"My flight should be there, at like, let me see...I can't find the ticket...ah, here it is... three AM. Lorraine was not too pleased with that, she's not really a morning person. She gets bed head and sometimes she snores. But that's what happens when we decide to take a ski trip right before Christmas."

"Uh huh."

"Yeah, and you know how much I hate flying, which is weird because my job requires me to fly all the time. I wonder do they even know I hate it? I mean I turn five shades of red every time they give me a travel itinerary. Plus Colorado weather sucks I hope you're not stuck at the airport waiting for us."

"I hear ya."

((pause)) "Yea...so I'm just going to, you know, strap her on my back and flap my arms until I reach Scranton."

"Sounds...good."

"Okay, what the hell man?! You haven't been listening to me this whole time!"

"I'm sorry. I've got a lot on my mind, but I swear I'll be back to normal Jim by Christmas morning. So you were saying something about being a big baby about getting on a plane, right? Sucking your thumb and wetting yourself?"

"First of all, my bedwetting has nothing to do with planes-"

"Nice-"

"-And, we've got a little more time until we leave for the airport, so you're going to have to talk to me bro."

"Eh...no thanks. I think you're way too informed about my situation as is."

"So it has to do with Pam."

"It's Christmas and every year we do this Secret Santa thing and every year, I've been kind of hoping to get Pam. Well this year, I finally got her."

"If only that were true..."

"Shuddup. Anyway, I know I want to get her something special, but then I want it to be meaningful and I want her to just...understand, ya know?"

"So you want to buy her a puppy or something?"

"No...I just...I need for it to be important to her but not so in her face where I freak her out. I'm literally racking my brain because she likes so many cool things, I just don't know."

"Well, what's your first idea?"

"Art supplies."

"Well from what you told me, she does like to draw."

"Yeah, but...I gave her art supplies for her birthday."

"Art supplies are expensive. And Jim, you got her those expensive little charcoal thingies, right?"

"Yeah it just seems redundant, ya know?"

"Hmmm...why don't you Google ‘what to get someone you're in love with but they don't know it, but you want to make them happy'? Maybe Amazon even has a special section dedicated to just that."

"God, as soon as you walk off that plane I might just punch you in the face."

"That would be funny. And it will never happen."

"It just can't be something anyone else can give her."

"Well Christmas is the time to say how you really feel. Whatever you give her, will probably be better than anything that lump of a fiancé will give her. He'll probably give her something special like...a sweater, or...a magazine subscription."

"I gave you a magazine subscription one year. What's that supposed to mean?"

"But that was a subscription to Maxim. That's something I can appreciate. Who wouldn't love that? You know what she'd find hilarious? Your yearbook picture would be funny. I know I'd laugh."

((Silence))

"Jim? Hey man, I know you're sensitive about your yearbook picture but-"

"I got it!"

"Okkkayyyy..."

"She mentioned once she likes to make tea at her desk. Because sometimes Creed's in the kitchen and...well let's just say he likes coffee so fresh it isn't even brewed yet-"

"What the-?"

"She remembered her grandmother had this tea kettle, and...anyway, I think I can find one of those little tea pots somewhere. And, like, put in little extras like my yearbook photo and stuff that we've done together...as friends."

"Wow. You keep stuff you guys have done together? Like ticket stubs and what not? Do you scrapbook also?"

"Whatever. I'm heading out to do some gift shopping.  I'll see you at the airport, okay? See you in like...10 hours."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to just get away for awhile? Like....just not be in Scranton?"

"((sigh)) What would that...solve? If running away were the answer, I'd have jumped over the side of that boat. I didn't even need Michael to tell me it was sinking. I was fucking sinking...I can't leave. It wouldn't solve anything."

"You wouldn't be so damn depressed for one. You wouldn't have to worry about watching her plan her wedding to that asshole..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Jim. I mean come on."

"I mean, I was right there, Jon. I was...I was looking at her face, it was right there. Roy was being an asshole and it was the perfect moment to just...say it. And what's even crazier, is that I think she wanted me to say something, but she got scared-"

"That's the thing, she's always scared. You deserve more than that."

"I know. But I want it from her. I mean, I dumped Katy...for real for god sakes. I can't even think about anyone else. I just...I can't..."

"You can come here anytime. Maybe that will help you get your mind off of all of this."

"It was right there on the tip of my fucking tongue, I wussed out. I totally blew it."

"Jim."

"I can't believe out of all the nights, this fucker decides to do it where I can't escape and I'm forced to watch and have my date try to make me give a fucking speech of all things...and he was drunk! And I'm all like ‘You've got to be kidding me, Pam' but I can't say anything because I let all of that slip through my fingers because I'm too busy trying to play safe all the time."

"Maybe...maybe you should give up. It's obviously not-"

"Never give up."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Michael said to never get up if she's what I really want."

"Michael? The dude who we theorize ate paste as a kid? Let's not take life lessons from him, Jim."

"I can't give up on this. I just...can't. Not yet. She has to...she just....has to."

"((Sigh)) Jim? Just be careful man. I can see you getting hurt. And I don't like it."

"I can see it too, and I don't like it either."

"Oh god."

"I know, but I diffused the situation. I think."

"You told her you were gay or something?"

"Not funny. I told her I used to have a crush on her, when we first met. But that I'm over it now."

"Um....why? Why would you NOT tell her you were like...in love with her?"

"I...I didn't want to freak her out, and to hear it from Michael-"

"Dude, she's blind isn't she? She can't see, or wears an eye patch or something. She's got to. I mean, Jim... you wear your damn heart on your sleeve like a Boy Scout badge, how could NOT see that, or even believe it was over?"

"Nope, pretty sure there's no eye patch."

"Why didn't you just tell her the truth?"

"I can't. She's engaged."

"She's always been engaged."

"I can't...I don't know how."

"You walk up to her and kiss her. No talking. No...words. Just walk right up to her, get her in your arms and kiss her."

"That's kinda...pushy."

"Well don't accost her or anything. If she pushes you away with disgust you'll know for sure she's not into you. Hey....I should get that book for you. He's Just Not That Into You. Wonder if they have a book for dudes though?"

"Whatever."

"No seriously bro, you have to make a move at some point. This is consuming you to the point where I'm starting to believe you like pain."

"Again I say whatever."

"Either kiss her or walk away, Jim. You have got to lay it all on the line. Friendship be damned because honestly, you're past that now. You're in way more than that."

"I know."

"At least you got to go to Hooters as a consolation prize. Boobs and beers."

"Okay, that's just ridiculous."

"Eggs and Legs."

"Seriously..."

"Cold cuts and big bu-"

"Good bye."