"I'm sorry...I wasn't aware you had biceps. I mean, seeing as how you didn't use them when we were trying to move my mattress into the apartment."

"You know, this is weird. The fact that you won't be like a quick drive to Philly."

"It is weird. But...I...thank you. Thank you for helping me move."

"That's what big brothers are for. Well that and to give noogies."

"I really appreciate this."

"You gonna be alright?"

"I'm going to be...fine."

"Uh...I wish I could say something, something that could make this better-"

"Jon, that isn't your job. And it's no reason to make it better. I've got a new job, a better paying one, in a different state. I'm moving on up. To the eastside."

"You better not finish that song. Have you been drinking?"

"Ha. No. Not today. I still have alot of boxes to unpack. I'm glad you came and helped me move in. And Lorraine. The potted plant was a nice touch."

"It'll be dead by next week. I bet her $10 you'll kill it by next week."

"I'll have you know Mark and I kept a cactus alive for three months."

"It was a cactus, Jim."

"Still in the plant family. So it counts for something."

"Very true. So hey...any luck on refunding that Australia ticket?"

"Nope. I think I've got to just take the loss."

"Dude, that's alot of money."

"Don't I know it? My bank account is screaming in pain right now."

"Seeing as you're not rolling in dough, I have to ask. Why didn't you just...go?"

"You know why...I mean, what was I gonna while I was there? Same thing I did here. Mope. Drink. Call you. Mope some more. Which was-"

"Pathetic? Sad? Depressing? Did I already say pathetic?"

"(sigh) Yeah, ya did. I just...it was a bad day."

"Has she called you?"

"No. Not...yet. I mean, I mean I've heard from Kevin, and Oscar, and I got three emails and a text from Kelly. But not...not her. It's like, she finally got rid of Roy but hey...she doesn't want me either."

"Jim. Let's not focus on that. Ya know. You've got a great apartment-"

"Yeah-"

"-You've got a bright future now. New city. Some sexy women in your building."

"You sir, are engaged."

"God, I know. And she's awesome. I didn't say I wanted to date them! But seriously, that one girl on the elevator was totally checking you out."

"Didn't notice..."

"She was hot. I mean, totally hot. And she looked like she might be a little freaky too."

"Ha...okay. If you say so."

"Fine. Be that way. You're never going to meet chicks being all stoic and moody. Hey, I gotta go soak my sore muscles in some epson salt-"

"That one ab you have must really hurt."

"-And I hate you. Call me in the morning little brother. Make sure we didn't break anything."

"Gotcha."

"And Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"It'll be okay."

"Hey, so let me know when this whole conference thing is over and we can go get a drink because I haven't seen my bro in like..."

"A month?"

"Yeah.  My brother, top new sales person, going to conventions and shit...about paper. And stuff. I mean you're checked in and everything right?"

"Yep. I um...I promised Michael I would come to his room though, for a party or something. It'll probably be just him...sitting in his room with alcohol, alone. I mean, you know what, why don't you come down and-"

"No."

"Jon, he's harmless."

"Um...no. You told me all I need to know about that guy-"

"Okay okay...I just...hey, I have to call you back. I've got to get Dwight's room key."

"What?!"

"Dwight. I have to get his room key."

"Why are you-? Jim...dude."

"He asked for it. Trust me. I tried to stop and you know I did! After the gaydar, I really tried to stop but...he's really cocky since I've left."

"You still owe me for that gaydar thing."

"I know."

"So...did...um, Pam come along?"

"Jon..."

"Sorry."

"Okay I'll call you back later."

"Jim, I'm sorry-"

"Bye Jon. I'll call you about that drink."

"Dude-"

((click))

"How can you not know how to play Call of Duty? Have I taught you nothing?"

"No, not at that level of skill you didn't. I mean these guys are serious. And Karen's like-"

"Karen? Wait? Who...who's Karen?"

"Karen's the one who sits behind me. The one who hated me the first day...come on I told you all of this."

"No. You told me about the weird guy Andy who needs to be tazed. The one that kicked the trashcan. You did not tell me about Karen. I'd love to hear all about her. Hot?"

"Jon...seriously. I don't...okay, maybe she's hot. She's...definitely hot. But...no. No more office romances. I'm done with that."

"God, you're such.a.girl!"

"No, I mean look at how well it turned out for me last time?"

"That was...this could be different. She's not Pam."

"Yeah...she's...not Pam."

"She's Karen. Hot Karen."

"You've never seen her."

"Don't have to. I can tell. She's hot."

"You can tell?"

"I can tell."

"Well...since you have this uncanny ability can you perhaps tell me how to um...get to a higher level on this game?"

"Cheat?"

"I can't. Andy threatened to kill me...for real, if I lose this game."

"Sounds rough."

"You are worthless. Utterly worthless..."

"I just gave you the best advice of your life. Get with this Karen girl."

"Maybe I can look up codes on the internet? For the game?"

"-So Lorraine's cousin is all like 'I don't want to wear that dress...' and Lorraine's flipping out and threatening to cut her out of the wedding, which means I will have to cut Alex out, and I don't care, because seriously Alex will probably be drunk off his ass anyway-"

"Doesn't he owe you money from that Eagles game anyway?"

"He does! Thank you! Even more of a reason to cut him out. Damn...thank you for reminding me."

"I do what I can."

"Hey...so I think I convinced Lorraine to invite some of her single lady friends from work-"

"Okay...goodbye."

"No! Wait, Jim...listen! Don't hang up. I mean, this could work...this could be good."

"Or bad. No. Don't do it."

"Why not? You're a relatively alright looking guy. You're turning into this monk because one girl couldn't get her shit together. I don't think you should cheat yourself out of being happy. Being single and young-"

"I'm not a monk. Jesus, Jon. I'll have you know, I've been flirting-"

"Flirting. That's really cute. I flirted too...in tenth grade."

"No...I mean like, okay, for instance, Karen-"

"Hot Karen?"

"Yeah, that Karen. Last week...we spent the entire day together, calling all over for a bag of chips she likes. I think...I think she thought I was kind of cool for doing that."

"You are...wow. I don't know what mom did, or whatever, but she really got that sensitve guy thing into you as a kid."

"You do it too."

"I do...I just don't like to admit it out loud."

"And we did a little flirting the other day too...because she stole my chair and I stole it back and we spent the whole day trying to steal each other's chair."

"You...do this. With adult women?"

"Yeah. It works though. She...trust me, she hated me at first, but I think she kind of likes me."

"Well...let's go with that."

"Dude, I know I can get a date. I'm just...not ready right now."

"Okay."

"So stop with the whole *setting up Jim* stuff. I can do it myself."

"Okay...but can you do it quickly? I mean you haven't heard from Pam in mon-"

"I heard from her, last night. I talked to her for a few hours, actually."

"What?! What did she say?"

"She has a new apartment. She's living alone, not with Roy anymore. She's doing pretty good for herself, actually."

"And??! God, you two are going to kill me with this passive aggressive crap. What did she *say*?"

"She didn't say anything else. It was...it was a nice friendly conversation."

"Jesus. I hate this."

"Me too. So...like I said. I'm not...I know now."

"And yet...I can still hear it. You still love her."

"I can't just cut it off. Love isn't a faucet or a light. It would be really cool if it were though. It would be...so much easier."

"I know."