"Jim, you seriously believe that the Eagles will-"

"Ya know, I don't know why we are discussing this. Last time we talked the Eagles, it ended in a wrestling match, we broke mom's lamp. This will not end well. So end of discussion."

"Fine, whatever, wuss...look, Lorraine wants me to tell you, the colors are going to be green and black."

"Are you serious? Green is not...your color. Oh and tell Lorraine I said hi."

"I happen to look very good in green. Hold on Jim, she just walked in....honey, he's totally bashing your choices. I know, I'm on the phone with him and I'm all excited about the green and the black and Jim's on here bashing our beautiful wedding. ((Lorraine chattering in the background)) Dude, she's totally ragging you out. Heehee."

"My god, you are whipped. And a horrible liar. I hope she realizes these things about you."

"It is your duty as the best man, to be involved with the stuff the groom has to do."

"So...in other words, just make sure you show up relatively sober on your wedding day. I've already planned your bachelor party."

"If I were to guess, it will not include naked women, or half naked women, or anything remotely sexy?"

"You ruined the surprise. Thanks alot Jon."

"I'm going to need you focused. Because I'm losing my mind over here with all this stuff. I think I've developed asthma or something. I think I need Xanax. Seriously. I'm hallucinating, dreaming about huge towering wedding cakes-"

"Want to hear something funny?"

"From you? That would be a miracle..."

"Shutup. Anyway,since we're talking about drugs and hallucinations. Dwight found a doobie in the parking lot. He devoted his whole day to finding the dastardly culprit. Wore his little volunteer uniform and everything."

"I have got to meet this guy...before I die, I want to meet Dwight Schrute."

"Well, you missed the end of an era, he resigned from his volunteer sheriff's deputy post after Michael forced him to give him a urine sample because Michael may or may not have smoked some illegal substance at an Alicia Keys concert. Jury's still out on that one. My bet, no one would ever want to offer Michael anything mind altering."

"Did you smoke it?"

"Come on-"

"I know Mark lights up every now and then. I can see it in his beady vacant eyes."

"No. Probably someone in the warehouse. Pam took full responsibility for it, saying her pimp made her do it, it through Dwight off a bit but..."

"Pam. So you're doing okay with the friendship now?"

"Yeah...no...yeah, I mean...she's Pam. Ya know. She's like my...best friend-"

"-Best Friend. Yeah I know."

"((heavy sigh)) Ya know, Pam would call that a jinx. What we just did."

"You've become a 3rd grade girl. I'm calling mom."

"Shutup. I mean, its a fun game. I spent all of today playing it with Pam. Not being able to say anything until I bought her a coke."

"Well...you should be a pro at...not saying anything."

"Yeah...um...she, ha...she actually went out and got me a coke to buy to give her, because she said she wanted to know exactly why Dwight was carrying around a cup of urine."

"Jim, my boy, I don't think you can ever come up with sufficient enough reasons for that..."

"You've reached Jon's voicemail. I'm currently weed wacking through the jungle. If you leave your name, number, and a detailed, albeit short message...I will get back to you. Ohhhh eeeeee Ahhhhh!" ((BEEP))

"Hey Jon, it's me...Mom. You seriously need to consider changing your voicemail greeting. You're about to be a married man, those animals noises at the end are so immature, especially since it's been like three years of it. You've been raised so much better than this, seriously. I've been calling Jim all day, apparently he had an interview in the city, and his cell phone is out of range or something. Have you heard from him? You boys never call when you say you will...it's disturbing you know. Your sister calls me all the time. Anyway, I know you and Jim talk, and he's been so melancholy lately, I just want to know how this job thing went, because maybe a change will do him some good. I hope he got a decent haircut for it----((Beeeppppp))"

"You're reached Jon's voicemail. I'm unable to take your call, so leave a mesage." ((BEEP))

"It's Jim. So...Mom guilted you into changing your voicemail. So weak. I've got something I want to talk to you about...later. I'm heading to this casino night thing at work. I'll hit you up tomorrow. I miss the jungle noises."

"You're reached Jon's voicemail. I'm unable to take your call, so leave a mesage." ((BEEP))

"Wait, there's no animal noises...Anyway, it's your loving fiance, saying, this is crazy, Jon. You're over six feet, Jim's over six feet, all your cousins are over six feet and now we have to make sure my bridesmaids won't look like hobbits standing next to giants. Oh, and the vests came in. They are mint. MINT. Let me guess, you lost the swatch I gave you didn't you? And you just picked any kind of green. I love you, I want to marry you but...anyway Jim called. Call him back. Mint green my ass... love you."

"Jim?"

"Hey ((sniff))...um...sorry to uh...call you so late..."

"What's wrong? It's 3 am. Why do you sound-?"

"I...uh, I told her."

"Jim?"

"I ((heavy sigh)) told her everything. I told her...I told her and then I kissed her."

"Wait...you told who what? Pam? You told Pam you loved her?!"

"Yeah."

"Oh god. You kissed her too? Well Jim, I mean congra-"

"She's still going to marry him, Jon. She kissed me back, looked me in the eye and nodded when I asked was she still going to marry him."

"Jesus."

"((bitter laugh)) I kinda think its too late for even him to intervene..."

"Are you...you don't sound okay."

"((gruff voice)) I just lost everything. I lost my best friend, I lost my dignity. I lost my mind thinking she felt it too because you know, the signs were all there. I just...misread them. What do I do now?"

"You can come here, or I can come get you. Or-"

"She kissed me back."

"Yeah...look-"

"You were right, Jon. You were right about me living in some stupid fairy tale with her-"

"No, no I wasn't Jim-"

"I should have listened and gotten over her. She made her choices and now-- and now I've got to make mine. Ha, it's funny because I wasn't even going to do this tonight! I wasn't going to tell her some damn parking lot, two minutes after Roy drove away...again. I was just going to tell her, I got the job in Stamford-"

"You did?! Dude, that's great."

"Is it? I can't even remember what great feels like anymore."

"Jim-"

"I was honest with her, and I guess I was expecting her to be honest with me. Or maybe she was honest and the last few years have been this imaginary bullshit I made up in my own fucked up head. Maybe every look, every prank, everytime I thought she might ((sniff)) ...it was a lie. It was my own imagination making up stuff. Maybe she's right and I misinter-"

"You didn't misinterpret shit. Because she did kiss you before, drunk or not. She did prank with you. She did complain about Roy to you. And I know you Jim, you might not have said anything but I know you and you wear your heart on your sleeve and unless she's blind, deaf, and dumb, she had to see it. So...if she still chooses to be with this Roy asshole, that's on her. She's missing out..."

"Jon...I just ((deep breath))...where do I go from here?"

"You...you go to Stamford, Jim. You go to Stamford."