ACT THREE
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Everyone is looking at Jim as he sits with his head in his hands.
MICHAEL
Good going, Dwight. Any other
relationships you want to ruin?
Dwight glares at Michael and then at Angela, who turns away. He approaches Jim cautiously.
DWIGHT
I’m… sorry, Jim. I… didn’t…
JIM
I know, man. It’s…
(waves hand)
KEVIN
Dude… why didn’t you tell her?
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
(shaking head)
I… couldn’t. Roy and I…(beat)… I
couldn’t. And I know what everyone
is thinking. “If you had just told her,
she would’ve been YOURS.”
(shakes head)
I didn’t… want her like that. I didn’t
want to be the guy that dropped the
bomb and then was… conveniently there
to pick up the pieces. I couldn’t be
that guy, you know? Pam had to look
at what she knew about me and Roy and
make that choice. Just like it happened.
(sighs)
God, I hope I don’t lose her over
this…
(puts head in hand)
ANDY TALKING HEAD
ANDY
Wow. Poor Tuna… dashed on the rocks.
Trying to spawn on the river of love.
(beat) That’s… really a salmon but…
kinda the same thing.
ANGELA TALKING HEAD
ANGELA
I… don’t know what to say. Roy and
that(beat) tramp harlot. Disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.(beat)He could’ve
done MUCH better.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK
Jim exits the conference room and looks at reception. No Pam. Michael comes out behind him, followed by the others.
MICHAEL
Oh, she didn’t leave, did she? I hope
she’s not driving while she’s crying.
That is SO hard to do, driving and crying.
Jim looks at him.
MICHAEL
I mean… when you see it in the movies.
So difficult.
Jim looks at the camera, walks towards the exit and leaves.
MICHAEL
Wow. This may be the end of PB&J.
Jeez, you know, you pour your heart
and soul into coming up with a great
nickname… and they have to go and
mess it up.
KEVIN
Um… I made that nickname up.
MICHAEL
Pff. Ok, Kevin. Like you made up
Scrantonicity?
KEVIN
I DID make up Scrantonicity.
MICHAEL
(slowly)
I KNOW, Kevin. I just said that.
(looks at camera, then affects an older
southern sounding voice)
“What we have heah… is a failya
ta communicate.”
(laughs)
Old… cracker geezer… from that(beat)
prison movie. Shawshank… I think.
(shakes head)
DWIGHT
Michael… I’m still in the middle
Of an investigation…
MICHAEL
Oh, for… Give it a rest, Dwight!
The world is ending for two young
lovers and all you care about is
clearing your stealing, lying sack
of crap name! Why is this so import-
ant to you?
DWIGHT
Michael!
MICHAEL
Oh, alright, alright!
(to office)
Ok, everyone, 15 minute intermission.
Stretch your legs, grab a soda…
(leans in to Phyllis)
You go pee, Phyllis, that was a
long stretch for you.
Phyllis stares at Michael and then at the camera.
MICHAEL(CONTINUED)
And then we’ll go back in and find
this mystery DVD thief that isn’t
named Dwight Schrute.
Michael gives an annoyed Dwight an “Are you happy?” look and heads into his office.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
Ok, yes, Jim and Pam have been shattered
by a secret transgression. Alright… Sad.
Unfortunate. Stupid, really. But it pales in
comparison to the bashing that my reputation
has taken. And to clear my name, to win back
the respect of Michael, I would break up even
Donnie and Marie Osmond!
(nods and the frowns)
If they were in fact… a couple and not(beat)
brother and sister.
INT. STAIRWELL
We see Jim standing by the ladder leading to the roof.
JIM
I know she’s up there. I KNOW
she is. And… I am scared to go
talk to her.
(stares off and shakes his head)
We’ll pull through this. (beat)
We’ve GOT to.
Jim starts to climb the ladder.
EXT. THE ROOF
We see Pam looking out onto Scranton. She looks sad but not grief-stricken. Behind her the roof panel slides open and Jim climbs out. He stands right there as Pam doesn’t move. It’s obvious he is really trying to figure out what to say.
JIM
Hey.
PAM
(quietly)
Hey.
JIM
(moving a little closer)
Pam… I… I’m really, REALLY
sorry. I…
(shakes head)
PAM
Jim…
JIM
I didn’t… tell you because…
PAM
Jim… I need a little time, here.
Just a little.
JIM
Ok… But I just…
PAM
(facing him)
Jim. Time. And then I’ll come
down… and we’ll… talk. We have
to talk.
JIM
(looking a little wide-eyed)
O… k. Um… I’ll be…
PAM
(turning back)
Ok.
Jim looks at Pam, opens the panel and then climbs back down.
INT.STAIRWELL
Jim comes back down the ladder and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at the camera, with a bit of shock on his face.
JIM
“We have… to talk.” I think…
that’s the, um…
(swallows)
…scariest thing Pam has ever
said to me.
INT. THE OFFICE-KELLY’S DESK
We see Kelly on the phone, talking excitedly.
KELLY
OhmiGod, Daryl, they TOTALLY look like
they’re gonna break up. Which is SO sad
because they totally are perfect for each
other and they complete each other’s sent-
ences and maybe one day WE’LL do that and
(beat) WHAT? OhmiGod, what fire?? (beat) Ok…
ok… you go help put it out, baby. Be careful!
(smiles)
Don’t burn that…
Kelly stops and looks at phone and then shrugs and hangs it up.
KELLY
(to herself)
How come the fire alarm didn’t go off?
She shakes her head, gets up and looks over the divider to Toby.
KELLY
Do YOU think they’ll break up, Toby?
TOBY
(not turning around)
I don’t know. Maybe.
Toby smiles to himself, then sees the camera and stops.
KELLY
It’s SO terrible, Toby! OhmiGod, I think
I’m gonna cry!
Toby
(rolling eyes)
YES, Kelly, it’s the most awful news ever.
Without a doubt, it’s the biggest disaster
of the decade.
KELLY
See now, Toby, you don’t have to make fun of
me.(beat) Brad and Jennifer was the biggest
disaster of the decade.(beat) This is pretty
big, though.
Toby looks at the camera, closes his eyes and shakes his head.
INT. THE OFICE-KEVIN, OSCAR AND ANGELA'S AREA
All three are sitting quietly at their desks. Oscar leans towards Kevin.
OSCAR
So, ah… I guess we better delay that bet
we had going.
KEVIN
Yeah… Dude! So what do you think?
Are Jim and Pam done?
OSCAR
Nah. They'll work it out.
KEVIN
I don't know… did you see the
look on Pam's face? Ten bucks
says it's OVER.
OSCAR
You're on.
ANGELA
(annoyed)
Is there… ANYTHING that you two…
subspecies won't bet on?
KEVIN
No.
(laughs)
One time, we even bet if you
were or weren't a vir…
OSCAR
(low)
Shut up, shut up…
KEVIN
Uh… a virgo.
Angela glares at Kevin and Oscar. Oscar shakes his head at Kevin, who tentatively points at him.
KEVIN
Uh… Oscar… bet that you weren't.
Oscar looks at the ceiling and sighs.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS
Jim comes through the main doors and slowly makes his way to his desk. He seems incredibly tired.
DWIGHT
Did you find her?
JIM
(sitting heavily)
Yeah, she’s on the roof.
DWIGHT
(leaping up)
WHAT? Oh My God! Andy,
call 911!
ANDY
On it!
Andy starts to pick up the phone but Jim rolls over, disconnects the call and shakes his head at Andy. Dwight pulls out a bullhorn from his desk.
DWIGHT
You were right to wait for me, Jim!
You’re not suited for this… besides
you put her up there in the first place.
JIM
Dwight…
Dwight turns on the bullhorn.
DWIGHT
(through bullhorn)
We’ve got a jumper, everyone!
Andy! Find the bouncy castle and
drag it into the parking lot!
Everyone recoils from the loudness. Michael comes out of his office.
ANDY
I think Michael returned it.
MICHAEL
Yep. Cheap bastards.
(looks at camera)
Had to fight like hell for that
store credit. What’s going on?
DWIGHT
Pam’s gonna kill herself!
MICHAEL
What?
JIM
(tired)
Michael. Don’t listen to him.
DWIGHT
Dammit Jim, don’t you even care?!?
(beat, then really nasty)
I hope she lands right on your car.
JIM
(exasperated)
Pam is NOT going to kill herself!
(calms himself)
She’s… thinking. Figuring
out… what she’s gonna do.
MICHAEL
Wow. REALLY doesn’t sound good.(beat)
You think… Karen would take you back?
JIM
Michael…
MICHAEL
Yeah, you’re right. You…
(chuckles)
You kicked her to the curb pretty hard.
Michael pantomimes dropping a ball and then kicking it, complete with sound effect. He laughs to the camera. Jim glares a hole through Michael, who becomes self-conscious.
MICHAEL
(quietly)
Maybe not kicked… sorta… gently nudged…
with your foot.
Michael look at Jim, then the camera and then goes back into his office and shuts the door.
DWIGHT
(standing)
Alright, it’s been twelve minutes! That’s
close enough to fifteen minutes. Every-
one, back in the conference room! Come on!
JIM
Dwight. Nobody’s into it anymore.
Just buy Michael another DVD, man.
DWIGHT
No! No! I will NOT take the fall for
this! I have been unjustly accused,
insulted and convicted! I will not
allow myself to be… denigrated like
this! To be besmirched.
JIM
Wait. Bebe Smirched? That’s that head-
hunter that calls all the time, right?
DWIGHT
WHAT? No, no…
JIM
Whew, that’s… that’s a shame, man, Bebe
could’ve really hooked you up.
DWIGHT
You know… I am truly sorry about you and
Pam. But that does not change the fact
that you are a complete idiot, Jim.
(shakes head, thinks and then leans towards Jim)
This... Bebe you spoke of... She's good?
Jim looks at the camera and smiles slightly.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
When you’re in the electric chair,
waiting for your girlfriend to flip
the switch (beat) you gotta entertain
yourself SOMEHOW.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS
Dwight is standing looking around the office. No one is budging. Dwight looks at Andy.
DWIGHT
Not even you? The truth is in
THERE, Andy.
ANDY
Uh… sorry, but… as much as I would
love to be the Scully to your Mulder…
(pauses and frowns)
JIM
Didn’t, uh… they have a baby together?
ANDY
NOT… where I was going, um… with that.
Um… anyway, no. The… the whole Jim and
Pam breakup has got me all bummed.
JIM
We, um… we… haven’t broken up, Andy.
ANDY
(laughs then gets serious)
Oh. Right. I want to believe TOO,
Jim.
DWIGHT
Fine. So THAT'S how it is, then.
(addresses the entire office)
I will look myself then! You all
may not believe me… and some of
you may have even conspired to set me
up… But know this. I will not rest,
will not SLEEP, until I know vindication
and redemption!
(a beat then he leans over to Phyllis)
DWIGHT(quietly)
Uh… Phyllis. Could you watch the DVD for
me for a few minutes? Lunch is NOT
agreeing with me.
PHYLLIS
Uh… sure.
Phyllis looks at the camera as Dwight moves towards the bathroom, rubbing his stomach. Jim stands, looking miserable. He turns completely around, aimless, his hands on his head. Then, he heads towards the main doors and leaves.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK
We see Phyllis watching the DVD through the door of the conference room. She is becoming more and more entranced by what she is watching. Her eyes widen. She reaches for the remote, presses some buttons and then comes out of the conference room. She looks around the room and then stops.
PHYLLIS
(to herself)
Roof.
Phyllis heads towards the main doors and then out.
EXT. THE ROOF
Pam is standing where we saw her before, staring out at the surroundings. The roof panel opens again.
PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam? It’s me. Phyllis.
PAM
(not turning)
Hey.
PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam, I really need you to come
down and see something. Ok?
PAM
Phyllis… I just need… some more time…
PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam. You really, REALLY need to see
this.(beat) Hey, don’t make me
climb up on this roof and get you.
‘Cause… I won’t. I… don’t like heights
very much.
Pam finally looks at Phyllis who only has the top half of her head sticking through the opening to the roof. Pam laughs.
PHYLLIS
I promise you. It’s important.
Pam sighs and heads towards Phyllis.
INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM
Pam and Phyllis enter. Phyllis picks up the remote and hands it to Pam.
PHYLLIS
It's all cued up. Just
take the pause off, sweetie.
Phyllis rubs Pam’s arm and leaves, closing the door behind her. Pam sits and takes the pause off. The screen, which had been frozen on a shot of Jim handing Pam a cup of coffee, springs to life.
PAM-ON VIDEO
Thanks, Jim... I really...
On screen we see Jim walk away towards the main doors.
PAM-ON VIDEO
Jim?
We see Jim stop and Pam walks over to him.
PAM-ON VIDEO
Are you… are you mad at me? Listen…
Last night…
JIM-ON VIDEO
No, I'm… I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad
at you, Pam. I just… have some errands to run.
Kinda… occupied with that. I'll be back in a
bit.
(forces a smile)
Ok?
PAM-ON VIDEO
O… k.
On screen, Jim touches Pam's shoulder and leaves. Pam sadly goes back to reception. Watching this on the monitor, Pam sadly shakes her head and sighs. The scene changes on the monitor. We see a spy shot of Jim sitting sideways in the driver’s side of his car with his legs sticking out of the open door. His head is in his hands. We see Roy come towards him.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Man, I’ve been… I’ve been
looking all over for you.
JIM- ON VIDEO
I don’t want to talk to you, Roy.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert… listen…
JIM-ON VIDEO
GO. THE HELL. AWAY, ROY.
ROY-ON VIDEO
HALPERT! I’m not going anywhere!
You need to listen to me!
(grabs Jim’s arm)
You can’t tell Pam!
JIM-ON VIDEO
(looking at Roy’s hand)
So this is your plan? Beat me
into a coma so I can’t say any-
thing?
ROY-ON VIDEO
(removing his hand)
Halpert… Come on, man. Come
on. Don’t do this.
JIM-ON VIDEO
I haven’t done anything! YOU’RE
the one that cheated on his fiancé!
Roy takes a step back and stares at him.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Boy… you… you’ve just been WAITING for me
To screw up, haven’t you? Just looking for
that opportunity to take her away.
JIM-ON VIDEO
That’s not true.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Oh, yeah, ok! I’ve SEEN the way you look
at her… and… and touch her, man. I ain’t
stupid, Halpert!
JIM-ON VIDEO
(standing)
Pam is my BEST friend! She’s… we’re FRIENDS,
Roy. I would never… try to…
(shakes head)
All I want is what she wants! And she wants
to marry YOU! How could you DO that
to her?
We see Pam absolutely mesmerized by what she is seeing. Both hands cover her mouth and her eyes are wide.
ROY-ON VIDEO
ALRIGHT, ok, I messed up, man!
(looks around and then quieter)
Look… I made a huge mistake. Pam
and I just had a fight and I… I had
too much to drink and this chick…
Jim shakes his head disgustedly.
ROY-ON VIDEO
(trying to save)
And it was WRONG, I know! I know. And
I’m sorry for it.(beat) Halpert… I can’t
lose her because of this. I CAN’T. Listen
to me, Halpert. Listen. Please.
Jim stares at the ground and Roy crouches to see his face.
ROY-ON VIDEO (continued)
Ya gotta promise me. I’ll do whatever it
takes. I… I already cut this chick loose,
this will NEVER happen again! But you gotta promise me that… you won’t tell Pam. Promise
me. Halpert, please… I’m (beat) begging you
man. (beat) Please. Please.
Jim looks like he wants to slug Roy. He closes his eyes and thinks.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Please.
JIM-ON VIDEO
I swear to GOD… if I see something
like this again, Roy…
ROY-ON VIDEO
Never again! Never! No way!
Jim sighs and shakes his head. Roy looks at him, hoping.
JIM-ON VIDEO
(quietly)
Alright. I… promise I won’t tell her.
ROY-ON VIDEO
(excited)
Oh, thank you thank you thank you, man!
I SWEAR, this will never happen again!
Roy shakes Jim’s limp hand profusely and claps him hard on the shoulder.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert! You are… me and you are
COOL, man! I’m gonna hook you up…
Whatever you need, man! Hey(beat)you
want that chick’s number?
Jim gives Roy a death stare and Roy relents.
ROY-ON VIDEO
Yeah, that was… forget that.
(beat)Thank you! Thank you!
Whew, God!
Roy claps Jim again on the shoulder and leaves.
ROY(OFF-SCREEN)
You’re the man, Halpert!
Jim stands there, shaking his head. He is obviously furious. He looks around then gets in his car and closes the door. He puts his head on the steering wheel.
JIM-ON VIDEO
(yelling)
DAMMIT!!
The yell is muffled inside the car but we still hear it. Jim stays like his is. In the conference room Pam looks on sadly. She hangs her head as the scene on the monitor changes. We see Michael seated at his desk with Dwight leaning against the wall behind him.
MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
I just wish Jan would loosen up a bit.
She can be such a… a stiffy… ah…
(looks at camera) I mean…(beat)
OH, that reminds me!
(digs around for his bag)
I brought that movie in for you,
Dwight!
DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
(confused)
What movie?
MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
(coming up with DVD)
This! Remember? After the Dundies?
I was telling you about Mannequin.
That ‘80’s movie I was talking about!
Watching, Pam's eyes widen and she covers her mouth, gasping.
DWIGHTV
(looks at camera)
Oh… yes. Of course. With… the talking
dummy.
(takes the DVD)
Why am I watching this, now?
MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Because it’s HYSTERICAL, Dwight.
We’ll be able to run lines at each
other. “Do you suspect pilferage,
sir?”
(laughs)
You remind me of that guy SO much!
DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
I… probably won’t have much time to
watch it… what with… uh, the farming…
and… laser tag and, uh… (beat) sleeping?
MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
(rolling eyes)
I don’t expect you to watch it TONIGHT,
Dwight.(beat) Tomorrow is fine. At least
before next week. And don’t let any-
thing happen to that DVD, Dwight… or I’ll
kill ya.
(laughs to camera)
No. no… I… wouldn’t kill ya.
(beat, then fairly serious)
I’ll just fire you. Ok?
Dwight nervously grips the DVD and looks at the camera.
MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Enjoy!
Pam looks at the camera, clearly amused. Onscreen, the scene changes to a talking head of Dwight looking with contempt at the DVD.
DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
No, I don’t want to watch this movie. I’d
rather punch myself in the face repeatedly
than sit through this. But in business, in
order to get ahead you might have to do things
that may be… against your ethics.
(sighs)
It could've been worse. I might've had to
sleep with Michael.
(long pause)
Yes… that… that would be worse.
Pam laughs and uses the remote to set the DVD to the beginning of the conversation between Michael and Dwight and then pauses it.
PAM
(to camera)
Wow… Dwight always has…
(smiles hugely)
…the ODDEST ways of cheering me up.
Pam stands and then leans out the conference room door. Phyllis looks at her and Pam mouths “Thank you”. Phyllis smiles sweetly. Just then Dwight walks past.
PAM
Oh, oh, Dwight, come in here for a moment!
Dwight comes in and Pam closes the door.
PAM
I’ve joined in on your investigation.
And I have evidence. Irrefutable,
undeniable evidence.
DWIGHT
Excellent! We know for certain who
the guilty party is?
PAM
OH, yes.
DWIGHT
Yes!
(does fist pump)
I will be branded no
longer!
PAM
(handing Dwight the remote)
Ah… I suggest you watch the
evidence first. This is a…
sensitive matter.
DWIGHT
(not listening)
Yes, of course. Sensitive.
Got it.
Dwight practically shoves Pam out of the conference room.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK-CONTINUOUS
Dwight sends Pam towards reception and stands in front of Jim’s desk.
DWIGHT
EVERYONE! May I have your
attention, PLEASE!
PAM
Dwight…
Michael comes out of his office. Everyone kind of pays attention.
DWIGHT
Pam, after careful analysis of the
DVD, has discovered who the TRUE
thief is. So come in, watch (beat)
and prepare to apologize.
(looks at Michael)
MICHAEL.
Everyone starts heading into the conference room.
PAM
Dwight, Dwight… No…
DWIGHT
I’m sorry, Pam… but I can’t allow
you to protect Jim anymore. He has
long flaunted his total disregard
for the rules here. I know you care
for him…(beat) for some reason…(beat)
but Jim is a blight on this office.
A guilty blight. And the guilty must
pay for their malfeasance.
Dwight puts his hand on Pam’s shoulder and looks at her earnestly. Pam looks at his hand then him.
DWIGHT
You know you’re doing the right
thing, right?
PAM
I… do now, yes.
Dwight nods sincerely and walks into the now filled conference room. He gives Pam one last look and then closes the door. Pam shakes her head to the camera and looks around the office. Then she gets an idea. She crosses the room and looks out the window near Creed’s desk. We see Jim sitting in his car exactly like he was when Roy found him on the video. Pam smiles and then takes a deep breath and then heads for the main doors.
EXT. PARKING LOT
In a spy shot we see Pam walk up quietly, Jim completely unaware of her presence.
PAM
Hey.
JIM
(startled)
Oh, hey! Hi! God!
(leaps to his feet)
Listen… Pam, I am… I am SO, so sorry.
About everything. But I… I couldn’t
tell you… because I… I promised…
PAM
(soothing)
I know, I know, it’s ok.
(sighs)
Let me talk for a minute, Jim.
(takes his hand)
I… well… the first thing I want
to do… (beat) is apologize.
JIM
What?
PAM
I acted like… SUCH an ass up there.
But, when I found out that you knew
about Nikki… and now, EVERYBODY knows
about her… I just… I was mortified.
And I lashed out. And I’m sorry…
JIM
Wait. Nikki? How do you know her
name was…
Jim pauses and takes a step back from Pam. He looks hard at her. Pam drops her head.
JIM
You… you already knew.
PAM
(shaking head)
He… he always got these mysterious
calls… Always “wrong numbers”…
(does air quotes)
and one day when he was in the shower…
I answered it.
Jim sits heavily back in the car like he was before.
JIM
I don’t believe this. I… I can’t believe
you stayed with him, Pam.
Sighing, Pam opens the rear driver’s side door and sits like Jim. She looks at him through the open car window.
PAM
Jim… he was… all that I knew. All
that I thought was out there… until
you came along.
JIM
Pam… Please tell me this was the only
time.
Pam hangs her head, shamefully.
JIM
Oh, Pam…
PAM
(quietly, not looking up)
I told you… I was so stupid
back then.
Jim looks at Pam and sees how sad and hurt she is. He reaches and takes her hand through the car window.
JIM
It’s ok… we both were.
They both laugh quietly.
PAM
Still sweet… and STILL makes
no sense.
Jim and Pam stand up and hug each other tightly. They both seem really relieved. Then they share a brief kiss.
JIM
So… I’m gonna wiggle out of this one?
PAM
Just BARELY, Halpert… but you would’ve anyway.
No WAY we break up because of Roy Anderson.
But no more secrets. Get ‘em all out now.
JIM
Oh… you mean like you really remembering our
Dundies kiss?
Jim raises the windows on his car and closes the doors as Pam squirms, embarrassed.
PAM
Damn. I was hoping that snuck by…
(laughs then gets serious)
Jim, I’m sorry….
JIM
No, no, no. We’ve used up all of our allotted
“I’m Sorry’s” for today. Moving on.
PAM
Ok.
Jim hits the alarm on his key and they start moving towards the main doors,
arms around each other.
JIM
Boy… and all of this because of Michael’s
questionable viewing choices.
PAM
OH! That reminds me. You’ll be happy to know
that Inspector Clouseau has incriminated himself
with his own DVD in front of everyone.
JIM
(laughs)
Awesome.
PAM
All hell should be breaking loose right now.
JIM
Jeez… Do we… have to go back?
PAM
Afraid so… but we’ll make up later. The Spader
Report will dictate… who makes up to whom, exactly.
JIM
Wow. God bless you, James Spader.
Pam laughs as two head through the doors.
EPILOGUE
EXT. PARKING LOT
We see Dwight nervously pacing back and forth. His cell phone, which is in his hand, rings.
DWIGHT
(answering phone)
So? Did you find it?
(Dwight rolls his eyes and slumps)
Mose, it has GOT to be somewhere!
Are you SURE you don't have it?
(beat) It's not scary, Mose, it's a
comedy.(beat) MANNEQUIN.
Why do I have to keep telling you...(beat)
It sounds familiar? Oh, go look!
(long beat, then frowns)
It's where?
Suddenly Dwight's eyes widen and he puts his hand to his head.
DWIGHT
Why... in the world... would you
do that? (beat) Use a piece of wood,
like every other human! Oh my God.
(beat) So use something else, you don't
use a DVD case to level a trough! Is it...
ruined?
(shakes head, then answers tiredly)
Because pigs will chew on ANYTHING,
Mose, you know that. (beat) No, don't bother...
(sighs)
I really don't think hosing it off would help
any.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow. THAT took awhile. Had a bunch of real-life problems crop up and then the other day, when I had it almost completely written, I accidentally saved over the last act. I had to piece it together from other saved versions and stuff and then rewrite what I lost. What a dope I am. Anyway, I really hope you guys like. And I hope I didn't come this far to fumble on the goal line (a little pre-Super Bowl analogy there....ok, anyway...) Enjoy!
kgreene is the author of 6 other stories.
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