Pam marveled at the way their smiles matched. There were more similarities between daddy and daughter everyday it seemed. The smile, the way the child’s hair curled up around her ears. Pam was certain by the texture, that one day Jill’s hair would be more like hers, but right now her fingers itched to touch it just like they itched to touch daddy’s. 

Jim sat at the foot of the couch and rubbed his hand along her yellow onesie covered back. He smiled at Jill when she smiled in her sleep.

He whispered, “Good dream, huh?”

“Gas.”

“Must you?” Jim said glancing over at his wife who sat next to Jill on the couch. “Unbelievable.”

He shook his head as Pam giggled and turned down the volume on America’s Next Top Model. It was their newest most favorite show to mock relentlessly. They TIVO’ed it for that specific purpose.

“I do not like that girl,” Pam said absently as Jim rummaged around in the small baby grooming kit.

He retrieved the tiny pink pair of nail clippers and pulled Jill’s hand towards his. Gently laying it in his palm. He caught sight of her knuckles and a feeling of wonder swept over him a new, as it sometimes did.. How could anyone have such tiny knuckles…she was like…

Because this was where words failed, he shook his head and set about the job of clipping. He’d gotten very good at this particular task. He could accomplish all 10 fingers before she ever woke up.

“I mean what’s wrong with people being happy?” Pam was saying. “Not as competitive as she is? And can she please put on a shirt…I’m so sick of looking at her stomach and it’s only the first episode.”

Jim smiled to himself. He knew enough to let that comment slide. Especially since said contestant had just had a baby and was now 6-packing it. To respond to Pam right then would have been like launching a grenade into their living room.

“Don’t ever be a girl like that Jill,” Pam said then, leaning down to kiss her baby’s soft brunette head. “Mmm…she smells good – nice job with the bath Daddy…I think we can sell her at auction now.”

“Wait’ll you see her nails……Jill, tell mommy she’s a wacko. What are the chances you could be a girl like that?”

“You never know Jim…she could be one of these girls.”

Jim made a face. “We’re her parents Pam…she’ll be at least 82% perfect…a solid 83.6 with the manicure…”

“Awesome…….I just don’t want her to be catty that’s all,” Pam added in all seriousness. “But then again I don’t want her to be a pushover either. She needs to stand up for what she wants……….Be careful to pull her skin away from the nail…”

“Pam, I’m a nail clipping expert…sssh please.”

When Pam became suddenly quiet, he paused mid clip and looked up at her. Her face was serious, but it wasn’t about clipping. She was really thinking about exactly what kind of girl Jill would be. He tried not to make a face when it suddenly dawned on him why Pam had seemed set on having a boy at the beginning of her pregnancy. It all kind of made sense now….

She found the idea of raising a girl a little bit terrifying.

“Hey, Pam…it sounds like a realistic, doable goal…We can do it. She’s gonna be great. How could she not be?”

“I don’t know I just…You’re gonna have to help a lot though, because I’m not the best at that…….The pushover thing…You’re gonna have to teach her.”

Jim smiled. “Don’t sell yourself short Beesly. You’ve come a long way.”

“Kinda,” Pam said sheepishly agreeing. The smile that replaced her solemnity made him smile back. Ok…all was right with the world again.

“Oh kinda? I’m pretty sure you know how to…” Jim gasped mid sentence. “Oh no…oh…oh I’m so sorry…sorry Jill...”

Pam moved closer, concern on her face. “What’s the matter?”

Jim held up their baby’s index finger. Pam squinted. “What?”

“What do you mean what? I almost hacked off her finger!”

Pam smiled at the nearly microscopic drop of blood near their child’s tiny fingernail. “Jim…it’s ok…God, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Jim continued to look at his child’s finger, inspecting it by turning it this way and that. “Crap, crap, crap…”

She watched him for a moment. Seriously?

“Jim…she can’t even feel it. She didn’t even wake up. Jill sleeps like you do…it’s as close to death as someone can get while still maintaining a pulse…She’s fine.”

He continued to inspect things, so Pam leaned in closer, maybe it was worse than she could see from where she was….No, it was a just a tiny spec. “Jim…”

He nodded at her as if to cut her off, but if she didn’t know better she’d have sworn he had a very slight sheen of tears in his eyes. Wow….What…

“Jim,” she said, a smile in her voice as she messaged his shoulders slightly. “It’s really ok. I don’t think you maimed her for life. If it makes you feel any better…the other night I diapered her in a dirty one…Literally put on the same diaper I had just taken off…I was just tired and not thinking.”

Jim took a deep breath and stood up. He handed Pam the clippers. “Officially not my job anymore…retired.”

“Oh my God….Jim…come on,” Pam said following him into the kitchen where he got a beer out of the fridge. “You’re totally making a big deal out of nothing. So finally there’s something you messed up on? Sue me if I’m not just a little relieved honestly. You’re like better than me at everything.”

“That’s not true,” Jim said leaning against the fridge. One arm crossed over his chest, hand latching on to the inside of his opposite elbow.

“It is so true. You make her smile more, that ‘d’ ‘d’ sound she makes….come on, we both know you’re gonna be her first word, and you’ve even gotten very good at making out what each cry means…and oh yeah, you’re falsetto is much better than mine….She does not enjoy my rendition of Love Fool or On the Wings of Love.”

That earned her a smile. “Maybe because she knows you sang that last one to a dead bird.”

Pam tossed the clippers back and forth from hand to hand. Very nice…that was better.

She smiled back at him. “You have to get back on the horse Jim. Now’s no time to give up. If you give up now…you’ll be fearful forever…You must clip again.”

Jim smiled again at her grave expression and the emboldening pep talk, realizing he was just being silly. But still…he’d actually cut her little finger.  Pam had her worries, he had his.

“Thanks coach.”

“Oh no problem….besides, this actually does wonders for my self-esteem so I thank you,” she said easing up to him. She slid her arms around his waist and tilted her head up to grin at him. He grinned back before taking another sip of beer.

“Nice with the sympathy Beesly.”

She giggled and kissed the middle of his chest through the t-shirt he wore. Felt his voice vibrate against her mouth when he spoke again.

“This just…ruins my plans – that’s all,” he said then.

Pam made a quizzical face. “What plans? To become a manicurist?”

“Whoa…again with the rubbing in…….and don’t think looking at me like that is gonna make me forgive you.”

“Sorry,” Pam said smiling up at him from behind her bangs. “Are you sure it won’t? I’m pretty sure it will Jim.”

He refused to smile. “No…basically the plan was for me to be Jill’s favorite parent until she was at least 13…and you’re trying to ruin that so…”

Pam made a face of disbelief at his grand announcement, pulled her arms from around his waist and stepped back. “I’m sorry?”

“Oh yeah, see…it’s a fairly simple arrangement: the first few years can be like…the Daddy Years…and then you get her later…the Mommy Years.”

“Really? Wow…that’s…a great plan, Halpert. Did you think of that all by yourself?”

“Yes Pam, but it is research inspired. Studies show that typically girls get all weird on their dads around age 13 and pretty much do not return to normal until 20. Massive tension for awhile…tumultuous arguments, groundings…So I’m suggesting that you let me be the favorite…for now.”

“And you’d like to hold on to your position as favorite until she’s 13? And then I get to be her favorite throughout all the hormonal really good stuff?”

“Correct Pam…A sound proactive approach to parenting.”

Pam rolled her eyes. “Ok, first of all thanks Michael for making up statistics.”

Jim’s wide mouthed shocked expression nearly made her laugh, but she was still talking.

“Excuse me while I go snort cocaine instead of going to read to my child……Secondly all betterment stops now. No reading of studies or research.”

Jim sipped and muttered. “It was just for the sex then…damn it…My mom told me and I wouldn’t listen.”

“Basically……….Listen, this baby is going to have to deal with the both of us being her favorite…and if she ever thinks otherwise I’ll just tell her about the time you cut her.”

“Wow….that’s…that’s not even morally ok what you just said.”

“Suck it.”

Jim held up his beer in salute as they moved back into the living room. “Ok…who had a problem with standing up for what she wants?”

Pam guffawed with laughter just as they passed the couch, startling Jill awake and instantly into an impressive crying fit.

“Ooooh…I’m sorry sweetie,” Pam said sitting down, gently easing Jill into her arms… “Oh I know…I’m so sorry…ssssh…go back to sleep…”

Jim sat down next to them, rewound Top Model and smiled to himself. “Hmm…more points for me.”

“I hate you.”

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