“I need someplace to stay.” She said this so softly he had to strain to hear her in the stillness of the evening, leaning toward her slightly. Something inside of him suddenly wanted to protect her.
10 Oooohhhh, the last part- oh, the delicious tension! With his hand on her collarbone, and the soft kisses and the whisper in her ear, and the giving her a second because she REALLY needed it. *swoon*
MORE!
haha! swoon...I love it. More soon!
10 Eeee, another amazing chapter!!
I love that both Jim and Pam felt the significance of Pam wearing Jim's shirt, and that hot moment they shared inside, and then when he followed her outside. Wow.
My favorite thing about this chapter was Jim stopping Pam from going any further, because he wanted their first time to be more special than just a quickie on his front porch. Aww, Jim.
Can't wait for more!
10 Awesome!
I loved how Pam finally really stood up for herself, and it was with a little bit of Jim's help... kind of how Jim gave her the strength to use the strength in her, if that makes sense. Loved it.
10 Oh, another wonderful chapter! I loved the last half- the quiet moments between Jim and Pam. You write so vividly, I can picture the characters so clearly. It's wonderful.
And this was one of my favorite lines:
no, it was Pam…and she was herself and she was rooted into the ground so deeply that she could finally feel the way that he was rooted right beside her.
Can't wait for more!
Oh! And I forgot to say that I loved Mark in this chapter!! Heee!
And this line from Jim was so perfectly Jim:
“Are you getting close to over it, or…”
yes Mark is the man. and I love how Jim is just always so irritated by him. But in a "we've been friends forever and your craziness is not funny right now," kind of way. My best friend and I are totally that way together ;-)
Chapter one: Yes it's that first official date! That nervre wrecking first date......maybe not that nerve wrecking......
Chapter two: And now what? Need a towel?
7 This was good, but a few suggestions:
Maybe next time, use a beta reader. You have a lot of spelling and punctuation errors in this. And in a few places, I noticed you changed from past to present tense. These things can easily be spotted on more proofreads of your story, or especially by a second set of eyes to look at your story. I hope you're not offended by this; I'm just trying to help.
Not offended at all, I need the critisism. Like I said english it not my first language, and in my language we do have some other rules when it comes to punctuation, (that's my sad defense...:-)) so I can use the help. I'm going to go and proofread some more.
I appreciate the comment, thanks!
"It's like Antarctica in there, Pam." Future, married Jim-and-Pam fluff-type stuff.10 Wow, I totally love this. So cute and funny, and had me laughing the whole time. Bravo!
My first fanfic ever! Just a short story about Jim and Pam. A tiny bit of Pam and Roy.
It was actually written for office_ficathon at LJ but I finished early and wanted to get some feedback. If I get enough constructive criticism before it's due I'll revise it.
No real spoilers
10 I LOOOOVE "Hey There Delilah", and I always thought it would be a song Jim would like.
This is a good story. Short and sweet, and to the point.
10 Oh, I didn't know there was a chapter 2! I love that Pam likes to draw Jim so much.
Author's Response: I didn't plan on a second chapter but it happened! Thanks! :)
For the 55 challenge. Nothing special.
10 Aww, I really love that she follows him.
Author's Response:
I kind of felt that's how it should be, since he spent years following her, hoping...Thanks for reviewing! =D
Jim didn't choose Pam, and Pam didn't (really) choose Jim. Time collides and some things just kind of...happen.
Complete and total rip off of The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger, which everybody and their mom should read.
AU but attempts to follow canon plotline and eventual spoilers for almost everything.
10 oooh, I love chapter 2! How cute!
I've never read "The Time Traveller's Wife", but I think I will soon.
Jim and Pam's first date, using the constraints of the 55 word challenge.
10 Aww, so cute. I especially loved Jim not understanding the sofa comment.
It's about damn time -- not only for Pam & Jim to go on a date, but for me to get in on this whole fanfic writing thing. I hear it's the next big thing. 10 Heee!! I totally didn't expect that at the end. Cute!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I think about Pam & Jim having breakfast together a LOT...
10 Oh, this is so good. It made me cry. I love that the storm calmed after Pam told Jim everything she'd had bottled up inside her about them.
A year or two before the cameras arrived, Michael takes the staff to the Poconos for a camaraderie event. Much unresolved sexual tension and angst ensues (uh, between Jim & Pam, not the entire staff).
10 This was an awesome chapter.
This last line made me cry:
Their eyes meet, and her breath hitches -- because the desire in his eyes is punctuated by desperation, marked with a very palpable heartache, as if he knows this is all they'll ever have.
Author's Response:
Oh, I'm sorry I made you cry! Just remember: As far as we all know, they've spent the summer dating and having a grand old time; all is well now... :o)
Thanks so much for reviewing!
10 Oh my goodness, what a heartbreaking chapter. I had tears in my eyes the whole time. I can't wait until the next chapter.
Author's Response:
Like I said to the reviewer below...I'm never sure how to respond to someone telling me a chapter made her/him get teary-eyed -- because as a writer, it's terrific to hear something like that, but at the same time, how mean is it that I'd respond, "Yay - so glad I made you cry!" :o)
I really appreciate your review!
While MTT was down for a brief time one night, I wrote a couple 55 word fics in the TWOP thread about Jim and Pam reading fanfic. I will likely continue this as a long running series, referencing my favorite stories and also newer stories as they come about.
10 OMG, yay! You referenced my story!
Funny chapter.
Officer Barwick doesn’t get two words in. She knows what he’s come to say, deep in her heart, and her tears are halfway to her chin when he’s through. He tells her he’s sorry, but she knows it’s his job to say so. She’s sorry, too, but it’s not as if it will change anything.
10 Oh, this was so beautiful. I'm like, bawling right now, partly because each moment was perfect and beautiful in its own way, and partly because it went right back to the way it used to be at the end. Saaad!
Author's Response: Aw, chin up. You know it won't stop there!
What if Jim and Pam erased all memories of each other? Would they be able to start again? How would Roy and Karen react? Set post-Season Two and loosely based off ideas from the film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."
10 I caught up with this story yesterday for the first time, and I'm hooked. So I squealed with joy when I saw that there was another update. This story is so amazing. I've never seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", which is why I had hesitated for so long to read this. But now I'm so glad I have.
I love that little backstory you added in that Jim and Pam had had an affair and fell in love way before we know of them to have first met each other at Dunder Mifflin, and then had their memories erased.
I'm on the edge of my seat looking forward to more!
10 Oh, this is really beautiful!
10 I like what Jim said to her about the note.
I'm teetering on the edge of my seat, waiting for the rest of this story.
10 Oh, such a delicious chater. And sweet, too.
I love this because it's SO Jim: “I’m not really sure that was what…oh wait…yes. Yes you did,”
And I love this: he liked the original side of her, too. He liked the way that she blushed and the way that she was sometimes afraid to speak the thoughts that she was so obviously having. The way she wore pink and the way that she ate popcorn one kernel at a time. The way she was adorably Pam.
And of course, I love all the kissy parts.
10 O, wow. Wonderful chapter. I loved the easy banter, and then the tension, and his fingers caressing her palm, and then the kissing, wow the kissing. So vivid and yummy.
Author's Response: thanks! Glad you liked it
10 Awww, very cute- the scrabble tile invitation, and Jim and Pam not being able to keep their eyes off each other. I love that Pam was so excited about the way Jim invited her to dinner that she almost squeed about it to the camera.
And I loved the whole Black History Month celebration in April, and Michael being so Michael. I LOVED Jim's question about whether he could be black on a leap year. Heee! The stress you put on "Can" made it sound soooo much like Jim, I could hear him in my head. And wow, Michael's answer to that question- ha!!
