INT – Office
The Scranton employees are filtering out of the conference room. Angela is at the door, collecting everybody’s votes.
ANGELA
Thank you for voting. Thank you for voting.
Dwight goes to walk past her, and slows to a stop as they share one of their "special" glances. Angela smiles.
ANGELA
Thank you for voting, Dwight.
DWIGHT (whispers)
You’re welcome, Monkey.
Phyllis approaches Angela at the door.
PHYLLIS
We should probably have someone add up all the votes.
ANGELA
Dwight can do it. He’s very reliable.
DWIGHT
Whatever you need. I am an excellent counter of things.
PHYLLIS
Yeah, right.
ANGELA
Is there a problem, Phyllis?
PHYLLIS
Maybe we should find someone who can fairly count the votes.
ANGELA
Like who?
PHYLLIS
Um, Jim!
Jim was just headed out of the conference room, and stops to give the camera a horrifed look.
INT – Conference room.
Jim, Phyllis and Angela are seated at the conference room table. Jim is at the head of the table reading off tiny sheets of paper with Phyllis and Angela on either side of him.
JIM
Ok. So it looks like we have three votes for Angela, three for Phyllis, two for Barack Obama, one for P-Dawg, I have a blank sheet of paper, and one person chose Richard Nixon.
PHYLLIS
Oh, P-Dawg counts.
Jim looks at Phyllis, who just smiles.
PHYLLIS
Michael calls me that sometimes.
ANGELA
No, Phyllis, it doesn’t count. This solves nothing. Other than proving that I’m surrounded by idiots.
JIM (takes offense)
Hey.
PHYLLIS
Well, now how are we supposed to decide?
Michael walks into the conference room. He's thankfully dressed normal again in his regular business attire.
MICHAEL
What’s the decision?
ANGELA
We don’t know yet.
MICHAEL
Oh, come on. It should not be this difficult. Fine, you know what? I will decide. Everybody close your eyes, and think of a number between 1 and 10. Whoever has the highest number wins. Angela, starts with A, first letter of the alphabet, you go first.
ANGELA
This is ridiculous.
MICHAEL
Angela forfeits. Phyllis, you win by default. Congratulations.
PHYLLIS (beams)
Alright!
ANGELA
Ok, I’ll pick a number. Ten.
MICHAEL
Too late shorty, I already awarded the position to Phyllis.
ANGELA
This isn’t fair.
MICHAEL
Life isn’t fair, Tiny Tim, otherwise God would’ve given you bigger boobs. Am I right?
JIM
Yikes. That is inappropriate.
MICHAEL
But true! Now are we done here? Jim, I need to see you in my office please.
INT – Kitchen
Oscar and Stanley are sitting at the kitchen table across from one another.
OSCAR
So who did you vote for?
STANLEY
Nobody. The more parties we have in this office, the less work I’m able to get done, and the less money I’m able to make.
Angela walks into the kitchen, obviously upset, and storms into the woman’s restroom. Oscar looks at Stanley who just rolls his eyes.
OSCAR
Do you think maybe we should check on her?
STANLEY (Sighs)
Probably just that time of the month.
Oscar frowns.
INT – Michael’s office.
Jim and Michael enter Michael’s office and stop in the doorway when they see Dwight dusting all of Michael’s toys on top of his desk with a feather duster.
MICHAEL
Dwight, what the hell are you doing?
DWIGHT
I’m dusting your toy collection.
Jim shoots a mischievous smile at the camera.
DWIGHT
Jim said you have your Assistant Regional Manager do it once a week. I also cleaned your windows.
Dwight raises the blinds on the windows.
DWIGHT
Look, no streaks. I used a special glass cleaner. It’s my own secret formula.
MICHAEL
Dwight, you’re training to become an assistant manager, not my personal housekeeper. Although, that position is still open if you’re interested.
DWIGHT
But Jim said he always does it.
MICHAEL
Jim? Is that true?
JIM
…Yes. Sometimes when you leave your office, I come in and dust your office furniture. Because the truth is, Michael, you are… kind of messy.
MICHAEL
What? Why are you just now telling me this?
JIM
Well, I didn’t want to tell you because… I know that you’re easily offended. So-
MICHAEL
I can’t believe you would say that about me.
Jim looks at the camera, slightly amused.
JIM
Oh.
DWIGHT
I’m going to go change the urinal cakes in the mens' bathroom, because Jim says that’s another responsibility of the Assistant Regional Manager. Even though he’s obviously been slacking. The mens' bathroom has smelled like a hamster cage for over a month
MICHAEL
Yeah, whatever. Do what you have to do, Dwight. Oh, if you’re going to clean the bathroom, see if you can get a candle that smells more like a bakery, less like a cheap hooker’s perfume.
DWIGHT
I think the woman’s bathroom has one that smells like cookies.
MICHAEL
I want you to get it and put it in our bathroom. But if anybody asks, tell them Creed stole it. Steal all of the toilet paper, too, and put it under his desk. In case anyone gets suspicious.
DWIGHT
I’m on it.
Dwight leaves the office and Jim takes a seat in front of Michael’s desk.
MICHAEL
So have you heard back from your new job yet?
Michael takes a seat on top of his desk, in front of Jim.
JIM
No, but it should be any minute now.
MICHAEL
Alright. Well, once a teacher, always a teacher.
JIM
Um, I think that’s cheater.
MICHAEL
What?
JIM
What does once a teacher, always a teacher mean?
MICHAEL
Something important, I don’t know. It’s an expression.
JIM
Right.
JIM Talking Head:
Michael always tells me, “I stayed at this job for ten years, Jim. And look how I turned out.”
He stares into the camera for a moment.
JIM
So I think we all know that I need this job.
INT – Kitchen
Dwight walks into the kitchen and comes to a stop in front of the woman’s restroom. He sniffs a couple of times, as if he is picking up someone’s scent.
DWIGHT
A female in this office is in trouble.
He puts his ear to the door of the restroom and hears someone crying.
DWIGHT
Monkey? (There’s no response.) If your name is Angela, tap on the door three times.
ANGELA
Go away!
INT – Woman’s bathroom.
The door opens to reveal Angela sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. Dwight walks in and slowly approaches the couch, taking a seat beside her.
DWIGHT
Tell me who did this to you, Monkey.
ANGELA
Michael picked Phyllis as head of the party planning committee, and then he insulted my fragile, petite figure.
DWIGHT
Well, I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.
Angela looks up and glares at him, then looks at the camera angrily.
ANGELA
Not helping.
DWIGHT
Sorry.
Angela puts her head back in her hands. Dwight places a hand on Angela’s shoulder to comfort her.
DWIGHT
I know you are the best person for the job. That’s why I voted for you.
Angela sobs.
DWIGHT
Do you know what I think?
ANGELA (through hiccuping sobs)
Wh-what?
DWIGHT
I think anyone who didn’t vote for you is an idiot.
Angela looks up at Dwight solemnly, and manages a small smile. Dwight smiles back.
INT – Office
Jim walks out of Michael’s office and approaches Natalie at reception.
JIM
Do I have any messages?
NATALIE
No. But the great ol’ city of New York air-mailed you a package.
Natalie smiles and hands Jim a box. Jim smiles.
JIM
Wow. Cool.
Michael emerges from his office.
MICHAEL
Andy, can I see you in my office please?
The camera pans to show Andy, once again, asleep at his desk. Michael sighs in frustration as the camera follows his journey over to Andy’s desk.
MICHAEL
And this guy thinks he has what it takes to be Regional Manager. This is the future of Dunder Mifflin. You put the company in Andy’s hands, and this company will fail. Look at his face. That… is the face of failure. Because you cannot learn everything you need to know about being the boss of everyone when you’re asleep. Andy gets an F for the day.
JIM
F for failure?
MICHAEL
Failure, freak… friggin’ stupid... Andy is all of those things.
Jim smiles at the camera from where he’s standing at reception. Michael takes a permanent marker and sloppily draws an “F” on Andy’s forehead. Dwight and Angela enter the office from the kitchen and pause behind Stanley's desk. Angela’s face is still red from crying earlier. Michael turns to face them.
MICHAEL
Oh, gross, what’s wrong with your face? Blech! You look even less hot than normal.
DWIGHT
Michael, don’t-
MICHAEL
I mean, you were always number three after Pam and Holly, but now I would even put you behind Meredith.
PHYLLIS
Number three what?
MICHAEL
Women in the office I would sleep with.
Everyone in the office gasps.
JIM
Michael. That's not-
MICHAEL
What? Pam is number one. You should take it as a compliment.
Jim shakes his head solemnly as he stares into the camera. Natalie is giving Michael a horrified look.
MICHAEL
Natalie, you would be number three, but you’re only temporary. So technically, not part of the office.
NATALIE
Uh… thank… you?
DWIGHT
Michael, I will not tolerate you talking to Angela that way.
MICHAEL
Come on Dwight, I mean look at her! She looks like she was kicked in the face by a mule.
Dwight stares at Michael, and clenches his fists as he loses his temper.
DWIGHT
Angela is a beautiful woman. She is the most beautiful woman in this office and probably in the whole entire world. And she is smart, she is funny, and her hair always looks really, really nice. And I love her.
Everyone in the office quickly exchange confused glares.
DWIGHT
So I’m sorry Michael, but I will not let you treat Angela the way you treat every other woman in this office, because Angela isn’t like any other woman. She is the best.
MICHAEL
Ok. Easy Dwight, I was just joking around. Geez. Take a chill pill, man.
Michael turns and retreats back to his office as Dwight keeps his posture intact: fists clenched, chest puffed out, breathing heavier than normal through his mouth. Angela looks around the office nervously and quickly runs over to her desk in accounting. Jim looks at the camera nervously.
DWIGHT Talking Head:
Dwight is obviously sweating from nervousness.
No, I never said that I love Angela… Pssh. Sometimes I think people only hear what they want to hear… (beat) Even if I did say that I love Angela, it’s only because I love and respect her as a person. And, as people, we should all… love and respect one another.
INT – Office.
Things have returned to normal in the office and the camera is focused on both Jim and Dwight who are sitting at their desks. Jim’s phone rings. He answers it.
JIM
Jim Halpert…
He immediately smiles, recognizing who it is.
JIM
Oh, hi Mr. Lewis, I’m doing great how are you? (Beat) Oh, good. (There’s a pause as Jim’s attitude quickly changes and his face falls in disappointment.) Oh. (Beat) No, that’s… That’s fine, I completely understand.
Natalie looks up from her desk, realizing that Jim didn’t get the job. She bites her lip, and looks down at her desk sadly.
JIM (still on the phone)
Yeah… (Beat) Alright, well I appreciate you taking the time to call. (Beat) Yup. (Beat) Alright. (Beat) Thank you. Bye.
Jim hangs up the phone and stares at his desk for a moment, trying to comprehend what just happened. Dwight looks over at him. He, too, appears to be upset for Jim.
DWIGHT
I’m sorry you didn’t get the job, Jim. I’m sure you made an excellent candidate.
JIM (sighs)
Yeah… There’s always next time, right?
Jim tries to force a smile, but fails at it as Kelly walks over to him.
KELLY
Hey Jim, do you think you could call this client back for me? They haven’t received the order they placed with you over a week ago.
JIM
Yeah. Sure thing, Kelly.
KELLY
Thanks.
She sits the paperwork on the still unopened box atop his desk. He puts the paperwork aside and grabs a letter opener to open the package. He first pulls out a post-it from Pam that reads, "Now you're 2 Cool for Skool!" and starts pulling out school supplies, including a set of "Hot Wheels" pencils, a stack of folders that feature the Ninja Turtles, the Phillies, and the Philadelphia Eagles, a tiny stapler, and a box of red Sharpies. He pulls out the last item, which is a 5x7 of Pam's dorky senior high school yearbook photo. He softly smiles to himself as he stares at the picture.
INT - Office
Some time has passed as it is now the end of the day. The employees start packing up and heading out of the office, and Michael's final talking head serves as a voice over as we watch everyone file out of the office.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
When I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I wanted to be a doctor...
INT - Office.
Phyllis and Stanley leave their desks and walk out together. The camera shows Andy, still passed out at his desk. Someone has laid a stack of paperwork on top of his head.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
...I would’ve made a great doctor. Like a regular Patch Adams. But, I’m happy with the way things turned out...
INT - Office
Angela is walking past an empty reception desk at the same time as Dwight, and they share a smile as he follows her out the door.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
...I have a great job. I live in a condo, which I also own. And thanks to some bizarre miracle, I’m going to be a little kid’s daddy. Because in the end, it’s not about the kind of job you have, or how successful you are, or what you look like...
INT - Office.
Jim replaces one of the outdated photos on his desk with Pam's yearbook photo and smiles as he turns off his computer and puts on his jacket.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
It’s about having people in your life that you love and who love you...
INT - Michael's Office.
Michael is sitting behind his desk and smiles at the camera.
MICHAEL
...And that’s all that matters.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok, first of all, I have to apologize and say that I am SO sorry it has taken me over a month to finally come through with an update. Real life and summer school got in the way (grr...), and my fanfic took a backseat for awhile, but I'm glad to return to this story because I'm so in love with writing it. Thanks to everyone who has been patient with me, and thank you again for all of the kind reviews so far! :)
Where we left off- Corporate has issued a Management Training program that has the employees training for the job they want. Meanwhile, Jim is awaiting news of a job at West Scranton High School, Natalie accidentally drugged Andy with Benadryl, and Angela and Phyllis have put the position of head of the party planning committee to an office vote.
And I own nothing! I especially don't own the Grey's Anatomy-inspired quote at the end. (Kudos, Shonda Rhimes!)
Where we left off- Corporate has issued a Management Training program that has the employees training for the job they want. Meanwhile, Jim is awaiting news of a job at West Scranton High School, Natalie accidentally drugged Andy with Benadryl, and Angela and Phyllis have put the position of head of the party planning committee to an office vote.
And I own nothing! I especially don't own the Grey's Anatomy-inspired quote at the end. (Kudos, Shonda Rhimes!)
Chapter End Notes:
Alright, let me have it! Let me know what you think! It was a little awkward getting back into the swing of things after being away for so long, but I hope the ending satisfied everyone. :)
It's almost the end of summer... I think Pam's coming back soon...
It's almost the end of summer... I think Pam's coming back soon...
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