Jim was coming back! Jim was coming back!

Pam couldn't believe it. Of all the situations she’d imagined where she’d see Jim again, the Stamford branch closing and him coming back to Scranton had never crossed her mind. Everything had happened so fast, and now, she’d be seeing him today. She dressed carefully that morning, smoothing her hair into flat waves and adding more make-up to her eyes than usual. Her hand shook as she held the tiny mascara brush, and she took a deep breath and let it go with a loud sigh.

She met her own eyes in the mirror and saw the fear lurking behind the sparkle. What if he hated her? What if he wouldn’t talk to her? She knew she’d done wrong by not calling him when she cancelled the wedding. But every time she thought about it, she came up with a reason why she shouldn’t. It was too late at night, or too early, or she had to go get her clothes out of the dryer, or...she just didn’t know the right words. “Hi Jim, it’s me, Pam. I just broke up with Roy, so come and get me.” Nope, uh uh. He’d left Scranton without even saying goodbye. There was no way in hell she was taking the chance of calling him and having him reject her. 

When he’d called the office that time by mistake, she thought that she was off the hook. She wouldn’t have to say anything awkward, and they’d just go back to being the way they always were. But then she texted him at Diwali and he didn’t answer, and she just knew. She knew. They would never go back to the way they were.

Is that what I even want? she thought as she pulled the hand-made sweater around her body and fastened the button. The answer was no. She didn’t want them to go back to the way they were. She wanted them to go back to one specific moment, the one where his arms were holding her close to his body, her lips still humming from his kiss. The one where he asked, “Are you still gonna marry him?” She wanted to go back to that moment so she could answer differently, and say, “No, I’m not going to marry him. Not now.” And then she wanted them to move forward together from there.

*************************************************

When Pam got to work that morning, Michael was already in fine form. He was in one of those moods where Pam knew he was going to make a complete ass of himself, she just didn’t know how or when.

Sitting behind her desk, killing time until he arrived, her mind went to Jim again. She’d thought about him so many times since the last time they were in this office together. She was devastated when he left town, and that’s when she knew she’d made a terrible mistake. There was no way she could marry Roy - she could barely even look at him, knowing how she’d felt when Jim kissed her. What she’d felt for Roy wasn’t love, or at least not the kind of love she wanted. It was love brought on by comfort and routine and duty. With one kiss, Jim had shown her a love of passion and heat and desire. 

After she moved into her own apartment, she spent a lot of time - more than was healthy - thinking about Jim. Remembering all the times they’d had together, imagining what might have been. She started thinking about Jim as more than just her best friend. She made a little display in her bedroom, slowly adding things she’d collected over the years - the teapot gifts, and a picture of them from an office party, and the cards he’d given her for Valentines and Christmas. She didn’t realize how obsessed she’d become until one night when Isabel happened to be in her room getting changed before they went out.

“Pam?” Isabel called, “What the hell is this?”

“What?” Pam called back, a laugh in her voice because she couldn’t imagine what Isabel was talking about.

Isabel came out of the bedroom with a look of slight horror on her face. 

“What?” said Pam, laughing.

“Um, the fucking shrine in your bedroom? To a man I don’t think you’ve heard from in months?”

Pam rolled her eyes. “Come on Iz, it’s not a shrine. It’s just some stuff I found that made me remember some good times.”

Isabel gave her a firm stare. “Pam, it’s a shrine. Now, I get it, the guy kissed you, he rocked your world. But he left without saying goodbye, and he didn’t look back. And Pam,” here Isabel looked at her softly, “You deserve more. You need to move on with your life. You need to GET a life.” 

“I know, I know,” Pam said resignedly, “But Iz, what if he’s the one?”

“The one? What the hell do you mean, the one?” Isabel had always been known as a straight shooter, and she wasn’t about to let Pam get away with this. “He’s one man, Pam. They’re like trains. Miss one, the next one’ll be along pretty soon.”

Pam stared at her. Jim wasn’t just any man. He was the only man she could think about. The only man she could imagine being with. She’d started to think about him before she went to sleep at night, and he appeared in her dreams in ways that made her blush. She couldn't think of anyone else who might fill that spot in her life. The only trouble was, he wasn’t in her life anymore.

“Pam, come on. Leave Jim here on the shrine for the night and let’s go out. We’ll have dinner, we’ll have some drinks. Hell, we might even meet some men. It’ll be fun.” 

Pam only hesitated a second before she got to her feet, a smile on her face that didn’t quite extend to her eyes.

*****************************************************************

Jim was the very last Stamford person to arrive, and when Pam saw him, she jumped up as if ejected from her chair. She couldn’t hide the smile on her face as she approached him, wrapping her arms around him for a hug. The combination of his scent and the way his body felt in her arms brought her back in time so abruptly that her knees almost buckled. When he looked down at her and smiled, saying,“The place looks really good,” she almost swooned. Jim was back! There was absolutely no way she was ever letting him go again. 

Pam spent the day in a state of low-level nervous excitement. She couldn't settle to do any work, and there were a lot of distractions anyway, with Michael’s ridiculous orientation and so many people trying to find their way around a new office. She felt like some kind of radar attached her to Jim, and no matter where either of them moved throughout the space, she always knew where he was in relation to her. So many times throughout the day she caught his eye and they shared a smile. She couldn’t believe that there was no awkwardness between them. It was better than she could have imagined.

Mid-afternoon she watched him get up and head to the break room, and after a minute or so, she stood and followed him. She stepped into the room just as a can clattered out of the vending machine and into his hand.

“Hey,” she said, coming up beside him. “Still drinking grape soda I see.”

“Yup,” he said, smiling down at the can. “Some things don’t change.” 

“I’m glad,” she said softly, meeting his gaze. His eyes met hers and held, and she felt like they were both trying to send each other a message of some kind.

“So, um,” she began nervously, “When do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked, or...you wanna grab a coffee or something?”

She watched as Jim’s face reflected surprise and then wariness, before he smiled a little and said, “Yeah, that would be great.”

Pam let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. What a relief, he was willing to talk to her. 

“But,” he continued, “I promised my mom I’d come over for dinner tonight. She’s pretty excited to have me back in town.”

“Yeah, I bet she is,” murmured Pam, thinking, I know exactly how she feels.

“But hey, how about the next night?” Jim asked. “I mean, if that works for you.”

“Yeah,” Pam replied with a smile, “That’s perfect. Maybe after work?”

“It’s a date,” said Jim. Then he blushed bright red, and started to stammer, “Well, I don’t mean like, a date, I just mean...you know, that we found a time…” his words trailed off and he looked at the floor.

Pam smiled. God, he was so adorable. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I can’t wait,” she said softly, feeling relieved when he looked up at her with a sheepish smile.