Reviewer: Andastainonmyshirt Signed 10
Date: November 07, 2009
Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Oh God, poor Pam! Poor Jim :( I hope you have a direction for this, cause I'm hooked. SEE! This is why I have my "don't read until complete" rule. But I get ahead of myself since it's you and I have to read anything with your name attached.
There were a few spelling mistakes, and he's when it should have been she's and visa-versa which confused me a bit, but reading again, I figured it out. Another thing (and this is just me, I'm sure,) but "boyfriend" was used a lot in their argument. I know that's what he is, and really, there isn't much else you can use, but to me it sounded too... adolescent. It didn't take me out of the story, just something that stood out to me.
Miscarriages can wreck even the most solid of relationships and I'm anxious as to how this is going to play out. Will Pam feel like she jinxed them? Will Jim think he put too much stress on her? There are many avenues for this story to take and both have a lot of guilt they could carry around for a long, long time. If they have a realistic chance of working through a new shaky relationship with a tragedy on top, you're the person who can make it happen.
I always talk to much. :)
Author's Response: I'm sorry! I'll try to update as soon as I can. I promise you won't be waiting two months for an update again!
I definitely need to do another run-through, that's for sure, so thanks for saying that. The boyfriend thing -- it's weird to write that in there, because we didn't hear them reference each other that often in that way. I know Jim calls Pam his "girlfriend" in Weight Loss, and even then it was cute but, yeah, it seems a little adolescent. But I didn't want Jim to call them "partners" or something like that, and he couldn't really say "the guy you're in a relationship with" five times. I think by calling himself a boyfriend so many times, he was just frustrated and trying to put it in layman's terms for her over and over again.
Your last paragraph makes me nervous! I hope I can pull it off. I have a lot of ideas, and a pretty clear idea of where it's heading. I've had most of this story planned out for a long time, a summary of the chapters written out before I started typing the first. It's just hard to try and do a good job on something so sad when on the show they're so happy, and things are going really well for them. So I hope I can pick this up and carry it out well. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review. =)