Jim's basketball game with the C.F.O. (not his actual initials) gets interrupted with news from what happened at Poor Richard's; he reacts accordingly.
Wow. This is really lovely. I love the detail of the bath, the water and her hair, and the bathrobe, as well as her realizations about Jim and her actual mistake. Also, I'm wondering who was on the phone. Hmm... I'll stay tuned.
This is so nice. I like how Jim apologized for not giving Pam time before. They each seem to be understanding what the other has gone through here. Yay!
Author's Response:
Ah, thank you so much, Too Late Kev (love your name, BTW) -- that's actually one of the angles I was going for. I kept hearing in my head the line, "I forgive you." Sad that I can't remember if it made it into the final version (and can't go check, lest I lose my response here), but it's funny that yout mentioned it. These two need not just to clear the air, but to really have the catharsis of acknowledging what they've both gone through. I see on all the message boards so many people siding with either Jim or Pam, but as I see it, they've both suffered immeasurably as a result of nothing more than simple human folly, you know? So sad. [/Pam]
Thanks for the review!
Very nice, time4moxie. Wonderful wish lists, and I loved "the Karen card". Thanks.
Hooray! (And if only it could go like this!) I really loved Angela's message. Very Angela. Thanks, Molly.
Author's Response: :) Thanks very much for the review! If only they could stop dancing around one another.... maybe Pam will just jump Jim. Lord knows I would. Thanks so much for taking the time to review!
Jim checks his voicemail after the cocktail party.
Wow. So good. You have the voices down very well. And between the "I've got your back" and all the other messages, I think Jim now has a good idea of what has gone down. And hey, loving the Creed and the Merideth. That was... wow.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! It's harder than I thought it would be to appropriately describe the different things the actors bring to their roles when writing dialogue, so I really appreciate the comment about their voices. I love that you call them "the" Creed and "the Meredith. What's not to love about them? :)
Really looking forward to the next chapter. Karen's discussion with Michael is great; I can really "hear" his side of the conversation. I love bringing back the stripper and Ben Franklin.
And I have to say - Karen? Not looking too good at the moment!
This is really nice. I was very surprised to discover at the end that this was your first! I'm guessing you have done fanfic for other shows, or some kind of writing, because this certainly can't be a first effort! I will be watching for more.
This is so good. I am getting a little choked up too at the end of this. (Maybe I'm PMSing?) That bit with Dwight is so perfect. Awaiting more chapters (but patiently)!
Absolutely I'm still with you. Keep going!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love reviews, they totally light up my day. The writing is getting me through the 6 weeks, and I'm so glad you like it.
Yay! "One last conversation" with Karen. I like how both Pam and Jim are thinking about communicating with each other at the end, even though they are separated at that point. I really like how Pam managed to get everyone some non-Michael time at the end as well.
A few details and/or constructive criticisms:
Roy's sentence about the "audience" sounds a little too sophisticated for Roy; I could see more like a "I don't want the guys to see this" type of sentence. The other Roy sentences seem spot-on to me.
I think you mean Jim wants to pummel Roy, not pommel him (pommel is the pommel horse in gymnastics). Also, probably deviant, not deviate. Yeah, you're right, I have no life.
I really liked how the office had the "collective sigh of relief". That is exactly what would happen when a big scary situation was over.
Karen putting his arm around Jim's waist and loudly saying she'd take him home was perfectly in character, I think, with what we're seeing of Karen. It fits in very well with the proprietary from-behind hug from Ben Franklin, the "hey Pam, hands off my guy" conversation of Ben Franklin (just a kiss). Karen is really trying to hang onto that man.
Nice job. I'm looking forward to more chapters - when you can.
Thank you for the big review with comments. I really do want to learn to improve my writing, and it helps to hear what works for readers and what doesn't. I had a hard time with Roy, and actually this is an edited version of him, but I completely see where you are coming from. I don't watch him as closely as other characters, so I don't have a great feel for him. And, I often forget to keep him in character while trying to use him as a vehicle to motivate Jim.
I actually was an English major so the typos are appreciated. (so no comments about your life forthcoming) I went back and hopefully fixed those. I hate when a typo takes you out of the story so normally I obsessively read for the grammar and the spelling, but you know how it goes. Thanks for keeping me honest.
Yeah, Karen, poor Karen. Doomed to be hated I suppose. But I do think given the deleted scene where she thinks about ripping down the art show flyer, she would play this up to Pam. Also, it struck me as good irony for the "Let's get you in hot tub." comment from Basketball.
I really appreciate you taking the time to review! Whenever I post a chapter I think "Phew. Oh wait, let's get started again." :-)
Wow. This is good. I'm so glad Karen and Jim are done! (If only they could be on the show, right?) You've rounded out Karen well here.
One picky comment - "shuttering" should "shuddering".
My favorite line is "His stupid unruly hair and boyish charm had blinded her to the fact that he was quite literally damaged goods"! Love it. Those are damaged goods that she did NOT want to send back until she was forced to! She was hanging on for dear life for quite some time!
Looking forward to more.
Hey, is there a meaning to your name that I'm missing? (Mine is from Hot Girl, Season 1.)
Thanks, I had to suppress my Karen gag reflex, but I wanted her to be as real as possible. Thanks for the help on the spelling, I knew when I posted it that somewhere there would be an annoying mistake - in fact I told my husband so (ooh remind me to say I told you so).
My name represents that I lack creativity in the area of picking usernames. I went to UNC for college and now that I live in Kentucky I take every opportunity to remind the UK fans that I am a UNC fan - big difference. I wish I had come up with a clever Office name......maybe in my next life. Love yours though.
Oh... so nice! The sketch is sweet. I'm still reading...
Author's Response: Thanks Kev! Just checking on you..... ;-) (alright I admit, my insecurities got the better of me there.)
It is very sweet, but sweet is good. (Smut is also good. Steam also. Angst is only good in small portions, and only if we get eventually to one or more of: sweet, smut, and steam.)
I've enjoyed your story. I really loved these lines: "She was wearing his shirt from last night which was so intimate and sexy that he felt an incredible wave of love and passion wash over him. Hitting him all at once, he realized that it would never be enough to just date her, or just live with her, he wanted to marry her."
Just lovely.
Too Late Kev, thank you again! I really appreciate that you've stayed with me and let me know what you're thinking. (I'm still learning....) I'm glad you liked the ending, and I love the lines you pulled out. It was such a contrast to me between jim and roy, Roy would be happy dating her forever, Jim would not be happy until they were truly one.
BTW, I'm a fan of the smut and steam myself, but I frankly can't write it. In fact, some of it I can't even read without blushing......but I do agree that you need it to cut the angst. Thank you so much for all the reviews, they have made me very happy! (I'm such an attention whore.....)
For all she’d tried to deny it, there was something about him that simply made her happy.
An Improv!Fic peek inside Jan's mind during her trip to Sandals Jamaica.
This is very nice. You did a really nice job with Jan's POV. I love the grocery bag full (!!!) of condoms and Michael's "who is she?" at the end.
The aftermath of Cocktails (NOT part of my AU universe).
Wow. This is really good and I'm looking forward to more! It was a bit heart-breaking when Jim cut off the phone call, but so similar to what the actual show has been putting us through! I'm so glad Jim gave in to his instincts and made the choice to go support Pam!
Thanks for this.
So good! Awaiting the next chapter!
Author's Response: Hope you enjoyed them! :-)
Hooray! Thanks for this.
I love when Jim admits he's sorry that Roy fell, because Jim really wanted to hit him...
I'm curious to see what happens next. One quick spelling error - you "pour" a drink, not "poor". (Well, maybe at Poor Richards they "poor"?) I loved how Pam knew that the yelling would change to crying and pleading, but (again) curious about why the crying and pleading didn't happen THIS time. Hmmm. I will await the next chapter! Nice job.
Her reflection in the mirror shows a woman who, just a few hours ago, had everything in order, everything in place, and now she's got a blotchy face and mascara smudged around her eyes. Not to mention Michael Scott sitting outside of the bathroom door. Takes place post-The Client
Nice job in general, and with Jan's POV. You incorporated your prompts in so well that I didn't realize this was an improv. Also, it's nice to see details "filled in" from past events on the show. I had to laugh about the not using tongue...
Really nice. The use of 1st person works well and I like how it's addressed to Jim. I don't really get the part about multiplying the date by the days, but that may be just me and my math-a-phobia as I age! Love the yogurt lid, Phyllis (Jim) coming alive, the eye patch in honor of Pirates 2, and all the great detail.
Hope your day has gone better since this morning!
Very nice. Great job writing Kelly and Ryan. Loved Kelly's sentence with "I love you" stuck in the middle, and how she said it in ways that took the pressure off of him to say it back and "commit" to it when he wasn't yet ready. I think this is very true to the Kelly and Ryan characters. Thanks for this.
This is so good; you have the characters down so well. I loved that Jim thought the subject of Happy Hour was "safe", and Michael and his "crimson wave" (eww!).
I look forward to the next chapter.
This was really good!!!
MEMBER'S CHOICE - "You've felt unsettled all weekend, and as your mother's words come crashing down around you, you have the uncanny feeling that you knew this was coming."Okay, so I'm selfish, and I would like more. I know you said it was complete, but Too Late Kev is being honest and asking for what she (yes, she) wants. Umm... if you want to be a fanfic writer, you have to do fanfic writer things. Give the people what they want. More chapters, please!
Author's Response: I'm so pleased you liked it so much! Unfortunately, this is where this one ends. Thanks for the review though!
Yup, it’s a post-Cocktails fic! With a bit of a twist. Karen does a bad thing, and Jim is about to suffer the consequences…"She knows that he’s aware of what he’s doing to her." Wow. That's some sentence!!!
Good things come to those who wait, and this chapter is a good thing! When you get to the next one, I'll remind myself of where we are (no hardship there!) and then go forward.
I'm really enjoying the post-Cocktails fanfic in general, and this is certainly one of my favorites!
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