Chapter 2

Once upon a time, before he went to Stamford, Jim used to always park beside Pam’s car in the office parking lot. But now that he was back, with a girlfriend, he purposely drove to the other side of the lot, though he couldn’t help his heart from squeezing painfully when he saw her little Yaris in its usual spot facing the building. He would force himself to look away, as if he were passing the scene of a bad accident. But this morning, the morning after Pam agreed to go out with Andy, when he spied her car, he actually stopped his to stare, eyes narrowed.

Jim had had to scrape his windshield that morning, after a thin layer of ice had formed from some freezing fog overnight. Pam’s windshield, on the other hand, was still iced over. No way had she driven it that way this morning, which meant—and just to confirm his worst suspicions, he caught sight of Andy’s car in the rearview mirror, Pam in the passenger’s seat.  He pulled hastily into his usual space, turned off the engine, and sat a moment, watching the pair park two spaces away.

To his horror, Andy leaned over and kissed her—maybe on the cheek, maybe on the lips, he couldn’t tell from that angle. At any rate, his heart seized in his chest, and he felt sick to his stomach. Like a gentleman, Andy got out of the car and trotted around to open Pam’s door for her. She took his hand, smiling up at him, and he heard them both laugh in a low, intimate way, though he couldn’t hear what they were saying with his window up. When Pam happened to glance in Jim’s direction, their eyes locked, and he whipped his head to face forward, pulse racing as if he’d been caught doing something wrong.

Karen’s car suddenly appeared between them, and Jim took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. He grabbed his messenger back from the seat beside him and got out of his car, forcing a smile on his face as Karen emerged from hers.

“Hey,” she said with an intimate lilt, no doubt remembering those passionate moments on his couch the night before.

“Hey,” he replied, meeting her at the end of her car. He automatically bent and lightly kissed her lips, though by the way she clutched his coat-clad forearms, he could tell she’d wanted something less perfunctory. To make up for it, he took her hand, and they walked carefully across the freezing parking lot. Pam and Andy had just entered the building, and, much to his consternation, were holding hands as well.

“Oh, my God,” Karen whispered. “What the hell was that?”

“What?” Jim said evenly.

“Andy and Pam—they’re totally holding hands. Did they come in together?”

Jim swallowed over the hard lump in his throat, trying his best to sound casual. “I didn’t notice.”

She chuckled as he held the lobby door open for her.  “Wow. Unbelievable. You think they spent the night together?”

“No way,” he said automatically. But then they beheld the pair waiting for the slow-moving elevator, lips locked, arms wrapped around each other in a heated embrace. Jim’s jaw dropped, and he felt his face flush in—what was it, anger? He faintly heard Karen gasp softly beside him. The elevator dinged its arrival, and the new couple broke apart like they’d been sprayed with cold water.

“Hold the elevator,” called Karen, dragging the paralyzed Jim after her.

Andy held the door, gifting Karen and Jim with a wide, satisfied grin, while Pam stood by him, her cheeks flushed pink, her lips—Oh God, thought Jim—red from Bernard’s kisses.

“Morning, Karen. Big Tuna. Beautiful day today, isn’t it?”

“For some people more than others, apparently,” replied Karen slyly. Pam and Jim withheld their greetings, but Andy leaned down and whispered something in Pam’s ear, to which she giggled—giggled!—in reply.

It was an awkward ride up, and Jim felt his hand grow clammy in Karen’s, hearing Pam and Andy whispering and laughing softly behind them, the occasional, unmistakable sound of lips smacking together.  Jim felt like he was in a nightmare that he wished desperately he could wake up from, and his heart pounded so loudly in his ears he thought he might actually be having a heart attack. 

Inside the office, amid the hanging of coats on the rack, Jim’s mind was racing as he thought of all the implications of what he’d just witnessed. Clearly, something romantic had happened between them, and Karen was quite possibly right that the two of them had slept together. It wasn’t supposed to bother him, let alone hurt this much, and not just because his prank had been foiled. It shouldn’t matter at all who Pam slept with, only it did. It mattered a lot.

Andy hung out at Reception, leaning over the counter in a painfully familiar way while Pam turned on her computer and readied her desk for the day. The pair continued to talk in low voices while Karen made her way to her desk and Jim put his bag on the floor by his chair, mindlessly turning on his own computer. He was in shock, he realized, and he felt chilled to the bone, knew his face must be pale white.

Unable to bear the spectacle any longer, he escaped for the kitchen, not even seeing Karen, who looked after him in concern. Jim grabbed the empty coffee pot almost violently, filled it to the brim with water, poured it into the coffee maker. He began ladling ground coffee into the filter with shaking hands, not even bothering to measure.

No way she slept with him, he repeated to himself. I’d almost prefer Roy to this ass hat. God, has she no taste in men? No wonder she didn’t want me.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Karen touched his shoulder.

“Halpert? You okay?”

He flipped the switch on the coffee maker and took a shallow breath.

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I think I might be coming down with something.”

“Well, you look like death. Why don’t you sit down?”

She nodded toward the small table in the corner. He complied, falling heavily into the chair, while Karen took out a couple coffee cups from the cabinet and the sugar, waiting for the machine to stop. To avoid her searching gaze, he put his head in his hands, elbows on the table, and tried his best to breathe.

Back at Reception, Pam’s flirty tone with Andy disappeared the moment Jim and Karen left the bullpen.

“I told you no tongue,” she hissed under her breath at Andy, reaching for a Kleenex to wipe off her mouth.

Andy grinned. “What can I tell ya? I’m a method actor all the way.”

She frowned. “Well, I’m not, okay?”

“But did you see Jim and Karen’s faces? They totally bought it. Tuna looked like he was gonna blow a gasket.”

Pam had to smile a little at that. “I know. I think it’s working. Now, remember, don’t go over the top, or this won’t be believable. Just come up here a couple more times this morning, then we can sit together at lunch, okay?”

“Sure thing, sugar lips.”

Pam rolled her eyes. “No corny nicknames, please. Something more down-to-earth, like sweetheart, or babe, but go easy on using them. Got it?”

He gave her a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am, honey pie.”

She gave him a cold stare, and he backed up, holding up his palms in surrender. “I got it, I got it.  Don’t worry; I can take direction. But I gotta say, Pamela,” he said, leaning back again, his voice deep and intimate, “your lips got game.” He sucked in dramatically, his eyes hot on her mouth, and she felt herself blushing for the second time that morning. He chuckled at her reaction.

“Hush, and get to work,” she said, just as Angela, Oscar and Dwight came in.

She had to admit that Andy wasn’t a bad kisser, but there had been no spark there, not like when Jim had kissed her so sweetly, while her heart had nearly jumped out of her chest. And Jim really had seemed upset seeing her with Andy. She knew this was a high school level game, but if his reaction was any indication, it was working.

Andy came into the kitchen just as the coffee pot quick percolating, and he waited patiently while Karen poured Jim and herself a cup of the dark brew. Andy did likewise, dosing his with sugar and creamer.

“Jim, you were so right about Pam, man,” he said, stirring his coffee. Karen had joined Jim at the table. “It was like we’d known each other forever, we are so simpatico, in every way.”  He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, then tentatively took a sip from his mug. He made a face.  “Oh my God! What is this swill? You could take paint off with this stuff,” he said, pouring it down the drain in disgust.

He reached over and emptied out the whole pot, refilled it, and started over. Jim looked up from his hands.

“You did everything I suggested yesterday, and she seemed to like it?”

Karen rose then, and wrinkling her nose, poured out her own cup.

“Yep,” Andy replied. “And of course, a gentleman never kisses and tells, but let’s just say…she totally put out.”

Jim’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. His first instinct was to bolt from the room, but something about Andy’s cocky demeanor gave him pause. Karen, on the other hand, was chuckling and fist bumping Andy. Jim watched the scene with narrowed eyes. He found he suddenly needed more information.

“So, you guys went out for drinks, then?”

“Yeah. Poor Richard’s. We had a few, got nice and buzzy. We decided to get something to eat, but she wasn’t interested in surf and turf. She wanted to go to some chintzy Italian place. Alfredo’s? Flamingo’s?”

“Cucino’s?” Jim offered, smiling a little.  He sipped his coffee, grimaced, but drank it anyway.

“Yeah, that’s the place. We talked for hours, drank a bottle or two of wine—domestic, of course,” he complained snobbishly. “But it was more than adequate to get the ball rolling, if you know what I mean.”

“Hmm,” said Jim. “Then you went back to her place?”

“Jim,” came Karen’s warning tone. “I for one don’t need to hear the gory details. It’s really none of our business.”

“No, no, that’s all right,” said Andy. “Sugar lips won’t mind if I share.”

Jim nearly choked on his coffee. “Sugar lips? Seriously?” He grinned.  “What does she call you?”

He paused a moment, as if remembering himself, his eyes darting guiltily toward the bullpen. “Nah, I’ve probably said too much. Pam is kind of a private person. She’d probably be pissed if I start giving away too many of our secrets.”

“Yeah,” said Jim, amused. “You’d better not chance it.”

The fresh coffee brewed, Andy poured a new cup, lacing it liberally with sugar and cream, while humming a few bars of “Jack and Diane.” Then, toasting them with his mug, sang his way out the door.

Karen went and refilled her own cup. “That was pretty surreal,” she commented.

“Yeah,” said Jim, the familiar twinkle in his eyes, his healthy coloring returning.

“You look like you’re feeling better.”

“I must have just needed my morning coffee,” Jim replied, rising, taking his muddy coffee with him back to his desk, while Karen watched him go, a bemused expression on her face.

Dwight was already on a sales call when Jim glanced over at Pam, who was busy on her computer. He looked her way until, feeling his eyes upon her, she looked up and met them.  He smiled. She smiled back, a little guardedly, and Jim got happily to work.

At 10:30, Michael called a sales staff meeting in the conference room, with Pam along to take notes. Andy sat beside her, and Jim and Karen sat directly across the table from them, Stanley, Dwight, Ryan and Phyllis taking the remaining chairs. Michael, at the head of the table, began talking about their recent sales numbers and the goals for December, while Jim, listening with only one ear, sat and watched the tableau unfolding before him. Andy took every opportunity to whisper to Pam, to touch her hand, while Pam smiled at him, not discouraging his behavior at all. One time she jumped briefly in surprise, and Jim noticed Andy’s hands were no longer on the table. She gave him a withering glance, but Andy grinned like a naughty boy caught with his finger in the cake batter.

“Jimbo,” Michael was saying, “any new leads you brought with you from Stamford?”

“Uh—oh, yeah. With the branch closed down, Jan passed along a lot of clients from those salespeople that didn’t transfer.  There are plenty to go around.”

The others smiled, thanking Jim for sharing.

The meeting continued, Pam dividing her time between flirting with Andy and doing her job. Michael, of course, was oblivious, but Phyllis was watching, and couldn’t resist making a comment later, as the meeting wound down.

“You two seem cozy,” she said.

Pam blushed. “Oh, we just went out for drinks last night.”

“If you have started a new relationship, you are obligated to inform HR,” Dwight admonished.

“Well, it’s pretty new,” said Andy. 

“Yeah,” added Jim, “looks like they’re still in the honeymoon stage. Give ‘em a minute.”

Dwight gave a disapproving chuff. “Well, if you don’t inform Toby, I will.”

“It’s none of your business, Dwight,” said Phyllis. “Stop being such a tattle-tale.”

Dwight made no additional comment, but when he left the conference room, he headed straight for the Annex.  The rest of them filed out, Karen chatting with Phyllis, Jim trailing right behind Pam.

“Hey,” said Jim softly. “I think it’s great, you and Andy. I mean, who knew you two would hit it off so well, what with the pig-Latin and the frisbee golf.”

She grinned, and he saw the hint of mischief there. “Yeah, who knew Andy was such a catch? He is really very sweet.”

Jim’s eyebrow rose. “Really?  Well, that’s nice. I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks,” she said, and he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes before the happy mask came down again.  “We’re going out again tonight,” she said.

“Cool.  You know what might be fun? You and Andy and Karen and I should go on a double-date sometime soon.”

She looked genuinely startled at that prospect, but she quickly hid it well. “Sure. That does sound like fun.”

He nodded. “I’ll tell Karen about it, and you two ladies can work out all the details.”

“Oh, yeah. That’d be great.”

Jim went back to work, whistling under his breath.

Pam, Pam, Pam, he thought, shaking his head to himself.  You, my friend, are messing with the master.

Oh, she’d had him at first, what with all the shock value of seeing her macking on Bernard that morning, being flirty, blushing at someone else’s attention. Revenge, he supposed, for torturing her with Andy the day before.  But then he paused.

But why?

Why would she do this?

What did she hope to accomplish?

Jim could think of only one reason, and it stirred in him a mixture of elation and dread. She was trying to make him jealous, but to what end? She’d made it clear his first day back that they were still just friends. She knew he had a girlfriend now. But then, that never stopped you, a small voice whispered to him.

He looked up at her again, but she was busy typing, and then Andy sauntered up to Reception and the fake flirting began anew. Whatever her plan was, he would call her bluff when the time was right. In the meantime, he would have some fun, even though, that small voice warned him, he was playing a dangerous game.  He only had to look over at Karen to realize that.

Pam’s phone rang and Jim looked up. “Sure, Toby. We’ll be right there.”

She set her phone to voicemail, nodded to her new “boyfriend,” and they walked past him on their way, presumably to the Annex. Jim tried not to inhale her fragrance as she walked by, but he couldn’t help it; she smelled like roses. Dwight was giving the couple a superior look, and Jim had the strange urge to kiss the guy for helping him out this way. Any awkwardness on their part was just bonus, and filling out paperwork about their new relationship just took it to a whole new level.

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“Please, have a seat,” said Toby nodding toward the chairs he’d pulled in front of his.   “Dwight mentioned you two were dating. If you’re involved in a relationship, you really have to declare it and fill out the appropriate paperwork.”

Pam looked around and leaned closer to him, touching his hand absently while his eyes grew round at her nearness. She smells like a summer garden, he mused, with all his romantic heart.

“Listen,” she whispered. “We’re actually playing a prank on Jim. We really aren’t a couple. Would you mind playing along? You’re the only one we’ve told.”

“So you’re uh, still single then?” he asked, trying very hard to mask the hopefulness in his tone.

“That’s right,” added Andy. “Free as two little birdies.”

“Well, then, sure,” said Toby, terribly flattered to be included. “Count me in on the joke.”

“Cool,” she said, squeezing his hand and smiling. “I knew I could count on you.  We’re only doing this for a week, so you won’t have to lie for long. Thanks, Toby. You’re he best.”

She and Andy got up and and didn’t hear him mutter after them: “Anything for you, Pam.”

“So it’s official now?” Jim asked later, when they happened to meet on a snack break at the vending machines.

“What?” she asked absently, putting in her coins and staring indecisively at the chip selection.

“You and Andy. All set with HR?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Guess we don’t have to hide it anymore.”

Andy chose that moment to come up and stand behind Pam, gently kneading her shoulders. She tried very hard not to cringe, especially when he bent to move aside her hair and kissed the side of her neck. She blushed instead, embarrassed again that Jim was watching, although that was the point, of course.

“Yep. Pamdy is officially a thing, Big Tuna.”

“Pamdy?” Jim and Pam jinxed, but neither of them called the other out on it. Their eyes met but they looked hastily away.

“You know, like Brangelina. All the epic lovers have a shipper name.” His brow wrinkled, considering.  “I guess it could also be Pandy, or Andela.  Pamdy is kinda cute though, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Sure, honey,” Pam replied brightly. Jim tried very hard not to laugh out loud.

“Oh, use Pamdy, definitely,” he said, sipping from the bottled water he’d just bought.  “And by the way, Karen and I talked about the double date idea, and she loved it. How about tomorrow night?”

“Absatively,” said Andy. “We’d love to, wouldn’t we, darling?”

“Of course.”

Jim grinned. “Well, you ladies get together and plan it out. I really can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” Andy replied. “But we’ll uh, probably want to make an early night of it. Don’t know how I’m gonna keep my paws off her that long.”

He squeezed Pam’s shoulders one last time, but Pam abruptly pressed the button for Sun Chips, using that as an excuse to squat and move out of his reach to retrieve her snack.

The moment Jim left the break room, Pam turned furiously on Andy. “A double date? Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not? It’s the perfect opportunity to rub our relationship in his face.”

“I guess,” she said, but something about this whole thing was starting to smell funny to her. Did Jim know she was trying to play him? Well, she thought, contemplating their date tomorrow, I’m really gonna have to step up my game.