- When they first started dating he would talk about her a lot, mention her name. At first it meant nothing and then soon that one syllable irked her, drove her insanely jealous; but only for a moment. So when she asked about her, he said that they had been friends at the other branch. And she smiled and brushed off any jealous thoughts thinking it was all said and done with…
- When the merge occurred, two things happened. One, she discovered what a nut case her new boss was, even though after a few days she hated to admit that he had grown on her considerably. And two, she had reason to be jealous again. The way they carelessly talked and laughed all the time. Their laughter was like a poke in her side that kept getting more bothersome and eventually becoming painful. And the way they joked around and unnoticeably touched each other on the arm, the hand: it was too casual.
- When she confronts him again she notices a change. He’s more rigid and nervous like his secret is exposed, and now she’s nervous and sick to her stomach and she waits for his response. When he says he’s over it, nothing happened, I’m with you…she’s believes him, kisses him and walks away. Only she misses him pulling his hands through his hair, sighing.
- But it’s like nothing has changed at all. If anything, things are worse. There seems to be more joking and smiling and that laughter: it’s a stake to her heart. So she’s made up her mind when he’s sitting there, silently thinking. She utters the words that make her feel insipid and stupid and small: Do you still have feelings for her? And she waits; counting the silence and watching snowflakes fall down out of sight. Yes. She didn’t think one word could hurt that much, it was a sucker punch. But she’s determined and strong and terribly lost so she leaves before he can see her cry.
- Five nights of talking was a very good thing. She decided she couldn’t let him go, not yet, without a fight. She’s a fighter and a persuader and he caved easily. He told her it was just a crush, just a kiss, just a relapse…just a mistake. And she kicks herself for feeling guilty about that third degree because it was necessary. Things seem to be going uphill…
- She doesn’t know what made her open her mouth, maybe the jealousy, or her boldness, whatever it is she regrets it. She’s talking about his feelings for her and then it comes out. Wait you don’t have feelings for him? -Oh yeah-Oh no, wait-no-I don’t- Too late, it’s already been said. She knows that the truth was spoken and she’s all too sure that this isn’t working. She feels as if she might be sick again, what is this, the hundredth time? So she continues small talk and walks out, hands shaking. She barely reaches the bathroom before she lets out a sob and gasps for air.
- Somehow she’s still with him, and now it’s just stupid. She thinks she might love him which could quite possible be the worst thing ever. And then there’s her; always staring. Sometimes the stare is full of hate, other times it’s a look of understanding or loneliness, but most of the time it is a look of jealousy. She could identify it readily; she usually returns her look with a hint of it anyway.
- What’s ironic is the fact that she seems to look at her more than he does. He doesn’t kiss her or touch her like he used to when they were first dating. And he certainly doesn’t pay her the attention anymore. But what hurts the most, crushes her on the inside, is that he never looks her in the eye when he comes. She always looks at him, but it doesn’t matter because his eyes are tightly shut. It’s better this way, because she knows that if he opened his eyes they would speak the truth. He doesn’t love her, he never will, even when he lies over her, insider her, he doesn’t see her. She’s invisible.
Story Notes:
i do not own anything
Author's Chapter Notes:
So why’d you fill my sorrows,With the words you borrowed,From the only place you know?And why’d you sing hallelujah,If it means nothing to you?
Why’d you sing with me at all?
my favorite song of all time delicate by damien rice. i thought it was very fitting.
amelie is the author of 7 other stories.
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