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In a Jam
Jim had never seen so much traffic.
The day hadn't started well - not at all. They both woke up annoyed and cranky and he knew why.
He'd said something incredibly stupid last night.
He kicked himself…again. He knew she needed time, that this whole thing wasn't going to exactly be easy but he'd waited so long and now that she was within arms reach he just wanted to hold her forever.
He glanced at her sideways, her arms crossed, her face turned away from his so that she was staring out the window into the night.
He turned away and her eyes wandered over to sneak a glance at him.
Married. He wanted to get married. At the moment, Pam didn't want to even think about weddings or rings or flowers or anything remotely nuptial related. She wanted it to be easy, and…quiet and just about them.
But a small, tiny place in her heart secretly adored that fact. That she was so lucky. That he would want her to be with him for the rest of his life. It was beautiful, how he'd said it. So beautiful the sound of the words made her ears ring and her head spin. And someday, she'd be ready to hear those words and answer that question.
But not right now.
Right now it was way too soon, way too much…just…too.
To make matters worse the whole reason they were driving from Stamford to her parent's house, was that so everyone could lay their eyes on the guy who stole Pam away from Roy. That fact didn't make her mood any better.
It wasn't like that. People don't understand. It not that simple and it wasn't that easy.
Nothing is easy today. The day was long, and they set out right after work, still dressed in the clothes they wore that day. For the first time in forever he can't even begin to think of how to make her laugh. He wants to make her laugh - wants to cut the tension filling the car.
He shifts in his seat, his long legs cramping a bit as he sits there, watching an endless stream of taillights.
"Texas." She whispers.
"Huh?" He's not sure he's heard her correctly.
"I found a plate from Texas." She says pointing at car two lanes over. "They're a long way from home."
"Yeah." He agrees his eyes still straight ahead.
"I saw one from Washington State once, I kept wondering how their trip went, driving all that way. I couldn't imagine ever being a car that long." She adjusted her seat and reclined a bit.
"We might break a record tonight if this doesn't let up." Jim says wearily.
"We might." She agreed.
His hand rested on the gearshift and her eyes wandered down, gazing at it intently. She places her hand over his, her left over his right; the ring finger of her own is still bare.
He looks over at her and smiles softly, the air pushing out of his lungs in a whoosh. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath.
She lifts his hand in hers, her fingers tracing his as she turns onto her side and stares at his profile.
"I don't want to be mad at you." She lifts his hand to her lips and presses a kiss to his knuckles.
He wants to make it stop, but he feels the need to say something. He's tired of always being the one to back down.
"I don't understand why my wanting to be with you makes you angry." He replies.
"It doesn't." She protests.
He bites his lip and pulls his hand from hers so that he can hold the wheel and switch lanes. "Could've fooled me."
"I just…" She can't finish the thought. Even she doesn't know why she can't just allow herself to have this.
"I know." He sighs. "Doesn't make it easier for me, Pam."
They're stopped again, at a standstill. He gazes over at her and whispers. "I waited…"
"I know." She nods, tears lighting her eyes.
His voice is soft and small, like he's afraid of telling her exactly how he feels. Because he is. He's terrified that one wrong word might ruin everything.
"It's just - I'm sort of tired of waiting. I know he'll never really be gone but…"
"What?" She's surprised he's daring to bring Roy into this. It's not about him.
Jim sighs; sure he's just digging a deeper grave. "I just want him to start to fade away. Because it's too much to ask Pam. For me to let you keep both of us."
She's getting defensive again. "I didn't marry him."
"I know that." He nods. "Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for that fact every day."
She's angry again, and scared. She's terrified that he needs more than she's ready to let him have. "I left him, I chose you. What more do you want?"
He sighs and leans back, resting his head. "You, Pam. Just you. All of you."
The words hang in the air for a bit until its silent again and they simply sit there, not moving.
The traffic finally lets up a little. They come to a rest stop and he asks if she's hungry. She is but she says no, she doesn't want to leave the car. She's afraid he's so angry he might just take off without her.
He would never, she knows that, but at the moment she wouldn't blame him if he did.
"I didn't think it would be this hard." She whispers as they continue on, still stopping and stalling ever few hundred feet. "I never fought with you before."
He gives her a look like she's crazy. "Sure you did. We definitely fought…" He laughs then. "…more than once."
She shakes her head. "It was different then. It wasn't…like…for real." She disagreed, wiping at her eyes.
"It was different then." He smiles slightly, and all at once all he needs, all he can concentrate on is to get her to stop crying. "Back then we didn't get to kiss and make up."
She gives him a look of warning. "What makes you think I'm going to kiss you?"
"You can't resist me." He says, in all seriousness.
She looks at the clock, then at the traffic, then at his face. He's tired. She realizes. "We should stop."
"Huh?" He's distracted.
"We should stop for the night and leave really early in the morning. I can see that you're tired…"
"I'm ok…" He says but his yawn gives him away.
She looks at him and her mouth curls into a grin. "C'mon. This traffic is crazy and I don't care what you say. You are tired." She shifts in her seat and leans over to whisper in his ear. "…not to mention… irresistible."
He's doesn't say a word, just keeps grinning as they make their way to the next motel they come across.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
He holds her hand and jingles the key. This place is so old that they don't even have those plastic card keys; they use good old fashioned metal.
"You didn't correct him." He whispers as he opens the door.
"Hmm?"
"When he called you Mrs. Halpert." He replies, his voice catching a bit over his own last name. He ushers her in and closes and locks the door behind them. "You didn't tell him…"
"I never said no, Jim. I just said - not right now." She says softly as she walks across the room and sits on the edge of the bed. "There's a difference."
He moves over to her and she stands, leaning a hand on his shoulders to ease her shoes off. "There's a difference." He murmurs under his breath. He wishes it were true. He wishes he could see it more clearly.
She doesn't want to say any more. She just wants it to be simple. "You know, I've never done this before." She says softly as her lips seek his.
His hands are working quickly over the buttons of her shirt, sliding it off her shoulders and tossing it aside. "Hmmm. I think you actually have."
"Not like this. Not in a seedy motel room." She says giggling as her hands reach up to pull on the knot in his tie. "Makes me feel a little…dirty."
He pulls back and gives her a look. "Did you just say…seedy?"
"Not just seedy - completely seedy. Jim - look." She eases away and walks to the nightstand. "Got any change? The bed even has one of those quarter thingys."
He laughs as he makes his way over to her again. "You mean 'Magic Fingers'?"
"Uh huh." She says as she moves back into his arms.
He leans down and nibbles on her ear. "I'll show you 'magic fingers'."
"Oh." She laughs as he picks her up and throws her down on the bed. He leans over her and she whispers against his lips. "Please do."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
The sun has barely risen as they make their way back to the car. She's still bruised from the incidents of last night, when they used up all their quarters and the bed started convulsing so violently it tossed her right off of it. They laughed, uncontrollably, as they finally were both thrown to the floor in a heap.
They'd spent the night nursing each other's war wounds and talking about the big family party at her parents the next day. Pam was nervous for Jim and he just laughed. Meeting new people never bothered him. He was really looking forward to finding out more about her family.
She told him to watch out for her boy-crazy cousins and to talk loudly when he sat next to her Aunt Mildred and warn him that her Uncle Eddie would tell him the same story four times in a row.
He held her closer and told her it didn't matter. He still couldn't wait.
She leans up to kiss him as he holds the car door open for her. She watches as he settles down into the drivers seat beside her.
They start off again, the road already crowded even though it's so early. She glances over at him as he drives so carefully. And all of the sudden - she knows.
She knows there's no reason to wait. That there's no one else in this world who will take such good care of her. She knows that it's never going to be simple and easy, but she knows that anyone who can make her feel like this, anyone who can make her cry so hard she wants to laugh and laugh so hard she wants to cry is exactly the person she's meant to be with forever.
He gives her a grin as they turn into her parent's driveway.
"Ready?" He asks.
She doesn't speak, she just stares at him with tears in her eyes.
"Pam?"
"Yes." She whispers and nods. "Jim…yes."
He thinks she's trying to tell him something, but he has no idea what.
"Hey." He reaches out and runs a hand over her hair. "What's the matter?"
"Before we go in there - I want you to know." She takes his hand in hers and links their fingers. "When you get around to asking me again, I'm saying yes."
He stares at the dashboard, looking at all the miles they'd racked up since last night. When they started off on this trip he'd been stuck, bumper to bumper and now it's like all lanes were clear. All of the sudden, there was nothing but open road ahead.
He didn't know why he was questioning it but he hadn't expected it to go like this at all.
"You don't have to." He swallows. "We can wait…"
"I want to." She smiles over at him. "And we can't wait. I'm not taking any chances. My cousins are in there, and when you meet them I want them to know exactly who you are."
"And who's that?" He looks at her hopefully.
She takes his face in her hands and kisses him soundly as she replies. "Mine."
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is not what I intended but it just wrote itself. I'm all weepy and sentimental lately and this is what you get. Enjoy!
xoxoxo is the author of 67 other stories.
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