The very sight of her had caused him to feel as if he was physically being ripped out of his body. He felt his heart beat so fast it almost jumped out of his chest, and for a second, he imagined a beating heart skipping across the floor and throwing itself out the window. Or better yet towards Pam, who would probably recognize it and step on it again. Suddenly he couldn't sit there any longer.

Even though he was partly relieved she was here and he got to see her, he couldn't take a confrontation right now. One phone call by accident didn't dare erase the pain and rejection he felt on Casino night. He swore that she loved him even though her lips said other wise; the small nod of her head as he asked was she really going to marry Roy, was a mask of her true feelings. She had kissed him, ran her fingers in his hair, clung to him. Fuck...fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Jim?"

He turned to see Josh. "Damn you look worse than earlier. You need to go home?"

"I um...I..."

"Because if that shit's contagious, I don't want you going to this mixer I'm setting up and coughing on everyone." Josh replied.

At this, Andy whipped around. "Uh, mixer?"

"Yeah, for the Scrantonites. It's Michael's idea actually, and Jan said he's only approved for one party this year, and he wasted it on this mixer shit. Geez Halpert...did you just get a shade paler?"

Jim gulped audibly. He couldn't see her face to face. Not yet. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face what was his past, now was in his present and what he so desperately wanted to be his future. He cleared his throat and tried to sound sicker than he was."You know, I don't want to give this to anyone. Maybe I should go home."

Andy frowned. "Hey Josh, whatever it is he has, I gave it to him. I should go home too."

Jim attempted to say some sort of witty retort, but his mind was too clouded right now for it. He watched as Josh perched himself on the edge of his desk.

"Uh, no."Andy turned around defeated and Josh continued talking to Jim. "Anyway, this sucks man, because I definitely wanted you to be our common ground. You worked with these guys, you could be a bridge because honestly...I don't know what the hell is going on in Michael's demented mind right now."

"I don't think many people do. Where-where are they?"

"Well I've contained Michael to the conference room. Don't know how long that's going to last, he's getting antsy. The others are okay, well that Dwight kid is freaking me out a little, and that Packer fella, I swear he's high or drunk or something. Jan's stuck in traffic, but once she gets here, hopefully she can explain to him what this merger means."

Jim nodded and barely choked out. "Um...I thought you said that only 5 were transferring in?"

Josh ran an open palm over his face and let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, but Pam is temporary. Jan wants her here until-wait-is that Michael by the elevator?"

They turned to see Michael standing by a clerical assistant, chattering. She looked deathly afraid and Josh slid off the desk and muttered "Gotdammit Michael" before walking away.

Jim swallowed and his dry throat burned. He watched Josh try to steer Michael back towards the conference room and Jim made an effort to duck down so Michael wouldn't see him.

Karen must have noticed because she walked up to his desk and folded her arms. "Why are you hiding?"

"What are you talking about?" Jim snorted. "I lost a contact."

"No. You're hiding. What? Having the Scrantonites here should be like a reunion for you."

"Is it?" Jim asked, more to himself. Karen raised an eyebrow.

"What happened in Scranton?"

"Nothing ever happens in Scranton. Thus why I moved here." Jim replied simply, trying to deflect with humor.

Karen wasn't buying it. "Uh huh. So you're ducking behind your desk for no reason. And you have yet to make yourself known to your old office mates. Fishy."

Jim gave a small cough. "Fine, okay. I slept with Dwight and I don't know how I feel about that."

Andy turned suddenly. "I knew it! I knew you were gay!"

Jim frowned and clicked his mouse as Karen rolled her eyes. "Alright Halpert. Keep your secret. But you're going to have to spill it one day. Because you can't hide behind your screen and Andy forever."

Jim shook his head and clicked his mouse. He had to get out of here but Karen was right. He couldn't hide forever. But for the moment, he could leave and deal with this tomorrow. He grabbed his bag and gave another fake cough. "Uh tell Josh I'm heading out. I feel lightheaded and congested."

Andy swiveled around. "Right. You're so full of it. You don't want to face your gay lover at the mixer."

Jim ignored him and tried to move past Karen. She backed up with a confused look on her face. "So, you're not going to mingle with your old buddies?"

Jim shook his head. "I'm too sick to mingle. See you guys tomorrow."

In several quick strides, he made it to the elevator and poked the button several times. He never understood why people did that until now, in hopes that pressing it in sucession would make the elevator speed up. He was anxious to get on and get out of here. Jim refused to look down the hall towards the conference room, because if he saw her again, it might weaken his resolve to escape. The doors opened and Jim stepped in quickly, hitting the lobby button. He leaned back against the cold wall, and closed his eyes, hearing the doors about to shut.

Before they could, a woman attempted to get on, but was too late.

Not that late because before the doors closed and he descended down, he opened his eyes to see Pam staring back wide eyed at him and he faintly heard her gasp out, "Jim?"

And just like before, he left her behind.