Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks again to dmscranton for the lovely beta and for being a great help when a computer malfunction left me determined to marry Rose off to Dwight. And for making me Rose/Pam icons! And thanks to all of you for your continued interest! I still don't own anything here, though I do have a brand new David Tennant screensaver.
Despite Pam’s persistent hangover, the sheer force of Rose’s enthusiasm was enough to get them out the door and to the office before 9am.
Dwight was unsurprisingly already at his desk by the time they arrived. Rose smiled sweetly at his wary expression as she made her way over to Phyllis’ desk, setting her stack of papers in the empty inbox. Conveniently enough, Phyllis had taken the day off to run wedding related errands and Rose had insisted its location was fundamental to Part B of Step Two of The Plan.
Rose sat down in the chair and slowly swiveled around to where Dwight was still staring at her suspiciously.
“Hello! I’m Carly.”
Dwight scowled. “I met you yesterday.”
“No, I don’t think you did,” said Pam thoughtfully, peering over from behind the reception area. “Unless, hmm, unless, are you referring to that anonymous and strange woman you allowed into the office inappropriately before office hours?”
Rose gasped. “Why Pam, wouldn’t that be a direct violation of his responsibility as branch security supervisor?”
Pam shook her head with a wistful frown. “I know. It’s terrible. Michael will be so disappointed.”
“I’m quite sure,” added Rose. “I hear he went through so much trouble to set it up.”
“Oh yes. Especially after everything that happened…” Pam added, conspiratorially. “I hear it took a lot of convincing for them to take on such a…loose cannon.”
Rose shrugged nonchalantly at Pam. “I’m sure that Michael will get over it, eventually. I suppose nothing really terrible happened, just Dwight’s blatant disregard for the security of the branch, and the sanctity of his friendship with Michael. Nothing too serious.”
“You would never, that’s not how it happened!” Dwight spit out, looking back and forth from Rose to Pam. Both girls made a big show of firmly maintaining his gaze, and Rose threw in her most threatening eyebrow wiggle.
“Fine,” Dwight hissed out. “But only because I’m worried Michael might misunderstand the situation. I’m watching you Carly, if that is your real name. I’m watching you. I don’t know who or what you are, but I’ll figure it out. I’ll find out and I will bring you down with a systematic analysis of your weaknesses, including possible food allergies.”
“Oh come now,” said Rose, rolling her eyes. “No need for that. I’m just a temp after all.”
Dwight scoffed. “The last temp started a fire that threatened the lives of twenty people, and more to the point, I’m 98% sure he did it on purpose. I don’t know you. Therefore, I don’t trust you. Henceforth, you will be Dwight Enemy #2, until I successfully eliminate you from this office park. Or clear your name of any wrongdoing, which is highly doubtful. Do you understand me?”
Rose stuck out her hand. “Ooh! Alright then. That sounds a bit fun. Should we shake on it?”
Dwight looked at her hand disdainfully and then slowly, deliberately, rotated his chair until it faced back towards the reception desk.
Pam and Rose exchanged looks of triumph and Pam settled back behind reception.
***
The rest of the office filed in shortly thereafter, most of them glancing at Rose curiously. Rose remained focused on her papers, scribbling furiously in a spare notebook.
She was so absorbed in her plans that she didn’t realize Michael had arrived, until the barely concealed whispering coming from Pam’s desk became too loud to ignore.
“Pam, that temp agency is good. That is one attractive young woman over there. And well Ryan… They must require headshots. She’s really got that whole slutty secretary thing going on, much better than you.”
“Michael…”
“No, it’s okay Pam, don’t worry. I still think you’re hot too. I mean, you’re my baby mama!”
“No, I’m really not.”
“In thirty years, close enough. I should say something. I should. Go get the annex outcasts.”
As Toby and Kelly shuffled in, Michael clapped his hands loudly. “Everyone! Everyone! I need to make an announcement! I’m sure you all noticed that our office is two and a half times hotter this morning, and yes, I did switch to Axe body spray.” Dwight nodded approvingly and everyone else waited. “But the rest of you are wondering about this lovely lady over here.” He gestured grandly towards Rose, who smiled back with a mischievous smirk.
“This, my good friends, is our new British temp Carly. She is here as part of the...what was it again Pam?”
“Transatlantic Typographical Temping Exchanging program.”
Several people frowned and Jim shook his head with a hint of a smile.
“Of course, right, that. I approved this whole thing so our office could learn more about other cultures. Because she’s British! Even though she doesn’t look it, I’m sure there is a lot she can teach us about that great father nation of ours. Right-o Carly? Bangers and mash and cheerio ta-ta. Here, come stand up so everyone can get a look.”
“Michael, this is the kind of stuff that really needs to be cleared through HR first,” sighed Toby, as Rose made her way to the front of the office and gave a small wave.
“Toby, you are being rude and an idiot. She can hear you! Jerk. Carly, I’m so sorry. I promise you, not all Americans are like that one.”
Rose smiled politely.
“And I would just like to say, you do not look British. Your teeth are fine. And you have a nice womanly form.”
Pam pulled a face. “Michael, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it Pam? Can anyone in the office name a really attractive British woman? Ryan?”
“Um, Kate Beckinsale.”
“She’s not British.”
“Princess Diana,” called out Kevin.
“No, God Kevin. She’s dead. Why would you- seriously, what is wrong with you?”
“I just thought, I mean categorically, she was very attractive.”
“You disgust me. Nepotist.”
“Necrophiliac?”
“No, he wants to have sex with dead people Oscar, not bleed to death.”
“Queen Elizabeth?” called out Jim.
“Mary Poppins?” Pam jumped in.
They both smiled at each other.
“What about Madonna, can she half count?” asked Karen.
“No! The point is,” he said, as he placed a hand on Rose’s arm, “we are very lucky to have you here Carly, and also, it is really nice to see a woman dress like a woman, for once. Pam, Karen, pay attention. Carly, I’m very delighted to have you working under me.” He let out an awkward little laugh.
“That’s what she said!” yelled out Dwight.
Michael stopped and frowned. “No Dwight.” He turned to Rose with a pathetic attempt at a suggestive leer, “But yes, Carly, that is in fact what she said.”
Rose let out a throaty giggle, tilting her body towards his. “That’s right Michael,” she purred, drawing her finger lightly up his arm. “That is what I said. Because I really am looking forward to being under you...” She punctuated the sentence by lightly tapping him on his chin with her index finger.
The whole room went quiet.
Michael shifted uncomfortably from side to side and started backing away. “Uh, I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I have a girlfriend! Her name is Jan.”
“Aww,” cooed Rose, taking a step closer to Michael. “Maybe she wouldn’t mind? We could all spend a bit of time together… I can be very friendly.”
“What? No. Her boobs are enough for me. Just those two. It’s good. I’m happy, really happy, so that, uh, would be a bad, very bad, idea.” He frowned as he realized he had backed up against his office door and he began fumbling for the door knob.
“Everyone get back to work. Carry on! Paper can’t sell itself. I have a meeting to go to, so I’ll just be in there. Busy.” He gestured towards his office and extricated himself from Rose, backing into the room and slamming the door.
“Blimey! I’ve always wanted to do that,” sighed Rose as she returned to her desk, oblivious to the shocked glances of her new coworkers. Pam didn’t bother hiding her laughter and Michael did not leave his office for the rest of the morning.
***
So overall, the morning went rather well, considering its overwhelming potential for cataclysmic disaster. However, it was early afternoon by the time Rose and Pam managed to sneak away to the warehouse to finish assembling supplies. So far they had located an egg timer, a warm can of Coke, two feet of plastic tubing, a large box, and two different shades of nail polish (grabbed from Kelly’s desk while Rose was being subjected to fifteen minutes on why she wasn’t Ryan’s type, so “Don’t even bother trying it, Blondie.”)
“Really, how do you wear these everyday?” Rose whined to Pam for the third time, tugging at her tights.
“Shhh!” Pam whispered as they crept along behind the stacks, searching for cardstock while hiding from Dwight. He had spent the morning covertly following them around the office and it had taken three attempts and two paper emergencies to get him off their track. “Why do you need the cardstock again?”
“It will help absorb the reverberation of the explosion,” Rose said, matter-of-factly.
Pam stopped walking and spun around. “Wait, explosion? What kind of explosion? You didn’t mention that. Are you actually just crazy?”
Rose nodded solemnly.
“No, seriously, what exactly will this contraption do?”
Rose sighed. “Well in theory, I still have residual Huron energy inside of me, from the whole Bad Wolf incident? At least according to the preliminary Torchwood tests. So, if I can harness those particles through a big enough explosion, the TARDIS should automatically gravitate towards that direction, since Huron particles attract.”
Pam frowned. “You are going to explode the building, to send little particles into the universe, hoping they will end up in the right place.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “Not the whole building. Pam, seriously. Just a little BOOM! is all it needs, just enough to power them up and send them on their way. Everything will be fine. I think.”
A deep voice came from behind them. “So, just part of the building gets blown up?”
The two girls looked up guiltily to see Jim standing there with his arms crossed, leaning against the metal shelves.
“No, no. The building will be fine. You all worry too much,” Rose said, standing up from where they had been crouching. “I’m going to go look over there for the cardstock. If you find it first, something green would work best.”
Pam and Jim watched helplessly as she bounced off. “Oh, and dry ice! I need dry ice,” she called from somewhere a few stacks over.
“She’s insane.” Jim said with a faint smile.
Pam nodded and shrugged. “Maybe, but I guess I understand it.”
“Come on Pam, what’s really going on?”
Pam stared at the toe of her sneaker, wondering when her whitest Keds had been scuffled away into a murky shade of grey. She took a quick breath and looked back up. “She lost someone, or he lost her, I don’t know. But she’s willing to do anything to get him back.”
He held her gaze questioningly, until he awkwardly cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, watching her shoes shuffle against the concrete. She refused to look away, and instead allowed herself the luxury of watching the barely hidden tension in his face.
“And she needs Dunder Mifflin for that? Why can’t she just call him?” He said quietly, looking back up.
“Maybe she doesn’t have his number anymore.”
“Well she could try.” His words came out quickly, sharply.
“Maybe she isn’t sure he wants to be found.”
“Well she obviously thinks he does, since she’s preparing to blow up the building to find him. Which, awesome, by the way.”
“Yeah, but still, she’s letting him come to her. She’s giving him the choice.”
“The choice to clean up after her explosion?”
“He gets to decide whether to be found.”
“Maybe she just shouldn’t have gotten so lost.”
“Maybe he’s the one who is lost now.”
A heavy silence fell but neither looked away. Pam started to tap her fingers against her hip, counting out the rhythm of her racing heartbeat. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3….
“Pam…” Jim’s voice came out softly, wrapped in a stilted breath.
Pam gingerly reached out and curled her fingers around his wrist, trying to count out his heartbeat so that it matched her own. He didn’t pull away and she could hear the hum of the overhead lights buzzing in her ears, the shallowness of her breaths in and out, the drumming of two hearts. She looked up at him and he looked down, his eyes so distant from the ones she had once committed to memory.
She tentatively brought his hand up to cup her cheek. He held it there stiffly for a moment, until lightly he brushed the pad of his thumb across her face. She kept her fingers wrapped around his wrist, gently trying to make a circle with her thumb and middle finger, tracing the jump of his pulse beneath her fingertips.
She let herself lean into his hand, trading him the imprint of her cheekbones for the curve of his palm. His thumb lazily wandered across her face, down towards her mouth and his eyes took on a familiar hue. He softly brushed his thumb against her bottom lip and she barely resisted the urge to brush her lips back against it. She stared up at him, saying nothing but everything she could, and he held his hand still, waiting right at the corner of her mouth. Waiting, longer and longer, until finally a small sigh escaped her lips.
He abruptly dropped his arm, his eyes taking their time to shift away from hers, until finally she had no choice but to release his wrist. Her arm dropped reluctantly to her side and he took two steps back, absentmindedly wetting his lips as he stared heavily at the space now separating them.
“Dwight’s looking for you both. I’ll see what I can do.” He said quietly, eyes still averted, before quickly turning and walking back towards the stairs.
She never looked away from where he had been.
Her face stung and her heart burned.
***
Pam wandered around the building for a half hour before she finally found Rose setting up in a corner of the parking lot. She was carefully inserting one end of the tubing into a side of the box, stopping occasionally to blow air through the tube.
“I thought you had to be upstairs at Phyllis’ desk for the plan to work.”
“I know!” huffed Rose, waving her sheet of notes around. “But the documentary crew is still angry at me for not signing the release form. Like that wouldn’t cause a giant retroactive time dent. Anyway, they stuck me in the back, with Marjorie. Lovely woman by the way, but now there is no way I can get all of this up through the main office.”
Pam frowned up at the cloudy skies. “Will it still work alright out here?”
Rose shrugged. “I hope so. Maybe better because of the dimensions of the car park. And I found these, which should help.” From out of her pocket she took a lime green sock and a compact mirror.
Pam peered over the top of the box, which was lined with forest green cardstock. A large chunk of dry ice was resting at the bottom of the box and both bottles of nail polish had been emptied out on top of it. Rose took the open mirror and placed it facing the section where the tube entered the box.
“Alright,” said Rose, handing a book of matches to Pam and referring to her notes. “I’m going to do three more deep breaths into the box to try to optimize the Huron levels. Then I’m going to empty in the can of soda and seal the lid, so that all the chemicals have time to build up. We wait five minutes, I put one more deep breath in, add a lit match, plug the tube with the sock, and then we run like hell.”
Pam shook her head. “Wait, where did you get dry ice?” Rose picked up the tube and blew in one more deep breath while Pam cracked open the can of soda.
“The supply room. There were two huge coolers of dry ice in there, right by the cardstock. Is that unusual?”
Pam gave Rose a look of disbelief. “Um, yes. Why would we have dry ice? In our supply closet?”
Rose frowned. “Well now that I think it over, it was rather peculiar. The dry ice seemed fresh too, fresh dry ice, right in the supply room of Dunder Mifflin, exactly when I needed it.”
The two girls looked back at the box.
“Ah well,” said Rose. “That’s another mystery for later.” She sealed the lid and set five minutes on the timer.
Neither saw the pair of eyes peaking out from behind the blinds in the conference room.
By the time the egg timer buzzed, the box had begun to take on a rather off-putting smell. Rose took a few deep breaths in preparation and glanced over at Pam, who was holding out a match. “Ready?” Pam nodded. “Do it!” Rose emptied her lungs one last time into the tube and Pam threw in the lit match. Rose stuffed the green sock into the tube opening and grabbed Pam’s arm, pulling her away from the box and ducking behind a nearby car.
They waited.
And they waited.
And just as Rose was moving to stand up and see what had gone wrong, a loud noise cracked across the parking lot and the box exploded, spewing Pompeii Purple and Aphrodite’s Pink Nightie ten feet in every direction.
“Yes!” cackled Rose triumphantly, smacking Pam on the arm. “I knew it would work.”
Pam looked around the pink and purple spattered parking lot. “We need to get out of here, seriously, before Stanley sees his car.”
Rose nodded. “It may take a couple hours for the particles to reach him anyway, and he’s hardly the most punctual at the best of times. I’ll go check out that dry ice situation.”
Pam nodded and the two girls began to split off for their separate directions. “Wait!” called Pam with a smile, grabbing Rose’s hand. “Real quick, yay!” They both laughed and bounced up and down, giving each other a quick hug. “I really hope this works. I think I need it to work. Now go figure out that dry ice. I'll check on Dwight.”
Rose saluted Pam and headed back towards the warehouse.
***
Back upstairs, Pam’s coworkers were moving about their days, oblivious to the chaos outside.
Well, at least most of them were.
Pam had hardly made it back to the reception desk before Jim spun around in his chair, pointing towards the kitchen with a nudge of his head. Pam looked up and could just make out the shape of Dwight on the phone, squinting menacingly back at her.
She was heading towards the kitchen when Dwight hung up and marched through the door with a loud sense of self-importance.
“Pamela Beesly…” he began, as the whole office looked up.
“Excuse me,” drawled a man’s voice from the reception area, “Sorry to trouble you lot, but I’m here to investigate. Department of Labor Safety.” Pam looked over to see a tall, thin man in a long brown coat holding out a paper badge.
He stood up straight in recognition. “Oi! This is Dunder Mifflin PA! That’s brilliant! And quite the coincidence. Well, has anyone noticed a minor explosion lately? Though,” he added, with a tug of his ear, “mind you, I never saw that bit.”
Dwight looked at Pam, and Pam looked at Jim, and she couldn’t contain her smile.
***
Chapter End Notes:
Author's Note: If you don't know who Marjorie is, you are missing out on the best character on The Office.. Check out the awesome website here. I'm pretty sure she is a Doctor Who fan.
