Fog grasped at Pennsylvania’s feet as he made his way up Montage Mountain, focused on his purpose.  “Chupacabra is said to dwell in Mexico, Central America and South America…  What is he doing all the way out here?”  Pennsylvania recalled the facts he had looked up on Wikipedia before leaving the office.  He had used Pam’s computer, since it had been the only one not destroyed by the horrendous creature.  While waiting for the article to load, Pennsylvania looked around the desk, remembering the happy times he and Pam had had at that desk.  Him leaning against it… eating jelly beans… her infectious smile and adorable grin whenever they planned a prank… the way her head tilted whenever she played Sudoku… Pennsylvania shook his head and forced himself to think about the task ahead.

“Halpert!” he heard in the distance.  “Halpert!”

He momentarily closed his eyes and let out a sigh, recognizing the voice instantly.  How did the Chupacabra kill everyone except Dwight?  And why in the world was he here, on Montage Mountain, just twenty yards from him?  He slowly turned around to see the fellow salesman coming towards him with blood on his mustard shirt. 

“Halpert, I tried to kill it, but it would not succumb to my pepper spray,” Dwight said apologetically.  “I reached for my ninja stars, but apparently someone in the office is a thief and stole them.”

“Didn’t Ryan ban weaponry from the office?”

“Leaving us susceptible to attack,” Dwight said darkly.  “And you see what happened because of that?  I knew Michael should’ve gotten that job.”  He shook his head before continuing.  “I’ve been tracking him up the mountain.  I believe he’s hiding from us.”

“He’s a mindless creature who eats anything in his way—”

“That is false.  Fact: The Chupacabra has been known to stalk its prey and hide in the bushes until an opportune time.”

Pennsylvania sighed, pressing his fingertips to his eyes.  “Fine.  Whatever.  Where did he go?”

“Up the mountain, Halpert.  You’re not paying attention, are you?  Typical.”

“Just… show me which way and I’ll take care of it.”

“Fact: More attacks happen while alone.  It’s better for us both to stay together.”

“Great.”  Pennsylvania bit the inside of his lip.  “Let’s go.”  As he and Dwight headed up the mountain, Pennsylvania Halpert couldn’t help but think about the woman he loved.  He recalled a time just last weekend when they had been on a date at his house.  He was flipping channels and it landed on a college football game.  Boise State was playing against Penn State.  Jim couldn’t help but wonder at Pam’s reaction to the game.  She was actually cheering for the Broncos!  How could she go against her own state like that?

“I like the blue grass,” she said simply, taking a sip of her Diet Coke.  “It’s pretty.”

“It’s like… Smurf-colored.  You don’t think that’s a little… unnatural?” he had asked.

“No, I think it’s interesting.  They want to be different.  What’s wrong with that?”

Jim had merely rolled his eyes and switched the channel.  Pam attacked him, attempting to change it back, but they ended up on the living room floor, and the rest… well, one can only imagine what happened next.  That’s right.  They spotted the cribbage box under the coffee table and played cribbage for three hours straight.

Dwight put his hand out in front of Pennsylvania and stopped him from proceeding.  “I think I heard something,” he whispered.  With careful movements, Dwight took a fish knife from under his pant leg and held it out, ready to attack.  Pennsylvania took out his .44 magnum.  Dwight made serious, finite motions, indicating that he would take the left route around a nearby bush, while Pennsylvania would go around the right.

The two men took their places and slowly walked around the bush.  Pennsylvania stepped around the bush and pointed his gun downward.  Dwight let out a samurai war cry as he rounded the bush, his knife poised in the air perilously.

“Chase Utley?” Pennsylvania uttered, putting his gun away.

“Um, hey,” the second baseman said shyly.

“What are you doing out here?”

“I was just…” he paused, wiping sweat from his brow with a dirty forearm.  “I was hiking and this… this thing chased after me.  I’ve been hiding here for…” He paused to check his watch.  “Two hours.  Damn, two hours?  I need to get back!”  The Phillie jumped to his feet and dashed down the mountain. 

“Well, that was random,” Pennsylvania uttered, letting out a breath as they continued up the mountain.  The pair made their way slowly up the ominous slope.  With each breath, Pennsylvania hoped that his beloved had been spared.  With each step, he remembered something special about her.  He thought of her hair in the morning, messy and curly and glowing with the morning light pouring in behind her.  He smiled at the way she would pile tartar sauce on her fish, no matter how many spices Jim had used to flavor it to her liking.  He recalled her laugh as they would watch ridiculous TV shows like The Simpsons and Scrubs.  He remembered how she would drink the remaining milk after eating a bowl of Captain Crunch cereal…

“Look!” Dwight said, pointing at a tree.  A dark red liquid presented itself on the trunk of the tree.  “It’s…” Dwight reached out and touched the sticky substance.  “It’s… jam.”

“Jelly?”

“No, Halpert.  Jam.  Jelly is just the juice of the fruit while jam is the juice along with mashed up bits of the fruit.  Haven’t you ever canned anything?”

Pennsylvania rolled his eyes and asked, “So it’s jam.  So what?”

“Don’t you see, Halpert?  The jam tells us that Chupacabra has a sweet tooth.”

Pennsylvania stared blankly at Dwight.  “Well, at least we know which way it went.”  Halpert walked past Dwight up the mountain, eager to end this quest and find his beautiful Pam.  After all he had endured—watching her with Roy, her turning him down, him moving to Stamford, his mistake with K****—he  couldn’t lose her.  Not now.  Not ever.

Pennsylvania looked out at the trail ahead of him, knowing it would be a difficult path.  It had never been easy for him, but now, he had a reason to go on—a reason to put up with Dwight for however long it takes to find Pam…

“Oh, no,” Dwight mumbled, looking down at the ground.  Pennsylvania looked in the same direction to find a steaming pile of… you get the picture.

“Is that from a Chupacabra?” Pennsylvania asked.  “I thought they were only a little bigger than a dog.  That looks way too big.”

“No, it’s not from Chupacabra,” Dwight said.  “It’s from Bigfoot.  They’ve joined forces.”