Jim figured that continuing to get comfortable after a long day at work was probably not a wise decision right then. Not when he expected smoke to come out of Pam’s ears at any moment. He stopped pulling his tie lose and left it hanging there at his neck.

“Pam…calm down. We’ll figure it out.”

Pam shook her head and paced back and forth with Jill in her arms, pulling her baby blanket more tightly around her. “I already figured it out Jim…she hates me.”

“Pam.”

“Jim…she’s been crying for close an hour and a half now and you haven’t been here so don’t Pam me.”

Jim held up his hands. “Whoa…did you or did you not call me at work and ask me to pick up some groceries on the way home?”

“I know, I just,” Pam’s words caught on the lump in her throat. “She won’t stop Jim…at first I thought maybe she was sick…but she doesn’t have a fever…I fed her, I changed her diaper, I tried singing…”

“Did you try the movement thing?”

“What the heck do you think I’m doing right now!” Pam spat, as she shifted from foot to foot and bounced a bit a bit furiously. “It’s making it worse!”

With eyebrows lifted, Jim nodded. “A car ride?”

“Yes,” Pam whispered then, barely able to talk because she was about to start crying herself. “Nothing. She calmed down for a few minutes but then she was right back at again.”

“Can I hold her?” Jim said holding out his arms.

Pam scowled. “Right…I forgot – the magic touch.”

“Wow…do you want her to stop crying or do you want to compare parenting technique right now? I’m trying to help here.”

Pam stopped pacing and gently handed her towards Jim who tried smiling at Jill, but the red-faced baby seemed to scream even louder. Pam covered her face with her hands and slowly moved to the couch, dropping down on the sofa in pure exhaustion.

When Jill continued to cry, Jim laughed a little. “Well…apparently I’m not so magic, you’ll be happy to know.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Pam said on a sigh as she shut her eyes. “I’m just…”

“Tired, I know.” Jim said glancing over at Pam. He’d started back to work just a couple of weeks before and he could tell that being alone with Jill all day was starting to take its toll.

Pam rattled off all the things she’d tried as Jim moved around their small apartment. “I called the doctor…she’s not warm…” Pam said again, reiterating what she’d already told him.

“No, she’s not…” Jim whispered as he gazed at his daughter. “It’ss ok…Sssh…” Jim said, strolling around their apartment in a complete state of calm. As if the child in his arms weren’t screaming her lungs out. “Yeah…tough day huh?...Wow, I can’t imagine. Must be really hard being a newborn…People play with you, you’ve got your own personal baby gym…people feed you – with breasts.”

At that he heard Pam chuckle from the living room and he breathed an inward sigh of relief. Even if her laughter held a bit of a hysterical edge, at least it had served to cut the tension a bit.

The baby still cried. “People bathe you, people change you, sing you to sleep in scary falsetto tones…Oh, what’s that? You say you want a soul stirring rendition of Love Fool?...Ok, will do…but you’re gonna have to be quiet to hear it…”

“Love me, love me, say that you love me……need me, need me…”

By the second verse, Jill started to quiet down. Still crying slightly, but not at the same earth shattering decibel she’d been at just moments before.

Jim lowered his voice to a near whisper. “I can’t care ‘bout anything but you….anything but you….” He said doing a little two-step then.

Jill was rapidly calming down. Hiccups started to wrack her little body. “Oooh…I know…all that crying is tough work……Love me, love me….say that you love me…go on and fool me…I know that you need me…”

Pam turned her head on the ledge of the couch, watching where Jim slow danced around in the kitchen. Their baby got quieter by the second in response to Jim’s voice. Pam looked up at the ceiling, a mental picture of their first date, popping into her head. Dancing Jim did the trick for females the world over.

“Definitely my daughter.”

Jim threw a whisper at Pam. “Her eyes are already starting to get heavy.”

Pam nodded. “Of course they are.”

“Seriously Pam…how could you not glean the fact that she wanted to hear Love Fool? What’s wrong with you?”

She glared at him.

“Oh come on…cut it out…You got her to sleep yesterday when she was all gassy. Who knew babies liked belly massages? I didn’t….And who wants to give her one when she’s gassy anyway,” he finished making a face. “She was like a crying whoppee cushion.”

When Pam said nothing in response, but tears clouded her eyes, Jim walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He sat down next to Pam. One of his arms full of Jill and the other now around his wife’s shoulders.

“Hey…come on…Pam…you’re a great mom.”

She nodded silently, just before completely crumbling. Her hand trembled as she covered her eyes.

“Th – this is what I knew would ha-happen…”

Jim shook his head and pulled her close. “Pam…”

“Kids j-just d-don’t like meee.”

Both of the women in Jim’s life got worked up simultaneously.  Jill started shifting around again, her face contorting and Jim started to sing quietly, “Love me…love me…”

Jill’s little pink eyelids quickly became heavy again and in a matter of moments she was asleep. Jim laid her on the blanket next to them on the couch, smoothing a hand over her back.

Pam was trying to catch her breath.

“Pam…”

“I know, I’m being ridiculous…and I’m just…”

“Come here,” he said and she leaned against his shoulder. He kissed her forehead. “I promise I will not ever leave you alone with our child again. It’s obvious that you just can’t handle it.”

“Stop it. Don’t make me laugh right now. I don’t want to laugh. I want to feel sorry for myself. I’m just so tired Jim and my hair is a mess, and I haven’t showered yet today.”

“I would be happy to help you take care of that right now…” The look she shot him cut that statement in half. “Just kidding,” he said, a bit wounded.

“I’m sorry,” she said, tears filling her eyes again. God, she hadn’t quite been herself in ages it seemed. Her emotions always a little too close to the surface. She knew that sometimes it took awhile for your hormones to get back under control, but sometimes she felt like she had a split personality. She was always either over the moon about her new life…or it was driving her batty.

She looked at Jim and tossed up her hands, as if what had just happened had yet again gone to prove the point of how horrible she was. “And see…you wanna have sex, and I’m being a bad wife. A bad mom and a bad wife.”

Jim made a face, and used the hand that was curled around her shoulders to pull her bangs away from her eyes. “Come on. You know I don’t care about that…I mean I care, of course I care. But it’s not like…” he shook his head. “I’m gonna wait as long as I need to wait. It’s not like you had your tonsils taken out……If I were you I’m guessing I’d be a little…you know…gunshy.”

“Is that what we’re calling it?” She asked, dabbing at her red nose.

“Well that’s what I’ve always called it Pam…but nobody’s ever really gotten on board with calling it that so…”

Her mouth quirked upward for a moment in a slow smile. It had been over six weeks since she’d had Jill and all the books and the doctors said that around six weeks was when you could “resume” regular activity. Well Pam didn’t feel much like resuming anything at all.

Jim searched her eyes and realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere on that specific topic. She was pretty determined to beat herself up at the moment. “Listen, what do you say we put Jill in her crib and you and me just curl up here on the couch and watch some really bad television? I’m talking Laguna Beach the real OC…or wait, no…I can run out and rent something scary and we’ll just –

She shook her head. “No…I just…I think I’ll just go to bed if you don’t mind. Turn in early.”

“Pam…come on…I - …..Oooh, I know what! Go see your mom!”

Pam frowned at the odd segway. “What?”

“Go hang out with your mom tonight…sleepover. You’re mom’ll be psyched. Me and Jill will just hang out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, no…seriously.”

“No,” Pam said shaking her head. “I can’t just show up there…and I can’t leave Jill. I’ve never…”

Jim almost shook her. “Yeah, you barely leave this apartment during the week, especially to do anything that doesn’t involve something for Jill. I go to the office, I run the errands, I do most everything that involves leaving here since she was born Pam. It’s time. You need out. You need out or you’re gonna explode…and then I’ll explode…and then Jill will have no parents…and then Michael and Dwight will try and raise her…much like a pack of wolves might.”

Pam smiled. “What am I gonna do at my mom’s? She’s just gonna wanna see Jill anyway…”

“Nope, tell her I wouldn’t give her up…What’s the point of your mom having moved closer, if you don’t take advantage of it?...Go hang out. Do girl stuff…bitch about me.”

“I don’t bitch about you…You’re perfect.”

“Well that’s not true, but I appreciate the sentiment…..Pam,” he said twirling one of her curls around his fingertip. “Go.”

“Jim I’m breastfeeding. I can’t just –

“Did you pump? Do we have bottles?”

“Yes, but not enough for –

“Pump one more and go woman.”

“Jim she’s not gonna be happy with bottles all night. She’s gonna want me.”

“Understandable………you still need to go.”

“She’s going to scream bloody murder like she was all day today and Love Fool is not gonna cut it when she’s hungry. Mr. Jensen is gonna come up here again and tell you that you have to be quiet because he’s napping for the thousandth time. The man naps more than our newborn.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows. Their downstairs neighbor got on his last nerves, especially since he’d started harassing them about Jill’s crying. It wasn’t like she cried all the time! She just had her bad days…like everybody else.

“Did he come back today?”

Pam nodded. Jim sighed, but a smile graced his features just seconds later.

“Jim don’t do anything to him.”

“Why would I do anything to him Pam? Why would I have to, when his paper boy has tragically bad aim?”

“Jim –

“Pam, it’s just bad hand-eye coordination. Don’t judge him.”

“Jim if you break his window he’s going to know that it was –

Jim made a face and held up his hands. “Whoa…I was not suggesting that his paper boy engage in vandalistic behavior.”

“Vandalistic?” Pam said giggling.

“I just think that if the paper ends up in his tree…again…Well then maybe he should have baked something special for the paper boy on Christmas…that’s all.”

Pam stared at him for a moment. “I love you.”

“Well absence makes the heart grow fonder…so go to your mom’s for an hour, preferably three, then come home.”

“Why don’t we all go?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you need a break from her,” Jim said pointing towards their sleeping infant, “And…unexplainably me.”

“I don’t.”

“Uh, yes you do. Go.”

Pam snuggled against him, curling one arm around his waist. “You’re just dying to get rid of me aren’t you?”

“Yes Pam.”

“What will you do?”

“I’m teaching her poker tonight.”

“Really? Um…shouldn’t I be teaching her that?”

“Whoa! And Beesly’s back in the game ladies and gentlemen,” Jim said laughing.

She smiled and he tilted her head up, kissing her long…sweetly. His hand lingered on her cheek. “Get out of here.”

“Three hours…tops,” she said pulling back. “I’ll be home in time a midnight feeding, ok?”

“Absolutely… now leave.”