If Pam were an outsider, a guest at her own wedding, she would have thought it was the most beautiful ceremony. Everything went smoothly. Scrantonicity did not disappoint. Who would have guessed that pretty much everyone Pam knew was a Police fan? Dwight acted semi-normal, although Pam noticed he disappeared for awhile after they cut the cake. (Actually, Pam didn’t remember seeing Angela either…) Even Michael was on his best behavior, only causing one disruption - when he insisted that he provide the vocals during the couple’s first dance as husband and wife.

But Pam wasn’t an outsider. She was the wife, and although she tried to enjoy the day she had been planning and looking forward to for three years, she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe she should have postponed the wedding.

Only a few weeks earlier, Jim had told her he loved her; they had kissed. But before Pam had time to analyze her feelings, distinguish her love for Roy from her love for Jim, he had left, transferred to another branch in another state. His absence had changed her life dramatically. Pam didn’t know if she could handle even more change, so she clung to Roy tighter than ever. She continued on with the wedding plans and became Mrs. Roy Anderson.

She didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. She knew it wasn’t fair to either Roy or herself. But she still loved Roy, right? He was still the man for her. She convinced herself it was cold feet, and, refusing to give in to what she told herself was simply nerves, the wedding went on as scheduled.

During the first few months after the wedding, Pam experienced emotions she didn’t even knew existed, or, rather, could coexist. She was happy and sad, excited and nervous, content and restless. And even though she told herself she was glad to be married to Roy, she was also well aware of the fact that she was constantly thinking of Jim.

One time in particular stood out in her mind. It was only days after the wedding, and she and Roy were in bed watching the morning news. Roy asked her if she wanted some breakfast. “Only cereal or instant oatmeal, though. You know I don’t do that fancy stuff.”

“Um, okay. Frosted Flakes would be nice.”

“Coming up, Mrs. Anderson,” he replied from the kitchen.

It hit her like a punch in the stomach. Obviously she knew her name had changed. She had heard other people use it and had written her new name dozens of times already. But this time, Pam realized something, something that broke her heart and brought tears to her eyes. She wasn’t “Beesly” anymore. Jim had playfully called her by her last name on countless occasions. It was a sign of affection, and Pam loved the way it sounded coming from Jim’s mouth. If she ever saw him again, things would be extremely different. This was just another reminder that she now led a new life, one that didn’t involve Jim Halpert.

Pam missed Jim, more than she thought it was possible to miss anything. Work was boring without him. Office functions were unbearable without him. Weekends were insufferable without the hope that he might call her and brighten up her day. She always knew she loved him, but now, ironically following her never-ending engagement and long-awaited wedding, she wondered if she loved him as something more than a best friend. Honestly, Pam didn’t have to wonder. She knew she did, and, not for the first time, she found herself regretting the events of Casino Night, regretting her wedding, regretting Roy…

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Had life at the office always been like this? So monotonous and dull, sometimes downright depressing? Pam had never realized how much Jim entertained her, made her happy, made work enjoyable. She found herself yearning for lunch breaks. Sometimes she would go and visit Roy in the warehouse, but most days she would eat alone in the break room, unwillingly but automatically remembering happier times spent with her best friend.

On a day that started just like any other, Pam’s life changed. Jan drove down from New York and stayed in Michael’s office for what felt like hours. After she left, a pale, wan Michael came up to Pam’s desk, proclaiming that he had an announcement.

“It’s over. We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.”

Pam couldn’t believe it. Panic overcame her. What would she do now? What would Roy do? After she calmed down, she began to think that maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe they could move to another state, where she could start a new life, a life without reminders of Jim everywhere she looked.

She had finally gotten used to the idea that she would no longer be a receptionist at a place that made her miserable when Jan came back in and made an announcement even more surprising than the first. Scranton wouldn’t be closing, the Stamford branch would.

Stamford. That’s where Jim was. Would he be out of a job? Even though she hadn’t had any contact with him since before he transferred (since that night), she still worried about him. Then a thought so amazing and frightening at the same time came to her. Maybe he would come back to Scranton, come back to me.

The rest of the day was a little hazy. Pam spent the day imagining what things would be like if he returned. She didn’t know if she should want him to come back or not. She was a married woman now, and she knew she had feelings for him that she should just ignore. But he was her best friend, and she felt lost without him. If she ever wanted to be happy again, she needed him in her life.

She tried to stop thinking about it. Who said Jim had a choice to come back? Who said he would even want to come back? She wondered if he ever thought about her. She knew he didn’t still love her, but could they become friends again?

Pam obsessed over thoughts like these right up until it was time to leave. She was about to open the door to the warehouse, where she always went to leave with Roy, when Phyllis called her over.

Pam froze and lost all feeling in her body when she heard Phyllis gleefully whisper, “I heard Jim’s coming back.”