~~

(A/N: What if Andy did what we all thought he would do?)

Jim: Jim Halpert.

Andy: I am so horny.

Jim: … I can’t help you with that.

Andy: Oh I think you can Big Tuna. How about a date. 8 sharp. Meet me at Hooters.

Jim: (looks at the camera genuinely scared) … okay, I can find so many things that are wrong with what you just said.

~~

Pam is sitting in a hallway crying, her head in her hands and her feet facing inward. Dwight walks in and immediately stops. "Who did this to you?"

Pam looks up, a little surprised. "What? No it’s nothing." She says, just wishing he would go away and save them both major embarrassment.

Dwight suddenly takes off his brown jacket and ties it slowly around his waist, his eyes never leaving an obviously disconcerted Pam. "It’s hot in here, isn’t it." He says quietly.

"Yeah I… guess," Pam says uncomfortably, now feeling slightly scared. But he sits down next to her and places his hand carefully on her back. Pam can feel her eyes beginning to water again from his kindness. But then…

Dwight lets out a long sigh and says with his usual confidant voice, "Fact, Pam: I like you. I like you a lot."

Pam’s eyes widen and she says, "Umm… that’s nice… Dwight… but…"

"What? Is it my hair? My glasses? I can get contacts!" Dwight says, starting to panic.

Pam can only sit there, mouth hanging open, scared out of her wits.

~~

Dwight and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.

Jim walks towards the door and immediately turns around, letting out a small "woah". He turns to the camera, pointing behind him and says, "Do not go in there," his eyes are wide and very serious. "For you own safety. Seriously. Do not go in there."

~~

Jim is standing by the water cooler. Karen walks towards him from the break room and Pam suddenly appears at her shoulder. They exchange not-so-genuine smiles and continue walking towards Jim. Suddenly Pam sticks her foot out in front of Karen, making her fall heavily to the ground. She continues and meets Jim at the water cooler. "Nice," Jim says to her, smiling broadly and they promptly begin to make out.

~~

Michael: (Staring at nothing in particular) … I think my employees hate me…

~~

Michael: Jan?

Jan: Yes Michael?

Michael: Do you want kids?

Jan: Michael, I’m not sure we should be discussing this in front of the head of the company.

The Big Boss: Oh why is that? Do you not want kids with Michael?

~~

There is a large group of Dunder Mifflin employees, crowding around Michael’s office, trying to get inside and see him. Many are pushing each other competitively. Not for any particular reason. They just really love their boss. At the back of the queue, Pam and Phyllis get into a catfight and fall to the ground screaming at each other.

~~

~~

Everyone is sitting at their respective desks, ‘working’ silently. A duck appears behind Jim’s desk and lets out a small "quack". Jim hears it and looks distractedly behind his shoulder and turns back to the computer. Then gives a double-take and turns his chair around to watch it walk by slowly.

Michael suddenly appears behind the duck. His hands spread out in front of him trying to reach it, like a kid trying to coax an animal into letting them pet it. "Here ducky." He says in a childish voice. The duck jumps when it sees the tall man behind him and waddles faster towards the exit, his wings flapping in alarm. "No, no came back!" Michael calls after him in dismay. Jim gives the camera a ‘ah-children-are-gorgeous’ look and then turns back to his computer.

~~

Jan: No, no, no. Michael, I’m not saying I don’t want kids with you b-

The Big Boss: So you do?

Jan: … No I didn’t say that.

Michael: So you don’t?

Jan: (closes eyes and asks for patience) No, I’m just saying that right here probably isn’t the best environ-

The Big Boss: Oh no, go ahead. I haven’t actual prepared my presentation anyway. (He looks at her expectantly).

~~

Andy and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.

~~

Pam and Karen are leaning against the wall by the kitchen, talking casually. Jim walks past them and reaches out to turn the doorknob, but stops when he notices that both ladies had stopped talking and are trying to suppress obvious giggles. He turns to them, sick of their pranks. "What?" he says, with not a hint of humour.

"What?" Pam replies, looking at him innocently. Karen looks at the ground with her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her mischievous grin.

"Your going to do something to me, aren’t you?"

Pam frowns and looks confused. "No. What gave you that idea? Shh…" she adds to Karen who is starting to lose her grip.

"Yes. Okay it’s funny. ‘Let’s all pick on Jim since he does it to everyone else.’ " He says, starting to get angry.

"I have no idea what your talking about," Pam tells him, smirking.

"Yeah right." He says angrily, glaring at her. He pulls the door open and takes a step inside. But he is thrown back by a huge gush of water erupting from inside the kitchen, hitting him in the stomach and sending him flying to the floor.

Pam and Karen immediately fall to the ground clutching each other, both hysterical.

~~

Pam and Roy are in a cathedral. The are holding each others hands and looking deep into each others eyes. A crowd of about two-hundred is piled into the seats, well-dressed and looking fondly at the couple standing in front of the priest. "If anyone should think of a reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest’s voice echoes through the ancient building.

Suddenly the large wooden doors burst open and Jim appears, standing courageously at the entrance. Several audience members gasp. He walks purposefully down the aisle towards Pam and Roy. "What the hell Halp…" Roy begins angrily, but before he can finish, Jim slams his fist into his enemies jaw and sends him crashing to the ground. Several people scream.

Jim ignores them and fishes through Roy’s jacket pocket for the ring. "Your late," Pam says, sounding annoyed.

Jim finds the ring and straightens to face her. "Sorry, traffic." He says casually. He takes Pam’s hands, and the priest continues.

INTERVIEW WITH PAM: Oh. Yeah it was just cheaper to do it that way. Rather than cancelling everything and then having to send out new invitations and everything. Yeah, money-saver.

~~

Kelly and Creed are in the kitchen. Making out.

~~

Jim: I’m still in love with you.

Pam: oh.

Jim: And I don’t know what to do about it.

Pam: Umm… Jim?

Jim: No matter how much I try to forget you, I just can’t.

Pam: Jim, I’m in love with Dwight.

Jim:…

Pam: You see, he asked me out not long ago and, well, you seemed to be over me, so I thought I’d go out with him. You know, one date.

Jim:…

Pam: And it turns out we have a lot in common. We both love our jobs, and think Michael’s great. He really is a good person.

Jim:…

Dwight: Hey honey, ready to go?

Pam: Sure! You up for cookie tonight?

Dwight: (snorts) When could I not be up for cookie?

Jim: Okay. Yep that worked. Totally over you now.

~~

Andy is in the kitchen with himself. Making out.

~~