Typical slow days at the office with the Ladies of Dunder Mifflin.
Karen’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, “Because they pay for spouses.” Muggins, you must bring smug Karen down a notch or five. She thinks she's going to be Jim's wife in two months? This is egregious!
Muggins, you really must turn in your "Cheesy 70's TV" Badge. Farrah Fawcett played Jill Munroe. Spelling is important in Cheesy 70's TV. (Find the pun, there?)
I love "You're the Toby of bushes!", Jim's response to Karen's e-mail (could he be any less into her?), and Angela's way to get Creed out of his seat. Also, how everyone (except Karen) knows Michael's e-mail.
I have to check back and figure out what the security issue was that Dwight asked Pam about...
Eeks! Changed it! Thanks for the tip-off Mr. Aaron Spelling's prodigy. I guess my Nick at Nite lore is not as good as I thought it was.
Have you noticed that everyone (except Karen) knows everything?
Security issue - The cops supposedlyl showed up at Dunder Mifflin looking for Dwight who is wanted for doing strange things at hotels or something.
Oooh. The last line is my favorite! We could make a very big list (or a small but important list) of things that Jim hasn't told Karen on the actual show. Add what he hasn't told her in Girly-Girl...
And speaking of lists, please "write" a separate story which is your Mom's list of how to get rid of Karen. Then, at the end, you could add all the other suggestions. I believe I had "hara-kiri after seeing Jim and Pam use the condoms" and "down a well so far away that Timmy and Lassie couldn't find her". I'd like to take this opportunity to add "turns into a pillar of salt as she looks back on her decision to follow Jim to Scranton". Mom and Dad would be really proud that all that forced Sunday School is coming in handy.
Loved the whole Creed/Angela/Farrah/Loni Anderson/"her name is Pam" thing. And sadly, my Charlie's Angels/Cheesy 70's TV knowledge does not come from Nick at Night. It comes from watching it. At the time. Because I'm old. And WKRP really was awesome. (First use of the name Bailey for a female that I'm aware of - Bailey Quarters.)
Loved how people keep referring to Dwight and Angela fake dating. If they only knew! In my opinion, Dwight and Angela began after the Hallowe'en Party, Season 2. Watch the deleted scenes. Someone should write about that. Just, not me.
I'm glad I got in on Girly-Girl at the start. I think it would be so difficult to "catch up"!
And, what do you mean this is supposed to be a review and not the inner ramblings of Kev? Harumph.
Gosh louise, who knew putting up my Mom's list on MTT would lead to a Army of Snarks thingy happening over at TWoP. Seriously, I don't know whether to tell my Mom about it or not because I think she'd want to lead the Snarks to Jim's apartment and drag him to Pam's place.
Next time you suggest I write a seperate story, I'm going to let that simmer for a couple of weeks, ;).
"Meow! Kitty! Here Pussy, Pussy!" How could that scene have been cut. Dwight calling Angela a pussy!!!! I mean come on - that's pure entertainment right up there with "As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
I've got to agree about catching up on over 50 chapters. Whenever I read a review from someone who just read the whole thing, I'm like Good God! Talk about stamina.
Oh, keep rambling, those are the best type of reviews. This less said about my writing the better.
Who's in the Schrute party? Mose and Dwight? Jim and Dwight? Seated comfortably near the girly-girl table, but with a nice privacy screen between? Niiice. Hey, private areas? I bet a fancy place like this has those really long tablecloths we talked about a dozen chapters ago. Anybody getting any ideas? ("Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time.")
A few errors (Do you want me to point those out, or just ignore? Mostly, I'm happy either way.):
They're all good, not Their all good.
Todd Packer, not Ed Packer. (License plate something like WLHUNG, BTW, and probably not true.)
I think probably Kelly is the one who's been trying to get Ryan to take her to the fancy restaurant, and maybe Meredith who asks if there's a bar; it says Meredith says both those things. Although, Meredith is pretty interested in Ryan's... lack of drawers.
Done with errors, back to reviewing/gushing.
I loved Jim's synopsis of Michael's party day, particularly the colors and the whole "think about Michael as you get ready for the day" stuff! I could see Michael eating that up. The pirate stuff was great, too. Michael is such a 7 year old. Maybe a 6 year old.
Upon re-perusal, you put Packer and "walk the plank" in the same sentence. Is that a new euphemism? No one wants to walk Packer's plank. Well, maybe Meredith. Especially if there's booze.
And the following wins the awesome award.
Stanley once again regrets that he called him a ‘lucky bastard’.”
“No, I do not,” Stanley said clearly.
TLK, you and your long tablecloths. I hope your family knows not to take you to fancy restaurants!
Please always point out errors, please, please.
I'm so ashamed... but I have an excuse. I am also at the same time as this writing a chapter in another story where Ed Truck and Todd Packer die and at Todd Packer's funeral, Michael messes up in the Eulogy and calls him Ted Pecker, I mean Ed Packer. So.... I got it wrong. Hides head in shame.
Kelly and Meredith are sharing the same computer. The first sentence is from Kelly; the second from Meredith. But I'll try to figure out a way to make that more clear.
And the Packer and walk the plank thing.... I did just for you. Because I know you love a good TWSS.
I wish I could have Stanley talk ALL the time, but it would be so out of character, sigh.
Dwight and Mose on a practice date! Is Dwight's girl voice as good as Jim's ("is this Salvadore Di-chini...")?
I loved catching up on everyone's evenings. The Improv class plays "ditch Michael"! The Kevin and Stacy section was among my favorites.
And... it really looks like there won't be a lot of people at Michael's birthday tomorrow. Maybe a little triangle, though - Jim, Pam, and Karen? (Unless Karen has, you know, died in the night. Flash flood. Maybe wolves.)
hmmm, possible. Maybe even flash floods AND wolves.
I betcha Dwight's girly voice is 100% creepier than Jim's if you're willing to lay odds.
I have this friend named Kev, I mean, Malone, no, um... Darn! I love how Jim thought Pam was talking about herself!
I think you mean Dwight took a different tack (like boating), not tact (which I may not have a lot of).
I think Mose failed in his deportment lessons. Crawling in a restaurant is just not polite.
Thanks for the tact/tack catch. I make that mistake all the time and I have no clue why. Maybe because I grew up in the desert so I have no nauticalness in me. Nauticalness? I don't know where I get this crap.
I'm just glad there were no handy coffins or I'm sure Mose would have tried to hide in one of those. Talk about not polite.
And you know what you said in the elevator yesterday…” He knew as soon as he said it, he’d gone too far.
She got that look on her face. The ‘I’m all business now; you should get back to work’ look. He hated that look. He sighed and went to his desk. He checked email. He returned some voicemail. He hated Mose. Muggins, that was awesome! It reminds me of her very sudden "swaying isn't dancing" friendly Pam to cornered semi-hostile Pam in 2 seconds.
Oh, the Kevin/Meredith talking about Karen scene is awesome. And ending with RUN! - it made me laugh.
"Curses!" (Do I detect an implied "Foiled again"? In any case, I inferred one. I love Her face lit up in a smile and he knew it had been worth it after that. Sweet.
Ben Franklin! Gordo! I heard that Ben Franklin had syphilis (or is it syphallus?). Maybe they should give him some of those condoms, but I'm not sure who he'd use them with. NOT Pam. NOT Jim. Ryan. Yep.
Welcome back to Girly-Girl, Muggins. I guess you and your sister must have come to an agreement (cage match style...).
I loved all of Michael's messages, and Creed sleeping on the couch (but Pam doesn't know he lives there half the time!). Kevin, of course, with Staaaacy in the background. And Pam answering the phone just in case it's Jim. Calling to check on the condom supply.
Last night, on Amazing Race All-Stars, one of The Blondes said to the other something like "Good job, girly-girl!" I thought of you.
I'm glad there's another chapter...
We cage-matched and she won (barely) so no hot Jim and Pam sex. Luckily I got that all out of my system with the Kama Sutra thing (hopefully). Maybe I'll have to write a '50 ways Jim seduces Pam' thing.
You're not going to let those condoms go, are you? (TWSS)
Wow! So good!
I love all the emails; you put in such great details. Karen's reminds me of a deleted scene from The Coup - Jim has finally managed to kill Karen in Call of Duty, but it's because Karen's away from her desk; she and Jan are having a quiet chat a few feet away. I definitely get the idea that Karen was pegged as a woman "who could be a valuable addition to our Corporate life" in one of those women in the workplace seminars. Anyway, lots of great detail on those emails.
Great callback to Mutie the Mailman.
Am I the only one to think that Phyllis and Bob Vance VR will be doing something other than decorating the office? And that whorish green (um, I mean Hunter Green) being mentioned is significant?
And awww - you made me feel sad for Dwight.
Here's another way to kill Karen: a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits kind of thing. People killed via Call of Duty really die. Karen's gonna have to be away from her desk to get it to work though. Maybe someone can lure her away with shiny candy. Or shiny condoms. Just not Jim.
I love Jim's ideas. I had to go back to remind myself what the situation was with Karen (Still not broken up, right? You have to do something about that.) and why Jim's coming up with these "not official dates". I'd go to movie night at Jim's, if I weren't married, and if he were real and all... I bet I'd see you there, too.
Karen really thinks she's going on a trip with Jim? I think she should go on a trip by herself, and maybe not come back....
Jim's not breaking up with Karen until he has definite proof from Pam that she likes him. Definite along the lines of "I love you and your old man ties, Jim Halpert. Now take off your clothes and prepare the condom testing."
I don't know what Pam's drawing. Is Throop PA where Michael's condo is?
I love how Jim is really just thinking (way ahead) of what gifts to shower on Pam. Sweet! (And nice shout-out to Moxie!)
I love how Angela is spying on Dwight, and he's just so morose. And beet-sugared marshmallows! I just checked my pantry; I'm out of those.
So glad you and your Sisbeta have come to an agreement.
Pam's drawing a map. Throop is a random suburb of Scranton. They're putting stuff on the map all over the place to keep Michael busy. There's no rhyme or reason.
Moxie's Antiques really exists! I've been waiting frickin' 30 chapters to put that in. I'm still waiting to put in stuff that I've been holding since chapter 27! It's going to take FOREVER!!!
beet-sugared marshmallows - nutricious AND delicious.
Muggins, I really think they should play Man/Woman Truth or Dare. You know I think that.
So I'm kind of catching up on my reading... I was in a pineapple under the sea for a while.
I really liked this line "She felt a sneer coming on as she realized that Jim would probably know what it meant."
I think Pam and Jim definitely need to get to some Truth. And I can think of better Dares than "call someone and make them come in." Oh, yeah.
Aww... Jim called Pam honey. Sweetie sweetie honey.
Muggins, husbands and wives tell each other "I love you" all the time. Pam and Jim want to be authentic, right?
And, um...Andrea Milton's parents never had much of a wedding, just a justice of the peace, a town hall, and a daddy with a shotgun. So before their daughter can go a-courtin', the Miltons have to get married in style. I heard that "Gordo" is not just a Ben Franklin impersonator, and not just a man without SyPhallus, but he's also a reverend from the Church of Many Tongues (Tongues Adept with Cherries) (eww), and he can definitely marry the Miltons today. There's no time to get a photographer, so Alan the cartoonist can draw the wedding, adding Freedom Fries liberally around the margins of the paper. Creed can continuously sing that song he sang at Christmas for the reception, or Darryl can bring up his keyboard.
And, then finally, the condoms can be used and no one would be a hussy.
If wolves came around, removing clothing wouldn't be on the agenda, right? Just for flash floods? And, um, lightning bug swarms? (Fact: the naked male form is 83% more attractive when lit by the light of lightning bugs.)
Aww, Muggins, you were just teasing me with those condoms from Pam's purse. Pam probably doesn't even have her purse in the break room, does she? I thought about that when I was beta-ing, but I thought I'd suspend my disbelief.
"Of course, Pam must have brought her purse into the break room. Muggins wouldn't just be toying with me..."
Dance, Kev, dance. (Love to mom and sis.)
I just hope you're not moonwalking. My sister thinks you are way too forgiving. She slashed through most of my stuff and screamed "WHERE'S THE FUNNY?" But she had a rough weekend with my Mom so I forgive her (plus she's an idiot.)
What's sad was that that was as far as I could go. I'm so not a smut-writer. In my head I had him turning over tables and ripping clothes off... but you saw the tame realization of the idea. So be glad, be very glad, that I didn't go that direction in this chapter. Maybe the next time I've drunk as much wine as, say, Girl7 does on a Friday night... then I might attempt.
You're teasing me with Jim and Pam and the whole anatomy thing. You can't fool me that easily.
I'll catch up on your other updates sometime soon - Wacky Wednesday, Gilligan's Island Redux (whatever it's really called), etc...
I'm glad you're back, but you're still not fooling me. You're never going to let Jim and Pam use those condoms.
Gosh, I love this line: "Jim had a sixth sense about stuff like that, like he could read her mind just by looking at her or something." So funny that she knows he can do this, and yet, he's so wrong at the moment about what's going on, and she's not reading him at all!
“You know what we should do?” Muggins, you know what I think they should do. I've been perfectly clear! I love how Jim says Dwight should kick the fictional relationship up a notch. Bam! (Emeril! Has Michael done a Bam! Emeril thing yet? If not, he should.)
Hah! Michael smoothed his hair when he found out Ryan was in the car! Man-crush!
I don't remember why Dwight thinks he's going to have a Roy confrontation. I guess I'd put a PPP next to that one.
There's definitely not enough Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration in fanfic. Or on the show. Or in the universe. I liked your Bob.
Oh MY GOD!!! Michael has GOT to do an Emeril thing. Bam! Oh my god! He can do a Bam! Pam! thing. So awesome!
Love the man-crushes on this show. Jim's man-crush on Josh. Andy's man-crush on himself, Dwight's man-crush on Michael. It's... soo great. [/Jim]
PPP - Angela said that Dwight would have to fight Roy to show her that he was serious about their relationship. I think it was only in the last chapter or so.
My sister cut 90% of my Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration stuff!!!! She loathes "Phyllis' Wedding" and blames it on poor Bobby.... sigh. I'm going to sneak off and write a Bob Vance, VR fluff piece, just you wait!
"how the sheets work" - best ever.
Once we’re at the restaurant I order you the most expensive stuff on the menu. and try to tell you that you're going to have to put out. You say I had you at 'hello'.
His final rendition of the date sounds very nice, except you know that I'd have a different ending than "talk some more". Maybe "talk some more about our favorite positions and whose place we should live at or should we get a new place so it will be 'ours'."
I like Pam's "Karen's super-lucky" comment. Is she trying to dig at him a bit? Make him commit to wanting that date to be with her?
What if Pam had said, "Oh, that's nice! But no sex? Wouldn't you want sex? I totally would, I mean, if I were your date!" HAHAHAHAHA! You know me, Muggins, I'll just alter your storyline in my head to make it work for me.
Muggins, you misunderstood my statistic. People do that with statistics all the time, so don't be embarrassed.
Fact: the naked male form is 83% more attractive when lit by the light of lightning bugs. This means that given any male (although I was speaking of human males), his form (you know, muggins, his bod) will be 83% more attractive than it usually is. So, even the uggos will improve by that exact percentage. Start collecting those lightning bugs, guys.
As to how I know this, a scientist never reveals her secrets. Yeesh.
Tell sis that I can't be as tough on you, as I'm not an actual sister who's grown up with you. Also, I would have been an even more awesome beta than I was, but I didn't want to out-do her and therefore put her out of a job. You know, I was holding back on the awesomeness. Go ahead, tell her. See if she buys it. I'm guessing 'no', but it's worth a shot.
Yeah, but what about those 17%? Are you saying 17% of the guys are more ugly or the same uggo factor under lightning bug conditions? Plus... why don't you have charts, graphs, and photographs of JK naked with lightning bugs in vicinity to prove your case in point? Really how can I believe your hypothesis is valid without a lightning-bug-lit body shot of JK? I'm not asking for the world here. I'll take any evidence. JK on the beach, JK on a picnic, JK in the bedroom, whatever you've got to prove your theory. In the name of science!
My sister says you're funnier than I am and you should be writing this stuff (course she's hopped up on Dramamine so who knows, she might be talking about Snoopy again... little known fact: she's always cutting out Snoopy's Writing advice for me. Fascinating bit of trivia there.)
Best use of the word 'milquetoast'. I love the Phyllis and Meredith bit, and the chocolate. Don't wanna contemplate what Meredith will do with the chocolate. It's okay, she won't remember.
Or Olivia de Havilland in Captain Blood. Ooh. I think someone's swash needs buckling. Errol Flynn! Niiice.
I love Pam and Jim's email. And the hearts...I heart that. Makes me think of the winky face from the deleted scene of Sexual Harassment.
Ooh! You added a lot of funny bits, Muggins! Awesome.
I can definitely see Meredith "contemplating" Roy in a leather jacket. She'd probably forget about it later, though. You know how she can never remember people she's contemplated. Whoops, that's "had sex with", not contemplated.
This line was so funny: "Does he get a boner when she’s around? I’m telling you... I’ve looked. Nada." I'll bet this is something Meredith checks out a lot. She probably calls it BonerPong.
Welcome back to your sister.
Ugh, my sister.... hated everything I wrote. She was like, take a week off from writing, you're so not funny right now. Sigh.
BonerPong!!!! There's a title for you. How you come up with these things I'll never know!
If you were truly a helpless automaton, those condoms would have been used long ago, and by Jim and Pam. Together. (Really together, that's why they needed...hey, look at the time!)
I like all your changes since I saw it.
Do we get to see some Phyllis/Pam/Meredith girl talk? With alcohol? All right! (/Meredith) What could happen if Pam got a little tipsy on Fuzzy Navel drinks? (Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time.) And, because I know you'll threaten me otherwise with other icky possibilities, let me state that it's Jim and Pam I want to see making out. Dwight and Angela, I don't want to see, but it's okay if they're doing that and someone else sees it. But no Pam and Creed, or Jim and Meredith...
Is Meredith going to tell anyone about the contents of Jim's...drawer? Is Pam ever going to check out the contents of Jim's...drawers? (Crosses fingers in Jim's "here's hoping" gesture from The Pilot.)
While your beta's away, I get early copies. This is a happy place.
Wait!!! Are you saying you want Phyllis, Pam, and Meredith to get drunk and start making out? Okay. I'll see what I can do. I'm a helpless autmaton and must follow orders... dang it. Read the rest of your sentence. HOW DID YOU KNOW? It's like you've got this amazing brain power and can foretell the future. So tell me... what's going to happen in Chapter 100? I just finished writing it and I'd like to know how gooooood you are, Madame ZaZa.
How do you know that Pam didn't use those condoms last night? Just sayin'. Jim's being MIGHTY attentive. (Karen who? Buehler? Buehler...)
Jim's drawers will be fully analyzed by certain Dunder Mifflin ladies.
Oh, what a cute ending. Thank you for momentarily putting me in a happy place, JAM-wise. (That's Samwise's brother.)
Love, love, love "Out of my way, freak show!" That Gordon was sort of a skeevy little perv.
I didn't understand Pam's note exactly.
The Hunter/Jan section was so good. I'm not exactly sure why Meredith was talking to Staaaacy, but I thought Meredith was so funny in that. And Kevin just thinking he should get a new phone!
And seriously, if you do need/want a beta for any of your non-Girly-Girl, I'm willing. TooLateKev at gmail dot com.
Bonus points to Voldemort for doing a Lord of the Ring obscure reference!
Don't worry about Pam's note. It's not like Jim's going to take it home and put it in a secret box he's got in a non-working duct in his kitchen.
See what happens when you offer to beta? I go ahead and send you stuff. You should think about these things before offering! Pretty soon you'll be beta-ing so much you won't have time to write reviews! Mustn't have that.
I love Hunter/Jan and Michael's conversation. There was sombrero-snorting involved. Jim's list of truth questions was so sweet and wonderful. If only she could hear (and answer) every one. But she can't, so I will!!!
(This is Pam speaking)
I can't tell - it's too naughty. But it definitely has you in it, Jim. And Roy and Karen are dead and we never even knew them.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
Roy who? I mean, yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Nothing to write home about. Sunken testicles and shriveled plank.
He said he needed help finding a puppy. We couldn't find it.
Because he's a tool. Plus the whole shrunken testicles, shriveled plank thing.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Me too, me too, me too, me too, me too, Yes, I do love you.
Again I say, Roy who? Which is to say, Yes.
Pfft. Toby who?
Because he's a tool. Plus the whole shrunken testicles, shriveled plank thing. Hurt myself laughing at this.
shriveled plank yowch, that's gotta be the best putdown EVER!
He said he needed help finding a puppy. We couldn't find it. How do you come up with these?
My favorite:
Have I mentioned that Ryan wears blue contacts? His eyes are actually yellow. Chronic hepatitis. And Oscar? Toupee. Stanley - false teeth. Michael - coffee breath. Kevin - one word "anal fissures”. Andy - really a woman. Dwight - has a beet surgically implanted in an inconvenient spot.
Um... heaving jeweled codpiece, Muggins! Actually, everyone's heaving after seeing Dwight's cod and its jeweled piece.
So, Dwight carries an extra codpiece in his car. Is that packed near the Birkenstocks? Please add to your list of future fics the inventory of Dwight's vehicle and why each item is necessary. So far, we have Birkenstocks from canon, and now a codpiece (unless you want to say it's only for today). Go!
You know, codpieces are totally making a comeback. They're sexy like Dwight and his beet-parts.
People I'd like to see wearing a codpiece: George W. Bush, Conan O'Brian (it would have to have a shamrock on it), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Fred Flintstone, and of course, Ryan Howard. Every single one of my brain cells is trying to think of a way to get a codpiece on Ryan and yet.... nothing. I'm sure you can help me out TooLateKev. You've got a devious mind.
Nice! I was thinking "Who the heck is Dennis?" Now I'm thinking... Dennnnis! (/Kevin)
I'm assuming Dwight is running in to work now to steal Michael's thunder. As if he could. Everybody goes crazy for Michael's birthday. Michael says so himself.
I really liked "Startled, Jim looked at Pam. He was relieved to see she looked horrified."
I still think the dares should be about clothing removal and trying out those condoms. But, you go about with your little story, Muggins, I'll just follow along.
Clothing removal and condoms will be coming up per your orders. I notice you didn't use any pronouns so I'm just saying.... if it's not Jim and Pam, that's your own fault.
I think Jim might be considering having his name legally changed to Dennis. He also might be quitting his job to work at the coal mines. I'll leave you with that image... Jim, sweaty coal miner.
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