Pam stared at Jim. She didn’t know what to think. She had just spent the past hour convincing herself to get over Jim once and for all, and now here he was, standing in her doorway.

            “Pam?” Jim asked, as if surprised to see her. “Oh, crap, get out of the rain.” Jim stepped aside to let her pass.

            Pam suddenly remembered how wet she was. “Um, yeah.” She stepped into her parents’ house. “Jim?” she repeated, trying to figure out if this was some sort of dream.

            “Yeah? Do you want to get changed? Get out of the wet clothes or anything? You’re soaked. You could get sick or something.” Pam looked at him strangely. He was the one who mysteriously showed up at her house, and he was talking about that?

            “Okay…” Pam looked around, trying to see her parents. She noticed them sitting in the living room, just chatting away as if this was normal. She tried to catch her mom’s eye, but no such luck. Pam sighed and continued on her way upstairs.

            Pam took her time getting changed, mostly because she wasn’t sure what would happen when she got back downstairs. What did it mean that he was here? It had to be a good sign, right? Someone wouldn’t drive two hours just to break up? Not that they were even dating, Pam reminded herself. She tried to find some clothes to wear, but she felt so cold and wet that nothing looked right.

            She knew it was stupid, but she decided to take a quick shower. Just get the cold off of her. Besides, if it was something good with Jim, she didn’t want to feel gross when it was happening. She turned on the hot water full blast.

            In the shower, Pam kept thinking about Jim and his unexpected appearance. Although hopeful at first, she quickly realized that it wasn’t necessarily a good sign.

            What if he told Karen? He’s got to be here to tell me that nothing can happen. He’s with Karen, he’s happy. He just wants to tell me to stop screwing up their relationship. Probably say something like he is transferring or something. Leaving the crazy lady behind. Just stick with the plan, say it doesn’t matter. This weekend doesn’t exist, it never happened.  Go back to being just friends. I can’t stand to think of losing him again. I’ve already lost him once; I can’t go through that again. I can be happy for him and Karen, really. I just can’t lose him again. 

            The hot water ran out far too quickly. Pam at least felt better physically, even if her mind was still a mess.

            Pam walked downstairs slowly. Jim was sitting with her parents, but Pam couldn’t catch what they were talking about. As soon as Jim noticed her, he jumped up to meet her by the steps. “Hey,” he whispered. He gently brushed a stray hair from her face.

            “Jim…” Pam said, pleading. Don’t do that, Jim. Don’t make it harder. I can’t go through this again. Pam wouldn’t allow herself to get her hopes up; she couldn’t. It had happened far too many times in the past, and it was always her heart that was crushed. She had made up her mind, and he was complicating it. “Can we talk?” She pushed his hand away from her face and led him to the back porch. The rain had since let up, and the sun was peeking through the clouds.

            Her heart felt heavy as she started talking. “Jim, I don’t know why I did that. You had something with Karen, and – ”

            “Pam – ”

            “No, let me… okay?” Pam could barely contain her tears. She didn’t want anything to get in the way. This wasn’t what she wanted to have happen, but she needed to protect herself. She couldn’t stand another heartbreak. All her courage from the day before was gone; this was about protecting her heart. “We were in two different places, we never got that timing thing right, and I understand that. Karen’s great, okay. She’s nice, friendly, beautiful. It makes sense, really. It was stupid of me to try to change anything, and, well, I’m sorry. I really hope I didn’t screw anything up with Karen, that wasn’t the point or anything. Just sorry.” Pam hung her head down; she wasn’t able to look him in his face. It hurt too much.

She continued, her voice breaking. “Just, I don’t think that this is right, can we just forget it happened? Just go into work on Monday and go back to being friends. Just erase this weekend? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t lose you again. Please?”