Lazily, he walked towards the bathroom. He was going to take a piss, but his reflection in the mirror caught his attention and he stared at it.

You are such a loser, Jim Halpert. What the fuck is wrong with you? It seemed to shout at him.

He sighed heavily, wanting to break that mirror, but his landlord probably wouldn't like that, and then he'd have to replace it...plus he really, really had to pee.

Last night seemed to go in slow motion, Pam coming to the bar, sitting beside him, sipping on a beer while both of them stared at each other through a mirror. Before he knew it, they were arguing, in public, he was hurt and angry and began to lay it out on her. She looked wounded, but she took it like only Pam could, with a mix of fear yet understanding, and they went outside. His heart sank a little as he recalled the events of the night, his own behavior a shock to him. He was harsh and unyielding; he was pissed that she could come back into his life and affect him so much.

Truth be told, he had been a real jerk...nay, a large asshole. So when they stood outside, he watched her stumble over her reasons for not being able to take that step with him, for not being able to face what he'd been feeling for years. And her tears softened him as she clutched his shirt and cried; suddenly all that rage, all that rejection began to shrink back, even if just a little.

So he just said fuck it, and pulled her into a kiss. It surprised him thoroughly when she deepened it, her hands pushing up into his scalp, her tongue tangling with his.  It wasn't sweet like before, it was full of pain and heartache, selfishness, pleading. He moaned into her mouth, not tasting the beer she had sipped at all, but something sweet. And his heart raced, this was finally it, they were finally there together, not like before. He felt free and he wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and carry her...carry her home.

She pushed her body against him and she was so close, he almost thought she would climb into his skin. Abruptly, the bar door opened and Andy came out singing with Michael, both obviously drunk.

Before it could register to Jim, he felt Pam's lips rip from his. He opened his eyes to see her go red, and she pushed away from him as if they were caught doing something wrong.

"Whoa-Big Tuna?! Ah ha! I knew it!" Andy slurred happily. Michael was grinning and nodding.

Jim just kept his eyes on Pam, who dropped hers to her feet and stepped backwards. He felt like it was Casino night all over again.  How her reaction seemed to get to him so deeply he had no idea why.  She just didn't get that they weren't doing anything wrong, there was no Roy anymore, no circumstances to stop them from being together, so why she recoiled back like that pissed him off. He couldn't have cared fucking less if Andy, Michael, or the Pope walked in on them making out.  Suddenly that dissipated rage came flooding back as Jim wondered would she always be this way with him, so guarded, and so scared.

He watched her look away from Andy, who was making kissy noises and Michael was laughing. And something inside him died a little more, so without word, he turned on his heels and stomped to his car.

"Jim." He heard her say as he walked away, but all he could see was her leaning against his desk on Casino Night, breaking their kiss, her hand pushing him away gently as she said his name.

She had rejected him after that, so he was going to leave before she could get a chance.

For once his long legs were a blessing as he reached his car quickly, her voice now shouting his name, meaning nothing to him.

He got in the car and drove off just as she approached. He didn't even glance in the rear view to see her drop her head in her hands and cry.

And now the next morning he stood in huffed out the elevator of Dunder-Mifflin Stamford, not even glancing once at reception. Part of it was because he was ashamed of his own behavior; the rest was because he didn't know what she wanted from him.

I-I love you Jim.

Those words had spun in his mind all night, and kept him up. If she loved him so much, why as there always a barrier in between them? If she wanted it, why did letting it be in public embarrass her so much?

He sat next to Ryan who gave him an inquisitive look, then turned back to his spreadsheet. He didn't speak and Ryan didn't either. There was a comfortable silence.

Andy leaned back and smiled. "So, how was your night?"

Jim decided to not go into this with Andy. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Andy frowned and turned back around.

Jim just focused on his reports and wondered if he just was one of those guys who would always wallow in misery.

Suddenly, he heard Karen screaming. "That's it! I can't take it anymore!"

Everyone turned to see her screeching at Dwight.

"All I did was merely change your inefficient way of handling customer contacts." Dwight rolled his eyes.

Karen clenched her fists and Jim was waiting for her to kill Dwight. "No! You deleted everything! I-I....Argh! Josh! Josh! Get him away from me!"

Jim was shocked by Karen's usually professional composure being shaken by dealing with Dwight.

Michael sighed and stood up. "I'm a manager, I'll handle this."

Josh had come out of his office. "What's-what's going on?"

As everyone watched, Karen grew livid and Dwight didn't even flinch. "He's getting on my last nerve. I can't work like this."

Michael had approached by then. "That's okay Josh, I'll handle this."

Josh eyed him and shook his head. "No, I think I got it, thanks."

"But I'm Regional Manager-"Michael said curtly.

"Not with this you aren't." Josh simply stated and then turned his attention to a bickering Karen and Dwight. "Now...what's the problem?"

Karen glared at Dwight. "He's absolutely insufferable. How anyone can work like this is beyond me!"

Dwight crossed his arms. "I'll have you know I was top regional salesperson last year. My methods work."

"I don't give a damn about your methods."

Josh waved his hands. "Okay, okay. Look, why don't we switch? Michael you'll sit with Karen."

Michael smiled and wagged his eyebrow. "Okay. Well hello, foxy lady."

Karen shook her head. "No."

Josh groaned. "Um, well okay. Um...Ryan, you sit with Karen. Dwight you sit with-"

Jim stared Josh down, shaking his head.

Josh got the message. "-Andy. And Michael you got Jim."

Jim sucked in a breath as Ryan went over to a very satisfied Karen and Michael sat down in the seat. Andy looked hurt and betrayed by all of it as Dwight slunk down beside him.

"So Jimbo...let's sell some paper."

But instead of bringing up a contact screen, Michael began playing Internet Poker.

What did he do to deserve this? To deserve having his life fall apart around him, to have Pam come back into his life but not really, and to have Michael in his face?

Andy turned around and gave a longing look to Michael, and Dwight mumbled to himself furiously.

Jim just sighed.

"Hey Jimbo...what's on your mind?"

He didn't want to tell Michael anything, because based on past experiences, that never went well. He sipped his coffee so he wouldn't have to go further. "Nothing."

"Sure it is, considering you were shoving your tongue down my secretary's throat last night."

Jim started to choke and Michael clapped him hard on his back. It stung and Jim just wanted nothing more than to crawl under his desk and die.

"No seriously, I'm glad you crazy kids finally worked that out."

"Uh, no. Nothing happened."

Michael looked perplexed. After all, Jim knew he did in fact see them basically inhaling each other's faces. "But-"

"Nothing happened." Jim repeated, quietly.

Michael nodded as though he finally worked out the situation. "Well Jimster, it must be for the best. Pam's not especially consistent. I mean, we kissed once too-"

Jim almost got whiplash when he turned to Michael. "What?!"

Michael looked somewhat sad as he spoke. "Not really a kiss. I tried to kiss her. I mean, we've both been rejected by her, so I guess that makes us brothers."

Jim couldn't breath. "When did this happen? Did you kiss her or not kiss her?"

He watched as Michael dropped her head. "No. She wouldn't let me. It was after the Diwali festival Kelly-"

"What's Diwali?" Jim questioned.

"Um...I think it's like Indian Christmas. Kind of. Maybe....So, anyway, Kelly took us to it and I was feeling the love, the energy. And I sorta proposed to Carol-man, that night sucked."

Jim wondered why Pam never contacted him. No matter what was going on between them; that was too juicy for Pam to keep to herself. Maybe she just didn't think he would care, or maybe she didn't even think of him at all then.  Or, it could have been because he had lost his phone back in early November after getting drunk with Andy, and she didn't know his new cell number. He dropped him head slightly and Michael noticed.

"I mean, it's not like I slept with her Jim. God knows...I want to." Michael sighed longingly. His reassurance wasn't necessary and it only made Jim nauseous.

"Hey...um...please don't tell me shit like that." Jim muttered.

"No, I'm sorry. I mean- she's your-well...I'm sorry. Just...lonely that's all." Michael replied simply.

Jim could relate. "Yeah I know the feeling."

The two men sat in silence as they contemplated the state of their lives. And it was odd Jim felt some sort of camaraderie with Michael on the whole rejection thing, even if Michael deserved it sometimes.

"So Carol said no?" Jim finally asked.

"Well...not really. It was more like a ‘let's talk about this somewhere else so I can say no' kind of thing. But she said that in front of everybody."

"Wow."

"It sucked. Hey, want to...go to lunch somewhere?" Michael asked, his voice pleading.

Jim didn't want to, but he sensed Michael's sadness. New job, no respect, no love life. Sounds familiar. "Uh...sure. Just...just give me a few minutes. I got to write an email."

Michael nodded and stood up to go to the break room. "Cool. Do they have a Hooters around here?"

Jim just smiled as Michael walked away and he opened his email up to compose a new message.

To: Pbeesley@dundermifflin.com 

From: JHalpert@dundermifflin.com

If it's not too late, and you don't hate me, I want to work things out. Meet me by the copier at 5:35pm if you want to as well.

Damn, I just flashed back to 6th grade. Too bad we don't have any swings to make it official.

You don't have to reply. Think about it, and if this is what you want, meet me there.

Love,

Jim

He hit send before he could change his mind about sending it. After a long pause, he decided it wasn't so bad to go eat at Hooters after all.