licked his lips, tasting something inherently Pam in what remained.

She bit her tongue between her teeth, a tiny sliver of pink showing and his heart clean stopped. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“I’m not.”

“I said we should wait. The truth is, I’ve been waiting for you to break up with Karen for a month and I’m done with waiting.”