I still own nothing and intend no infringement, offense, or harm of any kind.
What was
"I don't think we should get married."
"What?"
"I don't think we should get married, Pammy. Things have changed and it doesn't feel right anymore."
Pam recognized the words. They were the ones she was coming home to tell him. She wasn't quite sure what was happening.
Pam hadn't let Jim drive her home, or even follow her. After those intense few minutes in the darkened office, she needed the time alone. She needed to compose herself, and to plan how, exactly, to dismantle the life she and Roy had built. When she had told Jim, "I can't," she had felt the lie inside her soul. She knew it was fear and habit and worn-out feelings that kept her with Roy. She sensed the limitless possibilities of a future with someone like Jim. No, not 'someone like Jim' - with Jim. Jim, himself, who was funny and clever and attentive ant talented. Jim, who had confidence in her abilities and interest in her thoughts and feelings. Jim, who made every day bearable and who was, amazingly, in love with her.
Jim, who was so different from the other man she loved, and whose heart she was preparing to break.
Pam had let out a startled shriek as she entered the kitchen through the back door. Roy had been sitting quietly at the table, which she had not anticipated at all- particularly because the lights were out. "Roy, are you OK?" she had asked, and then been even more startled by what came out of his mouth next...
"Wait, what? You're calling off the wedding?"
Roy sighed and toyed with the label of the beer he was holding. "Look, I love you and everything, but...OK, so I asked Kevin if his band would play for our wedding tonight." Pam was hopelessly confused. Roy saw it on her face and pressed on. "Kev aked me if it was OK with you, and I was all, 'Whatever, I can choose whoever I want.' And it was...I didn't care if you were OK with it or not. I kinda wanted you to be mad, because you've been nagging me about all this wedding stuff." He took a swig of the beer, while Pam stared at him blankly and thought he was maybe just a little drunk.
"I shouldn't feel like that, you know? I know you've been annoyed at me because I don't really care about all this wedding crap. And, you know, that's OK that we don't always like the same stuff, but this is more than that."
More than that. The words resonated in Pam's heart, and she nodded slowly.
"Like, today in the office when you and Halpert were messing with Dwight. I know you guys do that stuff and I just don't get it. It's this whole other side of your life that I don't know. And that would be OK, too, except...I just don't care. I don't care about that stuff that you do or that you like, and I don't think you care about the stuff I care about. We used to, though."
He finally looked up at her. "We used to know each other better than anybody. We used to care, Pam, and I don't think we do anymore. I love you but you deserve someone who cares about the same things. And so do I."
Pam nodded again. "I think so too, Roy." He was giving her what she wanted but it was still hard to tell him what she had to say next. "I, um. I think I might have found someone like that."
Roy laughed without any trace of amusement. "Let me guess. Halpert?"
Pam nodded yet again. It was easier than talking. She forced herself, though. Roy deserved that much. "He told me tonight. I was coming home to tell you..."
Roy looked sad but not angry. "I can't believe he waited so long," he replied at last. "He's had a thing for you for a long time. I should have done something about that years ago. Knocked his head in or something. That's what I mean, Pam. I didn't do anything...I guess I didn't care enough. I'm sorry, Pammy. I'm so sorry."
"Oh." Pam's heart ached a little more than she had thought possible. "Nothing...nothing happened with Jim before tonight, Roy. Just so you know, I never..."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know. But you like him, right? He's an OK guy. I just want you to be happy."
Pam tried to smile. "I want us both to be happy, Roy." She realized that this was the best, most intimate conversation she and Roy had had in years. If they could just be like this, maybe they could work it out- salvage the last ten years and have the future they'd always planned. She parted her lips to speak, when he began again.
"I saw you tonight, you know. Playing cards with him. You looked so pretty, and you were so smiley and happy. I haven't seen you like that forever. And then I left. I told him to keep an eye on you. Isn't that stupid? I guess he will, though." He took the last sip of beer and resumed playing with the label. "I looked in my mirror and I saw you. You kinda moved toward each other and filled in the space where the truck had been. I knew that's how it would be, I guess- you two would be together and I'd be gone. It's OK, though, because he just...he gets you and I don't. I deserve someone who I can make happy, and I don't think I can make you happy anymore."
"Oh, Roy." Pam didn't know what else to say. He was right. Every word was right. She was leaving him and she had never loved him more than at this moment.
Roy made a fairly good attempt to smile. "It's OK, Pam. We'll figure the rest of it out tomorrow. Right now, I just want to sleep." He paused, then barked a short laugh. "I'm sleeping in the bed. I think that's only fair."
"Yeah." She met his gaze. "Roy? I'm sorry."
Roy's expression changed for a moment, and she remembered the handsome, charismatic football player he had been when she fell in love with him. "Pammy, he'd better be good to you."
"I think he will be. Goodnight, Roy."
"'Night."
Pam sat at the kitchen table and listened to Roy move around upstairs. Anything is possible, she thought to herself.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm determined to let them all off easy.
