There are certain feelings that you think you will never feel again once you reach the end of your adolescence. Like the way your heart ached when your parents dropped you off at school, or your friend’s birthday party when she turned eight, or swimming lessons. For Pam, the yogurt pot sitting in her lunch box, or the bouncy castle in the back garden, or the promise of pool floats made her forget that she ever felt lost. Her parents would return hours later and she would hide behind her teacher, or her friend's Mum’s sofa, or she’d dunk her head under the water hoping to stay in the best day ever for a little while longer. But now the feeling is back.
Her finger traces the blue floral pattern of her sheets as she’s sat shyly on the edge of the bed in her University Hall’s bedroom. Her parents left a little while ago she busied herself by decorating with the remainder of the bits and bobs she raided from IKEA. She may as well be sitting in the middle of the Swedish furniture store, she thinks it would feel more like home right now.
The ensuite bathroom is to the right of her bedroom door, it’s small and compact like the rest of the room. The wardrobe and desk run parallel to each other on either side, her bed lies against the back wall, the window is a foot or two above her mattress.
“Paaaaaaam!” Kelly screeches from behind the door.
Pam and her roommates have spent a few minutes throughout the day getting to know each other, but with each of them carrying boxes and the constant flow of traffic in and out of the flat the conversation was mainly made up of ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ and ‘thank you’s’.
Pam opens the door with a friendly smile, hoping the twinkle in her eyes is mistaken for a sincere warm reception instead of ‘I really want my Mum’.
“Hi.” Pam says softly, she thinks if she speaks any louder her voice will crack.
“What are you going to wear?” Kelly barges into the room and starts flicking through the contents of Pam’s wardrobe.
In the summer leading up to Uni, Kelly had been bombarding the group chat for Flat 234 with Fresher’s events. Pam had promised to go to the disco night at a local nightclub as long as Kelly would accompany her on the search for freebies on campus the following day. The other flatmate, Angela, refused to join in on the nightlife and the RSVP for the freebie hunt is pending.
The next two hours were spent by getting ready and drinking cocktails. Luckily for Pam, the drinks really helped the time go by and increased her tolerance for Kelly, she made note to pick up extra paracetamol the next time she went shopping, a Kelly shaped headache had already began to burn her skull.
By half eleven, the pair were standing in a rowdy queue outside a Bristol nightclub. Smashed glass scattered the floor and suspicious shadows of liquid slid down the brick wall and puddled on the concrete. Pam wraps her Burgundy fluffy coat closed with crossed arms, the September night breeze stung and the black glittery dress provided little protection.
A loud smash sounded behind them, scaring Pam out of her cold, tipsy daze. She reflexively turned to see what the commotion was but was met by Uma Thurman’s eyes (and boobs) looking at her from a t-shirt a few inches from her face. She followed the fabric up and was met with hazel eyes and a lopsided grin.
“Hi.” He says softly.
