The bag at his feet held the notes for the upcoming meeting, the one he would now miss. In his pocket was the iphone that kept chirping with the Athlead guys calling one after another.

First Darryl, then Isaac.

Wade and Collin and then Darryl again.

But still no Pam.

With every 18 harmonic beats of the marimba chime that echoed in his pocket, he pulled out the phone to glimpse at the name that popped on the screen and each time slipped it back when it wasn’t her.

He knew the guys would keep calling. The long bus ride from Scranton to Philadelphia was usually the perfect time to catch up with his Athlead colleagues without interruption. The random stink eye he might get from another bus rider trying to nap or generally annoyed from his public conversation was nothing compared to the stare downs and hostility he got from Pam when the guys called during “her” time. Jim appreciated why it was important to be present when in Scranton and with her, and he tried to keep the calls to a minimum, but the Athlead guys, they weren’t quite as sympathetic and he couldn’t always ignore their calls.

The 2-and-a-half-hour bus trip was when he could return all their calls and get the scoop on what he missed before he arrived back at Athlead headquarters.

But there was little reason to get caught up anymore.

He tried to convince himself he felt no sadness at giving it up. After all, he was tired of the back-and-forth travel and the stress of worrying about Pam and the kids when he was away.

Working until ungodly late hours of the night too was not ideal or healthy, even if it was trying to land a client like Blake Griffin or Brian Westbrook. Neither was scarfing down dinners of Apple Jacks and Doritos and whatever was in the Athlead kitchen because there wasn’t even time to run out for fast food as they pulled together a last-minute presentation or jumped at an opportunity with a limited shelf life.

Being a silent partner could have its advantages. It would certainly mean less stress and give him back his time with his family.

He’d be happy to no longer have to experience that gnawing sensation that churned in his gut, making him feel anxious as if he left something behind or he’d lost something precious, the one that occurred every morning he woke up alone and every evening he missed out on kissing his children goodnight. Being full time at home again meant more time for outings to the park, dinners at Christopher’s and sunsets with his wife.

The longer he sat the more he began to feel better about what he needed to do.

As time continued on, he realized there was so much he was looking forward to now that his decision was made. It had him feeling almost buoyant, like the stray balloon that passed overhead in the sky, probably released by accident at the playground on the other side of the park where they sometimes took their own kids.   

So, it wasn’t quite regret that kept him from answering their calls. It was something else, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on but kept his hands from swiping his phone to the right to respond to the continuous ringing.

It was a lot like how he felt on that last day at home right before he left for university. He couldn’t have been more excited to start his new life as a collegiate, couldn’t wait to live in the dorms, make new friends, have new experiences but as the final duffle was loaded into the car and it was time to go, he had trouble making his body take the steps away from his home and toward the new life awaiting him.

He knew once he answered just what he would have to do and he wasn’t quite ready for that moment yet. He’d put so much effort into making a go of this company, converting it from an idea he once had, a dream he’d held onto for over a decade, to the reality it had become and the success it was headed for.

He supposed it was a bit like being in mourning what he felt now, to have to step away, to leave his dream behind in the hands of Wade and Darryl and Isaac, all hands he was sure were very capable, but were not his own.

But there was no other choice.

Athlead, no matter how big it got, how successful it became, if it was the reason he lost Pam it would be his biggest failure.

~~~

It took 40 minutes for Andy to go over all the specs he needed in the new color printer for the office, the one that would be ideal for headshots, and another ten for her to assure him he made a convincing spectator number two.

When she finally escaped from his office, there were two new pink messages atop her desk and her phone was ringing.

Assuming it was Jim who was calling to let her know he arrived, she rushed to grab it. She couldn’t wait to tell him about her change of heart, to tell him to put the deposit down at the preschool, to find a local realtor. It was amazing how light she now felt, the fears she’d still been feeling even just 2 hours ago were replaced by excitement and eagerness. Nearest she’d ever felt to this sensation of nervous anticipation was when they watched the fireworks at Toby’s going away party. She had been sure Jim was going to propose that night and she couldn’t wait to say yes. That damn Andy had delayed things back then, too.

But it wasn’t Jim. It was Darryl on the other end calling to see if she’d heard from her husband who never showed up at the Athlead headquarters.

He told her how everyone there was in fire drill mode since the meeting for tomorrow afternoon had been pushed to the morning and based on new revelations, they were changing strategy and needed his notes. But almost none of what Darryl said even registered except some version of ‘never showed up’ and ‘not answering his phone’.

Why wasn’t he there yet, she stewed to herself. He’d left hours ago, and even if there had been traffic or he missed the early bus, why wasn’t he answering their calls.

Panic struck her as she imagined the worse, an overturned bus, a hijacking, a deadly crash. Suddenly losing him to the job felt more like hyperbole when faced with losing him for real.

Her breathing became shallow and labored as a life without her husband flashed before her.

Darryl’s words suddenly sounded as if spoken in some foreign tongue and from deep within an underwater cave. Hearing nothing more of the voice on the other end because it was now drowned out by the deafening beats of her heart she hung up on Darryl without a word and dialed Jim’s number.

She wasn’t sure she had even drawn a breath since she’d heard he was missing, that is until the line connected and she heard her husband’s voice.

“Jim. Everyone is looking for you. How come you weren’t answering your phone? Are you alright? Why aren’t you in Philly yet?”

She swore she could hear a tear falling from his eye in the silence as she waited for him to respond.

“I didn’t go.”

“If you didn’t go then where are you?”

“I’m waiting on a sunset.”

~~~

She arrived in the park just as the sky began to marbleize into a kaleidoscope of metallic streaks and majestic hues.

Jim was sitting on the bench staring straight ahead. As if sensing her presence, he turned as she came up the path leading to where he sat in silence.

Rising to meet her, he stumbled around the bench, freezing as he reached her, tentative and unsure as she grabbed his hands and stared at his somber face before letting them go to embrace him in a hug so tight, he was unable to react at first.

It took a moment, a moment in which his petrified limbs stayed immobile, dangling at their sides while she clutched hers around him and buried her head into his chest.

In his head, the words of the therapist repeated and the words he’d written in his journal flashed before him, but it was the feel of her hands as they moved around his back, that deployed his arms to wrap around her, grasp her hair and then lift her up off her feet.

They stayed like that for a full minute, holding on to the feeling of love that had been there all along but had gotten buried deep under the mountain of problems they were having. Neither wanted to let go, but they both knew this hug alone would not resolve their issues, they both had things they needed to say.

They broke apart slowly and gazed longingly at each other before they joined hands and walked back around to the bench to catch the rest of the sunset.

Before he sat, Jim reached back into his pocket to once again pull out his phone.

The sound of his voice as he spoke was a weird mix of somberness and elation, “Can we just sit and enjoy this sunset like we used to before I ring them back. Once it sets, I’ll call to let them know the news. I’ll tell them I’m stepping away.”

His hand was gripped around the phone, squeezed so tight the tips of his fingers glowed pink from his firm grasp. Gently she took the phone from his hands and set it aside as she dropped down beside him on the slightly worn bench.

Jim watched as she set it down, his gaze following his phone into her hands, hands that once they had released the phone came back to grasp his own. The feel of his hands encased in hers was just another reassurance of how much he was making the right choice.

“It took me a while but I understand now that I can’t give 100% to Athlead if you are back here picking up my slack and I know that you aren’t ready to move so, well…” he paused, shifting his feet before he continued.

“I’m done with it, Athlead. I just can’t lose you. Nothing is more important than you and the kids – nothing else matters but us and I will do everything just to get back to where we were before I messed up.”

The sun was halfway down now, its glow still casting enough light to cover the sky in brilliant hues but the moon was already blooming from behind the silver edged clouds. There was a kind of dichotomy in Pam’s expression that seemed to mirror the sky.

“Jim, no you can’t,” she vocalized. With her words she unclasped her hands from his and reached into the purse now at her side. When she pulled out her hand, she slowly flipped it over to reveal the gold circle that had been attached to the note he left.

“I’m sorry I took so long after I found it. But I’m sorrier, that I needed to find it to realize what a fool I’ve been. I’m sorry I couldn’t see how important this was to you. I let my fears get in the way again even though I knew it was fear that almost made me lose you once before. I forgot too Jim, that you are my treasure, my gold. And I’ll never let go. But I’ll never forgive myself if I make you let this go.”

As the words poured out of her Jim just stared, his lip dropped open as if to speak but when words didn’t form Pam kept on with her speech.

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to remember that your dreams are my dreams. I’m sorry I stopped supporting them and you the way you always did me. I know what you gave up once before for me and I won’t let you do it again.”

Jim’s eyes narrowed not just from the glare that with the sun’s final dip was blinding them both, but from the last thing she said.

“Gave up for you? What are you talking about?”

“The job, in New York. You could have been a VP. Just imagine where you might be now if you had taken it.”

Jim spun in his seat, a sudden rush of emotion taking over his whole body as he reached for her hands again, this time grasping them tightly within his.

“I’d be nowhere, Pam because I wouldn’t have you or Cece or Phillip. You, you’re all I ever wanted, then now, forever.”

“But what happens when you look back at all the things you never did. What happens when you start to resent me for all the missed opportunities. What happens when you decide I’m not enough?”

“Pam, you are my past. My present. My future. Not enough for me. You are everything.”

He reached up to tuck a wayward tendril back behind her ear. His fingers lingered on the curl for a bit before he unfurled his hand to caress her cheek, running the back of it along her face until it reached her chin which he cupped with tenderness.

“Pam, nothing I do matters if I don’t have you when I do it.”

He pulled her in for a kiss. It wasn’t desperate and hopeful like the first one, the one where he laid it all on the line in the dark office. Or quick and forgetful like the real first one they had when she got way too drunk to remember it during Dundies night.

It wasn’t heart-stopping and redemptive like the one, ones rather, that Pam planted on him in the parking lot when he brought her back there the night of their first date.

It wasn’t passionate and fiery like the one that let them into her bedroom when they first made love…, or tear-stained and laced with repentance like the ones following their first real fight…, or impulsive and magical like the one with Jim’s love for Italian food behind it…, or heart-stopping and life changing when they learned that Cece was growing inside her. It wasn’t like any of those kisses or any of the hundreds of other kisses they shared in between. Wrapped up in this kiss was the emotion of every kiss they had ever shared in their lifetime together, intertwined with a mix of every kiss that they had ahead of them.

They broke apart and at the same moment whispered I love you, and in that second, the world seemed to shift, returning to the harmonious existence that had been before, no better, like Eden but with a foresight to know what the apple tasted like without ever breaking its delicate red skin.

“You have me. Forever. I’m not going anywhere,” she paused and stood up. Jim joined her and together they looked out at the golden sky stretched out in front of them.

“Actually, that’s not true.”

Before he could register any alarm at what she said, she turned to face him again.

“I’m going to Philly with you.”

Jim looked at her in disbelief.

“I promise you, you don’t have do this for me.”

“I’m doing it for us.”

“You wanna do this?”

“I wanna do this.”

“You really want to do this?”

“I really want to do this!”

Once again, Jim wrapped his arms around his wife and lifted her up into the air, spinning her around and when he returned her to the ground, the sun too had made its final descent back to the earth dropping below the horizon leaving one last ribbon of gold in the distance.

“I sure will miss these Scranton sunsets,” Jim whispered softly.

“Me too, but I know the sunrises in Philadelphia will be spectacular.”