“So anyway I told her that she couldn’t come over because Jill is teething and that all she does is cry, cry, cry,” Pam said handing Jim a huge bowl of popcorn before she sat down next to him on the couch.

Jim glanced at Pam and tossed some popcorn into his mouth. “She has no teeth Pam.”

“I know. But did you really want Kelly and Ryan over here tonight?”

“No, of course not. It’s DVD Saturday,” he said in a matter of fact tone, “But basically Pam…you lied about our child.” He turned back to the TV. “I just think you should be you know…ashamed of yourself…that’s all.”

Pam smiled and snuggled in under his arm, ignoring his comment. She let her head fall against his shoulder. “This is nice.”

He massaged the top of her head with his fingertips. That never failed to cause her to shiver all the way down to the soles of her feet.

“I know right…it’s been a long time.”

Actually it had been forever since they’d had one of their traditional DVD Saturdays. Since Jill had been born most of their weekends had been spent either carting her around to relative’s homes or other people coming to visit the newborn. It was nice to just have a quiet Saturday evening alone. A Saturday where he and Pam could snuggle on the couch until late. When she wouldn’t be tired from being with the baby all day and the evening courses she’d started again, and he wouldn’t be tired from a day at the office.

“Oh I love this part,” Jim said, chuckling as he popped some more popcorn into his mouth. They’d chosen Dazed and Confused for this premiere DVD Saturday. Jim absently reached into the bowl and held a few pieces out for Pam without looking at her. Instead of taking the popcorn with her fingers through, she ate them…out of his hand…and her tongue seemed to linger…and then her mouth…on his fingers. Sucking…

When she pulled away licking her lips, he looked at her. She was just watching the movie again, smiling at the scene unfolding in front of her. “This is a really good part.”

What the…

“Um……What was that?”

She looked up at him with those innocent big eyes. “What?...Oh – you…You had salt on your fingers.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “I…thank you…That was very kind of you.”

“Well I didn’t want you to accidentally rub your eye or something…that would hurt.”

“It would Pam…it would,” he said and with a tongue in cheek grin turned back to the movie in front of them. When he chanced a glance at her a moment later, she wore the same grin.

Minutes passed before the next move. Jim knit his hands behind his head and then suddenly Pam was pushing herself up on the couch, making the move. Her feet tucked beneath her bottom as she reached over him. Her chest in his face…clad in a t-shirt that didn’t quite fit the way it used to.

But better.

“Oh I’m sorry I just…I just need the remote…I can’t hear…”

Jim nodded. “Not a problem Pam…let me know if I can help with anything…You seem a little…fidgety.” Let me know when you’re ready Mrs. Halpert. I’ve been up for this for months, he thought to himself.

“Fidgety?” Pam asked, again with those eyes.

“Yeah…just…you know…fidgety.”

Pam leaned back against the couch. This time only seconds passed before she was back at it. Her fingers slid along the neckline of his t-shirt.

Jim cleared his throat. “See…I can’t really focus on the movie when you do that…”

Pam made a face. “Oh…I’m sorry, what about…what if I do this…” and then her mouth was where her fingers had just been.

“Pam, that makes it even more difficult. You know, I’m beginning to think you don’t want to watch this movie at all…and it just…Wow, that’s new…” he said when her hand busied it self with something other than the remote. “See I knew that when I watched this movie with you it’d be better than it was in the theatre.”

She was climbing into his lap. “I’m sorry Jim, I actually kind of tricked you…I’m not really that interested in DVD Saturday…I’m sorry.”

Jim cleared his throat and lifted the remote to turn off the television and DVD player. Yes. “Really…Now that’s surprising. Especially after I distinctly remember you saying that it was in your Top 3 Pam…that you’d want it on a deserted island”

“Right…but I’m not deserted right now,” she said, and her tongue did something wicked just then. “And there are a myriad of other activities I like, Jim.”

He pretended to glance around the room. “Monopoly?”

She grinned widely. “How did you ever guess…”

Monopoly was code for sex. Pam had insisted on coming up with some kind of code word when Jill was around. Not that he’d had any cause to use the code word before, seeing as they hadn’t engaged in Monopoly for quite some time.

“I’m ready Jim,” she whispered against his ear before taking one tasty lobe into her mouth.

She hadn’t been ‘ready’ since Jill had come to live with them outside of the womb.

“Well then let’s get to it.”

Pam giggled as he stood up, lifting them both from the couch. Her feet dropped to the floor as he walked them both quickly towards their bedroom.

His mouth was on lips, her neck, wherever they could get to skin. “I miss your skin…I miss your -

“Wait, wait…,” Pam said smiling as she gently pushed him away. It took every fiber of her being to put things on hold even for another second, but she wanted this to be just right. He deserved it for having been so patient. “You go make sure that Jill is asleep, grab the baby monitor…and I’m gonna actually go get a surprise ready.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows. “A surprise?”

She nodded. “Give me 3 minutes.”

“180…179….178…” Jim said backing away from her. He was grinning as he rounded the corner into their daughter’s room.”

With baby monitor in hand, Jim jogged back down the hall towards their bedroom. He stopped abruptly at all the candlelight. At all that glowing skin.

Pam stood at the edge of the bed, her caramel hair waving loosely around shoulders that were virtually bare accept for the thin pale pink straps of a lace and satin nightie. “Ok…so that night you sent me over to my mom’s…We went to the mall and she talked me into this.”

Jim’s eyes widened and his voice came out a little hoarse. “As weird as the idea of your mom knowing that you’re wearing that is…I love her for it.”

Pam blushed. “She is pretty cool.”

“Very,” Jim said as he came closer. His hands skimmed their way down her arms in the softest of gestures and she shivered once more.

She smiled. “You don’t have to stare too long….I know you’ve been waiting for like 12 years.”

He laughed. “Pam…seriously? Don’t you remember the rather long warm-up you gave me with the whole ‘waiting’ thing…If I could do the 4 year thing, a couple of months is really nothing.”

She smiled up at him and wound her arms around his neck. “It feels like it’s been longer.”

“It does…”

They both halted at the sound of the doorbell. Pam let her head fall against Jim’s chest. “I seriously told her not to come over.”

“Just pretend we’re not –

“Pam…Jim…Paaaaaaaaaaaam…open up. Uuuugh, God please open up.”

Jim’s head fell back at the sound of Michael’s moaning coming from outside. “You’ve gotta be kidding me…”

“Jiiiiiiiiim….”

“We have to –

Jim pressed a finger to Pam’s lips. “No we don’t. Sssh, he’ll never know.”

“Paaaaaam….I saw your car in the parking lot…Jiiiiiiiiiiiim….”

Pam pulled Jim’s finger away from her mouth and wrapped her fingers around it. Compassion filled her eyes and he knew that was the end of Monopoly.

“He sounds really sad.”

“Pam, come on…I’m going to sound really, really sad if we don’t…play the game already.”

Pam smiled up at him and pulled her robe down from the hook on the back of their bedroom door. Jim sighed as he followed her to the living room.

“Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim, Paaaaaaaaaaaam,” Michael said and it sounded like he was all choked up. Near tears on the other side of the door.

Jim pulled her back towards him, kissing her for a long moment. “Pam please if you love me you’ll play Monopoly with me and leave Michael out their on the porch until you know…I’ve passed Go…like several times.”

Pam slipped her fingers through the hair that curled at his temples. “Monopoly’s a long game Halpert…we might as well get this over with.”

“I can play Monopoly!”

Jim and Pam both shifted their attention to the door at once. He’d heard that? Jeez…

Jim sighed and pulled open the door. “Hi Michael, what can we -

“Can I come in?” He said, completely forlorn. His red-rimmed eyes showed absolute proof that he’d been crying.

“Of course,” Pam said tugging Jim aside, in order for Michael to come in.

Jim shook his head as he moved to sit on the couch.  Ugh, just moments ago the couch had held so much promise…so much potential for the evening.

He sighed. “What’s goin’ on Michael?”

Michael shook his head. “Is Emma here?”

Pam frowned in confusion.

“Her name’s Jill,” Jim supplied.

“Oh…right,” Michael said shaking his head with none of the animation that usually filled his spirits. “I sometimes confuse her with the baby from Friends…just because you know…you and Pam had that whole on again-off again kind of thing…

Pam frowned again. “No we didn’t.”

“Well you…I mean there was that time you came into the office and sang Baby Got Back to Jill…and you were shaking your butt all around and…”

Jim lifted his eyebrows and Pam said, “Michael that never happened. What are you -

“Oh right…that was a dream. Sorry. I’m just…” he shook his head. “It’s just completely incompreh – imcompromisable what Jan has done.”

Pam followed Michael as he moved to sit in the love seat across from Jim. Pam sat on the arm of that loveseat, looking down sympathetically at Michael.

“She divorced Gould because she wanted to have babies right!…Well I am ready to have babies! I thought she’d be happy to hear that! But she will not have babies with me.!”

“Bummer. Maybe next time.”

Pam shot Jim a look and then glanced back at Michael. “Maybe…I mean did you come right out and ask her if she wanted to have babies? Now?”

Michael sighed in exaperation. “I asked her…if she wanted to be my baby mama, and then she said that she would rather stick one thousand needles directly into her eyeball and then slowly turn them one by one counter-clockwise.”

Pam bit the inside of her jaw. “Well that wasn’t very nice…Were you two having a fight when she said that?”

Michael sighed once more. “No…just a minor disagreement. I told her that if she was going to start gaining weight then it might as well be weight because of a baby and not just because she’d gone off her diet.”

Jim covered his mouth and Pam knew he was silently chuckling behind it.

“Well Michael as a woman who’s put on some weight I can imagine that Jan might be a little…put off by that kind of a comment.”

“Pam you were beautiful when you were pregnant…and Jan would be even more so.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows and Pam decided to take it as a compliment and forget about that last part. But unfortunately Michael was not yet finished.

“Besides, the weight you have now is all in your hips and your breasts so…that’s acceptable.”

“Wow…You know Michael we were about to –

“Play Monopoly?” Michael said looking up, only slightly cheered. “I’m great at that game. I’ve thought many times of what it might be like to play with a little Michael just crawling around on the floor…Maybe he’d learn how to walk one day while we were playing Monopoly,” he said grinning at nothing in particular.

“What a nice dream,” Pam said with a sad smile. He was just so…

Frustrated, Jim stood up. “Michael we don’t actually even own Monopoly, ok? Monopoly is Pam’s code for –

“Michael do you want to see Jill!” Pam said interrupting. Shooting a pointed look at Jim before smiling at their visitor again. “I bet she wants to see you.”

“I bet she does too,” Michael said then, looking happy for the first time since he’d walked through the door. “She likes me a lot…always laughing at me.”

“Exactly,” Pam said encouraging him as they moved into the nursery.

Jill really did seem to enjoy Michael’s company. Next to herself and Jim, Pam really couldn’t think of anyone that made their baby smile as much. He made goofy faces and sounds. Even her gassy smiles were just a little more animated with Michael was around.

“Can I…can I spend the night here?” Michael asked after about 15 minutes of cooing at Jill and asking inane questions about babies.

Jim shook his head. “No.”

“Jim –

“Oh,” Michael said sadly. “Ok…no I understand.”

Pam glared at Jim and he shrugged at her before she dragged him out of the room and down the hall. She whispered quickly. “Jim be nice to him!”

“What? Why? Pam this is my apartment –

“Our apartment.”

“Our apartment…and we wanted to play Monopoly and now we can’t because Michael was too big of an idiot not to comment on his girlfriend’s weight. That’s not my problem.”

Pam folded her arms across her chest and Jim was reminded of what he was missing when her robe gaped a little. She fixed it and started talking. “Well then use that ingenious brain of yours to come up with a nice way of getting him to leave.”

Jim groaned as Pam moved swiftly past him and back towards the nursery.

Seconds later, Jim was back. “Michael you know what…I think you should videotape this actually. This time with Jill.”

Pam glanced at Jim in confusion.

“…It’s common knowledge that women love seeing guys with kids right? Think of how good he is with Jill, Pam…Michael I think you should let us videotape you hanging out with Jill and then you should take the videotape immediately over to Jan’s house and convince her that you are father material.”

Michael gazed at Jim as if he held the answer to all of life’s questions. “God you are so freaking good.”

Pam smiled proudly at her husband. She’d been thinking the same thing herself.

“Well, It’s a win-win-

“Win,” Pam supplied.

“Situation.”

“Yes,” Michael said, synapses firing now. “It’s perfect. She’ll see me as a sensitive, caring, funny…mostly funny – great guy.”

“Absolutely…all gold,” Jim said in adamant agreement.

“It’s the number one thing women look for in a man according to Cosmo,” Pam said soberly.  “Humor.”

“That’s a great magazine,” Michael said just as soberly. “Ok…I’ll do it.”

Jim nearly ran out of the nursery, quickly pulling their video camera down from the hall closet shelf. He popped a new tape inside. He was back in the nursery in minutes.

“Wh – what kinds of things should I do with her?” Michael was asking.

“Just you know…the regular things that you do with her…” Pam said helpfully. “All the faces that you make that she smiles at…”

“Oh no, I know!” Michael said as if he’d just had a brainstorm. “I’ll feed her.”

“No…actually she you know…she’s still nursing,” Pam explained gently.

Michael looked from the baby to Pam’s chest and then back to the baby and then back to Pam’s chest. “I got it! You can nurse her and I’ll just sing to her while –

“No,” Pam said cutting him off.

“Ok. You’ll nurse and I’ll tell jokes while you -

Pam shook her head again and disgust filled her features for a moment. “No…Michael why don’t you just…you know…just…say something to her…play with her…”

Jim made a face at her that clearly said, ‘See this wouldn’t be happening if you had gotten rid of him…’

Michael held Jill in his arms and turned soberly to the camera. “Are you ready Jim? I’m just gonna improv this so…”

“Ready,” Jim said stoicly. “Action.”

“Hello Jan…this is…this is baby Emm – Jill. Let’s do it again,” he said shaking his head. “Damn it…oh, sorry Jill. I’m sorry I said a nasty curse word in front of your virgin ears…oh crap! I said virgin…damn. Sorry. Sorry,” he said getting himself together. “Can you take it from the top please,” he said looking back at the camera.

“Michael maybe you could just sit with Jill like you were before and –

“Pam, pam…please. This is what I do, ok? I don’t really want your inpu…just…sit there and listen, ok?”

Pam glanced at Jim who grinned behind the camera. “Ok, ready Michael…and…action.”

“Hello Jan this is baby Jill. She thinks I’m the best Godfather ever. In fact –

“You’re not her Godfather,” Pam said interrupting.

Michael groaned. “Pam, come on! Just…for the sake of the…ok…let’s roll again Jim.”

“Pam…sssh,” Jim said teasingly.

She tried to glare at her husband, but when he stuck his tongue out at her, she could only giggle.

“Hi Jan, it’s me…Michael. And this is baby Jill. Jill and I are BFFs because Jill knows that I understand babies. Jill knows that I once was a baby and I have not forgotten what babies need. They need laughter and fun and…clean diapers. I have never changed Jill’s diapers because that’s something that only a mommy and a daddy do because I don’t touch poop…at all. But I would be happy to touch your baby’s poop…both of our baby’s poop. Our baby together…it’s…poop. I would love it…….The baby,” he said pausing. “Not the poop – But…I’d love that too.”

Jim started to lower the camera. “Are you…is that –

“Scene,” Michael said nodding to him to cut the camera.

Jim switched it to stand by. “That was…wow.”

“I know,” Michael said nodding. “When I get in the zone…it’s…Jill though – you two might want to think about enrolling her in some acting classes, she kind of just…sat there. Didn’t really add much to the scene.”

Pam removed her child from Michael’s arms abruptly. Jim grinned. The statute of limitations on her patience for Michael was running out with each passing second.

“Yeah…somethin’ to think about,” Jim said as he came to stand behind Michael, ushering him back to the living room with a friendly pat on his back. “I think this’ll work, man. I think once Jan sees this video…”

“I know…I know,” Michael said agreeing as Jim handed it to him. “I think I’m gonna go over to Dwight’s have him convert the video. He probably knows how…nerd.”

Jim glanced at his watch it was nearly 10 p.m. He nodded in complete agreement and handed Michael the tape. “Go there…now.”

“Ok…” Michael said in front of the front door. “You two…Gosh, you two are the best you know that…thank you so much,” he said and leaned in to give Pam a light kiss on the cheek.

“Aww…thank you Michael…”

“And you…what a gre…” Michael became choked up and Jim nearly lost it. “What a great idea…it’s just…”

Jim pressed his lips together hard as Michael clamped him in a big bear hug. Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh…

“Ok,” Michael said trying to get himself together. “I gotta go…I gotta go have a baby…bye.”

“Bye Michael…”

Jim shook his head as Michael walked out. “That was…Did you see that? Were you here for that?”

Pam smiled up at him. “I was Jim. And yet I still feel as if maybe it were a dream…”

“Wow.”

“Wow to like the 30th power.”

Jim took a deep breath and looked back at her. “Please tell me you’re still in the mood to play Monopoly.”

Pam grinned. “Let me get Jill back to sleep and then I’ll meet you in our bedroom.”

Jim grinned. “Ok.”

As Pam started to walk away, he cleared his throat. She turned around. “Yeah?”

“Um…” he glanced down at the video camera still in his hands. “Do you um…Is there stuff to film back there? In the bedroom?” He said gesturing towards it with his head, as if she didn’t know where the bedroom was.

Pam lifted her eyebrows in confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“Um, you know…we moved the furniture…since the last time we filmed…when we first moved in.”

Pam’s eyes squinted this time…but then she smiled. Interesting, she thought. She learned something new everyday about this man.  Very interesting. To her knowledge he’d never even seen a stripper, but suddenly he wanted…Something about that made her all warm and fuzzy inside.

“You want to film the furniture, Jim? That sounds really boring.”

Jim made a face. “Well it all kind of depends on what happens on the furniture, doesn’t it?”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about,” Pam said playing dumb. “Nothing ever really happens on my furniture…”

Jim squinted and tried to keep a straight face but eventually broke. His voice cracked, “Oh my God, you’re gonna make me say it?…That’s not fair!”

“Well how can I be sure you’re asking what I think you’re asking if you don’t say it? I mean…we both agreed that we wouldn’t beat around the bush anymore so…I don’t know…it sounds like you’re playing games, Jim.”

Jim nodded. “Fair enough Pam. Fair enough…I’m pretty sure that…you know what you’re wearing under there,” he said gesturing to her robe. “I’m pretty sure that needs to be archived for posterity…you know – among other things.”

Pam innocently pulled the robe down over her shoulders. “This?”

Jim stared for a moment then nodded. “Yep.”

Pam smiled at him. “Keep the candles flickering Jim…Film noir all the way. The furniture’s gone through a lot of changes.”

“Pam it’s still great furniture.”

“The candles stay lit…or no video.”

“Ambience…great.”

“I agree…Give me two minutes…”

“120…119…118…”