(A/N: this is taken pretty much word for word from the British show because, well, Tim was just hilarious and I needed to share.)

Jim and Dwight are sitting at their desks. Dwight is (of course) annoying Jim to the point of offensive name calling. “I am officially unable to hear you, Jim,” says Dwight, not looking up from his computer.

“You’re a cock, Dwight. Just one big c-” Jim begins.

“Well I can’t hear you so...” replies Dwight, being his usual smart-assish self.

“Oh good then you can’t hear this: you’re a cock, you’re a cock, you’re a cock.” Jim says adopting a high-pitched sing-song voice.

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Pam: Okay, don’t tell anyone, but I think Michael’s kinda cute.

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Pam: You were recording that? Seriously?

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(A/N: Yep it does NOT make sense but I liked your enthusiasm… and imagination)

Pink the Color and Kevin are in the kitchen. Making out. (niiiiiiiice)

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Dwight: Jim is awesome! He’s my best friend!

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Jim: He seriously said that? Wow… I think I need to make sure that he understands what ‘cock’ means.

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Pam and Karen are leaning casually against the wall to the kitchen.

Jim walks past them, opens the door and steps inside. He immediately starts to slide from the large pool of dishwashing detergent that was sloshed all over the floor. But this time Jim seems prepared. He twists around awkwardly and grabs at the doorknob with all his strength to stop him from falling over. He hangs there for a moment, his legs slowly sliding underneath him. Finally he flings the door open again and lands on the ground.

Pam and Karen are watching him in awe as he lifts himself up with dignity and straightens his shirt and tie, ignoring the large patch of green liquid on his shirt. He turns to the girls, still breathing rather heavily and winks at them before turning back to his desk like nothing happened. The two young women immediately begin whispering to each other, they are obviously very annoyed.

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A/N: I think you deserve this! Thanks heaps! Plus it fits so well – so there’s a little extra. :)

Cousin Mose and Pam are in the kitchen. Making out. Dwight goes to enter the kitchen but gets distracted when he sees his cousin. He walks straight into the door.

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Ryan: I love Michael.

Phyllis: I love Michael.

Kevin: I love Michael.

Stanley: I love Michael.

Kelly: Oh my God. Who doesn’t love Michael?

Dwight: I don’t love Michael.

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Pam and Karen are leaning casually by the wall next to the kitchen. Their hair is down and they are both wearing rather seductive clothes.

Jim heads towards the kitchen, but is caught off guard when Pam blows him a kiss and Karen flutters her eyelashes at him. He grins stupidly and walks straight into the door.

Pam and Karen start giggling and high-five each other.

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Kevin and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.

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Jim picks up his phone. Dwight’s phone rings across the table. “Dwight Shrute.” He answers.

Jim is heard saying: “Cock.” before hanging up.

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Michael: Employee’s are supposed to be our friends?? Are you kidding me? I hate those people!

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Darryl: Michael’s the man.

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Darryl: Hey Michael, nice wig what’s it made of?

Michael: Your mom’s chest hair!

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Jim and Dwight are sitting at their desks. Jim stares at Dwight for a moment and then seems to decide to speak. “Dwight, can I ask you something?”

“No.” He says with out looking away from his computer.

“What would you do,” continues Jim, ignoring him. “If you really liked someone… but you didn't know how to tell them?

“Well that’s obvious, Jim.” Dwight replies, finally looking up. “Tell them and stop acting like a frightened little girl.” He smiles to himself, obviously thinking he was incredibly smart.

“Wow… Thank you. That’s inspirational. Really.”

When Jim doesn’t move, Dwight says impatiently, “Well what are you waiting for Halpert?”

“Oh okay…” Jim says, waking up and clearing his throat. “Dwight, I love you. I’ve been denying my feelings for so long and I think it’s time you knew the truth.”

Dwight’s face slowly changes to a sly smile.

Jim and Dwight are in the kitchen.

Dwight is chasing him around a table with a love-struck look upon his face; Jim looks terrified and throws a chair in between them to keep a distance.

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Jim: Dwight’s a cock.

Dwight: Your FACE is a cock.

Pam: Ooooh you got served Jim.

(A/N: ‘So is your face’ is my latest catch phrase by the way... so you might need to get used to it.)

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A/N: Another one from the British show – one of my favorite Gareth/Tim discussions. You can guess who they’re supposed to be I bet.

Gareth and Tim are put together to solve a problem for team building. The problem: a farmer needs to get a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain across a river however; his boat can only take one at a time. He can’t take the grain because the fox will eat the chicken and he can’t take the fox because the chicken will eat the grain. Here’s their discussion:

Gareth: How big is this chicken, that it’s the same size as a bag of grain?

Tim: I dunno... big chicken.

Gareth: Well how big?

Tim: Big. It’s a super chicken.

Gareth: What's a farmer doing with a fox? A fox is a farmer's worst enemy he should just drown the fox in the river-

Tim: Gareth it’s a puzzle. You know it’s just a puzzle.

Gareth: yeah well it’s stupid. It doesn't mean anything. What are we learning from this?

Tim: It's not about learning it’s just a problem to be solved.

Gareth: Put the grain on the wall.

Tim: There's not a wall!

Gareth: There's always walls.

Tim: Not here there isn't.

Gareth: What its just nothing? It’s just a farm and a river?

Tim: (gives him a ‘Crazy, right?’ look)

Gareth: ...Get his wife to help.

Tim: He doesn't have a wife.

Gareth: All farmers have wives.

Tim: Not this one. He's gay.

Gareth: Well then he shouldn't be allowed near animals then should he?

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Amy and Jim are in the kitchen. Making out. (A/N: I like your taste Amy)

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Jim: Guess what.

Pam: What?

Jim: I’m in love with you.

Roy: Oh man… you serious?

Pam: Really?

Jim: Yeah.

Roy: I thought we were over this.

Pam: Well… I love you too.

Roy: Come on guys. Can’t it wait till, you know, I’ve finished eating?

Jim: Awesome…

Roy: I think I’m gonna chuck.

Pam: Yeah…

Jim: You wanna make out?

Roy: Oh hell no!

Pam: Sure.

Roy: Hey, Karen! Wait up!

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Roy and Karen are in the kitchen. Making out.

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Michael walks out of his to talk to Dwight. “Hey, it’s 10.30 where the hell is Jim?” He asks Dwight.

“I don’t know but it’s definitely a firable offence,” Dwight replies immediately.

Suddenly the door to the office bursts open and Jim comes running in. Everyone stares at him as he bends over to catch his breath. “It’s snowing!” He yells excitedly. The whole office cheers and Dwight punches the air. Everyone races out the door, Stanley and Creed pushing to get through first.

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Pam and Karen are leaning casually against the door to the kitchen.

Jim approaches them and leans against the wall next to Karen. Karen finds herself suddenly lost is his (very cute) eyes and Pam is poking her to wake her up. “Hey ladies, does either of you want to join me in the kitchen?” he says, putting on as much charm as possible.

“Definitely,” Karen says immediately, not noticing Pam’s mouth dropping behind her.

“Okay,” Jim whispers, winking at her and taking her hand, smiling sweetly. Karen follows his lead, unable to keep a stupid grin off her face. He opens the door for her and says, “After you.”

“Uh… Karen?” Pam says. But she ignores her. She walks inside the kitchen of doom. Roy suddenly jumps out from the men’s bathroom and shoves a pie in her face. Pam squeals and runs in after her, pushing past Jim who is crying from laughter. As soon as she reaches her friend, Kevin jumps out from the men’s and smears a pie in Pam’s face as well, making sure it covers her entire face and then trying to smear a little more underneath her neck but Pam slaps him away.

Jim collapses onto the floor. “You got two! TWO!” He yells, hysterically, showing two fingers and wiping his eyes.

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Jim has locked Dwight in the conference room and Dwight calls him to let him out.

Jim: Hello?

Dwight: Unlock this door right now!

Jim: Sorry, who is this?

Dwight: It’s Santa Claus. Who dyou think it is??

Jim: Umm… I don’t believe in you (hangs up).

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