Wow.

That was all she was thinking when she left Poor Richards a couple of nights ago. She couldn't get the image of Roy screaming at her, of him saying that listening was the problem, out of her head. The first time he listened to her, actually was all ears, he flipped out. His screaming filled her ears at night just before she went to bed, but it didn't matter, because her dreams were nothing of Roy. Still, why did he get so mad? Honestly, the truth hurts, she definitely knew that, but she was just trying to make things work - she believed that if she told him all of her secrets it could be like back when they were young. Back when he loved her and she was, well, content.
Wrong, she thought. Oh so very wrong. Oh well, it's not like we were going to wind up getting married. She laughed at this, feeling like a terrible person, but enjoying the irony of it all.

It was a Monday morning. Pam was getting ready for work - trying to find something to wear that would remind her throughout the day that she was an independent, honest, fancy new person now.
After digging through the top shelf on her closet, she pulled out a somewhat-new pencil skirt that she had bought on impulse (impulse really meant it was half price). It still fit, it still made her feel new and artsy. She really liked this feeling. She dug out a top with black lace on the top that tied into a bow, and was a cream white color and had lace inch-thick straps. Today is going to be a good day, it has to be a good day. I feel pretty, pretty days should always be good days. No, actually, I'll make it a good day. Because that's what I'm all about now. Making things happen! Okay. No more talking to myself.

She left her house in a hurry, grabbed her deep purple cardigan and threw on some black flats that were in the living room, right where she left them last night. Right after she flung them off of her feet to see how far they'd go. One went all the way across the room and flung into the drapery, while the other was a disappointment. It softly fell to the floor about 4 feet away from where she was standing. She wanted to be the one that flung itself into the drapery, that one seemed like it was on a mission to break loose.
She pulled her purse over her shoulder and fished out her keys from the very bottom. Why do they always have to be at the very bottom? she thought. Putting her keys into the ignition she hit play on her CD player and drove to the grocery store before heading to work. She had about 20 minutes to get a nectarine, some jelly beans and a new toothbrush.

Six minutes late.
Dwight was standing at her desk. Crap. Why'd the line have to be so long at the grocery store?

"Why, Pamela, is it that you are so late this morning? I expect more from you. Who else is going to answer our phones in the morning if you're late everyday? It's not like we have a back-up receptionist."
"Dwight, they're on automation."
"That's besides the point!" he scolded, "You were supposed to be here EIGHT minutes ago."
"I was actually here two minutes ago, so really I was only six minutes late. And look, I got you a nectarine."

She handed him the nectarine and he glanced at it as if it were inferior and poisonous. "That was very kind of you, Pam," his voice was calm. Disgusted. "But I don't want any of your fruit. You can eat it..."
"But I got it specifically for you, Dwigt."
"What did you just call me?"
"What? I called you Dwight. Because well, that is your name," She laughed a silent laugh, and felt proud of herself. Today's going to be a really good day.
"You DID NOT SAY DWIGHT."
"Yes, I did."
"Jim! Jim, did she just call me Dwight!?" His poor face was all distorted and began to turn pink from anger.
"Uhh, yeah, Dwight. That's your name." He was in his old seat. Why was he in his old seat? Was he back? Oh my god. Could this mean something? It could. No, stop.
"You know what, Pam? I know that you called me Dwigt. And you know what else? That's not funny. You know that that wasn't a good day in Schrute history."
"What are you talking about, Dwight?"

He stormed off and she glanced over and Jim who was giving her a blank stare. She smiled, attempting to thank him through her smile and he gave her a half-assed side grin, one that she knew wasn't genuine and turned back to his computer.
Across the room Karen was staring at Pam, shooting daggers at her with her eyes, but in the real way. Not in the pretend, "I was with her husband while they were separated, haha" kind of way. Pam smiled, "Good morning, Karen! How are you?" she was almost yelling, CALM DOWN, PAM. CALM. DOWN. Sarcasm filled every word, bitterness and bitchiness. She loved the sound of it. She'd never said anything like that to anyone, and she did feel bad, but it felt so good to finally say something mean. Or at least sound it.
"I'm fine," Karen shot her one last glare and furrowed her brow. She turned her head, gave Jim an open mouth smile and worded something to him. She smiled again.

Oh god. I'm going to throw up, Pam thought. Did Karen really just mouth I. Love. You. to Jim? Maybe it's my imagination, maybe I'm just going insane. No, no, she did. What a bitch.
Pam stared at the side of Jims head, his eyes widened, and his eyebrows shot up and he didn't blink. Once. She knew this because she would've seen the movement in his eyelashes. They're such beautiful eyelashes, what I wouldn't give to kiss those eyelids.
Thanks. He mouthed back. Darted his face to the side and saw Pam looking at him, he shook his head a little tiny shake and she saw a face that was pleading for her to save him. His eyes were still wide, and he looked like he was being shot at.

Pam giggled behind her desk as she watched Karen's eyes flare up. Her entire face looked like it was about to explode. Please explode. Please, please explode. Today is going to be such a good day!

Karen got up and went over to Jim's desk, "What the fuck, Halpert!? You're not supposed to SAY THANKS AFTER SOMEONE SAYS I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE JUST NOT." In the middle of her sentence Karen's voice got loud and angry, she hit Jim on the head and left the building. Jim stood up, was about to leave, but just sat back down.
Everyone was staring at him, until they weren't. Except for Pam. Pam watched him the entire time.


It was almost noon when Pam decided that it was a good idea to pull out the jelly beans. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
They were all fruit flavored - Jim's favorite.
"Psssssst," she shook the bag at watched as his head rose and stared at the bag.
"What am I, Beesly, a dog?" he laughed.
"C'mon, Halpert. Play along."
He got up and walked over to the reception desk. He leaned the way he used to lean, laughs the way he used to laugh, doesn't have suspicious eyes on him, doesn't have accusing eyes lingering. Just her eyes are on him now, on him the way that they used to be - but a little different. They're eyes that have stars in them, they don't feel platonic. He doesn't feel numb.
"What are you trying to get me in trouble, Beesly? Or is this another rouse to prank Dwigt? Yes," he whispered, "Dwigt." He remembered the other Psssst, the other time he was an asshole. His face falls.
"Uhm, no, actually, I just wanted to talk." She's smiling at him, an ear-to-ear grin. A smile that's genuine and warm, there's no hidden agenda. She's just happy to be around him.
"...Alright." He pops a strawberry flavored jelly bean into his mouth, feeling the outside shell crumble and the inside become gooey and delicious.
"Actually, I do have something to tell you. It's a good news/bad news kind of deal. What do you want to hear first?" she knew she was staring at his mouth.
"We'll go with bad news for $200.00, Alex." What a pathetic joke, he thought.
She laughed. She always laughs, no matter how stupid he feels. God, why is she like this?
"Okay, so I think that, this is weird, but, okay, I am doing this thing where I am being honest. No more Pammy, no more passive Pam. And so last Friday we all went to Poor Richards, and I, I feel like I'm talking really loud. But, I sort of told Roy about the parking lot. And how I kissed you, and have feelings for you..." have. Not had, please notice this, Jim. "And, well, the bad news is that you should probably steer clear of all things Roy," she laughed nervously.
He felt like he was sweating, he knew he wasn't, but it just felt really, really hot all of a sudden.
"And the good news?"
"It's completely over between Roy and I. And I mean completely. He started breaking things and flipped out, I know that the good news definitely doesn't outweigh the bad, but, I told him that we're over. So...yeahh."
"...Have?"
"What?"
"You said have feelings for you."
"Yeah, I did."