INT – Reception
Natalie is typing at her desk when someone walks in. Natalie looks up and immediately grimaces.
NATALIE
Oh. Ew.
The camera swivels to show Jim, rockin’ a new beard.
JIM
What?
Natalie just stares at him.
JIM
Why are you looking at me like that?
NATALIE
Seriously. What’s with the beard, Chuck Norris?
JIM
Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
NATALIE
Thanks for the random Chuck Norris trivia, Ben Roethlisberger. What, did you lose your razor over the weekend?
JIM
Nope.
Natalie just shakes her head as he walks over and sits at his desk. Now Dwight is just staring at him.
DWIGHT
What is that on your face? Is that a disguise?
NATALIE
Yeah, he’s disguised to look like a hobo.
JIM
Thank you, Natalie.
NATALIE
I’m sorry, what’s that Paul Bunyan?
JIM
Ok.
NATALIE Talking Head:
Oh, so did you hear? Jim is leaving Dunder Mifflin to go find his true calling as a lumberjack. Because in order to sell paper, we have to have someone out there to chop down those trees.
JIM Talking Head:
Yup. I have a beard. I’ve just been lazy these past couple of days, and I haven’t felt like shaving. I will as soon as I get home, though. I don’t know how much longer I can stand having Andy call me Grizzly Adams.
INT – Michael’s office
MICHAEL Talking Head:
It’s a great time to be me right now. I’m regional manager for the hippest branch of the greatest company in the world. Jan and I are having a baby, and my best friend is getting married. What could be better, right? I blogged about it this morning on my Myspace page. Check it out.
The camera focuses on Michael’s computer, showing a flashy Myspace page with glitter text and a Justin Timberlake background.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
Kelly helped me set it up, but I picked the background. Justin Timberlake, also known as the best singer of our generation. Got it on Pimp-my-myspace.com. I’m bringing sexy back. Gotta keep up with today’s youth, especially now that I’m becoming a father to a little, tiny youth of my own.
INT – Office
Michael walks out of his office.
MICHAEL
Hey, Jim-
Jim turns to face Michael.
MICHAEL
Whoa. Ok. (He laughs.) What’s Al Borland doing here?
Jim just stares at him.
MICHAEL
It’s… Home Improvement reference.
JIM
I don’t…
MICHAEL
Come on, Tim Allen? The kid from Lion King? JTT? It had Heidi, the really hot Tool Time girl?
Jim just shakes his head.
MICHAEL
Ok, well. Before your time, I guess. So, announcement everybody. As you all know, Jim and Pam are getting married. Now, I realize you may not remember Pam since she abandoned us several years ago-
JIM
No, three weeks ago.
MICHAEL
... So, allow me to paint a picture to make you remember. Frizzy hair. No make up. Wore sweaters that made her look like a 60-year-old librarian.
JIM
Ok.
MICHAEL
Big boobs. Rockin’ body, but never showed it off.
JIM
That’s inappropriate.
MICHAEL
Inappropriate? I’m just suggesting that Pam has a sexual body, and that it turns me on. You’re the one banging the office receptionist.
ANGELA
If you want us to throw a party, the answer is no. We’re still in debt from Toby’s party, and we can barely afford the 08/08/08 party you’re insisting on having.
MICHAEL
Easy, Tiny Tim. No, in order to celebrate Jim entering a world where he’ll be getting laid consistently, I am taking him out for a pre-bachelor party. And I’m taking my whole entourage with me. Andy, Dwight and… We need to find a replacement for Ryan.
Kevin immediately raises his hand.
KEVIN
Ooh! Me! Pick me!
MICHAEL
Ehhh… I don’t know. You’re not as hot as Ryan was.
Stanley makes a bewildered look and Natalie raises her eyebrows.
MICHAEL
How’s your golf swing?
ANDY
I’m sorry, did someone say… golf?
MICHAEL
Maybe I did.
ANDY Talking Head:
Michael says he’s doing this for Jim, but I know what this is really all about. I didn’t get the job at corporate, and now things with Angela are headed down a rocky road, and I’m not talking about the delectable treat that can be found in a confectioner’s shop. Michael senses I’m in trouble, and I appreciate that he’s bringing together the Dunder Mifflin band of brothers to get me through this difficult time. Just me and the gentlemen’s club, taking part in the best recreational activity ever created.
INT – Office.
Michael is standing by the front door.
MICHAEL
Michael Scott’s entourage. Assemble at the door, please. As for the rest of you, keep yourselves busy doing whatever it is that you regularly keep yourselves busy with during the day. And we will see you in a couple of hours. Unless things get really crazy, and we find ourselves stranded in a Canadian snow storm, a la the movie Fargo. In that case, we will see you tomorrow. Let’s go gentlemen. The golf course awaits.
The guys follow Michael out the door.
JIM (to Natalie)
Wish me luck.
NATALIE
Chuck Norris doesn’t need luck. But if you do find yourself stranded in a Canadian snow storm in the middle of June, maybe you can put your lumberjack skills to use and chop some firewood.
JIM
And I’m leaving.
NATALIE
Tell your pet ox, Babe, I said hello.
Jim continues walking towards the door, holding up a blurred finger.
EXT – A parking lot.
The guys are squinting against the sun, staring straight ahead.
MICHAEL
Here we are. A man’s paradise.
The camera switches to a view behind their heads, showing a sign for “Red Barn Villiage Mini Golf”.
JIM
You brought us to play miniature golf?
Michael just smiles.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A short set-up leading to the next set of scenes...
Chapter End Notes:
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