10

I already told you how much I love this, but seriously.  No, really.  I LOVE THIS.

The first one is so sad, and so realistic in that her father doesn't show up until it's already over and she tells him she loves him even though she doesn't know how she really feels about him... oh, oh.  If someone thought she was a super-clingy kind of person, this background would explain it perfectly.  She's not going to want to wait for someone to come to her -- she's going to follow them and hang on while she can (like with Jim).

And OH LORD, number three makes me choke up a little because that is SO HOW IT IS.  And Karen not being upset because it's not her getting married but because she's losing-but-not-losing her sister is just completely bittersweet and wonderful.  The scene with the two of them in the bathroom is such a perfect way to show us the kind of relationship they have.

And the Jim/Karen section is so beautifully written, the way Jim can't (what is with Jim and Pam and being so I can't about things?) and the way she says it gently so as not to break him (oh, oh). Also, 'burns' is a fabulous replacement, my dear.  Awesome job with that bit -- I think it really conveys what Karen's feeling to the reader.

The ending is just SO FANTASTIC, with the whole loving other people and both of them being there just to have something when they can't have what they really want.  It's all just a mess, there at the end, but it's so lovely and incredibly written and just-- you know.  Just ridiculously good.

Also, I know I say 'oh' a lot and don't really explain what I mean, but a lot of the time (especially in this story), I can't think of anything to say to express how much a certain section touched me, so.  Just imagine a tone of awe in my voice, and the 'ohs' might make a little more sense. :) 

10

Oh, the ending, the ending, it kills me!  How perfect, especially because you mentioned it earlier with Jim's sister-in-law's delivery, and just because it's a Jam baby!  And the way she just ducks her head and smiles is so Pam and so cute, and I can just imagine the look on Jim's face when she does that.  AW.

Also, the Dwight/Jim love.  They so do.

Fantastic job with this.  I love it! 

Overall, I really liked this.  There were a lot of parts I thought you did so well, like the lead up to Roy and Pam having sex, and how it wasn't supposed to be tearful because she wasn't supposed to be emotional about anything right then, and the way she stayed because he obviously still wants her and she's lonely enough that she wants someone warm and familiar to wrap around herself... all those parts were SO lovely, and so the Pam we're seeing these days.

However -- and I'm so freaking afraid of doing this because I've never really tried to give anyone constructive criticism before other than while beta'ing and I really, really don't want you to think I didn't enjoy this because I definitely did --  there were a few parts I thought could have been better.  You mentioned on the TWoP forums concerns about things being OOC, and that was one of the things I noticed here.  Not that it was an insanely obvious thing or anything like that, and I do think you did a nice job with Pam's characterization, but something about Roy didn't feel right to me.  It's very possible that it's just my own interpretation of his character, but I don't think he's really changed that much from who he used to be.  I'm not sure I can really believe that they would have had a heart-to-heart chat in the morning, and I really don't think he would have urged her to fight for Jim.  He might grudgingly say something like, "Do what you want," but I don't think he'd really be rooting for her to get together with Jim.  Also, I don't think Roy would have been at all surprised to hear that she was in love with him.  I mean, maybe a little, since he's not really privy to all the stuff we know, like the kiss and the confession and everything, but I really think that he had some sense of what was going on all this time between them.  He was jealous of Jim a few times -- or not jealous, but, like, possessive of Pam when Jim was around -- so I don't think it would shock him to hear that his possessive feelings were grounded in something that was really happening, and not just in his imagination.

This is all SO based on my own speculations, but I wanted to let you know what I thought since you were concerned about the very thing I picked up on.  I still honestly, really, really liked this, and I think you did a great job on it.  I hope you're not upset or angry about what I had to say here, because it really wasn't a major thing.  I enjoyed this a lot. :)

Oh, wow.  This is such an insightful look into Meredith's background.  I loved the part about sharing pencils and pens because it's so intimate and secret, and I loved the part about being able to tell Jim wants to be the one to moan into Pam's hair.  You've just done such a lovely job fleshing out Meredith's character and talking about the whole Jim/Pam situation from an outsider's perspective -- this is great.  Thanks so much!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I was hoping the chewed-pencil thing wouldn't come across as icky.

10

This is absolutely lovely, as all of your wonderfully character-driven pieces are.  I just can't understand how you think of things that seem so random -- like here, with the dancing and scoliosis -- that just seem to fit so, so perfectly with the character and their previous/current situations... beautiful.  I love that Bob seems to know that she wants to go dancing -- that seems like the kind of thing he'd do/the kind of couple they'd be.

Lovely, lovely job. 

9

Beautiful prelude to West -- or, at least, that's how I see it. :)

As always, your writing basically hits me straight in the gut because it is so honest and realistic and evocative and wonderful and have I mentioned how much I love the way you use your dashes?  They add realism, of course, especially in dialogue, but I love them more particularly because they're used to kind of lead the reader forward, but then stop, like this is something too profound for words, but you know what I mean. 

Just lovely. 

10

Beautiful.  Absolutely, completely.

So, so many good, quotable lines in here, like he inhales like he might be breathing her in and if he keeps all the random pieces of her he's collected over the years hidden in the back of a drawer, he doesn't have to admit what it means.  I love the feel of this, because it's still hopeful with the way she doesn't mention Roy and the way they act like they're almost together.  Awesome dialogue, too, by the way -- witty and quick and very them.  Lovely ending.  Beautiful job.  I love this.

This is lovely.  I love the parallel between Roy's inability and Jim's ability to admit when something hurts -- that's a great way to show just one way that they're different, one way that makes a huge difference in their "rightness" for Pam.  And Jim, oh Jim, hiding his face so she couldn't see where Roy had hit him, and not blaming Pam at all, and just... Jim.  Yes, yes, yes.

My favorite line:  It's the kind that's not full of things unsaid, but full of questions with half-answers and almost-truths.  It feels like progress, maybe, from where they used to be.

Gorgeous job!  This is fabulous.

Oh, that silly person who doubted your ability to pair anybody.  What a ridiculous mistake!  You are waaay too cool for that.

This is so, so hilariously Kevin that it's hard to comprehend.  My favorite line was probably the one that you used as your summary -- what a great phrase.  I loved your descriptions of the different ways Kevin eats M&Ms, and all the repetition of the number three.  As for the Jim/Kevin, it's fabulous because it's understated and easy and just... not so dramatic and dark and heavy.

Love this.  You are my hero. 

This is brilliant, the way you talk about the pain Jim's feeling so poetically, so clearly I almost winced a few times during your descriptions.

My favorite line: And he hears it before he feels it, the way bone against bone really does sound like someone knocking at the front door, how his neck actually cracks and he thinks, "I hope I don't die" like an afterthought.

Just brilliant and gorgeous and wonderful.  Amazing job!  Off to read the rest...

10

SO SO SO HOT.

Seriously, with the almost-fully-clothed-ness, and the against the door, and the thigh on the seam of her jeans, just-- yeah.  YES.

I'm slightly incoherent.  This is completely, completely fabulous.  WELL DONE.

Hilarious!  I love all the names -- the Tempinator, Dunderman, etc.  Those are completely brilliant.  There's something about this that is very Dwight, probably because of the way he insists on calling them his 'spectacles' and knowing/understanding/believing he's off to save the world.  I thought you were going to go with, 'and then he woke up blah blah,' but this was almost better -- Dwight really does think of himself as some form of a hero (though not quite as high up as Hiro from Heroes).

Really great job with this.  Such a fun read. 

Gorgeous imagery.  Everything about this is content and warm and happy and so, so full of the something that makes what they have exactly what it is.  Love the beginning and the ending, and line about finding the spaces between his ribs with her fingertips.  Lovely.