Jim took a seat in the conference room and smiled at the camera man. “Um…yeah, it’s kinda weird being back. I took some time off to be with Pam and the baby…emergency vacation time…Paternity Leave…whatever,” he said grinning widely. “And interestingly enough the day I come back…it’s Bring Your Daughter to Work Day…so…Did I time it that way?” Jim leaned forward responding to the interviewer’s question. “Actually, no…but…I’m pretty excited about it,” he said grinning. “Pam’s gonna bring Jill in around lunch time just so everyone can see her. I figure that’s good…that way I don’t go too crazy with the photographs…It’s gonna be good.” He finished, his smile telling the story of how much better than good he thought it was going to be. He was in fact way too excited for his own good.

After his Talking Head, Jim got up and settled in at his desk. He logged on to his terminal and took a deep breath. What he’d told the interviewer was totally true, it was weird being back.

He’d read somewhere about women who experienced separation anxiety after Maternity Leave…he was pretty sure he’d be alright, but the restlessness that he felt only an hour into his workday could not be a good sign.

Oddly it seemed that the more he tried to busy himself, the more slowly the hours ticked by. And sales calls were hard to make when all you really wanted to do was call home again and say “Oh hey…put her on the phone and tell me what face she’s making when I make the sound where I blow through my closed lips…Oh she’s making that face? Really? That’s hilarious. Ok, tell me what face she’s makes when I do…”

That could quite literally go on forever if he let it. Once he’d had to go and pick Mark up from the airport and there’d been a flight delay. Jim had sat in the airport parking lot for nearly two hours on his cell with his wife and his pre-verbal daughter. 

By mid morning, the only saving graces for Jim were Toby’s daughter Sasha and Kevin’s step daughter, Abby. The latter, adamant that she had to see yet another picture of Jill and then another. He remembered his recent promise to himself, but who was he to deny the girl something she obviously wanted.

Abby especially liked the one of Jill sitting behind a large children’s book, with two little feet peaking out from beneath. She was dwarfed by the literature she was casually perusing.

“So are you reading to her?” Abby asked, every bit the scholarly preteen.

Jim shook his head soberly. “No. She’s pretty cute so…no need to make her smart too.”

When the girl looked at him in shock, he quickly cleared things up. “I’m kidding…of course, yes. Do you have any specific recommendations?”

She leaned against his desk in serious thought mode. “Um…Green Eggs and Ham.”

“Seriously? A Seuss fan?”

“Well not now,” she said, making sure that was cleared up. “But I used to be. Besides, they say that you should read kids books that rhyme…it helps them learn how to read…or something.”

“Wow…do you…I mean do you want Jill because we’re actually tired of her already…She cries a lot so…”

She frowned.

“Again…Totally kidding.”

“Oh,” she said and then smiled. “Oh well…did you want me to do some work for you?”

Jim glanced at the mountain of work on his desk. Who was he kidding? There was no way he was going to get through all of that today…and he really had no desire to.

“Yes.”

“Your first day back and already you’re slacking?” Dwight asked, sitting across from him. “Little girl…he’s not a good example for you. You should be talking to me about sales……and by the way – Green Eggs and Ham do not exist.”

“And that’s why it’s called fiction,” Jim said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back.

Now this he’d actually kind of missed. Not Dwight himself of course…but just the fun of getting to mess with him.

“Well that’s not the kind of thing I’d want my daughter reading,” Dwight said pointedly. “God help yours.”

Jim leaned forward. “Whoa…I do not think you’re qualified to make judgments.”

“Um, yes I am Jim.”

“No.”

“I have many brothers and sisters and I helped raise them with my parents, single-handedly. So…”

Jim looked pointedly at the camera before responding. “Well it is good to know that you, Dwight K. Schrute helped raise them single-handedly…What kinds of books did your parents read to you?”

“Among classics like Streubel Peter, they also made sure I knew the basic truths of life Jim…

“Which are?”

“Kill or be killed, survival of the fittest…if you don’t have anything nice to say – lie.”

“That is not the expression.”

“It should be…Little girl, come do my filing,” Dwight said, finally addressing Abby.

Her entire face contorted. “No.”

Dwight shook his head and smiled slowly. “Interesting that you attract the disobedient ones Jim…I’m sure that’s how you’re child will turn out.”

Jim looked at Abby for a moment, and then nodded, “God willing.”

Dwight only sighed.

That had been fun for awhile, and occasionally Michael or Ryan would come over and ask him what it was like to be back, but most of all Jim spent those morning hours glancing up at the clock.

At exactly 11:45 he rubbed his hands together expectantly…ridiculously. As if someone were bringing in a Thanksgiving turkey. Pam said she’d be coming with Jill around noon. As soon as she woke up from her nap…

He pulled his digital camera from the drawer under his desk, and slid the lens cap open; wanting to be ready. There were already about 50 photos saved on it that needed to be developed.

He was turning into the world’s biggest dork.

But none of that mattered when the door opened and there Pam was, Jill in her arms…Roy by her side.

Jim put the camera down. That was not a photo op.

Time seemed to stop as Jim watched Roy make goofy faces at his kid, behind Pam’s back. Waving his finger in her face back and forth. Jim stood up, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Hey,” Pam said grinning from ear to ear. At Jim’s stony expression, she frowned. “What’s wrong?”

He silently shook his head. “Nuthin’…good to see you,” he said dashing a quick kiss against her forehead.

Pam frowned, but realized only a split-second later exactly what the problem was. She glanced behind her at Roy and then back to Jim. “He -

“Paaaaaaaam, how the heck are ya?” Michael asked, coming out of his office. “Oh look at this cutie,” he said shaking his head. He held out his arms and Pam reluctantly passed him the baby. “Come on…come to papa,” Michael was saying. “Well not really papa, because Pam and I have never had sex. Nor, have I ever thought of her that way,” he said quickly glancing at Roy. He shook his head as if to clear the fog and glanced at Jim instead.

Pam shut her eyes for a moment. Wow…from bad to worse in literally two seconds. She felt back at home already.

Dwight stayed seated, but spoke from his perch. “That wasn’t what you said when we bought the breast pump Michael. You said that you’d like to –

“Just…shuuut it,” Michael said quickly. He turned his attention back to the baby.

Jim was still quiet and Roy was still making faces at Jill behind Michael’s back. God…

This didn’t have to turn into a big deal does it Jim, Pam thought to herself. The Roy thing hadn’t been an issue for over a year now. Well sometimes it was…like the time they’d gotten into a fight over her email address which had only been a ruse. Jim’s real issue had been Roy talking to her in the first place.

“Roy saw us outside,” she explained as casually as she could. “He helped me bring in all this gear,” she said motioning to the diaper bag on his shoulder.

Jim shrugged and turned towards Roy, but she knew that shrug. It wasn’t as casual as it looked. In fact she was pretty sure he’d just thought ‘whatthefuckever’

“I got that…thanks,” Jim said pulling the diaper bag away from Roy. He looped it over his own arm.

Pam smiled half-heartedly at Roy. He’d been really nice to help her into the building and then to hold the elevator doors for her while others had gotten off on their way to lunch in the city.

“Thanks I –

“No worries,” Roy answered quickly. She watched as he glanced at Jim and then back to her. He was no dummy, he knew what the score was. She found herself suddenly very grateful for the new and improved Roy. Gracious Roy.

There’d been a brief time when he and Jim had not been allowed in the same room. Were they going back to that?

I gotta get back to the warehouse anyway,” Roy explained. “It was nice to see you Pammy…and you too,” he said making a silly face at Jill. “See ya Halpert,” he said much more soberly.

Jeez…Pammy? Pam thought. Had that been a subtle dig at Jim? That he knew her in a completely different way? In a way that allowed him to call her Pammy?

God, weren’t they over this?

Jim only nodded slightly in response to Roy’s goodbye. No thank you’s, no nothing. There wasn’t even a moment to discuss it however, as a crowd had already started to develop around her and the baby…and Michael.

Everyone was anxious to see Jill…except apparently her father.

She watched as Jim slowly slid to the outer reaches of the circle and suddenly felt horrible inside. She’d missed him so much all morning long. Their first morning apart in weeks…

This wasn’t the way this afternoon was supposed to go. Something in her stomach turned over and she recognized it as a new emotion. Not disappointment like she’d always felt with Roy, but…anger. Maybe because her expectations had been so high for today, maybe because she’d come to expect more from him? Maybe that wasn’t fair…

But it was how she felt.

Jim sat down at his desk for a moment, collecting himself. He knew he was overreacting. No one had to tell him that. But she could have just called him if she needed help...could have called his cell phone, said “Hey Jim, I’m downstairs…come help me out.”

She didn’t have to ask Roy…

It was a beyond ridiculous, the jealousy that rose up from his gut. He knew that…he knew that.

But that wasn’t the point. This was his day! His and Pam’s BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY.

He watched Michael laugh at something, and then lean in towards Jill. He smiled at her and she did that thing where she started waving her arms around like she was getting ready to take off in flight. Everyone cracked up.

“Look at that…already…I kill…even newborns think I’m hilarious,” Michael said shaking his head as he glanced up at the cameras. “I mean it’s really something…”

“Yeah…it’s something alright,” Stanly quipped. “I think it’s gas.”

Jim felt Pam’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to look at her.

Ryan came to stand next to his desk, effectively blocking his peripheral view. “Halpert you have no idea how much I have to thank you for this. Now…for at least a month,” he said with mock enthusiasm. “I’m going to hear about nothing but babies non-stop. It will be the topic of every conversation and every longing glance…thank you – so much!”

Jim only stared at him for a moment. What the hell did he want him to do about it? Break up with her then you idiot.

“Sorry?” He said finally.

Ryan sighed and walked away.

As everyone bombarded Pam with questions – how are you feeling, how long was labor, what’s it like being a mommy…Jim eased towards the kitchen, grabbed his ham and cheese…and stayed there to eat it.

Pam had taken the baby home soon after. She’d come in to the kitchen, quickly let him know she was leaving and then she and Jill had left the way they’d come.

And there you had it. The biggest fuck up of their marriage history to date. In fact, probably since they’d been a couple period. It had finally happened.

Jim’s knew that one of his greatest strengths was that he had a pretty high level of self-awareness. He knew who he loved, knew he was sharp, and knew when he was being an ass…One of his greatest weakness however, was that he wasn’t always able to stop mid-stream. Once he felt something – he felt it. He had always been full steam ahead...on every emotion since he’d been a kid.

Michael walked into the kitchen at the height of Jim’s pity party. “Your baby’s cute Jim…good job. I mean not that you really did anything other than scr–

“Thanks Michael,” Jim said cutting him off. He tapped his finger on the table a couple of times absently as Michael got a soda out of the vending machine. He really wasn’t in the mood for this.

And for that reason, Michael chose to sit down next to him. “One more…for the road,” he said popping the top on a grape soda…Almost quittin’ time.”

Jim smiled. “Well it’s not…it’s not really for the road if you’re still…you know…sitting here.”

Michael smiled. “That’s just a figure of speech Jim. Nobody really…you know……Aaaanyway,” he said glancing through the windows of the break room. “Pissed about Roy? Man…I would be too. But, you know…you got the girl.”

Jim glanced at the camera. “Michael I don’t really want to -

“Just…you know…don’t be an ass.” Michael said and stood up, taking his grape soda with him.

Jim just stared after him as the door shut. “Wow...a new low.”

~~~~~~~~

When Jim drove home after work that evening, he knew he had some major apologizing to do. She had every right to be pissed at him.

Typically, they argued over stupid things. Things that one or both of them had blown way out of proportion. It would start out as someone saying something sarcastic (Them? Of course not), but because the other was already feeling sensitive about something it wouldn’t go over as humor, but as an attack. Then all hell would break loose. They’d both raise their voices and then they’d glare at each other for a few minutes…maybe slam some things around…then one of them would inevitably realize how stupid they’d been and that person would crack a joke that signaled the beginning of the end….Making out would commence…or at the very least uncontrollable laughter.

When he walked into their apartment this evening the silence was deafening. No kiddy music coming from the living room or adult music coming from the kitchen where Pam liked to listen to it when she cooked.

He stopped first in the nursery. Jill was sleeping, her belly rising and falling silently. He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her nose.

Turning back into the hall, the lights were off in most of the apartment. When he got to their bedroom she was lying on her side of the bed. Napping?

Sleep when the baby sleeps…good. It would also give him even more time to formulate the ‘I’m an Ass – Please Forgive Me’ speech. The time in the car hadn’t seemed quite enough.

He shrugged out of his jacket and folded it over the arm of the chair in the corner. He toed off his shoes and quietly slid them into place at the bottom of their closet the way she liked.

Silently he lay next to her, careful not to make the bed move too much…

But that’s when he realized she wasn’t asleep at all. She was laying there, her eyelids flickered once and he saw her dash a hand across her cheeks. The street light from outside, caught at exactly the right angle and he could tell instantly that she’d been crying.

With a pained expression he reached for her. “Hey –

She pulled away before he made contact, and rolled to a sitting position before quickly making her way to her feet. “I made dinner…but I think I actually…I might’ve burned it a little…the timer went off when I was feeding Jill,” she said, the entire time walking out of their bedroom.

Jim got to his feet and followed. “Pam…I’m sorry.”

She ignored him and pulled a two plates down from the cupboard. “Salad too?” She asked moving to the dark wooden salad bowl that they’d gotten for a wedding present from Kelly.

Jim stepped close, so close that Pam couldn’t quite maneuver her way around the kitchen. “Hey…come on, don’t do this……You know I don’t care about dinner…”

She pursed her lips and shifted around him or better stated pushed her way around him. “Well I do. I’m hungry…so…”

“Pam, listen I know I messed up. Bad….I know,” he said stepping in front of her again. “And I wish I could give you some big lofty reason why…but there isn’t one. The only reason I have is pure, unadulterated jealousy. I just couldn’t take seeing him with you…with the both of you.”

When she finally made eye contact with him there were ripe tears in her eyes. The kind that blind you, but you refuse to let fall. “Forget it.”

He frowned as she moved to the stove to slap some tuna casserole on her plate. “Pam…I know I was ridiculous today. I know that…let me have it for God’s sake.”

Without warning she launched her plate at the refrigerator and it cracked in what seemed like a million little pieces. There was porcelain and tuna casserole all over the floor…And it was a relief.

Jim took a breath. “Well…I wasn’t really in the mood for tuna anyway…so…”

“The plate wasn’t for you. It was for….me,” she sighed and burst into tears.

He shut his eyes and moved towards her, slipping his hand under her hair and letting his fingertips rest on the nape of her neck. Pam rested her head against his chest.

“I am….so sorry,” he said again. His voice soft.

She nodded silently against his chest, sniffling. “I just…I had this idea in my head of what today would be like…it’s stupid I know…but the image in my head was not that.”

“It’s not stupid,” he said pulling back slightly. His hands on her face as he looked at her. “Me too,” He brought her back to him and kissed the top of her head. His lips lingered there as he spoke. “I should have been there with you, but instead I just…I don’t know…I let my own stupid insecurities get the best of me.”

“Jim you wouldn’t even look at me.”

“I know…and I’m sorry that –

The baby started to cry and Pam pulled away from the warmth of Jim’s arms, moving quickly towards the nursery.

Jim braced himself against the kitchen counter for a moment, pressing his fingertips against his eyes to stave off his own tears. If there was one thing he absolutely could not take, it was Pam’s tears.

He blew a sigh out heavily through his mouth and started pulling off his tie as he made his way towards the nursery. Mother and child were already in the rocker together, Pam singing, ‘Love Fool’ in a somewhat out of tune voice. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, so he knelt down next to them. He knew he’d never done anything in his life to get this lucky…but somehow he had anyway.

She spoke after a long moment, as the baby quieted. “I needed help and I let him help me. You know me better than to think anything else.”

“I do…I absolutely do…and I didn’t think anything. I trust you completely Pam,” Jim reached out for her again, rubbing his thumb across her hand as she rocked Jill.

“So then why…”

“Pam…this is gonna sound…so unbelievably…”

“Just say it”

“All I kept thinking was – get the hell away from them – they’re mine. They belong to me…I was like a pouting little kid who’s toys just got taken by the big bully next door.”

She frowned at him. “Jim –

“I know…I know. I told you it was gonna sound ridiculous and old-fashioned and stupid…but I can’t help how I feel. And every time I see Roy….Wow, Pam it’s like I turn into somebody I don’t even know…And it’s not…I mean on one level he and I are cool, but on another…I just…”

“How did you…” Pam let her voice trail off as she shook her head.

“What?”

“How did you…I mean you were never…You were always so in control before –

“Before I was with you? Well…yeah Pam. Obviously. I mean for God’s sake…if I knew then what I know now…”

She shook her head. “Know what?”

“Know what it’s like for Roy,” he said as if it made the most sense in the world. How could she not understand this? “Pam…that guy is hating every millisecond of his life.”

“Jim he is not. He’s perfectly fine.”

Jim smiled at her. “Come on Pam…or I’m sorry, should I say Pammy,” Jim said pausing as she made a face. “Trust me on this Pam. There’s no way he could go from being with you…to not being with you…and not want to…” he shook his head. She didn’t need to hear this, but at the same time she did. “He may say he’s alright. He says he’s over it all…I honestly don’t see how.”

She smiled a little and shook her head. “You’re…I’m really not ready to forgive you yet.”

“Well, what I did today was pretty much unforgivable so…”

“Pretty much,” she said nodding.”

“Pam…I will never, ever take that stuff out on you and Jill again.”

She made a face that clearly said ‘don’t make promises you can’t keep.’

But he did anyway. “It won’t ever happen again.”

Pam smiled softly and shifted the baby higher on her shoulder.

“Is she asleep?”

She nodded. “I don’t think she likes it when I throw plates.”

Jim lifted Pam’s hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Yeah.”