Silence 

It really went badly, and not in a “wacky hijinx that we can laugh about later,” way.

Jim got lost on his way to Pam’s new apartment, which was in a decidedly un-fancy neighborhood. He was already tired from his trip from New York, and much more nervous than he was willing to let on. The combined stresses finally got to him, and he snapped at her about her imprecise directions when he finally arrived. He said he’d been trying to get to her forever, but she hadn’t made it clear how to do that- not that this should have surprised him.

Already nervous herself (especially when he didn’t show up on time), Jim’s unpleasant mood threw Pam into a paroxysm of self-doubt. She apologized quietly, and followed him to his car in without another word. Halfway to the restaurant, Jim took a deep breath and said that he was sorry for the way he’d spoken to her. Pam nodded in acceptance, but a tense silence reigned in the car for the rest of the drive.

The restaurant claimed not to have their reservation, although Jim swore he’d called from work immediately after Pam had accepted his invitation. He loudly asked to speak to the manager, while Pam plucked anxiously at his sleeve to say she didn’t mind waiting, or even going somewhere else. Jim’s expression softened. He spoke a few conciliatory words to the harried hostess, and then they left.

Things seemed to be looking up. They argued good-naturedly about where to go next, finally settling on a place neither of them had ever tried. He thought it would be nice to explore something new together, while she privately thought it would be safest to go somewhere with no memories attached.

Once they settled in at the restaurant, the silence returned, but it felt more comfortable. That is, it did until Pam asked about the job interview. Jim smiled and told her not to worry about it. Her forehead creased a little. With a steadying breath, she asked about Karen. His smile faded. He didn’t want to talk about Karen.

Pam pushed. She didn’t want to upset him, but it was important for her to know where she stood. She didn’t know how to tell him that, exactly.

Jim got defensive. He felt guilty about how he’d treated Karen, and didn’t want to explore those feelings, especially in front of Pam.

By the time the food came, they were exchanging small talk in clipped, sarcastic sentences. They ate quickly, and Pam got irritated when Jim would not let her split the check. He stalked out of the restaurant without waiting to hold the door for her.

On the way back to her house, Pam sat with her knees and face angled toward the passenger door, never taking her eyes off the passing scenery. Her fingers drummed restlessly against her knee, the soft tap-tap-tapping driving Jim to distraction as he drove back through darkened streets he’d had trouble navigating in the light. Finally, he reached down and grabbed her hand to still it.

Pam gasped softly at his touch. She curled her fingers into his, glancing down at their joined hands and then slowly drawing her gaze up to his face.

They arrived at her apartment, and Jim pulled into an empty parking space. He pulled his hand away to put the car into park and turn off the key, but then clasped hers again as he turned back to face her. With a pang, he noticed the not-yet-dried trace of a tear on Pam’s cheek.

In a low voice, Jim apologized for his tension and his behavior. He’d wanted this night to be perfect, and instead he’d made a mess of everything.

Equally quietly, Pam explained that she wasn’t trying to push, and she didn’t need things to be perfect. She just wanted to be ‘them’ again; the rest would come in time- but only if they were patient and honest.

“It won’t be easy,” Jim said.

“No,” Pam agreed. “But it will be worth it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jim.”

Pam pushed her lips gently against his. With a soft smile, she slid out of the car and dashed up her front steps without another word, and without waiting for Jim to walk her to the door.