1. happy's such an ugly word
i. In Andy's favorite dream, he convinces corporate to start a Dunder-Mifflin Glee Club. It's him, Michael, Big Tuna (because he actually has a decent voice), Pam, and Karen, who can sing and totally has a thing for him. His frat brothers come for the concert, and this time they don't laugh. The glee club travels from branch to branch, performing for all the employees.
Dwight has to travel with them, to carry their equipment and run their errands, but he's not allowed to talk. Sometimes, when Andy's feeling especially charitable, he lets Dwight play the triangle.
ii. Sometimes, Andy dreams that he's 14, and he wakes up like normal, and as he walks down the hall to his bathroom, he says hello to his mother, and magically, his voice has dropped an octave overnight. He starts screaming, and then he wakes up for real, still screaming, and there's always that sweet rush of relief as he realizes it was only a dream.
2. and they are a-mazing
i. In the dream, Kelly's on vacation in California, and she's window shopping on Rodeo Drive when Brangelina rush up to her, carrying Maddox, Zahara, and Shiloh, explaining that they're having an emergency and they need a babysitter right now and would Kelly mind? And the next thing she knows, she's a babysitter to the stars! Brad confesses his love for her, but she politely explains that she doesn't break up families. Ryan comes to visit, and he gets so jealous of Brad's love that he proposes to her immediately, and he's so overwhelmed at the sight of her with so many beautiful babies that he wants to have some babies of their own, right now, and then Brad casts him in a movie and they become famous movie stars.
Kelly's saving for a trip to LA. Maybe next summer.
ii. The nightmare always starts with a phone call from her mother, who wants to know why she hasn't given her grandbabies yet. No matter how many times Kelly explains that her doctor husband -- the one her mom wanted -- doesn't want kids, her mother still complains. "Why didn't you stay with that Ryan boy?" she asks. "He owns his own business. You wouldn't still be working at Dunder-Mifflin if you'd married him, and I'd have grandbabies!"
Her mom even pesters her into having fucking brunch with them every week, and then she's playing bridge with a bunch of old ladies who don't even know that Cosmo is a magazine, let alone a drink. She ends up letting her subscription run out.
3. I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sherriff's Deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.
i. Sometimes Dwight dreams that Michael gets a promotion, moves to New York to work for corporate. He taps Dwight to take over the Scranton branch, and Dwight gets to run things his way. He makes Angela Assistant Regional Manager, and puts her in charge of the women. The bathroom stalls lock, and it costs fifty cents to open the door. No one jokes around because everyone's too busy working. The water cooler is next to his desk. He makes black belt, and he becomes the sensei.
It's a good dream. Angela promises him, someday it's going to come true.
ii. In his worst nigtmare, Jim becomes Regional Manager when Michael gets promoted to corporate. He lets the office run wild -- Pam sets the phone to permanent voicemail and spends all her time in his office, and everyone's talking and throwing footballs and no one's working.
Jim finds a way to put Dwight's entire desk in Jell-O. Just before he wakes up, Dwight's phone starts to ring.
4. I was his second choice, after 'pass'
i. About once a month, Ryan dreams he's still in college, living at the frat house, and his biggest worries are whether he has enough beer money and applying to graduate school. He's never heard of Dunder-Mifflin, or Michael Scott, and he doesn't know anything about Pennsylvania's stalking laws, because he's never felt the need to look them up.
It's a nice dream.
ii. About once a week, Ryan dreams he gets a promotion at Dunder-Mifflin, and he's Michael's #2 now, which means Michael calls even more often. He's married to Kelly, because she got pregnant, and now her parents are always over to babysit and give "advice" and he really wants an Xbox but the money's going towards diapers.
The worst part is, the dream only takes place a year in the future.
5. honestly, I love stealing things
i. Creed has this really trippy dream, where it's still the 60s, and the band's together and he's living in the bus and it's all one big trip. He doesn't think about next year, or tomorrow, or anything past when the high's going to wear off. They've just played a gig, and all these women have hung around afterwards, smiling up at him. They're parked in a big field, and it's just started to rain.
ii. Sometimes, Creed nods off, and has this weird dream where it's not the 60s anymore, and he's moved home to Scranton. He sold the van and owns a refrigerator and gotten a job as a paper pusher. He wears a suit to work.
Then, the phone rings, and he realizes, it's not a dream, it's his life.
Story Notes:
Thanks to Kate, who came up with the line about fucking brunch. ;) Also, I didn't even need to look up the names of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's children, and I'm pretty ashamed of that.
Also, a disclaimer: Not mine.
sundancekid is the author of 12 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked I don't think it's many girls' dream to be a receptionist. also liked 53 other stories.
