The Phone Call

By Jody E.

This is part 3.5 of my Jam Sessions Series. It takes place during Dunder Mifflin Dot Com, and is the phone call, which was alluded to in that fic. This is an all dialogue fic.

Hello?

Hey, Pam. It’s me…Jim.

Jim…hmmm…do I know a Jim?

Ha ha.

Oh wait…there used to be a guy named Jim in my office, but he left. Deserted us in our time of need.

Yep. That’s me. Jim the deserter, they call me.

Hey, Jim the deserter. So, how’s it going?

Not bad. Good. I think. It’s too soon to tell really. Mostly, it feels strange.

Yeah. But, it sounds like Stamford is a really good branch. From what you said.

It is. Very well organized. Hardly any weirdness at all. Actually, I kind of miss the weirdness.

It’s even weirder than usual here, without you.

Yeah…well I’m sure Dwight is having a field day.

I don’t know. I think he misses you. He looks kind of lost, lately. I think that hating you gave meaning to his life.

Wow…that’s really…not very sad at all.

They’re interviewing people next week for your job.

Yeah...so you said. Probably get some really hot guy in there and you’ll all forget about me.

Probably. Oops…damn.

What?

Oh sorry, I just knocked over my nail polish…stupid me.

Nail polish, huh? Wait...is this something new? I’ve never seen you wear nail polish. What color?

Umm…Passion Pink. Oh...but I wasn’t putting it on my fingernails…I don’t think colors look professional. Just my toes.

Toes…really?

Yeah. I always wear it on my toes. Don’t know why.

So, you’re telling me that all this time, underneath those innocent little white sneakers you had Passion Pink toenails?

Yep.

Wow…that’s really…uh, interesting.

Interesting?

Well…hot actually.

Oh.

So...was the nail polish crisis averted?

Yeah. I only spilled a little bit on my bedspread. I should have known better than to try to multitask.

You’re in bed? Oh...did I call too late?

No. Not at all. I wasn’t actually in bed, just sitting on my bed, doing my nails. Only I stopped doing that because of the spillage.

Oh. I see. Well, anyway I did have a reason for calling. About Friday…

Ah yes. Our first official date.

So, what time are you meeting Jan?

I’m supposed to meet her at corporate headquarters at noon. Then we’re supposed to go out to lunch.

That sounds good. I have seminars all week...management training stuff, but I should be done by 5:00 on Friday. So we could meet at Dunder Mifflin at 5, if that’s okay with you. And you would have time after lunch to shop or walk around or whatever. You have a hotel room for Friday night?

That’s what Jan told me. She said that Dunder Mifflin has two rooms for visitors.

Yeah...some corporations have apartments, but I guess these hotel rooms are cheaper. I don’t know. It is the Marriott, so it’s probably okay. When I got here, I was kind of expecting a Motel 6 type of deal. But my room here is really nice. I especially like the personal valet and the Jacuzzi.

Wow. That does sound nice.

Well, it would be nicer if the valet wasn’t always hogging the Jacuzzi. He just won’t leave. And now he’s all pruny.

You have to be firm with the servants.

I was. Very firm. That’s why he won’t leave.

(laughs) Oh...I have missed our goofy conversations.

Hey...I wasn’t being goofy. I was totally serious. So, what do you want to do on Friday night? Should I try to get tickets for a Broadway show?

I don’t really know too much about what’s playing. I’ve heard of Spamalot. And Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. They did one of the numbers from that in the Thanksgiving Day parade. It was pretty funny.

Well, I did try to get tickets for both of them, and a few other things on line, but it’s a holiday weekend, so no luck. But if I get time during the day I can try the box office, or one of the TKTS booths for last minute tickets.

Well, to tell you the truth, I would be just as happy, just hanging out. So...don’t worry if you can’t get tickets.

Yeah. It would be nice just to get to talk.

Well, we’re talking now.

We are. Do you know, I’ve never spoken to you on the phone before...outside the office, that is.

Well, it probably wouldn’t have worked out too well, before.

No. I guess not.

Hey…I’ve got something to tell you. It’s kind of...weird. I’m not sure what I think about it.

What?

Well, did you know that the documentary crew is leaving for two weeks for vacation?

I knew they would be leaving at some point, but I didn’t know the schedule.

They were actually going to stay through my wedding, but now they are leaving tomorrow.

Oh. Okay. But that’s not all that weird, is it?

That wasn’t the weird part.

Oh..

Here’s the weird part. You know Berta?

The AD? Of course..

Right. Well, I was eating lunch today, and she comes up to me and asks me if she can speak to me alone. I’m thinking...what is this all about, you know? But I say "sure." I mean, what else am I going to say?

They hardly ever talk to us, outside of interviews. That is weird.

Oh...it gets much weirder. Anyway, she and I go into the conference room, and she says, "I’m not supposed to be talking to you like this, but I wanted to say something before we leave." And I’m like, okay. And she says, "I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that you broke up with Roy."

Exactly! I mean, what does she know about my private life, anyway? I gave a talking head about ending the engagement, because it was kind of a major event, but that’s all. I mean, they are here to do a documentary about a paper company. Not our personal lives, right? Well, anyway, I asked her why…and she said, "I just wanted to give you and Jim a heads up."

She mentioned me?

Yes. And then she said, "We’ve been assembling the footage, and have begun doing some editing, and I just wanted you to know that it is going to be very obvious to anybody who sees this documentary that you and Jim are crazy about each other."

I never said anything either. I was wracking my brain, but all I could remember is talking about how you were like a brother to me, and my best friend.

Jeez. That is weird.

So then she said, "If I had had to tape your wedding to Roy, it would have broken my heart."

Are you serious?

Absolutely. Then she wished us both luck and swore me to secrecy, since she isn’t supposed to be interfering in any way, and her speaking to me broke all of the rules.

Wow.

Yeah.

And she wouldn’t say exactly what they saw?

No. I asked, but she said that she couldn’t tell me, that she had said way too much already, and practically ran out of the room.

Crap. I’m really sorry, Pam. It was probably me. I tried not to show how I felt about you, but…

Jim...It’s okay, really. If I were still with Roy, it might be pretty embarrassing, but I’m not…and they can’t show us doing or saying anything really bad, because we never did anything! I mean they can’t invent footage. Anyway, I’ll worry about the documentary when it comes out. At the rate they’re going, maybe it never will.

Yeah...maybe they’ll go on vacation and forget to come back.

I wouldn’t count on it. But I just wanted to let you know.

Well, thank you. So, if I understand you correctly…according to this documentary footage...you’re crazy about me?

Oh…you picked up on that, huh?

I’m nothing if not quick.

(laughs)

What.

Sorry...I just thought, That’s what he said.

(laughs) Michael strikes again.

By remote control, even. He’d be so proud.

You changed the subject.

What subject was that?

The subject of how you feel about me. Documentaries don’t lie, you know.

Oh. Right.

Well, the uncut footage doesn’t lie. I can’t wait to see this thing, now. I was kind of dreading it before.

Oh...why were you dreading it?

Because I know I am going to come off as a total loser.

What? Are you kidding me? That’s not the impression that I got from Berta. In fact, I think she has a little crush on you.

(laughs) Sure. Well, she’s just going to have to wait in line. My valet has first dibs.

Oh, him! How about me?

How about you?

Documentaries don’t lie. So, I guess that means I’m crazy about you.

I’m pretty crazy about you too.

(giggles) I haven’t had a conversation like this since I was in high school.

Me neither.

So what’s next? You going to ask me what I’m wearing?

Pam! I am hurt! I would never ask a crass question like that.

Well, thank goodness.

However, if you were to volunteer that information, I wouldn’t object.

I’m afraid that you’d just be disappointed.

Why? Are you, by any chance, wearing a full body plaster cast?

No.

Then I seriously doubt that I’d be disappointed.

Okay…I’m just wearing my favorite nightshirt. R-…uh...I mean, I’ve been told that it isn’t sexy at all.

Well. Some people have no taste. Nobody in particular. Just some people.

Well, it really isn’t sexy.

Well, as a male, I think I should be the judge of that. But I need a bit more information. What color is this non-sexy nightshirt?

Blue.

Blue? Just blue? C’mon. You have to help me out here. Are we talking Robin’s egg blue? Or azure? Whatever that is. Or perhaps the blue of Dr. House’s eyes? I thought you were an artist.

(giggles) Hey…you promised to stop teasing me about my House obsession.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

Anyway, it’s a pale blue; kind of Robin’s eggy.

Okay...now we’re getting somewhere. And what material are we talking about here? Silk?

I wish. No just plain cotton.

Hey, nothing wrong with cotton. Cotton is good. Cotton is natural. Heavy cotton, or thin cotton?

Thin.

Hmmm.

Are you still there?

Who me? Yes. I’m here. Just got lost in thought for a moment. So how long is this nightshirt?

It’s pretty short actually...about mid thigh.

Mid thigh. How would you describe the fit? Loose or tight?

Loose, I’m afraid. That’s why it’s my favorite, because it’s so loose and soft and comfortable.

Jesus.

What?

Oh Sorry. I was praying.

Praying?

For strength… to survive until Friday.

I see. So how about you? What are you wearing?

Well, this is really odd, but I, too, am wearing a robin’s egg blue cotton nightshirt. I mean, what are the chances of that? Maybe we got them in the same store.

(laughs) Cut it out! I told you.

Okay. If you insist. Kind of a ratty 76ers tee shirt and, uh…my underwear.

Oh really…boxers or briefs?

Briefs. Basic white Fruit of the Loom. Nothing very imaginative, I’m afraid.

Tsk tsk. No pajamas?

Nah. Never wear ‘em. Well, except in the winter. The house is pretty drafty in the winter. So I do have one of those fuzzy one-piece fleece things...with the feet.

(giggles) Pink?

Isn’t that the only color they come in?

Wow...Letterman’s on. I didn’t realize it was so late. Maybe we’d better hang up. We both have work in the morning.

Oh. Well, if you really want to.

Well, I don’t really want to.

Me neither. It’s been pretty lonely here.

Yeah. Same here.

Listen do you mind if I went and got something to drink?

No, not at all. Sounds like a good idea.

I’ll be right back.

K.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh hi, You’re back.

You too. You didn’t go out in the hall in your underwear, did you?

What? Oh no. I have a little kitchenette thing. I keep a six-pack of Coke in there. And milk. So I can have cereal in the morning. But I also made a quick pit stop.

Ah. Well, me too. So, Coke? Not beer?

Nah. I don’t actually drink all that much. Well, except when I used to live in Scranton. Then I was pretty much drunk all the time.

Well, me too. It’s pretty much the only way to survive here. In fact, I’m drinking straight vodka right now. Right from the bottle.

You’re a very cute drunk.

When have you ever seen me…oh that’s right. Last year’s Dundees.

You kissed me that night.

I did? Oh yeah.

Can’t deny it. It’s on tape.

Well, thank goodness the cameramen weren’t upstairs on casino night.

Yeah…..Pam?

Yeah?

I really miss you.

I miss you too.

Did I make a huge mistake, do you think?

Leaving?

Yeah.

I don’t know. I wish you were still here. But you were wasting your time in Scranton, I think.

But do you really think I’m capable of being a manager? I really don’t want to end up like Michael. Promoted beyond my capabilities.

Jim. You are very capable. You’re creative and you’re smart. I wish you could see how much potential you have. You could probably do anything you wanted to do.

Really?

You don’t have to stay at Dunder Mifflin, you know. With regional sales manager on your resume, you can go anywhere.

Wow, Pam. It’s great knowing that you think that about me. It really helps.

Anything I can do to help….

Anything? Hmmmm…well….if you really wanted to help…you’d come over here and keep me company.

Sorry. (yawn) Two and a half hours away. Too sleepy to drive.

Well, if you’re going to be logical about it…I’ll just have to use my imagination.

See...smart and creative.

Well, it helps that I have the visual on the nightshirt now. And whoever told you that nightshirt wasn’t sexy…well, they were wrong. Trust me.

Good thing you can’t see me blushing.

Why is that a good thing? I love seeing you blush. (yawn)

(Yawn) Do you like seeing me yawn? Because I keep doing that.

You falling asleep on me?

Wha..? Oh no. I’m awake. Sort of…

I should let you go…but…it’s just so nice having your voice in my ear. It’s almost like having you next to me.

Don’t go…yet.

What were we talkin’ about?

I don’t know…

Do you remember, one time we were sitting through some dumb speech of Michael’s…

Which one…there were so many…

(yawn) I dunno...It was last year some time. Anyway, you were sitting next to me…and you fell asleep, with your head on my shoulder. It was so nice….

Mmmm…I remember that….why are you so far away?

Damned if I know, baby.

Maybe….

…………..

Uh, Pam?

Huh?

I think I dosed off.

Me too.

Listen…I have to hang up. I’m on the hotel phone.

Not your cel phone?

No. It was on the charger, and I thought this would just be a short call, and I’m really, really stupid.

Oh crap. I’m sorry.

Not your fault. Anyway…I’ll see you Friday, okay?

(Yawn) Five o’clock, Dunder Mifflin. Check.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Goodnight, Jim.

The end