Jim and Pam

Dear A,

I know. I'm sorry, but there's no sense hiding that your mom and I just can't get it together sometimes. We have however decided on a name that begins with A.  So there you go...

You came into the world with more dramatics than your older sister.  We're frightened by what this might indicate regarding your personality.

By the way, thank you for reminding me what love at first sight feels like. I'd forgotten that immediate rush of just...whoa.

I have to get back to your mom now, but there is more where this came from in just a little bit.

Yours Forever,

Daddy

P.S. If this letter seems a little disjointed when you're eighteen and you read for the first time - just know that I haven't slept in hours and...hours.

Friday, 2:33p.m. 

Scranton Memorial Hospital

Jim tried his best to curve his body so that he fit against her, but between everything she was hooked to and everything that was hooked to her, and the size of the hospital bed it was difficult to do so.  His hand drifted against her moist cheek.  "Hey," he said kissing her nose as a tear slipped down the side. "You're going to be ok...We're almost there......"

She was sniffling and trying to take a deep breath all at once. "I don't want this...I don't want to do it like this...Please? Tell them not to...please?"

Jim cleared his throat in an attempt to talk through the sudden tightness there. He'd been good all damn night and into the morning, but when she said things like that - when she begged him to do something that he absolutely couldn't do...that was when he lost it.  He blinked a few times to clear the tears that came.

"Sweetie I can't...You gotta catch a break soon...right?...Listen, I promise you everything'll be fine...I promise.  It's not what we planned, but since when does anything go the way we planned it right?...I promise it'll be fine."

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Approximately 33 Hours Earlier

Wednesday 6:15 a.m.

The Halpert Residence

Nothing but dark filled the bedroom when Jim hit the alarm clock, beating it into submission with just one whack.  His aim was impeccable.  His memory, however was just a bit off first thing in the morning and he couldn't remember...Was it Thursday?...No, wait...it was only Wednesday.  

Wednesday. One more week.  That was how he'd begun referring to the minutes and days of his life...leading up to the third biggest day of his life. One more week till due day.

But today, today was just another Wednesday.  Just another Hump Day.

The thought brought a smile to his lips even before he opened his eyes....Alright, so first thing in the morning, for about 10 minutes - he was sort of Michael Scott. Seriously though - it was only 10 minutes of the day.  A guy was allowed 10 minutes of Michael Scott per day, right?  Especially if he lived the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day as a completely socially appropriate grown man?  Not a 12 year-old but responsible husband, father, boss....

A responsible husband, father, and boss who sometimes got a kick out of rolling over on a Wednesday and telling Pam that they needed to commemorate the occasion...

"Hey," Jim said grinning as he rolled over. "Pam it's Hump -

But his voice trailed away at the sight of an empty bed.  Her side completely made. He looked around their dark bedroom, glanced towards the bathroom door, finding not a sliver of light peaking out from underneath.

That however, is when the unmistakable scent of her lasagna wafted in from beneath the bedroom door. It was also the moment he chose to check the alarm clock yet again, just to be certain it was indeed 6 a.m. and not p.m.  Had he napped?

Nope...a.m.

With a yawn and a shiver, Jim got out of bed and pulled a sweatshirt on over his head.  His wife, the self-proclaimed "furnace" never turned on the heater unless he asked her to or she happened to catch Jill's lips turning blue. 

He remembered their daughter's words from the night before, "Mommy it feels snowy in here."

Indeed.

Jim stopped at the bottom of the stairs in front of the thermostat, tipping the temperature up so that poor sweet Jill wouldn't die a frozen popsicle in her sleep.  

He needn't have worried about the popsicle upstairs though, because it seemed no one was where they should have been at 6 a.m. Jill was a small heap on the couch, her golden brown locks spilling out from underneath her tattered old blankie.  Cooey, in all his matted-drool laden-gross glory lay on the carpet, released from her sweaty clutches at some point.

The TV played quietly in the living room, and the heap that was Jill shifted as Elmo lectured on good naturedly about the value of compost. 

According to the cable box next to their television, it was 6:22 a.m. now and his wife was presumably making Lasagna in the kitchen while his daughter slept on the couch looking for all intents and purposes like a 4 year old with a hang over.  

This week's Hump Day was getting off to a very different kind of start.

Jim stumbled his way into the kitchen just as Pam pulled a pan of Lasagna from the oven.  With her oven mitten still securely in place she shoved at her bangs, sweeping them out of her eyes. 

"Hey," she said spotting him in the doorway. "I couldn't sleep...I made coffee though...Dunkin' Donuts...I don't think it's as good as going there though."

She made coffee?...Dunkin' Donuts...Not as good as going there.

Jim frowned. Huh?

In silence, he watched her move about the dimly lit kitchen until she came to their mug cabinet. She lifted up on bare tiptoes and searched for a mug with her fingertips.  They danced along the edge of the cupboard, feeling around and coming up short each time.

He already knew they'd come up short.

It took her a moment though. She must've started thinking that her belly had grown another inch around over night. How was that possible? She must've been asking herself. In a day?

He watched as her tummy bumped the edge of the countertop, once, twice...Unable to hold his amusement in for longer than a minute, he started to snicker and then watched the sudden realization dawn on her.

Pam dropped down from her toes.

"How old are you?" she asked, turning to him.  The certainty that he'd moved all the cups back a half inch made her fight a smile. "How much time do you have on your hands anyway?"

"How do you know I did it?" Jim asked shrugging, "How do you know it wasn't Jill?"

His wife rolled her eyes and all he could think is that it really wasn't his fault though. Sometimes he just had to...do things like that.  Watching her tummy just sort of bump into things was kind of...awesome.  

With a soft smile, he slipped in between Pam and the countertop; effortlessly pulling down two mugs for the both of them.

"I really hope I don't still have this belly the day Jill can reach our mug cabinet," Pam said quietly, letting one of her hands trail across his back as she maneuvered herself towards their kitchen table.

Jim placed a hand on her belly when he turned. "I hope you have it...it's fun."

Pam only sighed as she sunk down in the chair behind him and he moved towards the coffee pot. "For you maybe...But, I'm tired."

"Um...yeah Emeril - What's that about?"  Jim asked, bringing his coffee and her tea to the table.  He sat down next to her. "How long have you been up?"

"I don't know...since like 3:45ish."

Jim's mouth fell open as she tried to lift her feet into his lap.  The huge belly before her and an inability to get any leverage though, made the task impossible.  Sitting his mug down on the table, Jim pulled her legs up for her, placing her feet against his thigh.

"Are you serious?"

"I was peeing every 2 minutes anyway," Pam said with a sigh. "I thought I might as well get up and get some things done instead of laying there staring up at the ceiling...waiting for D Day...I needed to be productive."

"Get things done," Jim said glancing at the steaming pan on the countertop.  The cheese was all bubbly and gooey. "Like making Lasagna?"

In the living room Elmo asked the kids on the other side of the tube if they knew what camouflage meant.

"I just made a couple of things to freeze...Lasagna and Tuna Casserole...Thought I'd get a head start. I was going to wait till this weekend but...Oh by the way...Remember, Jill will eat Tuna Casserole...just sprinkle some extra cheese on top for her. She thinks she hates it, but she doesn't really. It's just what she says."

"Yeah," Jim said in response. "I know."

Their little food Nazi had already asked him to put Tuna Casserole on the No-Jill list. He'd had to explain to her that unfortunately the concept of the list sort of dictated that she wouldn't make requests.

"Do you want me to order some Chicken Parm from Paparazzo? They have a whole tray thing that I can just freeze."

Jim took a sip of strong, black coffee and lingered over Pam's face for a moment.  She looked so tired...and worried, and her voice was doing that thing that he remembered it doing when she'd been good and full of Jill.  That thing where it went tight, like it was all she could do to get enough air to actually produce a sentence.

Not that he'd mention ever mention that to her - ever.

He smiled at her then because she was absolutely the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"I can do this you know?  Make dinner ...even lunch...even breakfast...And if I remember correctly we're going to have about zero time to ourselves when we bring the baby home.  Your parents, your sister, my parents...they're all gonna bring stuff too - more than we even want or have room for...You should relax."

"I know, I just...I'm trying to be prepared, that's all...I don't know - I feel not... prepared."

Jim frowned and tried to think about what they hadn't done yet.  It felt like they had everything.  They were lucky because they were having another girl. No need for a ton of new clothes.  They had needed a few things like a crib, given they hadn't kept Jill's old crib in the move, all in all though...they were pretty freaking prepared.  They'd even strapped the car seat in already so they wouldn't have to worry about it when the time came.

"Nursery's done," Jim said finally. "Jill's been provided with a make believe dossier on the baby...What else could there possibly be to do? Besides make a ridiculous amount of food?"

Pam glanced over at the blankie covered heap on the couch and shook her head. "I don't know...I just feel - I don't know."

Jim followed her gaze, both of their eyes settling for a few long moments.  Jill's too long legs, shifted and her toes peaked out from underneath her blanket.  Lavendar polish with yellow star decals. 

She was getting...tall.

"It's like she's got me Lo-Jacked this week," Pam said finally. "She must've heard me get up and she came down here a few minutes later. I told her the only way she got to stay down here with me was if she lay down on the couch...She was asleep two minutes later."

He turned back to Pam. "You know things are gonna be fine with her, right?...She's not the first little kid to get a sibling."

"I know that...I just don't want her to feel...I don't know. I can't really remember how I was when Penny was born...My mom says I was great though."

"She'll be great too...After the initial hazing rituals...Listen, we'll set boundaries for that...I'm serious," Jim said with a grin that he hoped was encouraging. "Larissa made it through life with the three of us born before her. If she can make it then our little Whatshername will be just fine...We do have to talk about that by the way."

When Pam didn't respond to his pressing the name issue, Jim scrunched his forehead.  Maybe he needed to let it go today.  Pam looked like she needed a break.  Today it would be his mission to get her to relax as much as possible.

They had to get ready for work though, so he stood and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

"Everything's gonna be fine Beesly......You want the shower first?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "That's ok.  I'm just gonna sit here for a minute."

Jim took one more sip of coffee. "Ok...I'll be out in 5...Will you keep the heater on?  It actually is cold outside.  You see all that frost on the window...yep - that's considered cold. And when you see your own breath come out in little puffs of rolling fog...that's another sure sign that -

"Just go take your shower please...You should be sure to close your mouth so you don't drown."

Jim smiled mischievously and turned for the stairs. 

Someone was in a ridiculously good mood, Pam thought watching him move up the stairs.  She caught movement out of the corner of her eye as he disappeared.  It was Jill sitting up on the couch. She of course, had her eyes on Jim too, watching him go.  Daddy was Lo-Jacked as well.

Once daddy disappeared, Pam watched Jill grab her blankie, grab Cooey, and try and tuck it all under her chin in some weird sort of fashion.  Four years on this planet and Pam was still trying to figure out why Jill did the things she did. 

Her lavender painted toes, wound their way into the kitchen.  They stopped still, as did their owner in between Pam's legs.

"Where's Daddy going?"

Pam put her hands on either side of Jill's face and tilted it upwards. It sometimes struck her a new, especially on days like these when she felt so...so pregnant - what a sweet, sweet face she had. 

When Jill smiled she was all Jim, but mostly she was just her own little face. Though everyone else seemed to think she looked like Pam.

Brushing hair out of her eyes, Pam kissed her awake.

"Just upstairs to get ready for work...Can I interest you in bananas and hot cereal this morning, Beanalina?"

Jill rested her head on Pam's belly with a long-suffering sigh.  "Mommy you gotta go to work today too?"

Everyday Jill seemed a little more anxious about them going to work.  Pam tried to act as nonchalant about it as she could, getting up to grab Jill's little cereal bowl from the cupboard. Thankfully Jim hadn't moved those.

"Well Jilly it's the same as always...And same as always, we'll pick you up and come home and every thing will be just Okedokee Artichokie...with a big giant Cherry on top. Ok?"

Jill smiled, but just as quickly as her mini-Jim smile appeared, it went away.  Their daughter was nothing if not goal driven.  She remembered what it was she'd come into the kitchen to talk about and it hadn't had anything to do with laughing at her Mommy's funny sayings.

"Mommy I don't want you or Daddy to go work today.  Today I want youta stay right here with Bean.  We can play lots and lots and lots of games...See Mommy doesn't dat sound like a good ‘dea?"

Pam glanced over her shoulder as she pulled the box of Cream of Wheat out of the cabinet and sighed. It did actually sound like a good idea.  A damn good idea. She was too tired to work, but the longer she worked the better off they'd be financially when the baby arrived.  

"I have to go to work, Bean but I promise - games tonight, ok? Me and you can beat Daddy at Candyland. Ok?"

Jill had just learned to play Candyland and it was her absolute most favorite thing on the planet right then. The fact that she could play the game now was both thrilling and terrifying at once to Pam.

When had she learned her colors?  When had she learned to count the spaces?  None of it seemed to take her very long.  Everything had happened so quickly.

Everything.

Jill's sudden gasp was the only thing that kept her from welling up. "Mommy I know!"

Pam took a deep, shuddering breath. "What's that, Honey?"

"I can go work with you today!"

Pam sighed again and walked back over to her daughter, she sunk down in the chair in front of her, letting her fingers drift through her hair. Her ring finger snagged for a moment on a particularly raggedy snarl.

"Ow Mommy! Don't do that!"

"Well, if you let me get a comb through it more often that wouldn't happen."

Combing Jill's hair was an everyday drama of epic proportions.  Pam remembered what it was like having curly hair as a child so she bought every detangling product on the market but it wasn't enough when Jill sometimes hid the hairbrushes.

"Honey, listen ok...You'd be so bored at Mommy and Daddy's work...there's no toys, and no kids -

"Uhuh! Kelly's there and Michael's there!"

"They aren't kids, babe...So it's graham cracker day at pre-school and I know you do not want to miss that...I know that for sure."

"Mommy I miss you," Jill whined.  Her bottom lip beginning to tremble.

Pam's kissed her forehead again and then the top of her head and then her little nose. "I'm right here silly girl and you'll be home with mommy and daddy before you know it.  Ok?...Now let's go get you ready for school.  I want to see you put on your own undies and your own socks today.  Show me what a big girl you are...and then bananas and hot cereal for real this time."

"I hate bananas and hot cereal."

"No you don't," Pam said as she lead her upstairs, careful that Jill wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.  "We're putting ‘hate' on the No-Jill list by the way."

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