As Pam waited for the water to boil, trying to re-pack the thoughts she had almost told Jim back into their airtight storage containers, she heard the kitchen door open and turned her head to see Angela walk in. She gave her a polite smile, expecting Angela to tell her to move or simply walk past her. To Pam's surprise, Angela joined her at the counter. 

"Pam," Angela reached for a mug. 

"Hey Angela," Pam said, sliding the box of teas over to Angela. 

Angela pretended to peruse the options, although she already knew which tea she would be having. "I saw you went for lunch with Jim."

"Yeah," Pam nodded slowly. "Umm, I just... wanted to talk to him."

"Okay," Angela dropped a tea bag into her mug. "I still agree you have a right to be annoyed, but I don't think you should be as mad at Jim as you were the other day."

"Oh... no, it's okay," Pam smiled slightly, trying to sound convincing. "I guess we kind of discussed it and... yeah, it's okay."

"Are you sure?" Angela raised a brow as she poured some of the now boiled water into her mug.

"What do you mean?" 

"That you discussed it properly." 

"Oh," Pam pushed her mug towards Angela as a silent request to fill her mug too. "I think so."

Angela gave an indignant sniff as she finished pouring the hot water for Pam, then picked up her mug, making her way to leave the kitchen. "Would you like it if Jim was planning his wedding right in front of you?"

Pam was left with her mouth hanging open slightly in surprise as she watched Angela leave the kitchen, forgetting her hand was getting hot from holding her mug. Of course she would hate it. She barely handled having to forward Katy's calls to Jim when they had been dating, let alone when Katy had started showing interest in engagements and weddings on Michael's crazy boat trip. If she was having to watch Jim plan a wedding in front of her she would-

"Oh," Pam exhaled softly as the realisation hit her. She recognised suddenly that her hand was close to burning and hissed as she pulled it off her mug. Rubbing the space between her brows, she sighed deeply before shaking her head and picking up her mug by the handle and making her way back to her desk. 

Pam sat down at her desk, putting her tea down and briefly staring down at her hands before opening an IM chat with Jim. She knew that although their conversation had gone well over lunch on the roof, there were things she hadn't said; things she hadn't asked. Things Jim hadn't had a chance to say, maybe, given Angela's statement.

Receptionitis15: Thanks again for lunch. :) 

JIM9334: Any time Beesly.  

Receptionitis15: I still had some questions.

Receptionitis15: If that's alright?

Receptionitis15: And this is easier.

JIM9334: Go ahead.

Receptionitis15: Thanks.

Receptionitis15: Though... can you not reply for like 5 minutes? 

Receptionitis15: I think it's easier that way for me to get these things out of my head. Is that ok? 

JIM9334: Of course. Zip it, lock it, put it in my pocket.

Sure enough, when Pam looked up Jim mimed the actions of zipping his lips, locking them and pocketing the invisible key. Despite the nerves she felt over the questions she wanted to ask, she found herself grinning. Jim looked down at his watch and held up a finger, and she could tell he was waiting for the time to change to the next minute. Just as she thought, once he looked up and pointed a finger at her, and she looked down at her screen, the minute changed over. 

Okay, Pam took a deep breath. Things had always been easier over IM. Sometimes she wished she had the courage of her IM self when she stepped away from the keyboard. Jim himself had joked that she was flirtier on IM when she'd gotten addicted to a new game on her computer, and she knew that was true. She sent winks and kissy-face emoticons, flirty jokes and mildly suggestive comments that made her blush behind her computer. She also made bolder statements, found it easier to start a conversation when she was upset about something with Roy or just needed the support her fiancé was supposed to provide but didn't. That was all much easier to admit online. Sometimes these conversations continued into the break room or car park or the stairwell if she was particularly upset, but they started behind the safety of an IM message. 

Almost three minutes passed before Pam found it in herself to type anything. She felt Jim look over at her occasionally, and one time she caught his eye and could see the concern on his face. Brows furrowed, a slight frown as he rubbed his chin. But he waited. He could have distracted himself with work or getting a soda or pranking Dwight in these five minutes, but he waited for her.  

Waited to listen to her. Pam's heart ached in a good way over the fact that he did that. 

Receptionitis15: Okay.  

Receptionitis15: I don't know how to ask this so I guess I will just... ask it.

Receptionitis15: Do you want me to just not mention any wedding stuff at work? 

Receptionitis15: Some of it is easier to do at work where others can help out and to be honest Roy doesn't help with much of it at home. He says it's not his thing and I'm just... whatever, I'm not wasting my energy on that argument anymore. I've given him his tasks. So some of it I did here because of time and having some extra hands. 

Receptionitis15: And Phyllis and Kelly are kind of interested in the wedding which is a change. I mean it's not that I don't talk to ANYBODY else here, but they just don't talk to me much usually and generally I'm ok with that. 

Receptionitis15: But if you want I'll just not mention it or do any of it here. Just let me know.

Receptionitis15: I realised I wouldn't really like it if the tables were turned and I kind of want to delete that and not send this message but I'm going to because it's true. 

Receptionitis15: After this we can go back to normal stuff. It's just that I realised I didn't ask everything I wanted to and I want to make sure we're on the same page. That you're ok with everything? I don't want things to be weird. 

Receptionitis15: I know that's ironic because... this was weird. 

Receptionitis15: Anyway. I think that's it. Thank you for my 5 minutes. :)

Pam stared at her screen briefly before looking up shyly and catching Jim's eye. He gave her a reassuring smile, one that made her non-IM self feel as safe as she felt behind the keyboard. She gave him a tiny shrug with her right shoulder as if to say ‘I guess that's out there now'. Jim's gaze lingered on her for a moment before he returned to his screen and a fresh wave of nerves hit her as she realized she didn't know which answer she would prefer from him. 

If he's not okay with the wedding stuff at work, she has some thinking to do. Her best friend would have a good reason not to want to hear about her wedding anymore; perhaps that was something she should reflect on. Making a complaint one time and redacting it was different. Jim could feel jealous for a lot of reasons - couldn't he? He'd never said anything to her about how he felt regarding her getting married to Roy. But if he was okay with the wedding planning... Pam sighed deeply. If he was okay with the wedding stuff, Pam figured maybe she was misreading things. His complaint had just been a bad day, he was jealous because he didn't have what she had, it was weird because his best friend was getting married and that might change things. Pam briefly felt like she both wanted to cry and scream that Jim was her best friend no matter what her relationship status was. 

Huh. Pam wondered if she should Google search whether your fiancé should be your best friend. Or ask someone married. Maybe not. 

Taking a long sip of tea, Pam watched Jim as he re-read her messages. She hated when she couldn't tell what he was thinking; it was a rare occurrence that she'd never get used to. Pam could at least tell he was concentrating because he didn't even throw her any glances. Or maybe she had gone too far? Said too much? Putting her mug down, she dropped her hands to her lap, nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of her cardigan.  

Jim tried to pretend like his heart wasn't racing as he re-read Pam's messages again, and again, and again. He had sensed that maybe she'd wanted to say more while they had lunch on the roof, but he knew Pam sometimes found it difficult to find the courage needed to be completely open. He thought she found it difficult to be judged; that her emotions would be seen as some inconvenience. Jim figured that was something she'd unfortunately become accustomed to. He watched another minute tick by on his computer and pushed his sleeves up slightly, knowing leaving Pam waiting would just make her more anxious. 

JIM9334: No need to thank me Beesly. :)

JIM9334: You don't need to not talk about your wedding stuff at work. It was just weird at first, you know how it is, but it's all good.

Receptionitis15: :)

JIM9334: And hey, if you need a hand with anything, let me know. 

Receptionitis15: You sure?

JIM9334: Totally. If we're not wasting time on a prank we might as well do something productive! 

Receptionitis15: Ha ha. That's true. :D

JIM9334: Thanks for asking though. And for sharing. I get that it feels totally weird. 

Receptionitis15: Yeah. 

JIM9334: Now, back to normal for real?

Receptionitis15: Umm, I actually had one more question. If you don't mind?

JIM9334: Shoot. 

Receptionitis15: My question is... did you have anything else you wanted to ask? Or say?

Jim looked back over at Pam. She tilted her head slightly as he caught her eye, watching him for a moment as she nervously bit her lip before tearing her gaze away from Jim and back to her computer screen. Jim could tell that she was hoping to not wait long for an answer, so turned his own attention back to the messages she had just sent as he mentally replayed their lunch. 

Of course there were other things he wanted to say and ask. There were signs that maybe he should. She had admitted that she wouldn't like it if the tables were turned; had alluded to there being something more than friendship during their talk at lunch. God, she had even admitted that him being with Katy had made her jealous! He wondered if she was expecting him to have something to add; the phrasing felt... specific. Targeted. Almost as if she wanted him to have something to say that he hadn't yet voiced aloud. But her signals were always so mixed; she was going ahead with her wedding planning, clearly. But maybe it was what they needed? Just as their little argument in the kitchen a few days back had unleashed unexpected truths... but he couldn't ignore the fact that she'd just made sure to check he was fine with her talking about her wedding to Roy. He felt like he was at a malfunctioning traffic signal with both solid red and green lights. 

Pam knew when she hit send on her final question that she wanted Jim to have something to say. She hadn't been sure until the message had been out in the open, out of her hands. What she wanted wasn't something she knew how to put into words. Nine years of a relationship sounded great on paper but as a result, Pam just felt... vulnerable. Putting her heart out there felt humiliating, but if she had some sort of... concrete evidence that her feelings would be reciprocated; that she'd have her best friend by her side while she faced some big changes - then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If Jim had nothing more to say, nothing to ask... she knew where things stood. Stay put. Figure out a way to be truly happy with what she had. But if he had something to ask her? If he needed to tell her something? She'd be back on that roof in a heartbeat.  

She didn't want some huge declaration of love coming out of nowhere. That was an intensity she knew she would find difficult to handle right now. Finding out about Jim's crush and him confessing to it had been scary enough; she'd almost revealed her own crush in the middle of a workday in front of prying cameras. No, she needed... clear but simple signs. 

A kiss on the roof. Just them. No words. Just evidence that he felt something for her beyond friendship. A prompt to re-evaluate what she really wanted. Who she really wanted. The reassurance that she wasn't going to be left to pick up the pieces of her heartbreak on her own. 

An IM with a simple if you're not sure you're doing the right thing, I'm right here if you need me, or I'll give you space until you're ready. It would be enough. Not too scary but reassuring that she wouldn't be on her own. 

Or a kiss on the roof followed by a quick guarantee that he'd wait for her if this was what she wanted too. 

A cheese toastie lunch the following week where he confessed that his crush wasn't over and were they both thinking about kissing on that freezing cold deck? 

Even just a breakroom chat at the vending machines where he bought her a pack of chips and expressed his regret that he'd never asked her out before the engagement became official official and did she have any regrets too?

As the scenarios flitted through Pam's mind, causing her to stare blankly at her screen, Jim was briefly distracted by an incoming email notification in the corner of the screen. Seeing who it was from and the subject line, he glanced quickly over at Pam before opening it. 

From: Jan Levinson

To: Jim Halpert

Subject: DM Stamford - Sales Manager Position 

Good afternoon Jim,

We really appreciate you coming up to New York regarding the Sales Manager Position. Your sales record speaks for itself, and you have certainly proven yourself a valuable member of the Dunder Mifflin team over in Scranton. 

Having liaised with Josh Porter in Stamford and the team here at Corporate we are pleased to offer you the position. I understand you wanted some time to think about what the move would entail and we appreciate relocation can be a big change. Do give me a call when you are available and we can discuss a timeline and what support is offered for relocating internal staff. 

Congratulations, Jim - we do hope you accept the position; you would do well with the market in Connecticut and it's a brilliant opportunity to begin moving up the ladder. 

Best, 

Jan

Jim let out a deep breath through his nose, feeling himself sink down in his seat ever so slightly. He couldn't decide if this email had come at just the right time or the absolute worst time. Did he really want to up and move his whole life to Connecticut? Was making this job his career the best move for him; was this really what he wanted to be doing? Especially with Pam... did he want to work somewhere that wasn't five feet away from Pam Beesly? 

But Pam was getting married. To Roy. Checking with him if she could talk about wedding stuff at work. 

Clicking back onto the IM chat with Pam, Jim rubbed his hand over his face as he contemplated his answer. Of course he had things to say, they just weren't things one should say to a woman about to get married. Jim briefly wondered again if perhaps she wanted him to say or do something that would shatter her world, what with her request. But then why would she have made sure he was ok with her wedding talk in the first place if that was what she wanted? 

Again, solid green and red lights. 

Nobody was moving in case they were the one to cause the crash.

He figured he had some time. He'd probably take the job. But he'd find an opportunity for Pam to give him a clear sign in the meantime, one way or the other, within the next week. If she was going to marry Roy, that was his sign to take the job. 

With a sigh, Jim clicked into the chat box to type his reply. 

JIM9334: Nope, all good. :)

Receptionitis15: Okay. :) 

Contradictory to her reply, Pam felt her heart drop. Her cheeks felt heavy and the intense need to cry took her by surprise. Mustering up a small smile to throw at Jim, she got up quickly from her desk and made her way through the kitchen and annex into the hallway. Maybe she'd been reading his signs wrong all along.