Jim never knew Pam as a collector of stuff, or a heavy traveler, so he was surprised when she moved into their house with several heavy boxes.
Some were filled with Christmas ornaments, and some contained old art projects she couldn't yet bear to part with. And yet others were unlabeled but heavier than any other boxes.
"Is this your rock collection, Beesly? Or bricks, maybe..."
"Those boxes," Pam answered pointedly, "would be my books, Jim."
"Your books."
"Yup. All of them."
"All of them?"
"Including the classic Jesse Bear series."
"Wow. You know what? I'm going to have to examine your collection."
Pam smiled. "Go right ahead."
Jim opened the biggest box and found rows of books, in various sizes, neatly organized. Some of the spines facing upward showed significant wear and tear, and he could see by the titles and thinness of the books that these must be Pam's children's books.
As he went through Pam's childhood books, he felt as though he was falling in love with her all over again. She had kept these books for all these years, even though she was unlikely to break them open again and was perfectly capable of living without them; judging by the old, cracked tape that had been keeping the box sealed shut, she hadn't opened them in years. She kept them as a reminder of the love she bore them as a child. It was the same with her stuffed bunny, Benny, to whom Jim was loath to admit he was a little attached. She didn't keep him in bed, and she didn't really need him or do much with him, but she liked having him around, because she still loved him, and she always would, and she wanted to remind herself of that.
So he dug up her books and read them, one by one, as she unpacked her things, eager to gain an even deeper understanding of his fiancée and find out just what kinds of stories she'd loved as a kid.
There was, as she had said, Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear? and Better Not Get Wet, Jesse Bear. Little Pam also seemed to have loved Grover, as he found copies of Grover's Bad, Awful Day and Would You Like to Play Hide and Seek in This Book with Lovable, Furry Old Grover?, and a particularly ratty copy of Lovable, Furry Old Grover's Resting Places. There was a little hardcover copy of Angelina Ballerina, with her name written on the inside cover in crude block letters with green crayon. And he dug up a Little Golden Book called A Visit from Grandma and Grandpa, with every instance of the name Margaret crossed out and replaced with "Pam" in pencil.
There were paperback copies of Grandfather Twilight and Love You Forever. The latter especially tugged at his heartstrings, and he filed it away in his mind as one they would absolutely have to read to their children. And then there were hardcover copies of some classics like The Polar Express and Where the Wild Things Are. And there were more titles that Jim had never even heard of.
"Oh my god, are you actually reading all of those?" Pam asked, startling Jim as he was reading the last page of The Way Mothers Are.
"Of course," he said, recovering quickly. "Pam, we can't just be reading any old books to our kids. This is quality control. I need to make sure that our future children have only the best in reading."
"Actually, I think that's called censorship. Just don't burn any of my books, okay Big Brother?"
"Pam, Pam. Don't you see it's for the greater good?"
Pam broke and smiled. "So, which books meet your approval?"
"Well first, this one is definitely Halpert-approved," he said, showing her Love You Forever. "We're keeping that."
Pam smiled wider and recited the poem from the book. "'I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.'"
Jim got up from the floor where he had been sitting and walked over to where Pam was standing, and he promptly kissed her. "See? Magic," he teased, smiling.
"What about the one you were just reading?" she asked.
"The Way Mothers Are," he read from the cover. "I liked it at first."
"At first?"
"Yeah, I mean, it's nice – the Mommy cat tells the little boy kitten that she loves him no matter what, even when he's naughty, and even if he doesn't draw well."
"Which, with your genes, may be a concern for us."
"Ouch. I walked right into that, didn't I?"
"Yeah, maybe. But go on – you said you liked it at first."
"Right, thank you. So the little boy kitten asks his mommy, 'Why do you love me?' A perfectly reasonable question for a talking kitten to ask. And the mommy answers, 'Because you're mine!'"
"And?"
"And that's my problem with the book. 'Because you're mine'? Not, oh I don't know, 'because I know that deep down inside, even when you're naughty, you're a good little kitten'?"
"So the kitten is naughty and good at the same time? How does that work?"
"Not good like good behavior, I mean good like a good person, or – sorry – kitten."
"But, 'because you are my little one,' . . . That was always good enough for me."
Jim suddenly got sad for a moment, thinking of all the years, even before he knew her, that Pam had spent doubting herself and putting herself last, lacking confidence and settling for a life of unhappiness and shattered dreams, seeing it as her piece of the pie. He wondered how many times she had needed to hear that she was a good person, and had only gotten "you're mine" instead. He tucked a stray curl behind her ear.
"I just think, 'because you are my little one,' is just another way to say, 'because I said so.' It isn't a real answer. Why do you ever love anyone? Because you believe they're really, truly, a wonderful person. Because no matter what, they deserve to be loved, forever. That's what I want our kids to know. Not just, 'because you're mine.'"
Pam looked up at Jim, her eyes full of emotion. She nodded and hugged him tight.
"You're amazing, Pam," he said, "and I'll love you forever."
"And you're completely fantastic," she replied, "so I'll like you for always."
"'As long as I'm living...'"
"'My baby you'll be.'"
Both still in each other's embrace, Jim spoke quietly. "Since you're in the habit of editing your books anyway, we could always take a pencil and change the ending."
"And have our kids find out we're big fat liars when they learn to read? I don't think so."
"So we're not going to name all our kids Margaret, then?"
"Shut up."
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
In other words, I don't own The Office or the rights to anything, including these books.
In other words, I don't own The Office or the rights to anything, including these books.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This story was inspired by a conversation with my mom, and it now has even more meaning since the season finale. Pam's bookshelf may or may not be (but definitely is) exactly like mine, and some of the books mentioned were published in Real Life after Pam would have been to old to read them. So if you're picky, you'll just have to grin and bear it; it shouldn't affect anything. Also, special thanks to Talkative and NeverEnoughJam for helping me smother suppress the citation-obsessed academic writer in me, who gets a reprieve in the End Notes. Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
I thought it would be a good idea, in case anyone is interested in investigating any of these books further, to put a simple bibliography down here. So, in alphabetical order by author's last name (where, if illustrator is not specified, the author is also the illustrator), here are the books mentioned in this story.
Berger, Barbara Helen. Grandfather Twilight.
Carlstrom, Nancy White. Illus. Bruce Degen. Better Not Get Wet, Jesse Bear.
---. ---. Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?.
Dickson, Anna H. Illus. Tom Brannon. Grover's Bad, Awful Day.
Holabird, Katharine. Illus. Helen Craig. Angelina Ballerina.
Kenworthy, Catherine. Illus. Kathy Allert. A Visit from Grandma and Grandpa.
Munsch, Robert. Illus. Sheila McGraw. Love You Forever.
Schlein, Miriam. Illus. Joe Lasker. The Way Mothers Are.
Sendak, Maurice. Where the Wild Things Are.
Stone, Jon. Illus. Michael J. Smollin. Loveable, Furry Old Grover's Resting Places.
---. ---. Would You Like to Play Hide and Seek in This Book with Lovable, Furry Old Grover?.
Van Allsburg, Chris. The Polar Express.
Berger, Barbara Helen. Grandfather Twilight.
Carlstrom, Nancy White. Illus. Bruce Degen. Better Not Get Wet, Jesse Bear.
---. ---. Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?.
Dickson, Anna H. Illus. Tom Brannon. Grover's Bad, Awful Day.
Holabird, Katharine. Illus. Helen Craig. Angelina Ballerina.
Kenworthy, Catherine. Illus. Kathy Allert. A Visit from Grandma and Grandpa.
Munsch, Robert. Illus. Sheila McGraw. Love You Forever.
Schlein, Miriam. Illus. Joe Lasker. The Way Mothers Are.
Sendak, Maurice. Where the Wild Things Are.
Stone, Jon. Illus. Michael J. Smollin. Loveable, Furry Old Grover's Resting Places.
---. ---. Would You Like to Play Hide and Seek in This Book with Lovable, Furry Old Grover?.
Van Allsburg, Chris. The Polar Express.
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