Slowly he walked to the reception desk and tried not to look as miserable and confused as he felt.
“And?” she asked eagerly.
“And what?” he said, avoiding her question even though he knew exactly what she was talking about.
“Well, what did he say?!”
“Oh, right. Nothing in particular really. We just had lunch,” he lied. Yet another lie. It had almost become normal to him, but it still broke his heart.
“Yeah... sure. Come on, Jim! Tell me!”
“There’s really nothing to tell. Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I think I’m actually gonna have to get some work done today, so you know... I should probably get started on that.” His voice became weaker with every word he said and he really didn’t feel so good. He turned around abruptly and walked to his desk, fighting back tears which startled him. How good he be so upset about this?
He looked around but didn’t see Ryan anywhere. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. Where did all of that come from? Was it really that obvious that he felt more for Pam than just a friendship? And if that was the case, did she suspect anything?
And had Ryan actually suggested that Pam felt more for him too? But that was insane considdering the fact that she was sitting only a few meters away planning her wedding intently. And it annoyed him infinitely to overhear her doing that. How could she not see how wrong this guy was for her?
Of course he was jealous. But there was something else too. He remembered having a crush once when he was in high school. Her name was Cindy. But she had had a boyfriend. And although he’d hated to admit it, her boyfriend was a pretty cool guy and he was nice to her. He felt rejected but was able to get over it. But now... Did Pam really prefer Roy over him? In fact, did she prefer Roy over anyone? He just felt like she deserved so much more, and therefore he couldn’t let it go.
Suddenly his IM window popped up.
PamB: Are you alright?
Great, he thought. Of course she knows something’s wrong with me, it’s still Pam after all.
JimH: I’m fine. You?
PamB: Slightly bored, not worse than usual so... You seemed a little worried just now though. Are you sure you’re okay?
JimH: I’m sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It wasn’t hard to see something was bothering him. He never acted like this, not around her at least. She’d expected to be the first one to know in detail what had happened during his lunch with Ryan. She was pretty curious, obviously. But Jim seemed... almost sad. And he kept avoiding her. She wondered if it could have someting to do with Ryan, or with something he said. His avoidance made her even more curious than she was before, but now she was also a little worried too.
JimH: I’m sure.
Right, she thought. She wasn’t buying it at all. She had gotten pretty good at reading him, and she was positive there was something going on.
PamB: So you know you’re still going to have to tell me what you and Ryan talked about right?
JimH: I told you it was nothing interesting. And it wasn’t. We talked about how Michael’s being a complete idiot most of the time.
PamB: The neverending source of inspiration :P
JimH: Exactly.
PamB: Where did you guys go?
JimH: A lunchroom called Mandy’s place. Ever heard of it?
PamB: No I haven’t. Any good?
JimH: It’s fine I guess. Apparently Ryan’s uncle owns that place. The waitress was a bit weird, but the food was pretty good.
PamB: What did the waitress do?
JimH: She kept calling me ‘friend of Ryan’. Rather interesting, don’t you think.
PamB: Cute nickname :P
JimH: Very funny, Beesly.
PamB: But why did Ryan take you there?
JimH: Don’t know. I guess he just wanted to hang out.
PamB: Oh come on!
JimH: What?
PamB: You’re being weird.
JimH: No idea what you’re talking about.
PamB: Before you left you said yourself you couldn’t think of one thing Ryan would want to talk to you about, and now, after you’ve made me very curious, you’re not telling me what he said???
PamB: There has to be something more than just some regular Michael-talk. I’m not stupid :P
PamB: Jim...?
JimH: How many times am I going to have to tell you: nothing special!
PamB: I can tell you’re lying Jim.
JimH: Just.. drop the subject.
PamB: Fine. I didn’t know you would get all sensitive about this.
JimH: Don’t you have a wedding to plan?
Pam closed the IM window suddenly feeling angry and looked over to Jim. He was still staring at his screen, his face expressionless. What the hell was he thinking? They were never good at having serious conversations. They would usually just stick to their light, funny and moslty easy tone and just have fun together. But now he was clearly trying to keep himself distant from her as she sensed he was mad at her for some reason.
Jim, who was always there for her, always, and now he was pushing her away. Jim, of all people!
She got up and went to the bathroom, when in fact she was really looking for Ryan. Maybe she could talk to him and understand what was going on. She felt disappointed when she didn’t see him anywhere. Slowly she went back to her desk, trying her hardest not to look at Jim, who was now typing furiously and ignoring her completely.
She sat down and began reorganizing her desk a little when she saw the list of people she wanted to invite to her wedding. The little three-lettered name ‘Jim’ caught her eye and seemed to be staring at her with anger. Just to look at his name made her feel so sad all of a sudden and she felt the urge to cry. Jim still wouldn’t look over to her.
***
It was almost five and he still hadn’t said anything to her. She felt like it was his turn now to say something and apologize. After all, she didn’t do anything wrong did she?
She went over to his desk and grabbed the bowl of Jellybeans.
“I’m taking these back to reception,” she said.
“Fine,” he said, almost too soft for anyone to hear it, including Pam. She turned around, frustrated he wouldn’t talk to her.
At five Roy came upstairs and after she grabbed her coat she left with him, without looking back.
