I'm very glad to see that Pam is realizing there are still kind-hearted (in their own ways) people out there who have her best interests at heart. It's probably something she hasn't believed about herself in a long time. A bit of Mama Bear Beesly there with some tough love. Letting Pam know Roy's not worth HER time is a powerful statement. It feels like she's giving Pam agency back. if Roy's not worth Pam's time, Pam has the choice to just leave him and that's that. Of course it's probably much more complex, but the idea is there.

Finally Jim and Pam will see each other. Hopefully they've learned a bit now about assuming they know what the other is thinking. Can't wait to read the next instalments.

Author's Response:

I liked that Mama Beesly walked a fine line, trying to hold to letting Pam make her own choices...but she recognized that knowledge and understanding INFORM choices and she needed to remind Pam of that.

I cannot WAIT to write what comes next!!!  It is hopefully going to be as wonderful as I am sketching it down! 

More pieces clicking in for Pam. About who Roy really was and what he was capable of. Or maybe more like she always knew it, but now she's really admitting it for the first time. Clearly there's going to be a lot more to take in as this all unfolds. But yeah, onwards to Jim and Pam back in the same room.

Author's Response: There is so much more to everything, can’t wait to bring it all together!

Apologies that it's taken me a bit to get to reviewing.

Anyway, nice to see that Jim is making sure she knows he's not going anywhere and also giving her as much agency as possible. Making sure it's ok with her that he can come with her.

Ella saying she hopes to never see Pam again is a great line. One I've used myself over the years.

Then here comes Dwight to offer a place of refuge. Great moment there.

Author's Response:

Same!  Ella’s line is mine and I was happy to give it!

 I am glad I am continuing to bring the right mix of confusion and dedication of Jim’s canon character to this.

and? Yes… my sweet Dwight is a factor :) 

Even though she's out of the hospital, there's still a long road to go in terms of healing. Very accurate picture of the panic attack. One phrase latching on and won't let go despite all outside influence. Felt very real. I'm glad she was able to get the pills down to break out of that cycle and start to get some rest.

Dwight starting to make amends for what he now knows was wrong. Feels like Angela had a hand in that too. I like Angela here. While she is strict, she can be open and kind. I see that here. Especially when there's a job to do.

Dwight trying to not accept any gratitude feels very Dwight. I can hear his thoughts go something like one should not be thanked for doing one's duty.

And then there at the end, she's safe. She's cared for, and she knows Jim will still be with her. It's a very touching scene.

Hope we get more soon. Really liking this one.

Author's Response: Thank you so much.  Panic can be different for some and I wrote my own experiences, so I was glad it hit for others as well.  I really wanted to hit on the repeating perseverations thought but also show that Pam, at her core, looked for the way out and trusted Jim and Helene to rescue her. 

Rough first night for sure. To wake up in a strange room, with all the patterns of your life thrown off along with a lot of what had been hidden now exposed to the light. No wonder she's disoriented. Nice that Angela and Jim are right there to help her make sense of it all. Feels like those panic attacks are going to be coming thick and fast as she starts her journey to healing. However she's also realizing that she's not alone. That she asks for affection feels like a huge step, especially this early. Of course Jim is willing to respond and just be there for her. Good job Jim.

Author's Response: The disorientation and upheaval of coming out of panic and a sedative would make the world feel upside down. 

Another stone in the dam breaks. Hard truths but better to get them out in the light. My heart does break for what this Pam had to go through and also respects the hell out of her for finally getting away from it all, twice! The strength to leave once is one thing, but she found the courage to do it twice. No small feat by any means.

Well done for Jim just letting her scream it all out. She needed it and he needed to hear it, even if it was painful. It feels like he's finally seeing the real Pam, scars and all. Physical and emotional. And he's not going anywhere. Feels like a hard but very necessary step on the healing journey.

Author's Response:

Glad the chapter worked well, and that each space felt appropriate. Really adore Angela, so I hoped to do her AU justice.

I really like that the wagons circle up around Pam with Oscar in the lead. Someone who knows a bit more of what she's gone through and how to approach her in a meaningful way. It really shows just how much Pam means to them all that they show up for her like this.

As I said I loved the heart to heart she had with Oscar. Yes it's still early into this whole ordeal, but already she's getting a very clear picture that she has people in her corner. As time passes I'm sure that'll pay dividends.

Michael being like that seems to ring true. He feels it's his right to be the boss where ever they are so of course he just barges in. Good on Dwight and Jim for firmly putting him in his place. Sometimes Michael just needs to be hit over the head with something to get it to stick.

Glad she's still choosing for Jim to stick around too. Feels like that's going to be a very common thing going forward. As always looking forward to more.

Author's Response: I am glad that some of their later-season-selves personalities came through.  We saw a lot more of Jim putting Michael in his place as the seasons go on, and Michael actually listening to him and seeking him out for some decisions.  I brought that in here, because I feel this would have been a catalyzing moment for everyone in the office.  

Back to the hospital, but this time it feels like a much better place. Lots of things to come out and focus on. Jim and Pam can't love each other through this. Yes, they'll need professional help and it starts there in the ER. Nice to see Ella come back. A familiar face that already knows a bit of what's gone on. A wonderfully kind and supportive nurse as well. This all feels like a much better healing environment than a sterile and antiseptic ER room.

My heart kind of breaks seeing Pam trapped in her mind like that. She wants to talk and communicate, but she just can't. No fault of her own of course. This also feels like the first time Jim is really starting to face the fact he has a lot of healing to go through as well.

Loved that the Halpert clan starts to show up too. Betsy being the warm loving mother fits so very well. The fact that she and Helene get on so well so quickly shows just how loved Jim and Pam are. Really great to see they'll have such a wonderful support system in place going forward.

Jim singing to Pam, especially that song, is hauntingly beautiful. How he'll do just about anything to show her that he'll be there for her. Wonderful. And it seems to work too. For her to come back and say hi like that was great to see and a huge relief.

Took a while to get through these last two chapters, but they were all excellently written. Bravo.

Author's Response:

What I thought would be one chapter, just kept getting richer.  Been working not he darn thing almost two weeks!  So, I am very glad they came off well and created a good read.

Love is a lot.  Relationships are a lot.  They are marvelous and healing, but not the whole story.  Jim has now had almost a full 48 hours to understand loving Pam is only one part of the recipe to healing...immaturity, naïveté and stubbornness led to this space, so they needed a whole lot of safety and security around them to get out of it. 

We never got a lot about any of the parents, aside Helene, and the quirky kilt wearing Gerald.  So I had some room to play and they just seemed to fit in this space.  I had always thought there would be some measure of bond between Betsy and Larisa as the two women in a household of goofballs, chose to flesh that out here! And I believe that since we know Pam was talking to her mom about Jim that he would have also been doing the same.  

I had started this whole thing purely from the thoughts in my head with the song from Lifehouse.  But, of course, we also have canon reasons to love everything :) and since we won't be headed to that same timeline, I have chosen to weave in some of the little nuances and themes we see in the chapters beyond 3.  After the early morning image that came to me with the drawing, the thoughts they both already shared about their music swaying...the end of the day felt like it was the only way it could close out.   

So we have three independent sources of documentation. All three taken without collusion with date or timestamp. This feels very powerful. Probably a windfall for Mel. At the same time, it also means re-visiting some of those old wounds and memories, which of course would be hard. Very much also get a sense of the cost of keeping secrects.

To me though, all that pales with this new voice in Pam's mind. For who knows how long she's had a destructive voice beating her up from inside. As if the physical attacks weren't bad enough, she also faced internal mental attacks too. Now as that destructive voice fades, a new voice takes its place. One of support, love, and healing. Loved it, loved it, loved it!

Author's Response:

So glad you enjoyed it!  I loved the interplay of the Beesly's all making these plans and not talking about it because they didn't want to put more pressure on Pam.  

And I ADORED Jim's voice showing up in her head.  That one happened organically with heartfelt reminders from some clients who say that they use my voice to counter thoughts in their head because we worked on it in sessions. 

Loved reading Gerald like this. Especially that bugger off Scottish genes line. Great bit of levity in an impactful chapter. Another big growing moment for Jim. He's getting a huge life lesson crash course. He thought he could navigate it on his own and that came crashing down around him, and Pam. So now, when those further down the path of life than him show up, they show up with wisdom, understanding, support, and a bit of a pull your head out of your butt you're an adult now attitude. Loved reading that. It all felt like a really big and needed heart to heart conversation between the two men and I'm glad it was held.

Author's Response:

YES!  Gerald is going to come in with the life lessons space.  I *almost* went to a place where Gerald had wisdom to share from a past girlfriend of his own, but it felt fake and so I abandoned that thought.  For now, Jim is being clearly told that the families are bonded, all getting along, and that they need to ask for more support and help.  Basically the whole story is about COMMUNITY rather than individualism.

(And, my Scottish wife would never let me live down if I didn't throw in a few sillinesses based on Gerald wearing a kilt in cannon)  

Thanks for including Gerald's whisky den. Great fun there.

Big relief with the pregnancy test news. That felt like a big axe hovering over her head and now it's gone. Granted there are some lingering feelings to hash out, but the big thing is dealt with.

Great speech of Ella's there about what someone should expect from a therapist. I really liked how she laid it all out for Pam like that and changed Pam's expectations.

Then the families gather round and show how they're willing to support Pam and Jim. Words are cheap, but actions are what's meaningful. The fact that they immediately circle the wagons but in a way of loving support was great. Especially with the sketchbooks and colored pencils. It's not much, but it's a start.

After a rough start to this day, ending it in a cozy bed, filled with good food, provided by good friends was great. Her apartment is getting some life into it, rather than just a place to exist. Slowly but surely, life is coming back and it's great to see.

Author's Response:

I am glad you liked the nod to Gerald and his whisky den!  Definitely adds personality to his character for sure.

As this is a huge love letter to all my past clients, and anyone else out there considering therapy, I allowed Ella some space to share all of that. I felt, anyone who was still with this story is invested and this could be useful information.

I planned for there to be a significantly start contrast between the rest of the weekend and now.  That having support, family and friends, as well as accepting some pharmacological support would help Pam in seeing the bright life and color of the world.   

The slow build up to this point was worth it. After a morning of support and care, and a lunch filled with more of the same we finally get to the courthouse. It almost feels like time is starting to slow down for Pam here. Like she can hear every tick of the clock. Good way to draw out some of the effects of flight and fight. That's a very real sensation, time seeming to slow down. I do love that one of the new ways people have to support her is to ask her to draw. To give her a creative way to express her feelings without having the stress of verbally naming them. Great bit there.

So they all get set into the courtroom and in come reinforcements. Michael leading the way too. She has more than her physical family, she has her work family there for her as well. Great way for them to show up and also for Michael to have a mature moment. Lead them in, tell her they're there for her, but fall back and not claim the limelight.

Then Roy shows up. All his bravado, swagger, ego, come into. Predator stalking his prey feels apt. He probably thinks that he's about to get out and he can go back on the hunt. Though I don't think he was expecting so many people to be there. His treatment of Pam had been hidden for so long. He'd made sure of it. Once he finally took in the room and saw how many people were there, including people he knows he can't intimidate I'm sure the first feelings of panic and fear sink in. This carefully controlled world he'd created for years is now truly in danger of falling apart. Then the one thing he didn't ever want to see happened. Jim leaned in to Pam and it all snaps. Gone is the carefully controlled persona he'd shown to the world. The true face of how is is right there in the open for all to see.

And Pam rises to the challenge, literally. She's clearly not cowed by him anymore. She's not the woman he can force into a quiet acceptance of what he's going to dish out. Through the weekend of love, support, new information, and healing her voice breaks through all the years of pain and tells him to go back where he belongs.

The bailiff using the taser 100% helped as well and was more than deserved.

Then the wagons circle once more. I loved how Dwight was the one to suggest that they build their own force field. How Angela and Oscar have thought through ways of overcoming some of the triggers. Once more, with a solid support system more and more rings of safety can be maintained.

Roy's mom's speech was really interesting though. That she knew what kind of person Roy was. That she did try to get her son to change. I kind of think that maybe there was some history of Roy's father behaving similarly when Roy was growing up to create this kind of a reaction. I saw it as Sharon knows first hand what kind of trials Pam had gone through, she wishes she could have done more, couldn't, and now the only thing she can say is for Pam to run since as far as she knows that may be the only solution.

Really interesting that Pam does run. But she drags Jim with her. Then has her mountaintop victory scream. She faced her dragon, held her shield to the fire, threw her own lance at the beasts heart, and prevailed. The dragon was wounded in such a way that it can't fight back and she proved she could face the hazard. No wonder a primal scream of victory leapt from her throat. Outstanding moment for her in every way. I wish I still had a jellybean for this moment since it's so huge.

Great update.

Author's Response:

Oh I am so very glad this worked well and that all the pieces fit well.  It felt a smidge tedious to ensure all of the pieces and characters fit in together well and didn't come off like separate moments.  Each person got to have a little bit of 'show off' moment: Larisa coming in as an official new sibling, Jim really wholeheartedly seeing he doesn't need the answers all the time, Michael truly growing up and stepping back, Dwight accepting both direction from Angela but settling in more to his friendship with Pam, Angela and Oscar making plans rather than bickering and Roy... ohhh how I loathe him (as do we all).  I appreciate all your support in making choices about things and what we discussed will show up later ;) For now, I wanted no moment for him to speak or 'sound contrite' nope... he was all cruel.  And you got it... his mom is absolutely in the space of knowing from her own experience.  

I know that the next few chapters will take me some time to put together, so I wanted this one to be really lovely and feel like a kind place to pause the story rather than angsty.

Verbal jellybeans gratefully accepted!