We open with an establishing shot of the FRONT OF THE BULLPEN.
JIM is restarting his computer, looking a little frustrated. DWIGHT is leaning across to his desk to micro-manage the restart, which can’t be helping in any sense of the word. ERIN is tapping at her keyboard, also clearly not in the greatest of moods. ANDY and PAM are out on sales calls. PHYLLIS and STANLEY are working the phones.
NICK THE IT GUY enters the office.
NICK (cheerfully):
Good morning, everyone!
ERIN nods grumpily at him. No one else responds, or even looks at him. NICK blinks at this, but is mostly unfazed. He turns to ERIN.
NICK (service with a smile!):
So I understand we’re having some network issues?
ERIN (noticeably snippy, at least by ERIN standards):
Since yesterday. When I called.
NICK:
Well, have you tried turning the router off and on again?
ERIN sighs and grits her teeth, shooting a look to the camera. Yes, she’s tried turning the router off and on again.
NICK (rolling with the punches):
I know, I know, but I have to ask. (confidentially) You’d be shocked how many times you drive all the way out here and that’s all it takes.
ERIN:
Right.
There’s an awkward silence as NICK waits to see if ERIN has anything more to add.
NICK (what a great guy!):
So, let’s take a look!
We cut to a talking head recorded in the “server room,” aka RYAN’S CLOSET.
NICK (maintaining his fundamental good nature):
So I’ve been working with this branch since the Sabre buy-out, about three, four months now. They seem great! (pause) We haven’t really… clicked. But you know, they’re a close-knit bunch, and I’m the lame IT guy they only see when they’re frustrated and stressed out. And it’s like a fire extinguisher… if you don’t need it, who thinks about it? There’s never a good time to bond. I don’t take it personally or anything.
RYAN (off-screen):
Could really use my office back!
NICK (tries to smile even bigger):
Yeah.
We cut to RECEPTION, where NICK is updating ERIN.
NICK (friendly and familiar)
So it turns out I’m going to need to reset some things on the back-end which the last admin password protected. (ERIN sighs) Hey, nothing to worry about. I got in touch with his company, and it turns out he was already in the neighborhood, so he’s going to pop by himself any minute now, and you can just send him right back when he gets here. It’s a guy named…
DWIGHT (off-screen):
Sadiq!
And the camera swings to reveal SADIQ is, in fact, in da house. We do a series of quick cuts to joyful reactions to his arrival from JIM and DWIGHT; PHYLLIS and STANLEY; and ERIN… who is still next to a non-plussed NICK.
JIM rises to greet him.
JIM:
Welcome back, man! We miss you around here.
JIM and SADIQ do a half-handshake, half-hug.
SADIQ:
Nice to see you too, Jim. How’s fatherhood treating you?
JIM:
It’s amazing. Although they weren’t kidding about babies not sleeping much.
The camera is shooting this from the window of MICHAEL’S OFFICE, leaving NICK visible in the background. We do a brief focus in on him to find him waiting patiently, smiling politely… and watching closely.
SADIQ:
Pretty bad?
JIM:
Oh, she’s ready for college. Parties all night. And the set of lungs on that kid!
SADIQ:
Something to remember when she’s complaining about having to mow the lawn before she can take the car, right?
JIM:
(laughs) Yeah, I’m definitely gonna throw this back in her face. Is that bad parenting?
SADIQ chuckles, pats him on the shoulder and reaches over to shake DWIGHT’s hand. Behind them, NICK raises his eyebrow in surprise and looks to camera.
DWIGHT:
Your presence is badly needed. I’m tired of listening to these slackers whine about the Internet being down, like no one sold paper before 1991.
SADIQ:
Well, I’m happy to help. I was just thinking about you the other day. I went to a new restaurant over on Jacobs Street and had this terrific borscht. I was wondering if those were your beets?
DWIGHT:
Jane’s? (SADIQ nods. DWIGHT is quite pleased.) Why, not just my beets. That’s Mose’s own borscht recipe!
SADIQ:
No kidding!
Under this dialogue, NICK has grown more and more astonished to see DWIGHT having such a… normal social interaction.
PAM (returning to the office):
Sadiq!
She runs over to the FRONT DESK CLUMP to give him a hug… passing right by NICK at RECEPTION without a glance.
SADIQ:
Hey, momma! You look fantastic.
PAM:
Oh, you’re sweet. And a shameless liar.
That earns another chuckle from SADIQ. Behind him, NICK laughs too, as if by doing so he can become part of the conversation.
SADIQ:
Don’t be silly. So, Jim said Cece’s not sleeping too well?
PAM:
(rolls her eyes) She’s real lucky she’s cute.
SADIQ:
You got pictures?
PAM (fakes confusion):
Hmmm. Maybe, let me check… (SADIQ laughs as she pulls a leather mini-album out of her purse and hands it to him.)
SADIQ starts to flip through them, with PAM looking over his left shoulder.
SADIQ:
Awwwww! Wow, Pam, Jim. she’s adorable. Seriously.
During this dialogue, NICK subtly tries to sidle over so he can look too… and is accidentally blocked by JIM, who crosses to SADIQ’s right side.
PAM:
Thank you.
SADIQ:
Looks like she’s got your nose?
PAM:
Yeah, we lucked out on that one, right?
JIM (mock offended):
Hey!
They laugh.
NICK:
So, shall we?
We cut to a talking head with NICK in front of the refrigerator.
NICK (glances over to see if SADIQ is paying attention):
Yeah, I’m surprised. (rationalizing, remaining pleasant) But, you know, they all worked together for a long time, and we haven’t yet. It’s a good thing, actually! It means if I just keep trying, keep being friendly to people, eventually we’ll get along, too.
We cut back to SADIQ’s journey through the BULLPEN. He starts to walk with NICK towards the KITCHEN, but briefly pauses to visit with STANLEY and PHYLLIS.
PHYLLIS (putting a hand over her phone):
Hi sweetie!
SADIQ:
Hey there, Mrs. Vance!
STANLEY:
How’s the ‘vette coming?
SADIQ:
Might be able to get her on the streets this summer. Engine’s purring like a kitten now.
STANLEY:
You let me know, you owe me a road trip.
SADIQ:
I’ll call you.
NICK swallows his frustration.
We cut back to NICK’s refrigerator talking head.
NICK:
Apparently Sadiq is restoring a ’67 Corvette. (pause) I actually built my Buick from recovered spare parts, so. That’s something I can talk about with Stanley.
We return to the door to the kitchen, where KELLY runs to greet them. SADIQ stands in the entryway to chat with her, while NICK awkwardly holds the door open. He’s openly a little irritated for the first time.
KELLY:
Oh my god, Sadiq! Have you heard the new Kanye album?
SADIQ (rapping, and rapping *well*):
“No one man should have all that power.” It’s his best since College Dropout.
KELLY:
I was just telling Ryan that! (leans in) He thinks Graduation was better.
SADIQ scoffs.
KELLY:
I know, right? So stupid!
We see NICK, getting the mask back on.
Cut to the CONFERENCE ROOM for a talking head.
KELLY:
Sadiq. Is. So. Awesome. He’s the only guy in Scranton who *gets* the rap game. And he’s really cute! I’d totally date him. (pause, then regretfully) But my parents would probably see him as an improvement over a white guy.
We return to the break room, where SADIQ and NICK have finally made it to the CLOSET. NICK is sitting down at RYAN’S STATION, while OSCAR chats with SADIQ in the doorway.
OSCAR:
You listen to All Things Considered this morning?
SADIQ:
About antibiotic resistance? Yeah, scary stuff, right?
OSCAR:
I’m forwarding it to everyone I know. So glad that’s finally getting some attention. And here we’re all worrying about the Times Square bomber, like that’s our biggest threat! (can you imagine?)
NICK (back in his refrigerator talking head and feeling a liiiiiitle picked on):
Look, Oscar listens to the news, the Times Square attack had been on the news this morning. I was just trying to make conversation!
We cut back to the CLOSET door. SADIQ has taken a seat next to NICK, but is facing out to talk to TOBY, who has stopped by for a visit. NICK is no longer bothering to hide his annoyance, not that anyone cares.
SADIQ:
The new Oracle database management software is just a huge step up. More user-friendly, way better security. I’d definitely recommend the upgrade.
TOBY:
Well, I’ll definitely check it out.
We return once more to RYAN’S CLOSET, where Angela has appeared at the door.
NICK (making a valiant effort to be nice):
Hey, Angela.
She flat out ignores him.
ANGELA (formally):
Hello, Sadiq. It’s good to see you again. Those brownies you like are in the break room. Once you are done getting us back online, you may have two.
SADIQ:
You know how much I enjoy your desserts, Angela.
NICK drops his jaw, perhaps more at ANGELA’s politeness to SADIQ than at her rudeness to him, as we…
…cut to the conference room for an ANGELA talking head.
ANGELA:
Yes, Sadiq is a godless heathen who rejects the word of our Lord and Savior. (pause) But he’s also the only person in this company who seems to care what Kevin’s doing on the Internet. So… he can have a snack while he waits to answer to the Almighty.
Looks like everything’s up and running again, and SADIQ and NICK are packed up and ready to go at RECEPTION. SADIQ stops to check in with ERIN.
SADIQ:
All right, you should be all set, but here’s my cell. (He hands her a business card.) If you all have any questions about what I set up, please call. Dunder Mifflin’s still contracted with us for Utica and Binghamton, so you can bill through them. (leans in conspiratorially) Just remember…
ERIN (leans towards Sadiq in similar fashion, so happy to be part of an inside joke!):
…make sure to try turning it off and on again?
SADIQ:
You got it!
They laugh as the camera zooms in on an appalled NICK watching.
ERIN (warmly, just off camera):
Thanks for coming, Sadiq.
SADIQ (sincerely):
Any time.
NICK is a volcano waiting to blow.
We cut to a talking head with NICK outside the office. He stews for a moment.
NICK:
F(bleep) these people.
