It is quiet nights like these where I am wide awake and I just stare at him for what seems like hours. It sounds sappy, but I can’t help looking at his sleep-induced grin and messy hair. It’s always at night that, when I hear his steady breathing, I realize just how lucky I am. And it’s always at night when my greatest fears kick into overdrive. I fear that he will wake. I fear that he will wake up and realize that I am not the dream girl he has created in his mind for many years. Sometimes, I don’t understand what he sees in me. This man is as close to perfect as another human can get, and he wasted years of his life chasing me. He could have chosen any successful woman in the world and he put himself through hell to get me. I fear every night that he will one day regret dedicating his life to the simple receptionist when he could have had a very successful corporate businesswoman at his side. I sometimes wonder if I live up to his dreams.
I don’t put much effort into my look each day. I spend hours playing solitaire, answering phones, and doodling on a notepad. I try to stay adequate, but I never seem to go above and beyond. I don’t understand how he could still love me so much. He’s incredibly funny and charming and just genuinely cares about people. Even at his laziest periods, he can sell more paper than the average salesman. And when the man is passionate about something, there is no stopping him. I admire his persistency and just watch him in a state of awe; I am proud that I can call him mine. This man is quite a catch, and the fear of losing him now that I have him is enough to keep anyone at night.
Now that we are finally together, I don’t think I can go back to a life without him. He doesn’t make me feel like the simple receptionist I often see myself as. He makes me feel like the perfect dream girl that he had in his mind this whole time. When I’m with him, life seems fun and worth living. I have always enjoyed my life, but he makes me feel like I’ve found my purpose in the world. He makes me want to go above and beyond. He wants me go after the great things in life. When one finally realizes how amazing life can be, who wouldn’t want to live life to the fullest? Who needs sleep when life is better than a dream? Right now, as I am awake, the fears begin to subside and I realize I’m currently in the greatest dream of all. I just hope I never have to wake up.
