So really, for the most part, his little health care thing isn’t really bothering me. I know someone is going to tell Michael and Michael is going to eventually have to fix it or he would have a group of very angry workers after him.

He hates confrontation; it’d never get that far.

Yes, I made up the fake illnesses that he’s been huffing about. I thought a lot of them were particularly hilarious, though it seems Dwight does not share my sense of humor. He’s been attempting to talk to everyone since it happened, which is actually making it more humorous because no one is taking him seriously.

And then Pam goes in.

I figure she’d give him the same treatment, but after a minute or so I can hear him raise his voice, though the words are muffled by the door. I turn my chair a little, staring at the closed shades, straining my ears to listen.

She walks out a few minutes later, looking utterly upset. She doesn’t make eye contact with me as she stamps over to her desk, scowling.

Yeah, it’s not so funny anymore. A good amount of irritation quickly develops; it’s one thing to waste everyone’s time with his interrogation but when he brings someone to that point of distress…

Pam’s still not looking at me, her head bowed as she tries to compose herself. I take a breath as I turn to stare at Dwight’s room, seeing him sitting at his desk with a smug look on his face. Tossing my pencil down, I stand and walk purposely into the room, closing the door behind me.

He’s standing now and glances up at me. Instead of punching him, which I admit crosses my mind, I take a different route.

“Dwight, I uh…I have something to confess.”

A gleam of utter glee crosses his features. He thinks he got me; perhaps he even upset Pam to get me to come in like this. “You’re doing the right thing,” he explains as I sit down, attempting to look as solemn as possible. “Go ahead. What’s your confession?”

“Um…”

I stall, waiting for him to sit. He does, his hands clasping in front of him. He’s loving this, thinks he has me where he wants me. “Let it out.”

I look him straight in the eye. “You’re a jackass.”

It takes him around five seconds to get pissed. This makes me extremely happy. “Okay. You want to do this the hard way!”

Yes, yes I do.

“Well this is the hard way,” he continues, glowering at me. “You wrote down those fake diseases didn’t you!”

I literally have to stifle my laughter. A smirk crosses my face. “No! …Is that the hard way?”

He’s getting angrier. I can tell by the way his face is getting red. This is going far better than I imagined it would. “I know you did!”

“Well then why are you wasting everybody else’s time interrogating them?”

This makes him stumble; I have a point. He loses his edge, stutters a bit. “B-Because I want to know who wrote those diseases down!”

I nod, pretending to go along with him again. “Right.”

He tosses a pad of paper and a pen at me. “I want you to take this pen and this piece of paper and write this down. Write this down.” He starts to rattle off an obvious confession. I smirk, writing down something alright. “I, Jim Halpert, confess to health care fraud…”

“Wait, one second; that sounds really good…” I stop writing, looking up at Dwight. “Is ‘jackass’ one word or two?”

Dwight sighs heavily; I can see his fist slowly clenching. I continue on, making sure I get him to his breaking point.

“One, right?” I ask thoughtfully, beginning to write it down. “Because of the MTV show…it’s one.”

Dwight grabs the paper from me. “Out. Get out!”

“But I’m not done,” I protest innocently, my smile growing more.

“Out!”

So I do leave, knowing full well I accomplished what I went in for. I close the door behind me, leaving Dwight brooding, all smugness now clearly taken off his face. Pam is better now and looks up as I walk over to her, leaning against her desk.

“You okay?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah,” she nods. “…Thanks.”

“It was nothing. He had it coming to him.”

It was true, he did. Still, she looks more grateful than I expect she would be; I suppose she guessed I wouldn’t have gotten that up front with insulting him if he hadn’t messed around with her. I clear my throat, trying not to look too happy with the response I was getting.

“So what did you say?”

She’s grinning wide now, her body shifting a bit closer to me, waiting expectantly to hear what I did to him. There was the Pam I knew; she certainly recovered from whatever Dwight had said to her.

“Well, I walked in and…”